Hi all!
Sorry for the delay in posting an update!
Hope you enjoy this chapter :) The timing's a little off from the original canon storyline, but I hope you don't mind that! Also quite a long chapter by my standards!
xoxoxo
Christian POV:
The next few months passed in a blur. They were, without a doubt, the happiest months of my life. There was still the occasional nightmare there for Syed in the beginning, but once we'd both eventually managed to come to terms with his ordeal, we found that we were stronger than ever. I was so proud of Syed, for how he had dealt with everything that had happened to him in the last few months, from dealing with his family's reaction to our relationship, to the way he had handled his ordeal. I knew that he thought that all of his progress was down to me, but I knew that he would have been able to cope even without my help. Syed was strong, and that was one of the things I loved about him. I felt him start to stir beside me, his arms reaching for me and encircling me the way they did each morning. I snuggled closer to his embrace, my eyes still closed, my body grateful for the additional contact. I heard a low sigh behind me, and I realised that we weren't going to be leaving bed any time soon...
Sometime later, Syed announced that he was going into town, which I was grateful for. Today was our two year anniversary, and I wanted to do something special for him. Well, technically, it was our 6 month anniversary, but it had been two years to the day since our first kiss, which marked the moment that my heart had belonged to him. From that first kiss, I had known that there was something special about Syed. I had felt a spark of electricity between us when our lips met, and from that moment, he had been in every thought that had crossed my mind. I knew that regular couples wouldn't be inclined to celebrating two years of heartache, but we weren't most couples, and I for one was grateful for everything we had gone through. If it hadn't been for all of that heartache, we might not have ended up where we were today. Syed came out of the bathroom, sauntering over to me and wrapping his arms around my waist.
"Fancy joining me? You are, after all, my 'gay-guru', and I may need your undisputed fashion advice," he grinned at me, a knowing look in his eyes. I was relieved that Syed had gotten over his adversity to public displays of affection, but it certainly made it hard to contain some of my more primal feelings for him.
"You know I'd love nothing more," I pecked him on the forehead, my arms wrapping around his waist automatically. "But I've already told Roxy I'd work a shift for her today, what with Chelsea leaving...Sorry." Syed pouted at me, and I captured his lips between my own.
"Ok, fine, but don't blame me if I come back with mis-matching stuff!" He pecked my lips once more before grabbing his jacket and leaving the flat. I shook myself, already feeling the absence of him. I jumped slightly as, seconds later, my phone vibrated on the top of the table. Flicking it open, I grinned at the screen.
One new message
Syed
I love you
I sent a hasty reply, telling him the same, before texting Tamwar and reminding him of his task. My task of getting Syed out of the flat had gone smoothly, and I now had all afternoon to prepare something special for him. I had almost gone to Zainab, and asked her to help me to prepare his favourite meal for him, but considering that we were hardly on speaking terms with his parents, I didn't think that was such a good idea.
Syed POV:
I had been shopping for 3 hours, coming up with nothing. I was desperate for a change in my wardrobe, with too many bad memories being associated with too many of my clothes. I knew that it was silly, but I felt like replacing the clothes would enable me to replace the memories, too. I had already binned the clothes I'd been wearing the day of my attack, even though I loved that shirt dearly. But when I wore them, I felt dirty and worthless, which brought all of the memories rushing back. I checked my watch. It was 4pm. I was about to give up and go home for the day, hoping that Christian had already got off work, when my phone started ringing in my pocket. Tamwar answered, asking to meet me for a coffee before mum summoned him home for the evening. I rolled my eyes, agreeing to meet him in the Café on Bridge Street, hailing down a cab as I did so.
Tamwar was already in the Café when I arrived half an hour later, and he sat up straight as I took the seat across from him. He didn't quite look like his usual self; he looked less...bouncy than usual, more uptight. I clapped him on the shoulder, trying to lighten the mood.
"Cheer up, it might never happen," I grinned at him, my grin soon fading when I realised that he wasn't cheering up any time soon. "What is it, Tam? Has something happened with mum? Kamil?"
"No," he shook his head, giving me a small smile that I knew wasn't genuine. I knew he was trying to keep up appearances, a lesson we had learned from mum early on in life. "I guess...I'm just worried about Libby, I suppose..." I let him have a minute to work out what he was going to say. Although we hadn't always been close, I knew when my brother had something that he needed to get off his chest, and I knew that it was best to let him do it in his own time. "When you..." He paused, rephrasing his question. "You and Christian...how did you know he was...you know?" He was trying to ask me how I knew that Christian was the one I wanted to be with...the one I was meant to be with. And I didn't know how to answer him...
"Tam, it's not easy. Alright? I mean, this isn't something you can get out of a textbook. Stuff like this...you just...know..." I knew that I wasn't being much help to him, but it was the best I could do. "When it's right, your feel it in here," I clapped my hand over my heart so he got the gist of what I was saying.
"But...even though you knew it was wrong, that it was against Allah's law...you still found the strength to reach out and grab what you wanted?"
"That's the thing about love, Tambo. You can't help who you love," he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. I knew that he either didn't really believe that I was in love with Christian, or he didn't want to believe me. "Even though the Quran says that it's wrong for me to love Christian, I don't believe that I can go to hell just because I've had love in my life. Even though mum and dad disowned me, even though I lost my family and my standing in the community, even though I get looked down upon whenever I go to Mosque, none of these things can make me stop loving who I love. Allah knows I tried not to love him, but some things you can't control, Tam."
Tamwar was silent for a moment as he mulled this over in his head. I knew that it was a lot to take in; I had tried time and time again to take it in, to change how I felt, to try to ignore my feelings. But now that I had embraced who I was, I was happier than I had been in my life.
"So...even though you knew that mum and dad would disapprove, you still couldn't change how you felt? Who you loved?"
"No, Tambo. That's what almost killed me. Trying to change the way I felt, who I was...it almost killed me. That's why I ended up in the hospital..." It felt good, in a weird way, to admit why I had tried to take my own life. It was the first time I'd told anyone why I'd done what I did; I hadn't even told Christian yet. "If you try to run away from who you are, eventually it'll drive you mad."
"Thanks, Syed," Tamwar shifted again, checking his watch and jumping up. "I, er...I gotta go. You know what mum's like..." He was out of the door before I could say goodbye to him. I sat for a moment, a little confused as to the point of the conversation. Shaking my head, I left the Café, heading down Bridge Street towards the flat. My little heart to heart with Tamwar had lasted half an hour, and it was now 5pm. I was starting to get hungry, and started going through the things we had in. Maybe I'd get a takeaway. Hopefully Christian was already home, and we could order one together. Or, hopefully, we wouldn't even get to the ordering stage...
The lights inside the flat were all switched off when I got back to the flat. It wasn't exactly dark outside, but we always tended to have the lights on due to the position of the flat; we didn't tend to get that much light to start with. I sighed a little; I'd been looking forward to seeing Christian. I was about to turn and go back to the Vic to find him, but decided on a shower first. I'd been walking around pretty much all day, and when you were surrounded by people, it was difficult to keep cool. I let myself in, softly closing the door behind me, closing my eyes and letting the silence of the flat wash over me. After all of the hustle and bustle of town, it was a welcomed change. I spun around when I heard a noise behind me, and the breath was almost knocked out of me by the sight that greeted me. Christian was standing there, a huge expectant smile on his face, his arms open wide to greet me. As I crossed to him, I took in the sight around me. He had lit some candles around the flat, so that everything was steeped in their sensual light. The table was laid out so perfectly that even my mother would struggle to find fault with it. There were petals scattered over the bed, which some might find corny or cheesy, but I found hugely romantic. I folded myself into Christian's embrace, my arms locking around his waist as I looked up into his eyes.
"What's all this? Not that I object..." he reached down and brushed some hair out of my eyes.
"I love you, Sy. And I know that the last two years haven't exactly been the most perfect, but I don't think I would change them for the world," he pecked my lips softly, and I pouted slightly when he pulled away almost immediately. "I know we've only been together properly for 6 months, but it's two years to the day since our first kiss, and I thought that it deserved to be marked..." There were no words to describe how I felt about this man right now. I stood on my tip-topes to touch my lips to his, finding it easier than usual to get carried away. For once, he was the first to pull away, leading me to the table.
Once we had finished our meal, Christian suggested that we go to the Vic to celebrate.
"Christian..." I moaned. "Do we have to?"
"It's what most couples do, Sy," he laughed at me. "C'mon, we'll just go for one, and then you can have your wicked way with me..." The way he kissed me was so good it should be illegal (although I wasn't exactly complaining). I'm sure it could be called a form of coercion.
"Alright," I sighed once our lips parted. "One drink," I made sure that I emphasised the one. He grinned at me as he edged me out of the door, already missing the privacy of the flat.
As soon as I entered the Vic, I knew this was a bad idea. Roxy was beaming at us from behind the bar, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was that my parents were stood at the other end of the bar, and were staring daggers at Christian.
"C'mon, this was a bad idea," I turned, starting to lead Christian out of the bar, but he put his strong hand over mine and pulled me back in.
"No Sy. This is my local. We have every right to drink in here," he almost yelled the last part. I shifted uncomfortably as he led me to the bar, keeping my hand locked in his. "Make mine a double, Rox. We're celebrating!" he flashed her a knowing grin and she squealed in delight, pouring our drinks and coming around to join us on our side of the bar.
"So come on, what's the occasion?" Roxy was practically vibrating out of her excitement. I had always known what Roxy was like once she got excited, but seeing her and Christian together like this was a little hard to take in. She seemed to connect with him on a level I couldn't even begin to understand.
"Well," Christian's arm wound its way around my waist, and from the corner of my eye, I saw my parents shift uncomfortably. "People usually do tend to celebrate on their anniversary, y'know." If it were possible, Roxy was bouncing around even more. Before I could open my mouth to correct Christian, Roxy had already yelled for Tracey to bring a bottle of champagne over so that we could celebrate. Meaning, so that she and Christian could have an excuse to get bladdered, since she knew fine well that I didn't drink. I sipped at my orange juice, pretending to be interested in whatever conversation Christian and Roxy were having, all the while meeting my mother's stares and my father's nervous glances. I was paying so little attention that I didn't even realise that Christian and Roxy had stood up to have a game of darts until I noticed the coldness and loneliness my body felt, caused by Christian's absence. I sighed to myself. How had things ended up like this? I was happy, of course, that Christian and I were finally together, but I couldn't help the regret I felt towards my parents. I'd already put them through so much in the past, that this was like kicking them when they were down.
Before I could change my mind, I got up and walked over to their table, trying to look strong and determined, but sure that I was failing without my Superman by my side.
"Mum, Dad," I nodded at each of them. "Salam-Aleikum." I decided to ignore the fact that my parents didn't give me the honour of returning my greeting. "Can I get you a drink?"
My mother opened her mouth to speak, but my father cut across her.
"We're fine," I couldn't help but flinch at the coldness of his voice. I ignored the 'we don't take drinks from people like you' that was implicated in his answer, turning to my mother instead.
"How are you? How's Kamil?" I was desperate to see my baby brother, understanding why Tam was reluctant to bring him over. My mother didn't answer me, instead turning her face away from me in a childish fashion, as though her inability to see me would mean that I no longer existed.
"Was there something you wanted, Syed?" My father's tone was harsh, blunt and to the point. There was no love left in his voice.
"Can't we just...talk?" I was getting a little desperate now. I loved Christian more than anything else in the world, and I didn't regret my decision, but I still missed my family, and wished that things could be different between us. I'd give almost anything to have them speak to me again, the only problem was, the one thing they wanted me to give up was the one thing I knew I couldn't live without.
"I think we've said everything that we need to, don't you?"
"If I just knew why you hated me so much..." I felt the tears starting to prick my eyes. I was desperate not to fall apart in front of them.
"Oh, I don't hate you, Syed. I've disowned you. You are nothing to me." Although I knew they were only words, that somewhere deep down, my father did still love me, I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I could walk out of this pub and get killed by a bus, and I was sure that on the outside, my father would still show indifference. In that moment, all of the respect I had for my father diminished.
"Alright. You've disowned me. I understand. But you could at least let Mum and Tam make their own decisions about whether or not I'm still a part of their lives. And Kamil, when he grows up."
My father stood up to face me, his eyes flashing with rage. I felt myself cringe away a little, but I didn't back down. If hitting me would make him feel better, he could be my guest. But he didn't hit me. Instead, he screamed at me.
"Do not disrespect me, Syed! I am the head of this family! They will do as I tell them, and they will not see you. You are dead to us!"
With his last words still ringing in my ears, I ran out of the pub before the tears ran from my eyes. I heard the door open behind me, but I didn't want to see anyone right now. I ran down Bridge Street and Turpin Road, flinging myself into the flat and curling up on the bed. I knew that he had followed me before I heard the door close and I felt him next to me, but I couldn't bring myself to face him. He didn't try to move me or get me to talk, he didn't even touch me. He just sat next to me and let me get it out of my system. I had known that my father had been disgraced by my behaviour, but I didn't know just how much I disgusted him. I shook my head. I was better off out of it. Christian was my family now, the only one who mattered to me. Somehow finding the strength to stop the tears, I pulled myself up and cupped his chin with my hands, kissing him lightly. He kissed me back, but stopped himself before he got too carried away.
"Sy, what your dad said..."
"It doesn't matter," I shook my head, giving him a weak smile. "You are my family now. You're all I need. As long as I have you, everything will be ok."
"Always."
That word was all I needed to hear. I launched myself at him again, pushing myself as close to him as I could get. He kissed me back immediately, my hands winding around his waist, his hands pulling at my hair. I pulled myself onto his lap, grinding my hardness into him, grinning as I felt him gasp around my tongue. We were both stripped within seconds, and as Christian made love to me, I felt more at peace than I had done all day.
