Chapter Seven
The rest of the day was mostly a blur for Amelia. She spent the morning with Gally, Nick, Clint, and Jeff trying to stitch Spencer up. They did as best of a job as they could with their limited supplies, using an alcoholic solution Gally used for moonshine to sterilize his wound and any of their materials. After a half an hour they stopped the bleeding, but he lost so much blood that they weren't sure if he was going to make it. And even though they were careful, there was still a chance the severe cut could be infected deeper in his leg. But they had done everything they could, now they would just have to wait and see.
Amelia barely touched her lunch. She couldn't stand to bring the food to her mouth, every glance at her blood stained hands made her want to vomit. She sat next to Gally, who shamelessly wiped away a tear every now and then. This should have given Amelia the go-ahead to cry, but she refused to break down around the other gladers. A ridiculous sense of pride that shouldn't have mattered at that point.
After lunch she went back to the fields. A glader named Jack gave her instructions on what to do, Newt had gone to take care of the Builders while Gally stayed with Spencer. No one said much, the anticipation of Spencer's possible death hung in the air like a thick fog. A look of mortality was plastered on everyone's face. The Glade itself even looked dim, as if even the sky was begging for him to live. She had heard a couple of Frypan's cooks whisper how they wish they had been nicer to him, several of the Builders started crying, and everyone looked as though they were choking down a giant ball in their throats. It was the first time Amelia understood what a community these guys were, that they all cared about each other, how everyone knew they were in this mess together. It was almost too much for her to handle.
She tried to distract herself with her work, but if her mind wasn't on Spencer, it was on Newt. A panic filled her chest every time she thought about what she said, about the fact that he knew something was off with her. She would somehow have to convince him not to say anything. A task that seemed impossible, considering she was positive he hated her. Any idea she came up with was either pathetic or didn't make sense, except one: somehow get him to spill about what happened to him, then use that to make sure he didn't talk to Nick or Alby. Blackmail? she thought, that's my plan? The thought of resorting to such a petty trick made her more sick than she already was, but she felt as though she had no choice. If the rest of the Gladers found out she had voices in her head, they would - as Alby would put it - "throw her off the Cliff".
The day came to a close and Amelia sat at a table, picking at her food while she watched the Runners come out of the Maze. Nick ran over and met them at their Building, which Amelia now knew was the Map Room, probably to tell them about the incident. She was just about to stand up and bring her untouched food to Gally in the Med Shack when a note fell into her lap. She looked up to see Newt brushing past her. Confused, she picked it up and felt her heart plunge to the bottom of her chest as she read,
Meet me back at the corn rows in 15 minutes
She glanced over at him as she crumbled up the note. He was staring at her with a look on his face that meant he wasn't messing around. Amelia had to face the music, if he hadn't told Nick or Alby of her strange behavior already.
She brought her food over to Gally like she was already planning to, replacing the untouched plate from lunch she had given him with the one from dinner. She sat with him for a bit and watched Spencer sweat and mumble pain filled moans in his sleep.
"I don't know what I'm going to do if he doesn't make it," Gally said, a weight in his voice that expressed every ounce of emotion he was feeling. The only advice Amelia could think to respond with was,
"You'd keep going." He looked over at her as tears filled his eyes. She put a hand on his back, then got up to have the conversation she was petrified of.
When she got to the designated meeting spot, she thought that Newt wasn't there yet. She wandered through the crowded rows, contemplating what she was about to say, even though anything she came up with sounded terrible. Suddenly, she felt a hand grab her by the shoulder. She flipped around to see Newt with a finger to his lips, shushing her.
"Why does this have to be such a secret?" she asked in a whisper, regretting instantly that she lead with such a insignificant question. He took his hand off her shoulder and lowered his finger, still giving a look on his face that meant he was serious.
"'Cause I'm not sure what I'm 'bout to find out right now, which means I'm sure if I want the rest of the bloody Gladers to know," he whispered sternly, "What were ya on 'bout earlier? What happened?" Amelia matched the look in his eyes. She still didn't exactly know where he was going with this.
"What do you mean?" she hoped for a moment maybe they weren't talking about the same thing.
"Oh don't give me that crap, ya know what I mean. Earlier, before we heard Spencer scream, what did ya mean when ya said 'it said we have to go to the DeadHeads'?" he asked.
"What happened to you before?" she asked in retaliation, going ahead with her plan.
"What? What on bloody earth could ya be askin' me that for right now?"
"Because you obviously don't want anyone else to know, and I need a pretty good reason to tell you anything that will sell me out."
"So what, ya want us to share secrets then? Be in a constant loop of holdin' one thin' over the others head? No that's not how this is goin' to work."
"Keep in mind you said Nick already knows about you; what I'm about to tell you could get me killed!" she was starting to raise her voice, he shushed her once more.
"Greenie, you're not exactly in a position to argue. I could go to Nick right now and tell him you're bat shit crazy,"
"And I would flatly deny anything you say and make them believe you're being a psychotic prick, and they'd write you off and never listen to you again," Amelia was bluffing on that last one, she had no idea if that would work, but she had to pray it was enough incentive for Newt to give in.
"So it looks like we're at a stalemate then here, aren't we?"
"Guess so," she said. He gave a frustrated sigh and began to pace, she could see the wheels turning behind his eyes. After about a minute she saw his look change, he had made a decision. He wasn't going to tell her. Amelia could feel the panic begin to rise in her chest, he could pull anything he wanted over her with this. Is this why he had covered for her before? Her mind started to race on ways to make him change his mind, and miraculously, one came up. One she once again wasn't sure was going to work, but was almost surprised at herself she didn't try this earlier. "What are we doing?" she asked. Confusion laced every one of his words,
"What d'ya mean?" It was silly, but she running with it.
"How did we even get here? When did we both decide we were on different sides?" she asked, and she kind of meant. Besides being a means out of this situation, she felt as though somewhere in her subconscious she knew they weren't supposed to act like this toward each other.
"Well I figured it was a growin' development with each conversation we've ever had," he said, attitude not improving. Amelia swallowed her pride.
"Well then, I'm sorry."
"What?" he said shocked. C'mon give me some credit, she thought.
"Well jeez it wasn't completely out of the question. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for arguing with you every chance I got. I'm sorry that that's how you and most of the gladers know me." she paused, not sure if for effect or if she meant it, "I didn't want that." Newt was completely thrown off. He searched in her eyes for a reason not to believe her. It was then that Amelia knew she did mean it. She didn't want this to be her life, manipulating others just to survive. They were having a hard time surviving in the Maze as is, she didn't want to have to fight on the inside as well. They were silent again for a long time, and every ounce of cunning and deceit melted out of her. "I don't want to be here. I just want to go home," she said without thinking.
"I tried to kill myself," he said, looking away when her eyes grew wide with shock.
"What?" she said. Amelia now felt like the worst person in the world for ever trying to use that against him.
"I was a Runner. And let me tell ya, it's a hard job. A couple months ago I just couldn't stand it anymore. I thought there was no hope. So I climbed up the ivy as far as it would go and jumped. The next thin' I remember I was layin' in the Med Shack. Nick told me Minho and a couple other Runners had found me and carried me back, assumed a Griever had got me. Nick knew though, I didn't even have to tell him. I haven't talked about it since. Got this nasty limp 'cause of it," he finished and looked up at her, tears forming in his shame filled eyes.
"And now?" she choked down the frog in her throat to get the words out.
"Huh?"
"You said you thought there was no hope, what do you think now?" she asked. He was quiet for a long time before he answered,
"I think I'm going to find the people who did this to me and my friends, and I'm going to kill them." Amelia was once again filled with the compassion she had felt for him earlier. She remembered the way he held Spencer when he cried, and how she was still wearing his hoodie. Maybe she had been completely wrong about Newt. She wanted to help him, but how do you fix something like that? So she told him the only thing she could think of,
"I have a voice in my head," now it was her turn to look away.
"Wait, what?"
"I heard it my first day, then when Spencer was attacked. It's the same voice each time, a young guy's voice. At first I thought it was just me, or maybe one of the other Gladers somehow talking in my head, but when Spencer was attacked it told me. It warned me. It told me to save him. How could I have even known that? Or one of the Gladers?" she looked up to find Newt's eyes were now wide with shock.
"That's something else greenie," he said in awe. They stood there in the dark for a while, both just staring at the other. Neither of them needed to explain why the other didn't want the rest of the Glade to know their secret. They both understood the consequences. Amelia couldn't see the color of his eyes very well, but she knew they were brown. She couldn't help but wondered what they looked like exactly in this moment, then felt ridiculous for doing so.
"So what do we do now?" she asked.
"I don't know," was his only answer.
Once again, a scream echoed through the Glade causing Amelia and Newt to run from the corn rows. In fact, it was the same scream: Spencer. "What's going on?" she asked, as if Newt would know.
"Oh God," he said with such dread that Amelia's heart began to pump.
"What?!" she shouted.
"I've heard that kind of scream before,"
"What?! What is it?!" she shouted even louder. Newt turned to her with a solemn expression,
"That's the sound of someone goin' through a Changin'."
