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Chapter 7 – Home sweet home?
Jack was pulled back from Sam, and like in a trance watched Janet feel for her pulse. Sounds, images, everything just flickered past him as if he was frozen in slow motion.
Their baby was gone.
It was the only thought that his mind was capable of forming.
"Colonel, what happened?' Echoed from a far distance. But it didn't arrive.
"Jack?!" It might have been Daniel's voice. It might have been not. He didn't know; he didn't care. Sam was lifted onto a stretcher, her arm slipping off. Dangling lifelessly. He wanted to hold it, to look into her face. But he couldn't move.
"Colonel O'Neill!"
There was something in this voice that broke through his numbness. Authority and the routine to follow what it said. Jack blinked.
"Colonel!"
There it was again. This time it hooked him and pulled him out of the slow-motion he was trapped in, just like he would pull a fish out of the waters of the lake behind their house.
Jack blinked again and then turned to the source of this voice and looked into General Hammond's face.
"Jack?" Hammond said, clearly worried.
Jack looked around. Carter was lying on the stretcher, her hand still dangling from it. He took a step towards her, gently lifted her hand and put it next to her. Her skin felt cold, her face was pale, but he saw the chest rose and fell in a steady movement. Then his eyes wandered to her belly, and with a heavy heart noticed: it was gone. He looked to Janet, who stared at him with many questions in her eyes. Just like the entire gateroom. Marines, medical team, Walter, Siler, Daniel, Hammond all staring at him, itching to learn what was going on. He pressed his palms onto his face.
He had known that this wasn't going to be easy. Walking in here three years later, so above and beyond any rules that mattered here, and all of this manifested in her body—as this little wonder. But now, she wasn't pregnant anymore. Apparently. Now, there was even more to explain. And Hammond demanded it.
"Colonel. What is going on?"
Jack flinched.
"Not here," he growled.
Hammond understood, "Let's go to my office."
Before Jack followed the General, he turned to Sam and looked at her face.
"She's in shock," Janet said to him, then turned to the nurse, "Let's get her to the infirmary. Run the usual tests; I'll be there in a minute."
Jack walked by Sam's side while the nurse pushed her out of the gateroom. Without anyone noticing, he grabbed her hand and squeezed it softly. Then let go and walked up the stairs to Hammond's office. Daniel was right behind him, but before he could enter Hammond's office, Jack turned around—his face twisted in all sorts of emotions: concern, pain, anger, worry.
"Daniel," he paused, and Daniel saw his brain working on getting the right words out. "Could you stay with Carter?" he paused again. "I… I don't want her to wake up alone."
There was something so sincere, so loving in the way he said it, it let Daniel's heart drop. He didn't understand it all, but he knew something had happened, and it had nothing to do with Anubis or the Stargate program altogether.
"I'll tell you everything later," Jack added.
Daniel nod, trying to send his friend some comfort, "Um, sure, Jack. I'll take care of her."
Jack gave him a thankful nod and closed Hammond's door behind him.
Hammond was sitting behind his desk, Janet standing in the room, both staring at him with expectations. He took a deep breath and started to tell their story of how they had escaped with the glider and crashed on the planet. How they had survived in the wilderness for months and finally had found the Nectnets. How they had realized that there was no Stargate on this planet and had started to integrate into the Nectnet's society. Then he stopped. The next chapter was the private part of the story. He trusted Hammond, and he was sure Janet sensed that there always had been something more than the allowed between him and Sam. But well, he didn't talk about feelings and now doing it at work? And while his thoughts wandered this way, he noticed the confused expression on Hammond's and Janet's faces.
"Colonel, how long do you think you were you gone?" General Hammond asked carefully.
"Well, Carter said the planet is larger than earth, so 24 hours there are not 24 hours here, somehow…" he rubbed his forehead and decided it wasn't essential right now. "Almost three years."
He looked into two astonished faces. Hammond and Fraiser slowly looked at each other, as if they didn't know how to reply. It felt like their time was passing slower than his time. And when, after what felt like an eternity, they finally recovered, General Hammond said, "Jack, you've been gone for three days."
Now it was Jack's turn to be startled and look surprised. But there wasn't much time for it. An alarm rang through the complex, indicating that the gate was being activated from outside.
Hammond rushed to the control room, but Janet held Jack back, "Colonel, I need to know what's wrong with Sam."
She was shocked to see his face turn so sad. He let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Carter… Sam was pregnant. Eight months. But since we're back here… she's not anymore."
Janet didn't do a good job hiding her surprise, her questions, her wonder.
"We were gone for three years," he added, trying to justify their actions. "We didn't think we would ever come back."
She had never seen him so helpless, so she did something very unusual: she reached for him and gently patted his arm.
"I understand Sir. I really do," and then she added, "and I'm very sorry for your loss."
He gave her a sad smile and walked to the control room, leaving Janet with even more questions behind.
Well, Sam would know how to answer. Or medicine would.
At a smart pace, she headed to the infirmary, where she found Daniel sitting next to Sam's bed. She was awake, and the moment she looked at her, Janet knew that the Colonel had told her the truth. How was all that possible? She had no idea. But they had encountered many strange things in the past. For all, she knew this could be another one of those.
"Janet?" Sam said with an unsteady voice.
Janet stepped closer to the bed and smiled at her warmly.
"I know Sam, he told me," she turned to Daniel, "Daniel, could you give us a second. I'll have to take a look at Sam."
For the second time today, Daniel was told to leave when it got most interesting. But what could he say? So he got up, smiled at Sam and decided to find Jack and take him up on that 'I'll tell you later' promise.
"He told you everything?" Sam asked after Daniel had left the room.
"Well, he told us about your escape and the time on the planet. And he told me that you were pregnant when you left…"
"And you assume…" Sam hesitated.
"Am I wrong?"
Sam let out a sigh and wondered if all of that would have been easier if she still would be pregnant.
"No."
A nurse came in and handed Janet Sam's file. Janet looked through it carefully. "I think we'll need to make some more tests, but from what I can see here," she paused and looked at Sam's sad face, "I'm sorry Sam, there's no evidence in your body that you've been pregnant."
Sam sunk back into the bed and closed her eyes. How was this even possible. Well, scratch that. They had traveled through time, into parallel universes, been trapped in galactic clouds and many other things. So this was just another abnormality in space. Just why?
"Sam, how long have been gone for?" Janet needed to hear it again.
"Something around three years there, I guess longer here. Given that Tecma is much bigger than earth and therefore…"
"That might be it," Janet interrupted her. "That might be the reason for what happened."
"What?" Sam asked, confused.
"Sam, you've only been gone for three days."
General Hammond and Colonel O'Neill were sitting in Hammond's office. Both were hanging in their thoughts. SG3 had just come back through the gate. Declaring that they had been cut off and stranded on Tecma for 15 days. Fifteen days, while hardly an hour had passed since Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill had returned to earth. Another troop of Jaffa had come through the gate, and even though SG13 had beat them, the portable DHD had been damaged, and it had taken them a week to get it back on and running.
"So… three years?" General Hammond broke through the silence. He felt a headache and somehow feared it would only get worse once he heard the whole story—let alone find out what was wrong with Major Carter.
"Three years," Jack repeated confirming, not knowing what to say next.
"That's a long time gone home from Jack."
"Jep…"
"Missed it?"
"Of course." Oh yes, he had missed it. No illusion that life on earth was so much better and more comfortable than on Tecma. But he had found a new life there, one that he didn't want to lose now. "But it had its good parts."
"I see…"
"General…" Jack started.
"Call me George; I have the slight feeling this isn't a conversation for a General and his second in command."
Jack raised his eyebrows. "Perhaps."
"Why don't you start telling me what's wrong with Major Carter?"
"Well, George. In that case, I might have to start a bit earlier."
So he told him the story. Of how they had just lived parallel lives for a while but eventually had discovered their feelings—he didn't feel it was necessary to tell him that those feelings had been there long before. He told him that they had accepted the fact that they wouldn't ever go back, given there was no gate and they had no idea where in the galaxy they even were. So they had started a romantic relationship. General Hammond had listened quietly. His face neutral— the perfect listener.
Jack's recap came to the part he still didn't understand.
"The moment before we stepped through the gate…", Jack flinched. He still hadn't seen her, talked to her. He didn't even know what exactly was going on. All he knew was that he didn't want to hide it. He loved her. They had been a couple for over two years. And he had promised her that nothing would change. He hadn't been able to keep that promise entirely, but at least he could do his best.
"Before we stepped through the gate and the past eight months, Carter… Sam was pregnant. And since we're back here, she's not anymore."
General Hammond didn't know what to say. If what the Colonel just told him was true, he had just lost his second child. Hammond could only imagine how hard that must have been for Jack.
"And you are…" he didn't want to ask this question he knew the answer to already.
"Yes." Short, yet saying it all.
"Jack, I'm… I'm sorry." He could jump into the General role now, thinking about the implications this had for Jack and Sam, for SG1, him, the entire Stargate program. But instead, he followed his human instincts.
"Yeah," Jack looked to his knees. Only now noticing that he was still wearing the linen clothes from Tecma. He felt the sadness crawl up in him, but he couldn't give in on it here and now. So he went back to his military default, that so often had helped him cut off feelings.
"What are we doing with Tecma and Anubis? We can't just let the people deal with him. We survived because of them."
"I understand Jack. Yet, I'm not willing to send someone back and have them trapped in yet another timezone. According to Major Wade, the people have retreated to the mountains and will be safe there for now."
"What if the weapon is there?"
"We'll monitor the activity, that's all we can do for now."
Jack wasn't happy with this. He had promised Tomac they would come back and help them defend their home, that had welcomed him and Sam so willingly. And he didn't intend on letting the Nectnets down. But now there's was something more substantial.
"George, I'd like to go and see Carter."
Hammond nodded but held him back before he could leave. "This is a very unusual situation, and I will do my best to find a good solution for it. But for now, I would like to ask you to keep it private."
"Of course, Sir."
How many times had he seen her likes this? In this white gown, in the white bed, asleep. Every time she got injured, he came here. Right before the debrief and then after it, waiting for her to wake up. To look into those blue eyes again and see in them that everything was going to be okay. Over the years, the urge to hold her hand, brush a hair out of her face or wrap his arms around her once she woke up had gotten more intense. But every year he had gotten better in fighting it. Only sometimes, he couldn't hold back. Maybe push his fingers to hers—often she didn't even know it. Now, he could suddenly do all of it. He quickly looked around and found that no one else was here. But still, something held him back. Here on earth, he was aware of every action and every consequence that could come with it. Here on earth, it was as if they were taken back three years. Well actually, in kind of was the case. And somehow it made him wonder if it had happened. Three days instead of three years and she wasn't pregnant anymore. It almost seemed it had been a long, wild dream. While he studied her face, he noticed a flicker on her eyelids, a crumble on her forehead, and then he looked into his favorite color.
"Hey," he said softly, still standing at the end of her bed.
"Hey," she answered with a very faint smile.
Usually, he would have pulled a chair closer and sit next to her with some distance. Not today. Today he stepped closer and sat next to her on her bed. Reaching for her hand and wrapping it with both of his.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, and a single tear rolled out of her so sad eyes. This moment he knew, everything was terrible right now, but it would be good. This between them would be good. He pulled her up and wrapped his arms around her, pressing her head into his chest, burying his face in her hair. "Me too, Sam. Me too. I promised you nothing would change…"
She pushed him back slightly and locked his eyes.
"You couldn't possibly have prevented this."
"I know… Just, believe me: nothing else is going to change. Between us, I mean," he said, but suddenly there was an uncertainty in him. "If you still want this," he waved his hands between him and her.
She smiled softly. Memories were flashing over her by the sight of this movement. "Always," she said, and then he couldn't hold himself back. SGC, rules, Hammonds request—all convictions aside. He slid his hands around her head, leaned forward, and kissed her. Right here. In the SGC, in the infirmary, in front of Jacob Carter.
In disbelief, Jacob watched the scene play out in front of him.
What the heck?
That's why George had told him so little about Sam's and Jack's return and had suggested to talk to her himself? He didn't know what to do. Didn't want to interrupt them awkwardly—Selmac was doing his best in holding him back from storming towards them and ripping Jack away from his daughter. But he didn't need to do anything. The kiss ended, and they pressed their foreheads together in a very loving moment that eased the urge in him to punch Jack. And then Sam's eyes fell on him. She let go of O'Neill, an embarrassed redness flushing her checks.
"Dad!"
Jack swirled around and stumbled off the bed and took in a half salute that made Jacob want to say, 'at ease.' But he enjoyed seeing the nothing-can-kill-my-cool-Colonel nervously tug on his BDU.
"Jacob, Sir…" Jack coughed. His eyes were jumping from Sam to Jacob.
"So?" Jacob teased. Enjoying Jack's nervousness a bit longer, before he remembered why he was so nervous, "What is going on here?"
Only then he noticed the pain on Sam's face.
"I don't know, what you know yet," Sam said, but Jacob interrupted her, "Nothing."
"You better take a seat. It's a long story," Jack said.
Jacob side-eyed him, "Oh, I do believe so…"
Daniel, Jack, and Teal'c were sitting in Daniel's office. A private space to talk. Daniel had pulled the information slowly from Jack. He wasn't much of a talker, and he had talked a lot today. But obviously, Daniel wasn't let go. Only when Jack arrived at the end of the story, the moment they stepped through the gate and realized that Sam had lost her baby on the way, Daniel was quiet for a very long time. He had assumed it, had dreaded it, and now it was confirmed. He saw all the pain in Jack's face. An expression he knew all too well, and that looked very similar to when he had met Jack for the first time—shortly after losing Charlie.
"I'm very sorry for your loss, Jack," Daniel said. "If there's anything we can do to…," he stopped. What possibly could he do?
Jack pressed his lips together and looked at Daniel. Daniel noticed how much different this Jack was from the one he met eight years ago. Not as closed up and tight with his feelings. But rather thankful for having a friend who cared, even if he would never say so.
"O'Neill, did the planet you were stranded on have two moons? One bright white, the other blood red," Teal'c asked his head somewhere else.
Jack nodded.
"When I was Primus of Apophis, I heard a myth about a planet of endless youth."
Daniel's eyes ripped wide open.
"According to legend, it was the planet of the Goa'Uld Thot. A planet on which time passed differently than anywhere else. Thot would send his children and bring them back by ship as strong, grown men ready to be hosts. Thot himself only went to the planet through the Chappa'ai, and when he came back, he was unchanged but wiser—only after some hours."
While Teal'c was talking, Daniel was rummaging through his notes and finally produced the paper he had shown Teal'c only a day ago, and he had pretended not to know a thing about it.
"As I told you Teal'c," he said with an unanswered side-eye, "I found this paper that talks about an artifact and it could…"
"This could be it," Jack interrupted him. No need for papers right now. "Now it makes sense why Anubis wants this planet," he continued.
"To build his army of super-soldiers," it dawned Daniel.
"Indeed," Teal'c agreed.
"So he'll need to come by ship to bring them back," Sam suddenly stood in the door. She was back in her BDUs, looking like she had looked three days ago, but Daniel knew on the inside she looked different now. Daniel glanced to Jack, curious to see this new situation between the two of them play out and how it would influence the dynamics of SG1. For a brief second, he wondered if there would be an SG1 in the future at all. But other than Jack's intense squint and this one caring question he asked— "Shouldn't you be in the infirmary?"—everything was as it had been three days ago.
"I'm fine," she said with a soft smile for him.
"Major Carter. It's good to see you again," Teal'c walked towards Sam and wrapped her in his giant arms. Sam relaxed in this embrace and smiled at him warmly.
"It's good to see you too, Teal'c. It's been a long time—well at least for me."
The Jaffa bowed his head with a smile and then changed to a genuine sadness. "Major Carter, O'Neill, I offer my deepest condolences to you." He softly put his hand on her shoulder, "It is only a small comfort, but I'm certain that you and O'Neill will make much more strong and smart humans in the future."
As if it was scripted, just that moment, Jack was taking a sip of his coffee which, as if misdirected by Teal'c's words, went the wrong way. Coughing and snorting, he bent forward. And while Daniel would have sworn that Sam's first reaction had been embarrassment, she suddenly burst into a loud laugh while patting Jack on the back. Her laugh was so infectious that Daniel had to join, and even Teal'c's lips stretched into a big grin. Once Sam's laughter had calmed down to a chuckle or two, Jack had caught his breath and cool again.
"Thanks, T. I'll give it my best," Jack said.
This time Sam's face blushed slightly. Wide-eyed, she looked at him.
"Common Carter," Jack continued. "It must be weird for them. We come back and suddenly this..." Again, he waved his hands between him and her. "Who would have ever thought…"
"Yeah, what a surprise?" Daniel's voice weirdly went up at the end of the sentences, and Sam's slight blush turned into a full-on redness. But before she could say anything or Jack for the sake of it, Teal'c in his one and only Teal'c bluntness said, "I have experienced many times how deeply you care for one, and another and I'm happy for you to embrace this love finally."
Daniel looked from Teal'c to Jack and Sam. He caught that glance they gave each other. A look he had seen many times before but had never known what to read into it. Now it was crystal clear. Devotion. So it didn't feel awkward when Jack—for the second time of the day—ignored Hammond's warning, wrapped his arm around Sam and pulled her closer for a little nudge, one that said it all and that made Daniel happy for his friends.
Minutes later, they were walking along the corridors carrying a new plan to defend the Nectnets and defy Anubis latest evil plan. Teal'c ahead, followed by Daniel, followed by Sam and Jack.
"So," Jack asked casually, "How's dad?"
Sam peeked at him. "Oh, you can ask him yourself. He can't wait to talk to you."
"Always love chatting with Jacob," Jack joked.
"If General Hammond approves our plan, we'll spend quite some time together on our way back."
"I'll better get my cue cards ready then."
She smiled at him warmly, and as he looked at her, he noticed the heartache that lay on her face like a dark shadow, only sometimes expelled by the beam of her smile.
"You okay?"
She smiled a smile that shattered his heart, shook her head, and said contrary to what her face told him, "I'm fine, Sir."
And he knew right there and right then it would never be a problem for them. But he wasn't so sure the General or the President would see it that way.
Sam took her usual seat next to Jack. Daniel was right next to her. Hammond at the head of the table. Her dad right across of her, eyeing her and Jack carefully. Then Teal'c, and Major Wade. She felt at home in this room. How many hours had she spent here? How many life-changing decisions had been made here? She couldn't stop herself from thinking about the moment she had walked in here for the first time. With high hopes and even higher ambitions. No idea that this wouldn't just be a job, an adventure, a scientific breakthrough, but that it would change her life in so many ways. With a sense of melancholia, she thought about the first time she met him. So eager to impress him and at the same time stand her man. Prove that she wasn't just another female soldier, but one he would be able to trust blindly. And well, she had managed.
"Carter and Daniel came up with yet another crazy plan," O'Neill said.
"We have reason to believe that Tecma is called the Place of Endless Youth," Daniel jumped in. "Teal'c told us about a myth regarding Goa'Uld Thot who would send children there, and they would come back grown men only hours later."
"From what Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter have told me, Tecma has a close resemblance to the planet in the tale," Teal'c added.
"We believe this might be the reason Anubis is trying to take control over Tecma," now it was Carter's turn. "It would be the perfect place to build an army of super-soldiers in high numbers quickly."
General Hammond gave those words a moment of thought, before he asked, "From what we know, everyone that goes there comes back unchanged." He couldn't help but look at Major Carter, who almost undetectably swallowed and lowered her eyes only for a brief second. "So how can he grow an army there?"
"He takes them by ship," Daniel said.
"I studied the data the MALP sent. Beside the astrophysical difference on this planet to earth—or all the others we have visited—there's something in the gate's energy waves coming from Tecma. I believe this is causing the reconversion."
Hammond had always been impressed by this woman. But today she topped it all. She had just lost her child, had come back to a world where everything that had happened in her last three years hadn't happened, and she was just the Major she had been before they had left.
Sam kept going, "The beta magnetic particles…"
"Carter," Jack interrupted her. "Think we don't need to know all the details…"
"Yes, Sir," she said swiftly. And again, surprised Hammond—and everyone else in the room. No one would even notice that anything was different between them. That there was anything that wasn't supposed to be. That realization made Hammond wonder if this was really a new thing.
"So we'll go back and fight off Anubis," Jack concluded.
"This planet could be a great military advantage. We could study and develop new technologies for years, but it would only use some days on earth," Sam added.
General Hammond gave it a thought, then said, "Any plan on how to fight Anubis?"
"Tecma is not part if the Goa-Uld-Asgard-agreement. We ask Thor for help," Daniel suggested.
"Very well," Hammond declared. "Colonel take SG3, 5, 10, 11 and 15. Departure 800 tomorrow morning. And now everyone, get some rest," he looked at his watch trying to figure out when Jack or Major Wade had slept for the last time. But then simply said, "Dismissed, everyone."
While the room cleared, Hammond said quietly, "Major Carter, Colonel O'Neill. Please come to my office. Will you?"
