A/N: This will probably only be like 10-15 (more ideas than expected. Heh) drabbles, all of which will be complete crack. Sorry, the idea just bashed me in the head and I couldn't resist. By the way, this may come as a surprise, but I DO NOT own Inuyasha. Go figure.
Tea Party of the Villainous
It was Day Five in her and Toga's bet, and Kagome was starting to get tired of banging at Sesshomaru's door. Giving his door one more sturdy knock, Kagome turned and sat down on his doorstep with a dejected sigh. She should have known that Sesshomaru would be stubborn. At this point she was tempted to go buy some lock picking supplies and just force her way in, but she was pretty sure that she couldn't buy those in Nirvana. And she didn't know how to use them anyway.
It was at that moment in Kagome's musings that Naraku strode by on the cobbled sidewalk. Kagome blinked at him, and, sensing he was being watched, he turned to glance at her.
"Miko," he greeted, "I thought your house was that one." He pointed at her colorful cottage.
"Er," Kagome stuttered, "It is. I'm just trying to get my neighbor to come out. I don't think he likes me."
"How surprising," the evil hanyou commented dryly, at which Kagome rolled her eyes.
"Unnecessary comments are unappreciated. If you have something useful to say, then I'll listen," Kagome sniffed.
Naraku raised a delicate, dark eyebrow at her. "Well, miko, perhaps I do have some ideas."
Kagome perked hopefully. "Do you have some lock-picking tools?"
Naraku grimaced. "Of course not. How plebian."
Kagome deflated with disappointment.
"But," Naraku continued, "I have something much better."
Kagome grinned and stood up to stride over to him. Clasping her hands she looked up at him. "You really do? You're not just trying to get my hopes up to satisfy your evil urges?"
"Tch," replied Naraku disdainfully. "You barely satisfied my evil urges in like, miko. If anything you made them worse." He shook his head with a curled lip. "You are just too good."
"Oh," said Kagome. "Okay. Anyways, what do you have that's better than a lock pick?"
Immediately Kagome felt something tap her shoulder. She turned to look, only to come face to face with one of his tentacles. "Uh...."
"They are quite useful," he informed her.
Kagome looked down at his feet to see the tentacle emerging from his hakama. She wondered, vaguely horrified, where the tentacle was attached. Then she decided it was better for her mental stability to not even pursue that thought.
"Alright," Kagome exclaimed, clapping her hands decisively. "Let's get to it!"
Kagome made to walk back up to the front door when Naraku grabbed her hand. She stared down at their interlocking fingers in shock for about two-point-five seconds before looking up into his crimson eyes curiously.
"We will go around side," he whispered cunningly, "through a window."
Kagome nodded mindlessly and Naraku tugged her around the side of the cottage. The first window they came to lead to the living room, which was empty. With a silent nod and a malicious smirk, Naraku released her hand, brought his tentacle up--
--and smashed it through the window.
"Hey!" Kagome exclaimed, "I thought you were going to lock pick--"
"--I said no such thing--"
"--not just smash through the window like crazy person! I could have done that!"
Naraku shrugged his well-formed shoulders. "It worked, did it not?"
Kagome huffed. "Whatever. Lift me up so I can get in."
"As you wish, petite miko."
"No pet names."
"Of course, poppet."
She ignored him as he wrapped his tentacle around her waist. Kagome tried to be disturbed, but the appendage wasn't as slimy and gross as it looked, which she found mildly intriguing. He quickly deposited her in the room, then followed close behind.
"Hm," Naraku sniffed, "this place smells like--"
A vicious snarl interrupted him as Sesshomaru appeared from the kitchen.
"Hi, Sesshomaru!" Kagome greeted awkwardly, like they hadn't just broken into his home. The taiyoukai ignored her though, his eyes focusing on Naraku. Naraku's own expression was comically stunned, though it quickly morphed into a calculating facade.
"Well," Kagome intoned uncomfortably, "I think you two have already met--"
Sesshomaru's whip lashed out across Naraku, who just snorted a bit. Sesshomaru's snarl deepened. "What is that filthy hanyou doing here?" he growled furiously.
"Um," Kagome muttered, "I think they were afraid his soul might take over the world again, so they just sent him here." She left Naraku's side and went to stand by Sesshomaru, wringing her hands worriedly. "How about some tea? Sesshomaru? I really think tea would be good right now."
After a few seconds his breathing slowed and his red-eyed disposition faded to its usual apathetic countenance. "Fine," he said flatly.
Kagome herded them into the kitchen, thought they glared at each other whenever they came into a two foot radius of the other.
"Nice to see you again, puppy," baited Naraku menacingly.
"Silence, filth," Sesshomaru replied.
Kagome groaned.
