I think you know what's coming... but I don't own Hetalia


Outside Dufa

"Germany, Germany! Where's Estonia?" asked Prussia as he pulled his brother out of the cold stream. Germany coughed and spluttered before answering. Impatient, Prussia roughly dried his face with his jacket.

"Estonia…had to stay behind. The guards were right on top of us. If he hadn't pushed me into the stream, I would have been captured as well." Prussia quieted.

"Well… I'm glad you're safe at least, brother. We should get going before someone else shows up." That reminded Germany of something.

"Did you find out how we can get back home?" he said as they entered a large clearing. Prussia had been taking him there on purpose, Germany realized.

"Since when has the awesome Prussia ever failed at anything?" he scoffed. "The dimension travel machine-thingy was right in the middle of this clearing. Italy's been figuring it out while I went to look for you." Germany saw a compact device, less than a meter tall, with stylish brushed-steel sides and an embossed logo declaring it to be manufactured by Dufa Taran Inc. Of course, being stationed outside had made its mark, even though a simple roof protected it from the rain. To his great relief, a now-conscious Italy crouched over a touchscreen on the top. Then his smile disappeared as he remembered that Italy did not have an auspicious history with complex technology. As Italy saw the approaching countries, he waved cheerfully. However, Germany very deliberately took the controls as soon as he arrived.

"Hey! I was having a lot of fun with that!" said Italy, a little put off.

"That's great, Italy, but this could be our only chance to escape, so I'm not taking any chances."

"But I didn't press the rabbit-summoning button this time! I don't think it even has a rabbit-summoning button!" Italy whined.

"Wait, rabbit-summoning button?" said Prussia, clearly confused. Italy turned to tell him the story.

"Well, once, me and Germany were in Rome and this nice old lady needed help crossing the street, so Germany –"

"Ahem," interrupted Germany, who was blushing quite a bit. Evidently this was an embarrassing memory for him, so Prussia immediately decided to explore it in as much excruciating detail as possible.

"A rabbit-summoning button, huh?" he shot out, cutting off Germany in turn. "That sounds completely awesome. It would be a good alarm or something – some guy tries to hack your computer, BOOM, he's covered with flesh-eating rabbits like in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. So, Italy, you were saying…" Germany punched his idiot brother.

"Shut up, Gilbert. As I was saying, I think I've figured this out. The log shows the majority of trips are scheduled to come in from one particular dimension tonight, so I think that's ours. Here, type in latitude and longitude coordinates, and set the time to be as soon as possible – someone's scheduled to come through in seven minutes. I'm going to see if Estonia made it." He stood up and tossed the transporter to his brother, who caught it surely. Transporter? This sounds like 1960s American sci-fi. Not a very awesome period of TV history. Instead of immediately turning to his task, Prussia watched his brother leave the clearing, knowing he wouldn't find anything.

Germany raged at himself as he left the clearing. How could he leave a man behind? It was inexcusable! It was weak. In war, the weak are slaughtered and their blood is used to grease the swords of the strong. And as far as Germany was concerned, this was a war. Maybe not a grand war where all sides came at each other on open fields, but there was more than one kind of war.

He searched, even as he knew it was in vain. He had last seen Estonia wounded, cold, wet and surrounded by soldiers in unfamiliar territory. Yet still he searched. It was…a principle. A code. One which dictated that even when one's fate came down to a coin flip between dead or captured, as long as there was a chance that the coin might have landed on its edge… You searched.

Prussia looked up as his downcast brother walked into the clearing.

"Hey, you really cut it close there. We're about one minute and a half away from saying our hellos to a mercenary from-" he squinted at the latitude and longitude coordinates "Turkey? Ah, screw it, I don't know where, but they'll have an unconscious country on their shoulder and introducing ourselves would be really awkward and unawesome. What happened, anyway?"

"The coin didn't land on its edge," growled Germany, and Prussia didn't inquire further. They huddled under the roof, the albino tapped something on the screen, and then they were gone.

Almost immediately, they all preferred greeting the next mercenary than to being where they were now.

Somewhere near Cairo, Egypt

"Hey," said the middle shadow, as a golden edge started to creep over the Eastern horizon. The tall shadow (although admittedly, the kidnappers were beginning to look less like shadows as it got brighter) ignored her. "Hey, shouldn't we have been zapped back by now?" The tall one gazed at the rising sun, then took out a sequined mask and put it on. "Are you listening to me? Something's wrong!"

"I hear you. Stop yelling. I assure you, it will get you nowhere." Fed up, the middle one (now visible as a voluptuous redhead) threw up her hands and walked off to sulk. "But you are right." She stopped. "It is now almost one hour after we should have left. We don't have enough water for a day in the desert, so we should seek shelter."

"What are they talking about?" Greece asked Small Lady. She finished drinking from her water bottle and told him about the dimensional transporters and the parallel universes. When he asked her about the tall one's mask, she shrugged.

"It's so nobody sees his entire face, but I don't know why he wants to hide it. Maybe he has another life as something else, and he wants to keep them separated…Anyway, because of the mask, I call him 'Red'."

"Oh, I see, because it has red sequins. That makes sense." To Egypt, Greece's most amazing trait was not his ability to fall asleep under any conditions, but his ability to make polite and friendly conversation under any conditions (unless they were Turkey-related).

"Yeah, but it's also a reference to a fanfic I like."

"Oh? I didn't know you liked reading fanfiction." Small Lady blushed. She was actually quite cute, but aside from the kidnapping and her apparent insanity, there was the fact that she looked about fourteen.

"Yeah, I like the really violent ones. They give me ideas on what to do to my enemies." Greece's expression grew a bit more wide-eyed. Egypt remained unreadable as always. Small Lady continued, oblivious to what they felt. "So far, Red has been really mean to me, but I sort of respect him. Right now, that means he'll probably get an ironic death, like getting decapitated with a miniature scythe. Of course, I want him to remain alive when I remove his mask, so decapitation might be a problem. In my experience, stronger-willed people's heads remain conscious for only about ten seconds after decapitation, so I'll need to do everything perfectly the first time when I kill him. I've been practicing with mannequins, but I should probably start on humans soon. You can always find a good number around…" And so Small Lady babbled on, even starting to outline the ratings system for enemies she was developing, but then she thought, Wait, is he getting bored? Maybe this is too personal a topic for right now. Oh, I don't know how I'm supposed to do this, I've never been in a serious romantic relationship before!

"Anyway, that's enough about me, what kind of fanfic do you like to read?" she ended awkwardly. Greece woke up. Was she a nightmare? He hoped. No, the pink-haired girl was still standing in front of him. Crap.

The South Pole, Antarctica

"Hey, I can cancel all the scheduled trips! Hah ha, good luck trying to bring your kidnapped countries back now, bastards!" Prussia annoyed Germany with his chipperness in this inexplicably awful situation. After the countries had been dumped in some kind of snowfield, they had all been overcome by the dimensional transfer sickness and had thrown up various amounts of their breakfasts. Prussia, unfortunately, had been affected the least, and had been free for an unjust amount of time to inundate the others with his Prussia-ness.

"Prussia, would you mind telling us where exactly you sent us?" Germany was finally done emptying his stomach.

"Well, Germany is sort of in the middle of the Northern Hemisphere, right? And half of a hemisphere is ninety degrees, right? So I sent us to ninety degrees north latitude, and as for longitude –"

"ZAT IS NOT HOW LATITUDE VORKS, YOU IDIOT! YOU JUST SENT US TO THE NORTH POLE!"

"Well, that doesn't make any sense! I mean, see, urgh, does this thing have a map or something – oops."

"What did you ruin now?"

"It looks like I set it to ninety degrees south instead of north. What does that mean, Lud –"

"IT MEANS ZAT VE ARE IN ANTARCTICA, UND ZAT'S EVEN VORSE! At least from the North Pole we would have been near one of the Nordics, but there's no one in Antarctica! We have a better chance of being abducted by aliens than getting rescued out here."

"Hey, Germany!" Italy tugged on Germany's sleeve. "A really pretty lady is coming to rescue us! Do you think she's bringing pasta?"


Well, that's a cliffhanger! Wow, i just realized how many different character groups i have to keep tabs on right now. There's Keha and Estonia in a house together, there's poor Spain, there's Britain and Pals, there's the group in Egypt, and finally the group in Antarctica.

Also, I stopped writing characters' accents several chapters ago because it was just too much work, and I never knew if I was forgetting one of their verbal quirks. Please, just imagine them talking as they normally do. however, i did write germany's accent for his really angry part because a. it's the accent I think I do the best and b. It just didn't feel right without the accent in the caps lock parts. Maybe i'll continue doing this.