This isn't as long as I wanted but hopefully you enjoy. It's not very jovial but hopefully it is realistic.
It felt appropriate that there be a certain amount of tension with this chapter.
Please, please review. I have been loving all the feedback on this one!
p.s. I'm going camping tonight. I have no more written. There may be a gap before the next update. I'll do my best to write a bit here and there.
Chapter Seven
'So let me get this straight,' Anna, his eldest sister, fixed him with her steely gaze, 'you never actually slept with this girl?'
'I told you no a billion times,' he sighed in frustration his eyes tracking Alex as he crawled around his now baby proofed living room.
'But you wanted to?' Anna narrowed her eyes.
'Of course I fucking wanted to, she's frickin' gorgeous,' he leant back on his couch, putting his feet up on the coffee table, his frustration palpable.
'There's no point getting in a piss with me - I'm trying to help,' she reminded him.
'I know. I just don't get why it's so important.'
'The judge needs to believe you Pace. We're asking for lenience and the girls been given lenience.'
'Look she's beautiful for sure, and yes I like her a lot but we agreed to be friends. We were only ever friends.'
'So no touching, no kissing, no near misses?' she asked and his cheeks burned, 'I need to know.'
'The first night we became friends, a drank a few to many beers and we kissed. And there may have been some touching, but I stopped it. We kissed a few other times.'
'So that's it?'
'She...uh...she grabbed me down there,' Pacey stuttered.
'Did you ask her to?'
'No! I asked her not to,' he rolled his eyes.
'Then we're good,' Anna shrugged.
'But what about the day I went to the high school?'
'No one saw you kiss, no one saw hands in inappropriate places. You helped her study for a test and she passed. You were happy. Friends are happy for each other,' Anna said pointedly.
'But honestly I think I feel more for her than friends...' Pacey admitted with a frown.
'Well that's obvious,' Anna shrugged, 'and that's ok because you didn't act on it. Why didn't you arrest her when she was drunk on the docks?'
'She wasn't that drunk in my opinion and she wasn't disorderly. I delivered her home.'
'Ok,' Anna nodded. 'What about the time she was accused of shoplifting?'
'They found nothing on her,' he stated and Anna narrowed her eyes, 'she'd taken baby food and a bar of chocolate from the food bank bin. In my professional opinion it would have been wrong to charge her.'
'It's going to be hard for her to avoid prison,' Anna told him carefully. 'They like to go in tough with these young kids, the idea being they get scared shitless and don't reoffend. If you ask me Gretch is right - they just come out the other end hardened and more likely to recommit.'
'What about Alex?' he asked.
'Seems you can keep him for the duration. If you want to? Isn't that what the social worker said?'
'Pretty much, now I've organized to have day time shifts and Kerry will have him if I have a night shift. He's got a place back at the medical centre daycare where Kerry can look in on him - that didn't hurt.'
'So do you want too?'
'What if Bodie reappears?' Pacey frowned.
'Have you looked into what happened to him?'
'Joey thinks he reconnected with her sister. Apparently he's wildly in love with her and becomes blinkered. She's not even angry with him.'
'She should be.'
'I just...I feel like we dropped the ball. Dougy was away and she tried to ask for help and...'
'That'll all work in her favour.'
'Ok,' he nodded.
'Look I'll see you tomorrow. You get the kid to bed and get a good nights rest yourself.'
'Ok. Thanks Anna.'
'Anytime.'
'I'm sorry Pace, really I am,' Anna said as she sat down at the table in Munchies. Jack, Doug and Pacey had headed there after the trial.
'It was a long shot, he knew that,' Doug reassured his sister and Pacey nodded.
'She was so stupid,' he managed to say at last.
'Stupid?' Anna frowned.
'Why would she do something so dumb? Of course she was going to get caught and she knew, she knew she'd end up in prison.'
'And what exactly should she have done?' Anna frowned. 'Let the baby starve until Doug got back?'
'She knows where I live,' he glared at his sister, his anger bubbling over.
'And she knew you'd get fired.'
'Would I have? Because the way I see it, if she'd asked for help she wouldn't have needed to break the law and then there'd be no issue with her asking me for help.'
'You told her not to,' Doug said calmly.
'Because you told me to!' Pacey nearly yelled and Jack put a hand on his arm.
'Breathe Pace,' he instructed and Pacey listened.
'All I'm saying is she could have come to me...'
'I think it says how much she thinks of you that she chose not to,' Anna pointed out gently. 'You know, not wanting to get you into any kind of trouble.'
'I don't think she thinks at all,' Pacey said harshly, knowing he was being unfair but too angry and too frustrated to temper it. She'd gotten a year in minimum security. A year because it wasn't a first offence and a cop was the witness. She was eligible for parole with good behaviour and that was because of why she did it. All Pacey could think about was every way that prison would change her, because it would. Some people were crushed and others fought to survive, but that fight took its toll. And he cared. He didn't want her to become harder, to become more cynical, to lose the small amount of softness she had left after life had already battered her so much.
'I think you need to calm down,' his brother said, and though the words were irritating Doug reached out and squeezed his shoulder. 'I fucked up Pace. You should never have said she couldn't come to you for help, it's obvious now that she would have gone to you, but I put the threat out there because I was worried about the way this girl makes you behave. You can't see sense. Hell you've become a father to Alex for her, simply because she asked. You clearly like her a lot and I get that, but I was worried because she was still at school, because I was afraid of something like this.'
'If you'd let me help her this probably wouldn't have happened,' Pacey hissed.
'And that's why I'm apologizing. Because I can see that now,' Doug let out a long breath and Jack gave him a pointed look.
'You need to tell him,' he said and Doug nodded,
'Tell me what?' Pacey frowned.
'Be a support to her. Forgive her this mistake and support her.'
'I know what you're saying but I'm too angry,' he admitted.
'Just don't let her drift away in the system. Before you know it she'll be gone,' Doug warned.
'She wanted me to ask you to go and see her,' Anna said gently. 'You and Alex.'
'She wants to see the baby and not me. Me - I'm just the idiot she manipulated into caring. She told me herself she'll take what she can get.'
'Pace, come take a walk with me,' Jack said and Pacey looked at him in surprise,
'It's freezing out.'
'So?' Jack shrugged.
'So why are we out here walking about in the freezing cold?' Pacey stared at his friend waiting for him to speak.
'I have something in common with Joey,' Jack said at last.
'What?'
'You remember my mom?'
'Sure,' Pacey nodded.
'She just couldn't get over my brother dying. She went from this loving, caring person to this person I just didn't recognize. She wasn't a weak person Pace, but she just couldn't handle the cards she'd been dealt.'
'What's that have to do with Joey?'
'Joey's mom killed herself. When she was twelve. About a week after her dad was given life. I don't know what kind of person her mom was. I don't know whether she was prone to depression, a user, or what. But apparently Joey found her.'
'Oh my god,' he stared kind of blankly at Jack as the information ran through his synapses, 'but her best friend killed herself?'
'Mrs Ryan always blamed Joey for giving her granddaughter the idea, claimed that she infected her granddaughter with morbid thoughts and inappropriate escape routes.'
'She...uh...she said something... something a bit like that,' he stumbled over the words.
'It's not up to me to tell you the details but Joey chose to do something rather than runaway. Look at her family, look at everyone in her life. She knew it was a risk but it was something. It backfired, sure, but perhaps you should recognize that she's fighting. That's monumental when your entire family runs away.'
'Maybe she is running,' Pacey said after a prolonged silence. 'I mean maybe she wanted to get caught.'
'So she could escape all the stresses of life in prison?' Jack sounded sceptical.
'She knows I'll look after Alex. She does. Maybe it was her way of running, to be removed so she can escape this life. She made things change.'
'I don't think prison is going to be the change she wants,' Jack shook his head, 'you're not normally a judgemental guy Pace. God knows I've needed you on my side before and you were there. Why are you treating this girl like she's five or ten years older than she is? Like she's had guidance and love? She's a scared eighteen year old who's struggled through life. Given that you're nearly six years older perhaps you aught to grow up,' Jack gave Pacey a hard look and headed back into the diner.
'You came,' the bright orange didn't suit her and she was fidgeting, looking around the room. She reached out her hands and he handed her Alex who actually hugged her. For a one year old he did great hugs and Joey pressed her nose into his hair, her arms wrapped around his small body.
'Oh I missed you Alex,' she kissed his cheeks.
'Jo Jo,' Alex smiled widely and Joey held him even closer her eyes heavy with tears. 'Is he ok?' she asked and he nodded,
'For a kid that only has ten words he says your name a lot.'
'Ten?' she looked thrilled and distraught in one go.
'Yeah. Jo, hi, bye, more, mine, car, no, sleep, kiss and Pace,' he said with a stain of red appearing on his cheeks.
'Pace? He says your name?' she smiled, but again looked like a mixture of emotions ran through her as a tear trailed down her cheek.
'Jo,' God it hurt to see her sad. Instinctively he reached for her, his thumb brushing the tear away before he remembered himself and pulled his hand away. He looked to the guard who gave him a look and he reached for Alex, 'I'm sorry,' he said and realized that he was sorry, and not just for taking the baby from her arms.
'And why are you sorry?' she sat back and he could see how that the bravado wasn't real, that she wasn't as confident as she pretended. 'The way I see it, I'm the one who should be sorry.'
'I'm sorry I was disappointed in you. I didn't have any right to feel that way,' he gave her a look he hoped conveyed his sincerity. Alex began to grumble so he pulled some cheese cubes and raspberries from hi bag, and put them in front of the baby.
'That's why I did it,' she gestured the food he placed in front of the baby. 'One day Alex cried and I had nothing to give him. I mean nothing. So I...I did what I had to. Your brother was away and he wouldn't stop crying,' she gestured to the baby, 'and all I could think was that they'd say I was an adult and they'd take him away. I didn't know what to do and so I panicked.'
'I understand panic,' he wanted to take her hand, thread his fingers through hers and give her comfort. He wanted to make it better.
'I thought...' he hesitated, 'I thought that maybe you wanted to get caught,' he raised his head and his eyes locked with hers. 'I thought maybe you had it all planned - that I'd take Alex and you'd...you'd get to be away from your life...' his voice was soft but her eyes hardened and she abruptly stood from the table, but then she hovered by the table shifting from foot to foot.
'You though I'd run like everyone else?' she said at length, raising her eyes to his. They weren't full of tears but filled with a hardness he hated because he saw it as the mask she wore that hid the real her,
'It was a method of running away,' he stated.
'Think what you like,' she bit her lower lip and narrowed her eyes, 'I don't care what you think of me anyway,' and she signalled to the guard who took her away.
