Thanks so much guys!
Can't wait for the PLL eps that Keegan is actually in!
Until then how cute are Caleb and Hanna?
OMG GUYS I MET KEEGAN ALLEN.
He came to Pittsburgh (where I live) for a meet and greet.
For pictures go to my instagram at kaypinz or my Spoby tumblr which is spencersafeplace .tumblr .com
IT WAS AMAZING.
Here is chapter 7 folks.
Before Spencer he liked to consider himself just a little bit broken, the type of broken where it doesn't quite work right but not useless enough to throw it away just yet.
In the grand scheme of things he'd done alright with the hand he was dealt, especially since it was a shitty one. The point was he'd done the best he could and accepted that his life would be lonely, after all he was an introvert, and there would probably be little to no love in it.
His mother was a handful, but she was his handful. Most of the time he knew how to react to her sleeping all day, to her getting him out of bed at three AM to go on some sort of adventure that never ended well, to his father ignoring the problem all together.
It wasn't until he was older that he'd realized it wasn't normal, that his mother was bi-polar and not every six year old missed nearly two weeks of school because their mother decided to go to Niagara Falls. They never made it to Niagara Falls, but they did end up somewhere out west in a town he couldn't remember the name of for the life of him. What he did remember was begging his mother to get out of the hotel bed and to take him home.
That was the first time Marion had been hospitalized. She was out of his life for three months and his dad thought seeing her in Radley Sanitarium would do more harm than good. Of course, in true Daniel Cavanaugh fashion there was no talking about it because there was nothing to talk about. Marion was simply away getting help.
When she returned she was better than ever, healthy, happy even. She was on medication for many years and she was diligent about taking the doses when subscribed. At thirteen his mom took another turn for the worse and for a year he did his best to try and be there for her. He thought if he loved her enough that she'd get better again, be the mom who was always eccentric, but extremely lovable.
She didn't. She was sent to Radley again and one day after therapy she stole a key from an orderly and jumped off the top of the building.
Daniel didn't know how to talk to him about it, so he didn't, not really.
The loss had killed her mother and came close to killing her father too. The summer after his mother's passing he'd spent with his grandfather, trying to love him back to health too. And it'd worked, but only barely. Toby knew his grandfather only kept his will to live because of him and he'd been grateful, knowing without him and their summer together he'd probably have lost his will too.
He wasn't a people person, a trait he'd been told he was given by said grandfather because his mother loved people. She never quite noticed how awkward situations were and maybe that was why he didn't like people, because he'd grown up seeing them react badly to his mother's out-there personality. There were few people he could stand for long periods of time and during the time after his mother died and before he met Spencer he'd liked no one.
At school he would only speak when spoken to. When someone pushed he'd push back because no one tended to bother a person who stood up for themselves, no matter how scrawny. He turned his homework in most of the time, worked on his motorcycle, practiced his carpentry skills, and shut out the world, or at least tried to in Jenna's case. Jenna made him hate people more, dislike the world he lived even deeper than before.
He'd given up on the world, people, and love until Spencer agreed to tutor him in French, a language he learned to love all because of the girl who would tell him to watch her mouth as she pronounced a word. He would always remember the day he got his first French test back after being tutored by her.
French was his last class of the day, much to the annoyance of Spencer. She hated having to wait all day for him to take the test and hated waiting for him to get the test back even more.
The day of the test she'd found him in between every class to ask him a French-related question. During lunch she'd drilled him on pronunciations. Then before the test she'd walked him to class and just about hyperventilated before he went in. He'd spent the last two minutes before the bell reassuring her he would be fine.
It was the first time someone had so genuinely cared about him since his mother died. He was deeply touched by it and when he walked out of the classroom to find Spencer standing there with an expectant look on her face he couldn't help but kiss her almost as deeply as he felt. It was that night he officially asked her to be his girlfriend.
"What did you get? You got them back right? She didn't forget, did she? She told me you were getting them back today," she quickly rambled on once he walked out of the classroom at the end of the day.
Toby couldn't help but grin at his adorable girlfriend. It was an amazing feeling having someone who cared about him and his well-being on a normal basis. The simple things like asking how his day was or texting him in the morning before school to make sure he was going brightened his outlook on life. She cared and she wasn't afraid to show it. She didn't look at him like pariah like others did after his mother killed herself or think he pulled the heads off squirrels in his spare time since he didn't like talking to anyone or play the high school popularity game. That was one of the more humorous rumors that he'd heard about himself.
"Spence," he tried to stop her, but with no paper in his hands or jump of glee upon seeing her she was convinced it was either no news or bad news. He was still trying to get used to having people to talk to, someone to share good news with, or bad for that matter. "Spencer!" he exclaimed and took her shoulders in his hands in an attempt to stop her.
"We will study harder for the next one, I promise. I've only been tutoring you for like two months and it was your first big test, it's normal to have anxiety-"
He cut her off with a kiss to the lips. Neither of them were huge on PDA, but they didn't not act like a couple either. When he pulled away she was blinking and one of those oblivious smiles appeared on her face. "Spence, I got a B."
Her eyes widened at this and threw her entire body into his arms, knocking him back into the lockers. "Toby! I'm so proud of you!" she squealed in his ear.
He was so happy that he'd made her happy he didn't even care his ear was ringing. "It's your B, Spence. After every question I heard you in my mind teaching me how to do everything. I think even Madame Bernard was impressed with me," he informed her as they pulled away.
"She should have been! It's amazing, Tobes, on the next one we'll get an A, I promise," she swore, her arms still around his neck.
Their noses brushed together. "Well, I do spend a lot of time with my French tutor, so it could be possible," he commented, making her smile. "But I am happy with a B. I was getting F's before you; I don't need an A to feel accomplished. Your smile is enough for me."
"You're cute," she whispered before kissing him lightly. "How about dinner tonight? On me in honor of your beautiful B?" she questioned.
"How about dinner tonight on me because you're beautiful?" he countered, a grin tugging on his lips.
Red flooded her cheeks. "Tie? I'll pay for you and you pay for me?"
He knew she wasn't used to being called beautiful or gorgeous or pretty much any other adjective besides smart she was embarrassed by. He was determined that one day he could tell her just how unbelievably attractive she was to him and instead of blushing she'd just smile and kiss him.
"I think I can handle that, but you're not allowed to be a girly girl, alright? It's a celebration, you're not allowed to get a salad and you're getting dessert," he insisted.
"Mm, can we get Italian then? I could really go for some pasta," she stated, the smile never leaving her face.
Toby kissed her cheek. "As long as it's not French."
So before Spencer Hastings he'd considered himself just a little bit broken because even though he hated the world and most people in it he was still managing alright. But after her, he knew he was broken beyond repair so after a while he'd just simply stopped trying to pick up the pieces. It felt like he'd lost most of the pieces anyways and he'd never be complete even if he tried.
She was the light of his life. Almost every good memory he had contained her in some way. He'd even gotten his best friend through her. It was during times like this that he could no longer ignore the guilt eating his gut, the pain coursing through his heart, and the ache that enveloped his whole being. So he gave in.
It'd been a long time since he gave in. Perhaps a little after his grandfather died, he supposed, but before he began to plan his re-emergence into Rosewood, Pennsylvania.
Maybe he should have just stayed in New York. There was no real happiness there, but there was a routine. He learned to go through the motions, to build some sort of life, even if it was half a life, it was a life he could live with.
But his grandfather had died and he'd made a promise, a promise he was going to keep this time. Why the fuck did he have to make that promise?
That was how his best friend found him, during his binge in the stupid fucking loft he once shared with the girl he couldn't get his mind off of.
"Ah, Tobe, what the fuck?" his friend questioned, his face already in a grimace at the sight of him. Toby barely looked at him. "Did you buy a liquor store or something?"
At this the blue-eyed man raised his glass of scotch. "No, but that would be a damn fine investment, wouldn't it?" he responded in a slight slur.
"Did you go to work today? Or this last week? I thought when you said you were busy you meant actually busy, you know, with your job, and your side project or whatever," Caleb sighed, running a hand through his hair.
Toby stood and went to the kitchen. "Of course I went to my job, I'm not irresponsible," he insisted, pouring himself another drink. "I drink after work and go to work hungover."
"So this is how it is going to be? You hit your first roadblock with Spencer and you're going to give up, drink your problems away, fuck everything up more?" Caleb questioned, walking over to his best friend.
"When I want your opinion on my life and the way I choose to live it I will fucking ask for it," Toby replied, his eyes dark.
Caleb was used to this Toby. This was the Toby he'd nursed back to health after leaving Spencer. Hanna thought he was with his mom, but he was really in New York trying to figure out why his best friend ruined the best thing that ever happened to him. It wasn't the real him, the Toby he knew would do anything for a friend, would lay down his life for Spencer, give up anything for her, and that was exactly what he'd done. He fucked up their future because he thought he was saving hers.
With this Toby he'd learned how to bring him back from the darkness that Spencer had once saved him from. It took time, but eventually he'd learned and he also knew not to get offended when his best friend said mean things. He would apologize so much later that it would get annoying actually, but he just didn't know how to handle all the dark inside him when he got like this so he drank and gave in to his demons.
"That's the thing about best friends, Tobe, we tell you what's going on whether you want to hear it or not. And the truth is you look like shit, you're acting like an asshole, and you are better than this," Caleb informed him.
"I'm better than this?" Toby laughed into his cup. "I left her at the altar. How did I ever think I could even try to get her back? I don't deserve her back. I don't deserve anything after what I've done," he went on. "So you know what I am going to do? I am going to suffer through this damn contract with Sweeney and then I am going back to New York. Well, there is nothing left for me anymore so maybe I'll go somewhere else. I hear London is nice, do you think that's far enough away from this God forsaken town?" he blubbered on in between sips of scotch.
Caleb shook his head. "So you're just going to give up?" he asked. "You're just going to lose faith in yourself and the future you two could have again?"
"I don't need this," Toby replied, brushing by him, but before he could react his friend took the glass from his hand and threw it across the room. "Caleb, what the fuck is the matter with you, man?" he demanded, pushing on his chest.
"What the fuck is the matter with me, what the fuck is the matter with you? For months all I heard from you was this big fucking elaborate plan you had to come back to Rosewood and make everything right with Spencer. You talked about it so much it got fucking annoying, but I didn't say one word because I wanted you back, because with the conviction in your voice I knew you could do it. What the hell happened? Spencer snapped at you and you run away with your balls in your hand because you're fucking afraid to use them," he stated.
"Don't act like you know what I'm going through," Toby growled.
"I don't know what the fuck you're going through because I will never walk away from Hanna again and I know damn well that when we get married I'm not going to pussy out and run away like you did," Caleb responded.
Toby took a swing and with his height and muscle advantage Caleb would have probably been knocked out, but Toby also had alcohol in his system so he had the upper hand.
Caleb grabbed his arm and maneuvered his best friend across the apartment and into the bathroom. He pushed him into the shower, not caring that he tumbled into the tub and could have gotten hurt. He turned the water on and let it drench his fully-clothed best friend.
"Caleb! Fuck, its cold!" Toby shouted, trying to fight him, but to no avail.
"Good, this is your wake up call," Caleb stated, trying to restrain his drunken friend. After another minute he slapped the water off and Toby wiped his face with his hands. "You need to stop feeling so goddamn sorry for yourself and start trying to get your girl back. Because this Toby is not one that Spencer would love," he said and tossed him a towel.
Toby didn't move from his position. "I don't think there is a Toby she would love," he murmured, resting his head on the tile.
"That's bullshit. I think you're more scared of having this plan of yours work than you are of it failing," Caleb said, sitting on the edge of the basin. "Shit's never gone well for you. That is why when given the chance to run you took it, even if you immediately regretted it. I know you, you thought seven years was a good run and decided to live the rest of your life alone and miserable if it meant Spencer could have an amazing life," he went on. "But you were fucking wrong. There is no amazing life for her without you."
"I want everything back the way it was but it never will be like that again. Even if I-" he stopped himself. "She deserves so much more than me. I've spent the last two years trying to make myself into something worthy of her and I'm still not even close."
Caleb nodded. "You're probably right. But I think that's how it is supposed to work. If you think you deserve her you don't. I sure as hell know Hanna is better than me. I thank God every day that I get to wake up next to her. I think it's time you wake up in the morning to more than an empty bed, don't you?" he asked.
The man in the tub was quiet, shrugged after a minute, still unsure of himself.
"Do you remember what you said to me after my mom first came in to contact with me in high school?" he'd finally spoken up after a few moments.
"I sure as hell didn't throw you into a cold shower," Toby grumbled, drying his face.
"You said that we wouldn't be us if we didn't believe in second chances," Caleb began again. "By then I'd already fucked up with Hanna and she'd taken me back and you were with Spencer, thinking you might actually have a future beyond your introverted lifestyle with friends and a girl you loved," he went on. "So I went to Montecito and met my mom and little brothers and for the first time in my life I had a family, a real flesh and blood family." Toby nodded, not saying anything. "And I didn't know what I wanted to do because I loved Hanna but I loved my mom too. Do you remember what you told me then?"
Toby leaned against the tile wall. "I told you that the real saying of 'blood is thicker than water' was 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb' which means that sometimes the relationships forged by choice can hold deeper meaning than those of biology. That even though you found your real family, you had a family here too because I considered you my brother."
Caleb nodded. "And I decided to stay here and visit my mom on and off during the year because I considered you a brother too. You are my family, Toby, and I am not going to stand by and watch you fuck up more of your life. I wasn't there to stop you when you walked out two years ago, but I am going to stop you from going down this path now," he stated. "So you need to get off your fucking high horse and fight for her because if you really want her that is what you're going to have to do."
"What if she doesn't want me?" Toby asked quietly, refusing to meet his friend's eyes.
"Are you more scared that she won't or that she will?" Caleb countered. "You once told me that Spencer saved you from the darkness of your past, right?"
"Do you remember every fucking think I say?" Toby asked, getting a little annoyed.
Caleb laughed. "The important shit, yeah, don't you listen to me?" They both smiled at each other a little bit.
"Yes, I remember," Toby said to appease him.
"Well it's your turn to save her from the darkness of hers and unfortunately, that darkness was caused by you," Caleb stated. "She does love you, Tobe, and you have to show her those baby blue eyes she loves so much, take your shirt off, and do whatever it was you did that made her do that weird yelping thing we all heard through the walls to remind her."
To this Toby couldn't help but laugh. "When did you get so philosophical and shit?" he wondered.
"Hanna makes me watch chick flicks a lot and dealing with a girl who has so many emotions makes you learn real fast about the other sex or you fight way too much," he answered honestly.
"You've always been able to read Hanna though," Toby mentioned as he let out a deep breath.
"And you've always been able to get through to Spencer, whether she closed herself off because of her parents or school or whatever. You were the only person who was ever able to break her down so it's time you remember that," Caleb insisted.
"You're seriously scaring me, you know," he replied. "Like, you're becoming Yoda of dating and relationships in a weird way."
"I have ulterior motives," Caleb told him, shrugging nonchalantly. "My life would be so much easier if you were back in the clan and my sex life would be better too."
Toby nodded in understanding. He knew he asked a lot of his friend in the past two years, the secrets and lies he had to harbor; it could not have been easy on his relationship.
"And I can't have a wedding where my bride hates the best man," he added on.
Toby groaned. "Fuck," he swore before turning the cold water on again as his best friend laughed at him.
-:-:-:-
He was never one for cemeteries, even after his mother died.
For a long time he was mad at her and didn't want to see her. A lot of the time death isn't chosen, it chooses you, whether it be cancer, old age, an accident. It wasn't that way for his mother. She chose to give up, to leave him alone in a world he didn't understand, to never be able to be at his graduations, wedding, or any other big life events.
It wasn't until Spencer that he visited his mother's grave. It was the second time since her funeral he'd been to it.
The first time since the funeral was after his first "confrontation" with Jenna. To him if his mother hadn't given up Jenna wouldn't have been in his life and he wouldn't have to deal with the hell he was living in. He'd been so upset he used his keys to carve his own name above hers because it felt like he'd died with her, especially after Jenna. It was like a piece of him died every time he had to be inside her and for a long time he blamed his mother.
Spencer changed it for him. Of course, she had been right. By never talking about his mother's death, his anger, or the Jenna thing, he was stuck in time with it, never really moving on from it. When he started being physical with her he began to move past the Jenna thing but never quite dealt with his mother's death. She'd made it safe for him to open up about it.
For hours they'd sit in her room barely talking, music playing the background, the house empty. She'd told him he didn't have to say anything at all, there was no pressure, but if he ever felt ready to just start. She told him to take his time because she wasn't going anywhere, but if he wasn't going to talk his anger wasn't going anywhere either. And if he didn't want to talk she was fine with cuddling with him, kissing him on and off, and just enjoying his company.
It took three attempts before he just started talking and once he'd started it was like he couldn't stop. He told her everything, the good times and bad, the hellish adventures he'd been on and the ones that went well. She'd held him tight at the right times and offered her shoulders during others. Finally he spoke about Radley, how he hated the place, and his never ending guilt for being mad at his mother for leaving him.
Not once did she make him feel bad about his feelings, she'd just listened and when he was done she told him she loved him. Then she got out of bed and asked him to follow her.
They ended up at the cemetery. She took him to his mother's grave and told him to tell his mom how he felt. At first he'd felt stupid talking to a wall with his mother's name on it, but it'd helped. What also helped was him punching that wall twenty minutes into it. It took a long time but eventually he'd come to peace with his other's passing, understanding that she didn't want to leave him, that she was sick in her own way and he had to realize that.
After that he'd visited the cemetery every few months just to talk, sometimes with Spencer, but often without. He hadn't been to visit since before he left Rosewood, before the wedding, before everything.
So a few nights later when he felt restless in his apartment he decided to take a walk and ended up staring at his mother's name engraved in the stone, his own still etched above it. In a way he liked that his name was above it because that Toby was dead. He'd become a better Toby with time, with Spencer and friends, he was someone his mother would be proud of.
The Toby he was now probably not so much.
"Hey, Mom," he greeted, his hands in the pockets of his dark jeans. "I'm sorry it's been-" he stopped. "I'm fucking everything up Mom," he whispered a few moments later. "Dad always said that was what I did best, not in those words though, you know him and swearing. If I say 'suck' he still reprimands me," he continued to think out loud.
A knot formed in his throat and he squeezed his eyes shut. It was times like this he needed his mother. He needed to talk to her, advice from her, that motherly hug she was so good at, even when she couldn't get out of bed she'd always hugged him.
"Do you remember how before school you used to hug me? But it wasn't a normal hug, it was long and motherly and it was always that way before school. If I missed that hug you would be so upset with me and I asked why one day," he began to ramble. "You said that the rest of the world wasn't like me, that I was sensitive and kind-hearted and people could be really mean, especially kids. So before school you'd give me that long hug for strength and send me off into the unknown," he went on. "I just could really use one of those hugs right now, Mom."
The silence around him was deafening, just a reminder that he'd never get a hug like that ever again. The only one who had ever come close was Spencer.
"I don't know what to do. I thought if I came back and saw her that she'd- I'm so stupid. I left her. I left her, I promised her I'd never do that, that I'd never turn my back on her like her family always did and I- I'm not that sensitive and kind-hearted boy anymore, Mom. I'm the person you used to wish I'd never get hurt by. God, if you were here you never would have let me leave that morning. I would be married right now, I'd be happy," he choked on his last word and placed his hands on either side of her name.
He focused on breathing so he wouldn't get too emotional.
"I need to be that man you knew I could grow up to be, the man Spencer was in love with. I need to try, I need to believe that I can fix this," he began a few minutes later. "I just don't know how. I thought- I don't know what I thought. How do you plan to make the girl you valued more than your own life fall in love with you again? The girl you'd hurt so much you don't even know if you deserve a second chance?" he stopped and sighed. "I need her, Mom, even if she can only let me back into her life as a friend I'll take it. I need her or I'm not me, at least not a me that you'd be proud of. She makes me better; she brings out all the qualities in me you loved the most."
His thumb rubbed the M in Mother underneath her name.
"So I am going to fight like hell for her. It's going to be hard and I'm going to get shot down and hurt because her verbal lashings are legendary. But I have to do it because I promised Pap and I don't know if I can handle disappointing him, you, and Spencer. I need to follow through with one of my promises to make up for others. If there is one thing you showed me it was how to love and I am going to do my damnedest to love her enough for the both of us until she can attempt to really love me back again," he promised.
After another few minutes he'd left the cemetery, having gotten too emotional and sat down on a bench outside of the iron gates. He wasn't ready to go home to the loft. It was torture living there, but it was the kind of torture he felt he deserved. Sometimes before he opened his eyes in the morning he forgot. He'd roll over to Spencer's side and want to nestle into the crook of her neck and gently wake her with soft kisses. She once told him it was the best possible way to wake up. Her hand would thread into his hair and a light moan would make her neck vibrate. That soft moan did too many things to his body in the morning.
He'd rolled over almost every morning since he'd moved into the loft to wake Spencer that way only to find cold sheets and disappointment.
He rubbed his eyes and rested his face in his hands. How did he manage to fuck everything up so much? He had everything,everything with her, and without her he felt as if he had nothing.
"Toby?"
His neck snapped to look at the voice.
"Sp-Spencer," he grunted, clearing his throat. "I- um, what're you...? I mean, hi," he greeted. It was the one person he'd wanted to see, the one person he knew could help ease the pain his mother's death that he would always carry.
She approached him wearing a gold fancy dress, her hair perfectly styled, a purse in her hand. "Visiting your mom?" she questioned, ignoring the formalities. He didn't blame her, he was lucky she was even speaking to him.
"Uh, yeah. It was more intense than I thought it would be," he answered, doing his best to stay composed. "You look beautiful, I mean-"
"Thank you," she cut him off. "Work thing, the mayor was holding a fundraiser, my parents were there too," she filled in his blanks.
He grinned. "Sounds like a fun time," he chuckled. She bit her lip and hid a smile. Encouraged he asked, "Want to sit?" Wordlessly she sat. He wondered why she was bothering with him at all after their last meeting, after everything he'd put her through. It was probably that he was upset over his mom. "Spence, I- I am so sorry," he finally apologized.
She looked over at him, eyes wide. "For?"
"Everything I've done. I'm sorry for leaving you, for not giving you any answers, for keeping secrets and trying to be covert about what I was doing and why I was doing it. I'm not James Bond, I mean, I'm pretty boring and you deserve every answer to any question you ask without any hoops," he explained.
They were both quiet for over a minute. "Thank you, for apologizing," she eventually spoke up.
"I'll say it every day, every hour, if that is what you want. It's what you deserve. You never deserved anything I did to you, anything bad I mean. I'd say I'm sorry to you every minute if it'd help you forgive me," he responded.
"But it won't," she whispered.
He nodded, knowing this to be true. Caleb was right, he had to try for her, not just wait for her to fall into his arms because that was not going to happen. "I know it won't, but you needed to hear it. I'll say it as many times as you need, Spence."
She nodded this time. "I want answers, Toby, but I don't know if I'm ready for all of them yet," she admitted.
"Ask what you want. I'll answer," he replied, looking over at her. "Right now if you'd like."
Spencer looked right back at him. "Why did you come back?"
It didn't surprise him she wanted answers right then. "For you," he answered easily and honestly. He was done trying to be cool with the whole thing. It was time to be real. "I messed everything up, but my feelings for you were never something that wavered."
She looked down, happy he hadn't said the words, the three words she was sure she would break down upon hearing. "Why now?"
"I finished my degree, I sold my Pap's house, finally, it was time," he told her. "I've been trying to make myself into something better, something worthy of you, something your parents would approve of. I don't know," he mumbled on.
"I didn't need you to be anything more than you were," she whispered. "I didn't care if you were a construction worker for the rest of our lives as long as you were happy," she insisted.
Toby nodded. "I know." She couldn't even look at him. "Because I don't think I could stay away from you any longer," he added on quietly, trying not to sound too vulnerable even though with one bad word she had the power to devour his soul right then and there. And he'd probably deserve it.
"I'm sorry your grandfather died," she apologized a few moments later. He looked over, wide eyed. "Emily told me."
He nodded. Spencer would have found out about his interactions with Emily sooner or later. "Thank you. And don't be mad at Em, I made her not tell you we were speaking," he insisted.
"I know. She told me. I'm not mad. She was trying to help me," Spencer murmured.
Toby let out a long breath. "He left me the house, but asked me to sell it. They owned it so I got a profit; it was what he wanted for me. He knew I wouldn't put him in a home no matter how difficult it got," he explained.
"I wish I had known. I would have gone to the funeral even with-" she stopped and the tension hung in the air. "I loved him too."
He tried to swallow the familiar knot. "I know. I know you did. I'm sorry," he apologized again.
Suddenly she stood. "Thank you for answers, Toby," she said softly, still refusing to meet his eyes.
He stood with her, grabbing her hand before she tried to walk away. "I'm going to fight for you Spencer," he told her. "I don't care if it takes years; I am going to fight for you. I am going to do my best to make things right with you. I'm done running away with my tail between my legs. It's time I face this like a man and answer to you like one as well. I will answer any question you have, but know that the one question you're dying to ask will hurt you and the blame won't all be on me, though I do carry a big share of it. I just want to warn you," he said.
Spencer looked down, unable to even see his face during the admission. "Toby, I-"
"I know you're not ready for a lot, to hear how I feel, to be around me for long periods of time, and I'm not going to push for now. But I am here, Spencer," he cut her off and hooked a finger under her chin so she had to look at him. "I am here and I am not going anywhere until I feel like there is absolutely no hope for us, none at all, even if that means staying here for years and seeing you marry another man. Only then will I truly give up, but honestly then I will probably still wait around and at the first sign of marital trouble I'll be there," he stated.
For some reason she laughed, her eyes watering, knowing he was being truthful. She could just imagine having a blow out with her "husband" only to find Toby at the door with a teddy bear and his puppy dog eyes. That was a sight she didn't know if she could resist.
A tear slid down her cheek as she simply nodded in response to him, unable to form words, too shocked to form a real answer.
He lifted his free hand to wipe it away and stepped closer to her. "I'm here, Spencer, so when you're ready for answers I'm ready to give them. But until then I'm going to try and win you back."
She let out a shaky breath and sniffled. "I-I have to go home. I, um, meeting a client tomorrow," she whispered.
"Do you want me to walk you?" he questioned.
She shook her head. "No. I- it's only a few blocks."
Toby nodded, dropping his hold on her and stepped back to give her space. "Have a good night, Spencer. Good luck with that client tomorrow."
Spencer turned around and walked away, overwhelmed with everything he'd told her, everything she felt, and how confused she was. She was so mad at him for the last two weeks, pissed he was keeping things from her, for what he did, everything. Then just seeing him so upset and with a few nice words it was like it melted away.
The things Toby Cavanaugh could still do to her.
But she couldn't help but think that the Toby back there at the bench, that was the Toby she knew and it was nice to speak to him again.
So hereeee. What do you think?
I didn't start this chapter for it to be so emotional for Toby, it just happened. But I like it. Do you?
What you thinkin'? The reason Toby left is coming soon! Promise!
The more reviews the better the chapter ;) hint, hint.
- Kay
