1. Tell him you saw Musetta cheating on him
2. And it wasn't even the first time
3. While he cries just sit there and stare at him with your best "judging you" face
4. Then right after she dumps him when he yells at her for cheating, say, "Just kidding!"
5. When he yells at you, mock everything that he says
6. Then mock everything that he says for the next two weeks
7. Slather red paint all over his best painting
8. When he starts flipping shit, film him
9. Then mock everything he said while flipping shit
10. Make him go on a jewelry shopping spree with you (even if you are a guy)
11. Blow all his money on jewelry for yourself (again, even if you're a guy)
12. Do this on the day his rent is due
13. When he yells at you about his rent being due, suggest that he borrow money from Alcindoro
14. Then say, "Oh, never mind; he might not lend you any because of how much he's already spent on Musetta"
15. Laugh as he gets mad
16. Tell him repeatedly he needs glasses
17. Because his painting sucks
18. Dye his hair multiple colors
19. Using his best paint set
20. Ask him why he's so stubborn
21. Because it isn't becoming in a man
22. Then tell him you think Musetta wouldn't keep going after other guys if only he were nicer
23. Tell him he's ugly
24. And you think Alcindoro is cuter than him
25. Stare at his face really hard and say, "Hmm, we really need to do something about that RBF"
26. Force him to play truth or dare with you and the rest of the Bohemians
27. Dare him to switch clothes with Musetta
28. Then dare him to switch arias with Musetta
29. And then say, "Oh, right, you don't have an aria"
30. When he gets mad, run outside as fast as you can screaming, "Marcello's a psychopath! Marcello's a psychopath!"
