A/N: We still don't own anything... ):


"The phone rings in the middle of the night, my father yells watcha gonna do with your life. Oh father dear, you're still number one, but girls just wanna have fu-un."

Squidward sang his favorite song loudly. "GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN! OH GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE~"

That was when he heard a knock on the door.

"Patrick? What are you doing here?" Squidward asked.

"Well, I'm off to a jellyfish convention and since my best buddy is joining the corporate world, I was wondering if you'd like to come." Patrick asked nervously.

"No." Squidward said harshly and slammed the door.

"Well, bye!" Patrick said as he set off. Squidward sighed in relief when Patrick was on the bus off to the convention.

Squidward was in desperate need of a job. With the lack of education he had received, he decided to head over to the Chum Bucket to see if his previous experiences as a register worker can get him a job there. There was a sign on the door when he arrived.

"Plankton Family Reunion." It said. Squidward rubbed his hands together in thoughts of what he could do if he couldn't get the job. He finally got a hold of Sheldon Plankton, who was dancing with his computer wife, Karen.

They walked into his office and Plankton interviewed him for what seemed like hours.

"Sorry Mr. Squidward. You're not qualified." Plankton finally said. Squidward shook in rage. Then he realized that he had a bottle of arsenic in his pocket. Ever He saw bowls of punch in various areas of the Chum Bucket. He placed drops of arsenic in each bowl and when Karen served each of the Planktons the punch, they all dropped dead after a few seconds. Squidward saw that Karen was still up and running and pulled the plug. To make sure that she stays dead, he took the computer apart and smashed the monitor. He snickered as he walked out of the Chum Bucket and noticed lemonade stands and vending machines in various places. Squidward had no plans for the rest of the day and invested in poisoning the consumers.

First, he walked over to each of the lemonade stands and distracted the children with a bouncy ball and as soon as their backs were turned, he dropped the arsenic into the pitchers. The vending machines, he picked the locks using a bobby pin he bought from Walgreens. Then, he would open each of the bottles of soda and drop arsenic into the sodas. It was tiring, but to Squidward it was worth it.

He was done about five hours later and kissed the former bottle full of arsenic. He walked on home and during his walk, he watched as consumers dropped dead.

"Some guys just can't hold down their arsenic!" Squidward thought and hopped off.


A/N: Did anyone catch on the CHICAGO reference? .com/watch?v=IiKx3JbJwt0 I love CHICAGO! I thought it was worth it to go see it on Broadway (which by the way was super awesome!).