WOWWIE WOW WOW! Thanks again guys! Your reviews have been awesome and I'm glad your liking the story. I don't know about you but February can't come soon enough! Everyone have a Merry Christmas!
I DO NOT own any of the WD characters or songs. I only own Ra. ~And if I've been a very good girl this year maybe Daryl will be under my tree. ~SIGH~ A girl can dream right?
I still remember the world
from the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded but what I know now.
Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all
I still remember the sun
always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now.
Where has my heart gone?
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
Oh I want to go back to
Believing in everything
…Evanescence ~Field of Innocence~
Chapter 7
Ra lay on Daryl's cot staring out the mesh window at the top of tent. The full moon looked close enough to be touched. It had been a long time since she had seen one so perfect. The soft halo around the massive orb radiated a soft blue light. Blue. In her culture that color meant a sign of failure and disappointment. Not a coincidence that ever since this whole thing had started the moon always seemed to burn like ice against the pitch black sky. It was going to be another sleepless night. She would have insisted she take the night watch but Daryl had already decided that if she was sleeping in his tent he would make it his permanent job. Ra was worried about his injuries. She had noticed him wince a couple times when they were out looking for the little girl that day. Even if he were in pain he would never say anything to anyone. Least of all her. He should really be resting which she would have requested of him but she didn't want it to turn into an argument. Especially since she was sure he was waiting for one after what she had said to him in the woods. With a heavy sigh, Ra flung her legs over the edge of the cot and pulled on her shorts. On nights like this she would usually go for a run through the woods to clear her mind, obviously that was not a possibility now, so she opted to take her chances with the only person who was awake. She unzipped the tent and tossed the flap aside. The camp was silent. Peaceful. There was the sound of soft snores and sleeping bag zippers clinging against metal teeth whenever someone would wrestle around in their sleep. The faint scent of the campfire still lingered in the air and mixed with the earthy oak trees around them. If it weren't for what was going on outside the safety of the farm, she swore this was like a small paradise. She climbed up the ladder off to the side of the RV trying to not make to much noise and disturb Dale Carol and Glenn sleeping soundly inside. She reached the top and went to pull herself up when she heard his voice.
"What'r ya doin up here?" came a thick southern drawl.
She could see Daryl sitting in the lawn chair at the end of the RV, His crossbow resting on his right side. The moon shone down on him like a spotlight from the sky. Ra walked the length of the RV and sat down next to him.
"Couldn't sleep." she said looking up at him.
He didn't remove his gaze from the fields as he readjusted himself in his chair, throwing a boot over his knee. She couldn't tell if he was tired from sitting or if her presence was making him uncomfortable. She took a deep breath and followed his gaze towards the woods waiting for one of them to speak and not really knowing what to say.
"Look Daryl, I'm sorry about what I said earlier, I was jus…."
"Don' wanna talk bout it Raven." He said sharply cutting her off.
Raven. He only called her that when he was mad at her. He didn't want to fight. Especially with everyone asleep. It was the only time they got peace. They didn't need to listen to some domestic dispute like this was some kind of white trash trailer park. They went silent again.
"Moon's blue tonight." He said flatly.
The random comment took her a little off guard. She grabbed the heavy blanket by the chair and threw it around her shoulders and looked upward.
"Yeah well a blue moon means that.."
"Despair or somethin ain't it?" he asked cutting her off again.
She didn't want to say the words out loud. She didn't know if it was a sign of their impending fate or if Daryl was thinking of Sophia.
"Surprised you even remembered that."
Daryl grunted and reached down to grab the plastic loops of a 6 pack of beer that was half empty. He pulled one from the plastic and opened it slowly so not to make the announcement to everyone he was drinking on his watch duty. He looked down at Ra and grabbed another, passing it down to her. It had been a long time since she had any alcohol and even longer since she drank with Daryl. The beer was warm and stale in her mouth but tasted like heaven in comparison to warm water. He leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees.
"I remember what ya told me. I remember a lot of things ya told me."
She smiled and took another drink, scrunching up her face slightly at the bitter taste.
"What do you remember?"
"I remember ya told me bout the colors and the seasons. The differn' names fer the directions. I told Carol bout the Cherokee Rose. Seemed kinda right at the time."
Daryl looked down at her. The light Georgia breeze flowed through loose strands of her black hair revealing her long neck. He caught sight of the silver chain wrapped around it and looked away again.
"Do you think you'll find this girl Daryl. For Carol's sake I hope you do. But do you think it's possible?"
"No doubt in my mind." He said, raising his voice slightly.
Another topic she would have to remember not bring up in front of him. That list was getting long enough that soon they would be reduced to talking about the weather and walker kills.
"Ra?"
"Hmm?"
"Why ya still have the ring?"
She jumped slightly and looked down thinking he must have seen it hanging from her T-shirt. She clutched at her chest and sighed with relief when she felt the outline under the soft fabric, and pushed the cold metal to her bare skin.
"How did you know?"
"I saw it yesterday when ya went to go..wash up."
Even in the glow of the moon she could see the red rise up in his cheeks.
"You watched me bathe earlier?" she said raising an eyebrow,
"Well ya can't jus' go off alone. Someone had ta watch ya and it wasn't bout ta be one of the other guys in camp watchin' my wife while she…"
This time Daryl cut himself off when he realized the word had come out of his mouth. Not just wife. MY wife. He know Ra was looking at him but refused to make eye contact wanting desperately for her to answer the question and break the silence. She pulled the chain from her shirt and rolled it between her fingers.
"Because it was the only thing that I had of yours that meant something. It was the only thing that I had that reminded me of what life used to be before all this bullshit. When it was you and me and that was all we needed. I kept it because it was the promise of something better. I kept it because no matter what had happened and what will happen..I love you."
Daryl lowered his eyes to the ground and bit the inside of his cheek. He couldn't put a name to what he was feeling. There was a time when he was around her and what he thought and did just came naturally. Now his mind wrestled with his heart. The moon reflected back in her eyes and he could tell she was at the beginning of fresh tears. He swallowed hard and thought of something to say but the words wouldn't come which made him more frustrated.
"The sun will be coming up soon and I need to sleep a little if we're going back out in a few hours." Ra finally said.
Daryl watched as she lowered the chain back into her shirt and walked to the end of the RV.
"Goodnight Daryl"
"Goodnigh.."
Daryl turned back to where she once stood and saw nothing. Just like their first date in the woods together. Only this time she wasn't asking him to come look for her. He turned back to the fields and noticed the blackness beginning to change to pale blue. Blue. The color of despair.
"Gv-Ge-Yu-Hi" He whispered softly.
He remembered she had taught him that as well. It was a Cherokee sentence that he had burned into his memory. Spoken late nights between breathless kisses and pledges of forever. It meant
"I love you"
Ra awoke to the sound of faint arguing in the distance. She could hear Shane's loud voice booming through the farm like a shot gun.
"Why don't you just ring the dinner bell officer." She mumbled.
She threw on her faded denim shorts, dark grey tank and black hiking boots, taking a moment to rub the sleep from her eyes and put on the holster for her blades before exiting the tent. Half empty dishes of egg lay on empty chairs around the campfire as if it were just abandoned. She walked out from the shade of the trees and looked back towards the barn shielding her eyes from the sun. She could see a few of the group pacing back and forth while Shane spoke, throwing his hands about wildly. She saw Carol pressing her hands to Daryl's chest as if her small frame would be able to hold him back. Shane's attention was directed back to Daryl and she watched as Rick jumped between the two men. Ra broke off into a jog heading towards what looked like a time bomb waiting to go off. The only ones to take notice of her were Glenn and T who both seemed to avoid her gaze. Daryl was to busy waiting for Shane to come back at him.
"What's going on?" She asked Andrea.
"There's walkers in the barn. Hershel's keeping walker's in the barn."
The idea made Ra sick to her stomach. This whole time they thought they were in some Utopia while the demon lay hidden. What if something had happened? What if they found a way to get out of the barn? Carl, Rick, Lori…Daryl. All this struggle and they would be wiped out by an enemy being hidden by their savior. There was talk about "clearing it out" but Rick wanted to speak with Hershel first and everyone seemed to agree with that. The group dispersed and Ra watched as Carol tried to pull Daryl away from Shane who was still glaring daggers at him. She shoved her hands in her pockets and turned to walk back to camp.
"Hey Ra can I talk ta ya?"
She turned back to see Shane looking at her sheepishly while toying with his hat. The question also made Daryl turn on his heel and try to pull from Carol's grasp as she pushed him back to the campfire.
"What can I do for ya Shane?"
He laughed like a child that just heard a dirty joke and wiped his mouth with his hand.
"Look I know your new to the group but I have a feeling a line is about to be drawn in the sand and choices are gonna have ta be made."
Ra folded her arms across her chest and narrowed her eyes.
"I'm not sure I follow."
She watched as he paced back and forth in front of her awkwardly, mumbling something under his breath she wasn't meant to hear or maybe he didn't realize he was speaking out loud.
"I'm talkin' about alliances. Rick is my best friend. My brother. But he ain't no leader. He's soft. He can't make the hard decisions that are gonna keep us alive. I need ta have someone on my side Ra. I know ya don't know me all that well and it's a gamble but I'm a leader. And I'll prove it to ya."
He was trying to sound selfless and determined but to Ra it sounded more pleading and desperate. His eyes refused to meet hers while he apparently was waiting for her answer. She walked over and put a hand under his chin, forcing his head up. Dark eyes met Darker eyes. She pulled back and turned away towards camp without saying another word. Shane watched her walk away unsure of what to say to bring her back and not sure he wanted to. Ra looked up to see Daryl watching from the side of the tent chewing on his thumb nail. She looked over at him briefly as she walked passed.
"He's got the sickness Daryl." She said over her shoulder.
"What ya talkin' bout sickness? He been bit? Cause I'll go put that son'bitch down right now."
"No" she said stopping to look back at Shane's figure still standing at the gates of the barn "His spirit is sick. There's no medicine strong enough to treat that. He's not safe."
He looked back at Shane one last time before following Ra.
"Hey look I'm gonna take one the horses out today so I don't need ya ta come wit."
Ra looked hurt. Just when she thought she was getting through to him he pulled back again. Then she wondered if maybe he didn't want her to go with him because he was taking Carol out. She mentally smacked herself. Stop acting like a jealous brat Raven! He's just helping her find her little girl. But she couldn't push the thought out of her head.
"Are you going with Carol?" She asked softly
Daryl turned to look at her, his face etched with confusion. Was she insinuating something was going on between he and Carol? She was jealous? She had no right to be jealous. EVER! His confusion quickly turned to anger once again but this time he decided to use it to his advantage. The corners of his mouth turned upward into a smirk.
"Yeah. Yeah me and Carol like ta get'way from time ta time. Hard ta fuck in a campsite wit a buncha people right on top'a ya. Harder since ya been sleepin in my tent at night. Hope the sheets didn't smell to bad."
She said nothing but stared at him. Enough that it made him shift his weight uncomfortably and look around at anything but her. She looked off into the distance and pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear.
"You're a bad liar Dixon. You always have been. I'll go on foot today then,"
Daryl's mouth dropped open as he watched her walk away from him. He went to follow her but stopped himself.
"Wh..What ya mean I'm a liar? You ain't the only one that can get laid ya know!"
He quickly looked around hoping no one had heard his bold declaration. Ra didn't even flinch as she went to grab her breakfast before heading out.
Ra headed towards the woods much to Rick's annoyance. Before leaving she had seen an exchange between Daryl and Carol and began wondering if Daryl was really lying. Maybe there was something between the two of them. The minute she crossed the threshold and took her first step into the woods she felt all her problems fade. This was her sanctuary. Her escape. She could control this. In her element it was the walkers that had to keep a look out for her. She followed the direction of the sun for awhile heading back down to the creek where Daryl had said he found the little girls doll. Climbing down to the cool water below, she spotted a piece of fabric caught on a large fallen oak. The soft flannel material had dark brown specs on it that looked to be dry blood. Ra's heart sank as she plucked the fabric off one of the thin branches and held it to her nose inhaling deeply. It was Daryl's. Even in the few days it had been out here in the water and hot sun she could still smell his sweat and musk. This must have been where he had his accident Carol spoke of. She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the water washing past her ankles and tried to have her senses choose her next direction. Something didn't seem right. It was to silent that day. She couldn't hear the birds in the trees or even the sounds of crickets in the thick overgrown grass. It was as if time had stopped around her. The scent of earth was replaced with the sickening smell of death, though there was no sign of walkers, minus the ones down the way Daryl must have killed. Ra felt a sudden urgency to go back to the camp wash over her. She wasn't sure why but everything in her body called for her to run back. Just as she pulled herself back up the grassy mountain ledge she heard a gun fire twice.
"Daryl" she sound aloud.
Ra ran as fast as she could, dodging the large trees and fallen limbs. If there had been any walkers around her they wouldn't have been able to follow. She heard another gunshot and summoned every bit of energy to carry her faster. Her lungs were on fire by the time she reached the edge of the woods and her feet hit the dirt pavement. It sounded like a massacre but the large farmhouse shielded her from seeing the barn behind it. She could see Dale moving quickly in the same direction and nearly knocked him over as she passed him.
"What the hell is going on?"
Ra said nothing and didn't even think she would have the breath to try to. When she finally turned the corner of the farmhouse, she slide to a stop and her mouth dropped open in shock. There, laying scattered across the blood stained dirt and gravel, were what she could only assume were the group of walkers from the barn. Daryl, Shane, T, Andrea and Glenn all stood with their weapons still raised like they were on the firing range. She steadied herself against the side of the house while she desperately tried to catch her breath. There was a soft whimper followed by Carol's cries by the time she looked back in their direction. She saw Daryl's arm latch on to her tightly and pull her to the ground keeping her from something. She squinted through the sunlight and noticed a small child emerging from the barn heading towards the shaken group.
Oh No. I hope it's not.
"SOPHIA!" Carols voice carried up to her. It was her daughter. The child they had been trying to find. Ra watched in horror as Rick pulled his gun from it's holster and walked slowly up to the small girl. It was obvious what he was going to do and Ra couldn't stand to watch. She covered her ears and squeezed her eye's shut tightly, trying to drown out the sound. The crack of the gun ripped through the air and Ra watched as birds who had lay in hiding before screeched and took flight from the trees. She turned back to see the girl laying on the ground in front of everyone who were all still as statues. Carol wailed and clung to Daryl, still holding her tightly around the waist.
"My baby Daryl. My baby girl. Not my baby girl. Oh Sophia."
She turned to Daryl and clawed at his shirt, tears steaming down her cheeks. Ra walked down a little ways and stood next to Dale. The older man looked confused or in shock she wasn't sure. Lori let go of Carl and ran to Carol, trying to pry her grip from Daryl's shirt tightly wadded up in her grasp. She fell into Lori who rocked her back and forth and whispered words of comfort into her ear. Daryl tried to stand but fell backwards, still unable to take his eyes off Carol. He put his hand on her shoulder as if trying to get her attention but when she turned to look at him, her eyes full of so much pain, his face hardened again. He stood up and looked over at Ra who also had tears welling up in her eyes. It was to much for him to take. In typical Daryl Dixon style he made his exit into the woods. Ra was going to call out to him but thought it best to leave him alone for a bit. Daryl had to figure his feelings out for himself.
A few hours later and no one had spoke a word. Everyone went off their separate way unable to take Carol's sobs coming from the RV. Hershel and his family went back into their house. No doubt deciding the fate of the people that to them, had just murdered their friends and family. Lori sat with Carol inside the RV trying to calm her down. Ra had always heard there was no greater pain then a parent losing a child. She knew the pain of losing a parent and that was hard enough. She didn't even know this girl but felt empty by the loss. Another person lost to this new world of fear and pain. Ra sat on the picnic bench, searching the edge of the woods for some sign of Daryl and growing more impatient by the minute. He had left without his crossbow and she didn't know if he had ANY weapons on him. Dale came and sat next to her, scratching the stubble on the side of his face.
"What do Indians say about death?"
Ra folded her arms and leaned back against the edge of the table, tilting her head slightly.
"Well different tribes believe different things. My mama used to tell me that Cherokee believed your spirit would travel on the wings of a bird seven days into the west where you could commune with the ghost people."
Dale chuckled slightly and sat watching the woods with her.
"You believe in all that? Not a heaven and a hell?"
Ra stood up and checked her belt making sure all of her blades were accounted for. She ran her fingers through her hair and gave him a half smile.
"Since all this started. I definitely believe in a heaven and hell."
"So you believe that right now Sophia is in heaven?" Dale questioned.
"She has to be Dale. Because this right here. This is hell. And we're all in it."
Dale nodded slightly while Ra walked off towards the woods.
"Hey it's dark out! Where ya going?"
"To find Daryl." She said over her shoulder.
It didn't take her long to find him. He didn't run into the woods with the intention of getting lost but he also didn't run in to be found. He was sitting at the end of the dock next to the small pond past the woods. She followed his trail of broken tree limbs and bark that had become victim to his bowie knife. At least she knew that he had a weapon. She stepped onto the dock making a creak emit from the damp wood. Just like the night before, he didn't have to turn around to know it was her. The smell of her shampoo and scent of her skin had drifted past him even before she made herself known.
"Go'way"
Ra put her hands on her hips and looked down pressing her lips together.
"Daryl, it wasn't your fault."
He scoffed and pulled himself to a standing position, throwing one last heavy piece of wood into the pond. When he finally turned to her she could see his eyes were red and puffy from crying.
"Ya know I told ya last night when things were bad I used ta tell Carol the Cherokee Rose story ya told me while back. They grew all over the farm and I thought it was a sign she was alive. Stupid tryin ta put that kinda hope in someone's head. Stupid of me ta try to convince myself of it too. Should a just stayed away from everyone like I was gonna. No emotion. No attachments. Can't let anyone down that way."
Ra could feel the tears forming in her eyes. Jesus she had cried more in the past couple days then she had her whole life. She didn't want to see him like this. When he was confused and lost he had a tendency to lash out. It was his own self doubt that made him dangerous.
"Daryl you did all you could do and then some. I didn't see anyone else looking for her as much as you were. You didn't fail Carol or Sophia."
She walked closer to Daryl slowly as if she were trying not to spook a wild animal.
"I couldn't find a girl Ra. A little twelve year old girl. Huntin and trackin long as I can remember and when it meant somethin' I couldn'…couldn.."
She saw his bottom lip quiver before he turned his back to her. Ra reached out to touch his shoulder and felt him pull away slightly and then relax back into her hand. Daryl spun around quickly and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair. She was momentarily taken aback till her arms found their way around his neck holding him closer to her. They stayed that way for what seemed like hours till the sobs subsided and his tears ran dry.
