Chapter Seven
I.
It was minutes to four in the morning when Mario finished packing his item box with an inventory varied enough to take on any threat that could possibly rear its ugly head. After giving the box a final once over and getting rid of a pack of stickers that had slipped in between objects of actual worth, Mario left his bedroom, entered his kitchen and fixed himself a huge sandwich made with whatever meat and cheese he could find in his cooler. Before Mario was halfway done with the edible brick that he had assembled, his attention was drawn to a soft tapping on his window. Sandwich still in hand, he opened his front door and spoke to the shadowy figure a few steps away.
"Right on time," stated Mario.
"Am I clear to enter?"
Mario surveyed the area around his house. As it was pitch dark, he couldn't see much of anything.
"Yeah."
The toad, face covered by a black scarf, entered the home and sat on the living room couch. Mario, not entirely trusting who he had just let in, stood at a short distance.
"I'm packed and ready to go, pal. Just give me a direction," said Mario before taking another chunk out of his sandwich.
"Sources within the castle state that Luigi has appeared in a settlement south of the Mushroom Kingdom," said the toad, fixing his falling scarf.
"There's a lot of south in the south. I need more detail than that."
"He's with a woman, so I've heard."
"Hey! Now that's what I want to hear!" explained a smiling Mario. "Who's the lucky lady?"
"No clue."
"It's alright. I'll harass him when I find him. Tell me the name of this settlement."
"I don't know."
Mario rolled his eyes. "Come on, now."
"I was already playing with fire eavesdropping on that conversation. No way was I going to turn the corner and try to fill in the blanks," said the incensed toad. "You're the hero, Mario. I think I've given you enough information to put two and two together and come to a conclusion."
After the early morning information session broke down entirely, the mysterious toad scampered out of the area and Mario was forced to think about that proverbial cards that he had been dealt. The concept of Peach Castle being a den of moles in the midst of a chatty sewing circle wasn't exactly foreign, as the toads were almost always talking angrily about one another. Neither was Luigi vanishing without any fanfare, as he was a few steps away from being a reclusive hermit. What made zero sense to Mario was Luigi supposedly being down south due to how uninhabitable the region was to one who didn't have very specific wildlife in their blood. Running out of ideas and having no desire to go on a solo trip through the vast mountains and interminable desert of the region, Mario came up with a conclusion that the princess would have strung him up for even somewhat considering: He had to request the aid of Bowser Koopa. Goal securely in mind, Mario strapped his item box to his back, put on his cape, left his house and took to the skies in the direction of the Old World.
Located absolutely nowhere close to Peach Castle, the Old World was the string of eight regions where Mario and Luigi went on their first adventure. As it had been a hefty amount of years since Mario was given any reason to pass through, he was quite surprised at the amount of development that had taken place. Old World One and Two were filled with quaint houses that did not share the familiar characteristics of buildings inhabited by toads. Old World Three, which sat on the coast, was the home to a swanky beach resort where Mario saw a lone female boo floating along the shoreline. Wanting to pick the ghost's somewhat undead brain, Mario excitedly swooped out of the air and landed right in front of the boo, who wasn't the least bit surprised by Mario's sudden appearance.
"Hello! It's me, Mario. You work here?"
The boo gave Mario an untrusting eye. "You're excited this morning."
"I spent some time in construction. It makes me happy to be surrounded by so much progress," said Mario with a smile.
"Great, and you've come to claim it in the name of the princess. Maybe even destroy it. You're good at ruining things on a grand scale," said the boo.
Mario cringed. "I guess that's following me until I die."
"And after," retorted the boo.
Mario's mood cratered. "Listen, my brother went missing a few weeks ago and I'm on my way to beg for some help finding him. Give my regards to the builders."
Without waiting for a response, Mario turned away from the boo and attempted to take flight. As sand was slowing him down considerably, he gave up on the quick escape and proceeded to walk towards a distant, paved road.
"Wait."
Mario turned around and noticed that the boo had been following him.
"What happened to Luigi?" asked the boo.
"I don't know."
"So, there is a possibility of him being close to death?"
"I hope not."
"We had far too much fun with him back in the old mansion. If he's dead, then we'll have him haunt you, okay?"
"Um, thanks," said Mario
Not too far away from the beach was a gathering of villas where Mario saw far more signs of life than the sole sign of death that he had just finished talking to. As the crowd was a mix of koopas, goombas, shy guys, boos, and assorted creatures that were neither human nor toad, Mario deducted that he was dealing with the remnants of Bowser's army, and that he would experience nothing but hostility from them. After locking eyes with a koopa down below, Mario realized that his assumption had been completely unfounded.
"Mario! Over here!" yelled the koopa while waving. "We want to talk to you!"
Ecstatic to be wrong, Mario landed by the group, which gathered around him.
"I don't know what the toads put in the water over there, but it doesn't look like you've aged a day since we fought each other," said the smiling koopa that flagged him down.
"I didn't think any of you guys would want to talk to me. Especially after my run in with that boo over on the beach."
"Carrie?" asked a female boo that materialized slightly above Mario. "Don't mind the poor girl. Her job is to haul the dead out of the ocean before any of the special guests catch wind of them. A terrible existence after existence if you ask me," she said before vanishing.
Mario was taken aback. "Why is that even necessary?"
"Mangled bodies wash up on the beach every early morning and late evening," said the koopa from earlier. "We aren't big on water, so it's nothing to us. Can't say the same about anyone else."
"You guys live here?" asked Mario.
"Yes. Rent's a little high, but look at this place. It's gorgeous!" said the koopa as the crowd expressed how much they agreed with his statement.
"Who's your landlord?"
"Jules Humphrey. He's a…busy guy who only comes out of his house at night for a host of reasons."
"Human?" asked Mario.
"Yup."
Mario thought about his situation for a second. "Listen, guys. I'm actually passing through on business, but it seems like you need my help more than you need me talking about whatever you wanted me to talk about. Where is Jules' house?"
"The orange one with the pinwheels in front of the door," replied the koopa.
"Thanks. What's your name?"
"Kolbe."
"I'll be back to chat with you and the gang. Until then, It's Mario time."
Mario parted ways with the group and walked over to the villa that he had been directed to. He gave the front door a few knocks and was treated to total silence. He then submitted the door to another round of light pounding, which prompted loud cursing from deep within the home.
"Got a charmer on my hands," said Mario to himself.
The door swung open and Jules Humphrey, a tall, pale man with bloodshot eyes came out ready to verbally terrorize until realizing just who he was looking at.
"Hero of the Mushroom Kingdom in the bloody flesh!" exclaimed Jules, whose mood changed instantly. "Shake my hand you marvelous bastard!"
Mario extended his hand, which was shook violently by Jules.
"I heard that bodies have been washing up on the beach," said Mario.
Jules frowned. "It's terrible, Mario."
"How frequent is it?"
"To the point that all my whales are pissing off elsewhere," said Jules after a deep sigh.
"Whales?" asked Mario, confused.
"Big money blokes. Dignitaries with dinero. Rich people!"
Mario nodded. "Why didn't you fill out a trouble sheet and send it to my box?"
"Pride and the fact that you are many hours away."
Mario shook his head. "Okay, are the bodies former guests of the resort?"
"A smattering of them, yes. It's a public beach, so all matters of drunkard stumble their way into the ocean and come back in pieces."
"Hmm. Sounds like there is a bertha out there," deduced Mario.
"The monster fish?" asked a worried Jules.
"That's giving the stupid thing far too much credit," said Mario with a small chuckle. "I'll have it dealt with in a few minutes."
After figuring out the proper payment for the extreme fishing that was going to take place, Mario returned to the beach holding a fishing pole and an oversized lure that were both borrowed from the resort. He handed the equipment over to Carrie and told her to fly above the water and dangle the lure above a very specific location. As Berthas were extremely predictable animals, the one terrorizing the beach leaped after the lure and was cooked to perfection by a fireball hurled by Mario. The event took a grand total of seven minutes, with three of those minutes occupied by cheers from those who lived in the villas, and another was used up by Jules thanking Mario for saving his business. Before Mario moved on, he returned to the group of resort dwellers, who were still buzzing from the day's activity. Among other subjects, they spoke of the fastest route to Old World Eight.
II.
Contrary to popular belief, one of the biggest changes of heart in the history of the Mushroom Kingdom was that of the eight-foot tall, self-appointed king known as Bowser Koopa. Indeed, he was repeatedly beaten within an inch of his life and tossed into the lava that flowed under almost all of his castles, but the important fact was that with every loss came a nugget of inspiration. After what ended up being the final battle between him and Mario, the king of koopas retired from villainy and focused on making the most out of his impressive mechanical know-how through the creation of toys. Bowser's first commercial product was a repurposed and repackaged mecha koopa with minor artificial intelligence, and absolutely no desire to gobble up former plumbers on sight. Bowser went on to make kid-friendly versions of nearly everything that he had used against his foes, with his personal favorite being a cannon that fired foam bullet bills. Unfortunately, every one of his creations rotted on the shelves with an inability to pull numbers even at the deepest of discounts.
"Sir Bowser, I regret interrupting your musing, but we have a special guest at entrance."
Bowser, seated at a large table in what used to be his throne room, looked up from his prototype sketchbook and noticed that koopa troopa Karl was sweating profusely.
"Is she cute?" asked Bowser with a small chuckle. "I don't see anything else getting you this hot and bothered."
Karl recoiled and wiped his brow. "No, sir. I just feel like I have to be extremely delicate with the announcement of- "
"Stop blabbering and tell me who is outside," interrupted Bowser.
"It's Mario, sir," said Karl in a near whisper.
"Arch-rival Mario, or some human who happens to be named Mario?"
"The Mario."
Bowser felt a drop of sweat form on his own face, but he wasn't going to admit that to Karl.
"Let him in."
While Bowser had been in physical contact with Mario through the defunct kart racing league and numerous sporting events, it had been a hefty amount of years since the two spoke to each other for reasons that didn't involve the kidnapping of Princess Peach and the domination of the known world. As Karl had left the office door wide open, Mario entering the lobby of his heavily renovated castle wasn't exactly a surprise. The hero of the Mushroom Kingdom stopped a few times to get a better look at the prototypes that lined the room. After a few minutes of curiosity, Mario made eye contact with his old rival and marched to the open door of the office.
"Bowser," said Mario.
"Mario," grunted Bowser. "Still looking like you're going to unclog my toilet."
"No reason to change now. Can I come in?"
"Sure."
Mario used his foot to see if he could spring any trap doors that could be in front of him.
"Sorry. Force of habit," said Mario.
"I don't blame you."
Mario walked into the office and looked at the unfamiliar sights.
"What happened to your throne room?" asked Mario.
"Same thing that happened to the rest of the castle."
"You remodeled the soul right out of it?"
"Nearly every room in the castle has been altered to facilitate the creation and distribution of children's toys. I saw you looking at a few of my prototypes in the lobby," said Bowser.
"Yeah, they looked fun. I think you have some hits on your hands."
"They're all abject failures, Mario. Not even my former subjects want to purchase something associated with me."
"I think I've seen a toad playing with one of those back at the castle."
"No, you haven't. Anyway, I'm sure you're not here to talk about my faltering toy line."
"I'm not. You see, my brother disappeared a few weeks ago, and the only lead is that he's with some woman in some settlement south of the Mushroom Kingdom."
"That hardly makes things easy," said Bowser.
"Which was both my response to that news, and why I decided to come here in the first place."
"You need my help?"
"To be specific, I need your ship."
"And what do I get out of that?"
"I'm going to turn your business into the global success that it deserves to be."
Bowser was salivating at the concept.
"How's the princess?" asked Bowser.
"Stubborn," replied Mario
"Sounds about right.".
"With all the renovation you've done on this place, I'm wondering if the princess wing still exists."
"Wendy claimed it as soon as Peach left."
Mario smirked. "Peach had a thing for the bed you had installed in her room. Still talks about it from time to time."
Bowser shrugged. "I bought it for cheap in Giant Land."
Mario couldn't believe what he was hearing. "She could have just up and bought it all this time?"
"And with that, one of my secrets has been exposed," said Bowser with a light laugh..
"Anything else while we're at it?" asked Mario.
"No. That said, what are you getting out of our alliance?"
"My brother."
"What else?"
Mario hesitated. "Maybe an answer to a question that has been bugging me for a while now."
"Which is?"
"We haven't found Luigi yet."
"Ask the question," demanded Bowser.
"Fine. How long is this going to last?" asked Mario, drawing a circle in the air with his finger.
"You're asking me about my retirement?"
"Yes."
"Do you understand the logistics of, as they say, getting the band back together?" asked Bowser, with a bit of bitterness.
"I'm thick-headed. Tell me."
"I ruled based on fear. The moment I retired, those that feared me vacated the Mushroom Kingdom, and the others grew apathetic. Even if I had the desire to take another stab at the Mushroom Kingdom-which I don't, I simply don't have the terrified masses for that to work."
"What about Peach?" asked Mario, coldly.
"What about her?" replied Bowser in a similarly chilly tone.
"Are you through going after her specifically?"
"Mario, one of the last times that we fought came a number of weeks after I had forced the princess to marry me in a massive ceremony in my Dark Land manor. That woman's first order of business was to topple over a beautiful, seven-tier cake that my star chefs had been planning for weeks."
Bowser noticed Mario trying to repress a smile. He ignored it.
"The cake was part of an enormous, buffet-style spread at the reception. A few statements were going to be made, and then all of us were going to feast like we never feasted before. Right in the middle of Kamek's speech, Peach literally floated over to the buffet and started stomping on the food!"
Mario let out a small chuckle. Bowser was starting to get annoyed.
"Go ahead! Get your laughs in! You know what isn't funny? Having your queen get into the heads of the most idiotic soldiers in your army and turning them into walking liabilities! You don't understand how much damage a koopa can do when they are promised a dessert and an autographed picture taken right out of the shower!"
The temperature in the room started to increase as Bowser ranted.
"After causing infighting that went on for far too long, she tossed sand into the engines of doomships Alpha, Beta, and Gamma, causing hundreds of millions of coins worth of damage and nearly killing my children as a result!
Smoke billowed from Bowser's nostrils. Mario braced himself for something major.
"She then turned her charms on my elite guard, seized control of a tank, and led a one-woman assault on Dark Land manor when I was out tending to projects that would have dramatically increased her quality of life! I returned to an unlivable husk, an unrepentant queen, an army of morons who never got their autographed pictures, and a realization that I had been barking up the wrong tree for far too many years! You finally showed up and what did I do?"
"You kind of fell over after I bopped you three times," responded Mario.
"Correct. I barely put up a fight. I let you have her. With everything that I went through, there is absolutely NO WAY IN HELL that I will EVER even CONSIDER capturing that two-faced, good for nothing, flea-ridden, sociopathic jezebel AGAIN!"
The flames that jet from Bowser's throat set off the castle's newly installed sprinkler system.
"Is that what you wanted to hear?" asked the former king of all koopas.
"Something like that," said Mario, wiping his face.
"Then let's go find your brother."
…
"Green man, are you sure that the warp that brought you to Muraiya is around here?"
"Goomiel and Kuther were standing on this spot when I came out the pipe."
"There isn't even rubble, though. You can't just delete one of those things out of existence."
"They take weeks of work to safely decommission."
"So, as long as you've been in Muraiya?"
"What's that noise?"
"It…It's the two-hour warning! We have to get back behind the walls and under the protective cloak!"
"What does it mean?"
"Imminent threat from the sky!"
Author's Note: Check out Nuclear Phantasy by Magikoopa981. It's good stuff. Catch you guys later!
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