Hey there lovely people. Thanks for being so patient with me, I've been a bit swamped with my new job and school. But here we have it, a new chapter! Hopefully you enjoy this one enough to let me off the hook about the wait.
**Trigger Warning** This chapter contains descriptions of abuse.
These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend
Regina certainly wasn't out of shape by any means, but it had been a while since she'd done any running that wasn't necessary to get to someone in danger or to get out of danger. The adrenaline had kept her going when trekking through the jungles of Neverland, the fear of not finding Henry in time. Now, as she jogged through the dark streets of Storybrooke with Emma Swan by her side, the heat creeping through her body reminded her that more cardio might be a good idea. Of course, the heat could have been caused by the company as well, but Regina wasn't going there right now.
They both slowed their pace as they turned onto Mifflin Street. Emma had insisted on walking, or running, Regina home, though they both knew Regina was perfectly capable of getting herself home safely. The dark windows of Regina's home were just visible in the distance.
"So, I think I won," Emma smirked.
"We weren't racing," Regina countered.
"I still won," Emma replied.
Emma didn't elaborate on her win, but Regina doubted it had much to do with the run. Regina smiled at the blonde. Emma had an uncanny ability to make Regina feel like a teenager without a care in the world, which was ironic, considering Regina had never been a teenager without a care because she'd been a girl under Cora's rule. But Emma made her forget her past for a little while.
"So, I was thinking maybe you could come over for dinner tomorrow?" Emma asked.
"Like a family dinner?" Regina asked.
"Uh, not exactly. Henry's spending the night with my parents tomorrow. I thought we could give girls night another try. I'll be on my best behavior this time," Emma replied.
Regina smiled, "I would be amenable to that."
"Good, 6 o'clock then?"
"Sounds lovely," Regina replied.
They had reached the edge of Regina's property, though Emma supposed the whole town was sort of her property. Emma shifted awkwardly, unsure of whether she should walk Regina all the way to the door or leave her here on the edge of the lawn. Her decision was made when a sharp voice cut through the night.
"Regina, what are you doing?"
Both women turned to see a scruffy looking thief on the path up to the house. Emma wondered how she'd missed him coming out of the house, she was usually more observant than that.
"I went for a jog and ran into Sheriff Swan. She insisted on ensure I made it home safely, which she has done. Thank you for your service Sheriff, I think I will be safe from here," Regina explained.
Emma never took her eyes off the brunette. Her eyes plead with Emma to leave her be, to not make things worse. Every bone in Emma's body screamed at her to stay rooted on that spot, to protect Regina, but Emma knew that interfering now would only push Regina away. She had no proof that Robin was doing anything wrong yet. She needed Regina to confide in her.
"Sure, just doing my job Madame Mayor," Emma replied, and couldn't help adding, "Let me know for sure about dinner tomorrow."
Regina watched for a moment as Emma jogged away before turning back toward Robin and her house. She started toward the house but as she passed him, he grabbed her arm, hard.
"Dinner?" Robin asked.
"Just a family dinner with Henry. Miss Swan and I need to put on a united for Henry," Regina lied.
Robin loosened his grip, but didn't release Regina until they were behind the door of the mansion. Robin shoved Regina away from him, causing her to stumble across the entry way, just managing to catch herself.
"I do not appreciate being lied to, Regina," Robin said.
"Excuse me? I'm having dinner with my son tomorrow," Regina started.
"I could care less about that brat you share with our incompetent sheriff. I'm talking about your little outing tonight. The little outings you've been having with Miss Swan all week," Robin interrupted.
Regina's jaw dropped, "Have you been spying on me?"
"Not at first, I merely heard things from my men, you know, you're not alone on the streets, even in the dead of night. But then I felt you pulling away, so I had to take matters into my own hands. I saw you at the dock tonight. I saw the way you were, with her."
"The way I was with her? What on earth are you talking about?" Regina asked.
"I'm not blind Regina, it's obvious that she's trying to get her hooks into you. She couldn't work it out with the brat's father so she's after his other parent."
Regina scoffed, "Are you seriously suggesting Emma Swan in interested in what, bedding me?"
"Yes. And you seem ready to let her. Ready to throw away everything you and I have, for a roll in the hay with some tramp. Doesn't our love mean anything to you?"
Regina was silent. She needed a drink. Emma Swan, interested in her? It was nonsense. Regina strode into the study and poured a glass of her infamous cider. She heard Robin's footsteps following her.
"Well, Regina? Does my love for you mean anything? There aren't many people who would love you the way I do, considering your past."
Regina downed her cider. She supposed Robin had a point there. Though things had become more tolerable in Storybrooke as of late, the townspeople certainly weren't welcoming her with open arms. Emma Swan was the only other person who seemed to be willing to spend any time with her at all besides Robin. But Emma Swan wasn't her soulmate. Pixie dust hadn't led her to Emma all those years ago, it had led her to Robin.
Regina turned toward Robin, "Of course your love means something to me. You're my soulmate."
Robin was the one who convinced her that a sleeping curse or burying her heart wasn't the thing to do. He was the one she was meant to love. He was the one who helped her fight the evil magic inside of her.
"You're my redemption," Regina whispered, wrapping her arms around the thief.
But as she said those words, they rang hollow in her ears. She couldn't lie to herself. Robin Hood wasn't her redemption.
Emma had been worried about Regina all day. She'd finally managed to convince herself it would be okay to text her just afternoon, asking for dinner confirmations. Regina had replied almost immediately, confirming she would indeed be at dinner that evening. Emma had to resist asking about what had happened once she'd jogged out of earshot. She could only hope Regina would be willing to share later.
Emma had dropped Henry off at his grandparents house around 4:30 and headed to the store to pick up the ingredients for dinner, as well as some alcohol to help everything go a little more smoothly than last time. Emma wanted to make something nice for Regina so she could enjoy herself and relax, but her limited cooking wheelhouse was making it a bit difficult.
Emma finally settled on spaghetti and meatballs with a salad. It wasn't too difficult, plus Emma could make a mean meatball. She quickly gathered all her ingredients and headed back to her apartment. She had about an hour until Regina arrived, just enough time to get everything ready.
She had just finished tossing together the salad ingredients when she heard a knock on the door. Emma smiled as she pulled the door open.
"Welcome to Casa Emma, may I take your coat?" Emma offered.
Regina couldn't help but smile and lay her coat across Emma's outstretched arm.
"It smells wonderful, where did you order from?" Regina asked.
"I am offended. Here I am, slaving over a delicious meal and you dare question my culinary skills," Emma mocked offense.
"I apologize."
"Damn right. We're having spaghetti and meatballs and a salad," Emma answered Regina's unasked question.
"That sounds lovely."
"Oh, and wine. Lots and lots of wine," Emma added.
"That sounds even better," Regina replied.
She followed Emma into the small kitchen and took her seat at the counter. Emma quickly poured two glasses of wine and pushed the bowl of salad toward Regina. Regina helped herself to the greens and the spaghetti and watched with amusement as the blonde coated her pasta in a healthy layer of cheese.
"Parmesan?" Emma offered.
"I'm not sure there's any left dear."
"Har har. There's plenty. I bought the big container."
Regina took the cheese from Emma and sprinkled a bit over her own food. She smiled as Emma dug in, managing to get a bit of sauce on the corner of her mouth. Regina took a bite, somewhat more carefully. To her surprise, it was delicious. She hadn't expected Emma to be a bad cook, despite her teasing, but she hadn't quite expected the blonde to be this good either.
"This is quite delicious," Regina offered.
Emma smiled, "You don't have to sound so surprised."
"I'm not surprised. I was merely offering a compliment."
The blonde laughed, "I'm just kidding Regina. I know I'm not the best cook. But the things I can make, I'm great at. You should try my scrambled eggs sometime."
Regina smiled and they continued their meals in silence. Regina finished her large helping of pasta and Emma managed to finish all of her salad, along with some light ribbing from Regina about her system being shocked by vegetables. Once they were finished Emma tried to clear the dishes, but Regina insisted on doing it.
"You cooked the meal dear, I would be a terrible guest if I let you do all the work," Regina explained.
"You're not a guest!" Emma said.
Regina's face fell, "Excuse me?"
"No. I just mean, you're not a guest, you're a friend. You don't have to behave a certain way. I just want you to be comfortable. Have fun," Emma tried to explain.
Regina smiled, "I've certainly enjoyed myself so far. Though if I'm correct, friends help each other out. So I'm still doing the dishes."
"Sometimes you're a bit too witty for your own good," Emma laughed, "Fine, I'll pour some more drinks and get the playlist ready."
Emma grabbed the bottle of wine and headed to the living room. Regina quickly gathered the plates and began washing them. She made quick work of the plates and silverware and moved on to the pans that Emma had used to make the meal. She could hear music softly playing in the living room now, Emma was no longer visible though. Regina dried her hands and grabbed her nearly empty glass of wine. As she rounded the island, she could see Emma lying on the floor.
"Was the couch too nice?" Regina asked.
"Sometimes you just gotta lay on the floor and enjoy some music," Emma replied.
"A Queen does not lay on the floor," Regina said, "But luckily, I'm no longer much of a Queen."
Regina carefully lowered herself to the floor, leaning against the couch. Emma smiled and offered Regina the bottle of wine.
"So, is this considered an activity in this world?" Regina asked, refilling her glass.
"I guess. Music has just always been a bit of an escape. Even when I didn't have anything else, I had my walkman and some local radio stations," Emma said.
"I find that music is something most places have in common. Wherever you go, there is music."
Emma nodded, "Music has gotten me out of a lot of bad places. Even when I was in jail, I had music. I used to listen to a classical music station at night. My cellmate always gave me shit, and I can't listen to it in any other situation, but it always relaxed me. I bet you heard some great 80s hair bands when you got to Storybrooke."
"Indeed. It was a bit...shocking at first. Most things in this world were a bit shocking. It was all so different from what I knew. But twenty some years doing the same thing over and over again, it all began to get boring. But the music always changed."
"What was your favorite hair band?" Emma asked happily.
Regina smiled, "I'm not sure I've had enough wine to start revealing those sorts of secrets."
"Fine. Less talking, more drinking! And dancing," Emma shouted, jumping up.
She grabbed Regina's hands and pulled her up off the carpet. Emma twisted happily to the song while Regina attempted to keep up with the blonde's energetic moves. It was a newer pop song that Regina didn't know very well. Emma was obviously familiar with it because she was half shouting the lyrics as she spun around the cramped living room.
The song finally ended and Emma collapsed back on the floor. A light sheen of sweat covered her face. Regina was feeling the heat as well. She slipped off the blazer she'd been wearing. She had stayed in her office until it was time to meet Emma for dinner, so she was a bit over dressed for the evening. She folded it carefully and laid it on the couch before rejoining Emma on the floor.
"Is that a bruise?" Emma's voice broke their calm silence.
Regina frowned, "Excuse me?"
"Your arm, is that a bruise?" Emma repeated.
Regina looked at her arm and noticed several dark bruises, vaguely forming the shape of a hand. She traced the edge of the bruise with a finger, prodding it lightly.
"It would appear so," Regina replied.
"Regina, this isn't okay," Emma said softly.
"It was my fault. I lied to him."
"I don't care if everything you've ever said was a lie, hurting you is not okay."
"I've done so many terrible things, I hardly think a little bruise is worth much in the grand scheme of things," Regina retorted.
Emma turned her body so she was facing Regina. She took the brunette's hands in her own.
"I don't know what it's going to take to get this through your thick skull, but you do not deserve to be hurt. Yeah, you did some really awful shit, shit you can't take back. You hurt a lot of people and you're always going to have to live with that. But letting someone hurt you doesn't make up for what you've done. It doesn't change anything."
"Don't you understand? This is how it's meant to be. Pixie dust led me to Robin. He's my soul mate, he's the life I'm meant to live. Maybe it's punishment for all the things I've done. I don't know. But this is my lot in life. If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you can't stop fate, Emma."
"Bullshit, Regina. We've done the impossible more times than I can count. Fate, destiny, whatever, it's just an excuse to give up. And I'm not letting you give up. For Henry and for yourself. You deserve so much better," Emma said.
"I don't deserve any of this. I don't deserve a son who loves me. I don't deserve your kindness. The only thing I ever deserved are those arrows your mother couldn't let fly."
Emma sighed, "Regina, you know what the most important part of being a friend is? The most important part of being a friend is to remind you of all of the good you've done when you get down on yourself. Stuff like nearly sacrificing yourself to stop the trigger after being brutally tortured. Stuff like sending Henry and I to New York with some beautiful memories and no guarantee you'd ever see us again. Because you know what those things mean? That you're not the person who did all of that horrible shit anymore. You're changing. You have changed. And that's the only way you can do something about your past, you can stop yourself from repeating it."
Tears were streaming down Regina's face as Emma finished. Emma pulled the brunette into a hug.
"You don't have to prove yourself and you don't have to punish yourself. There are people here who love you just the way you are," Emma said.
Regina pulled away from Emma. Emma dropped her arms but stayed close.
"Robin was mad because I lied about where I was last night. He was watching us at the docks," Regina started.
"He's dead. I'm the sheriff, nobody here can arrest me..." Emma mumbled angrily.
"Emma," Regina said softly.
"Sorry."
"He was watching us and he said...he said you couldn't make it work with Neal to be a happy family with Henry, so you were trying to 'get your hooks' into me," Regina said, her mind whirring.
"That's insane. I wasn't trying to be some big happy family with Neal in the first place. I don't even know why I agreed to go out with him at all," Emma argued.
"I know he was wrong about Neal. And I know you're not attempting to create some sort of fake happy family with me. But he was right about one thing, Emma, you're different around me. I've seen you with your other friends and I'm certain you don't do the things you do for me for Miss Lucas," Regina continued.
"What are you getting at, Regina?" Emma asked, trying to deflect.
"Do you have feelings for me, Emma?"
Emma felt her mouth go dry. She hadn't honestly expected Regina to make it that far. She hadn't expected to hear those words come out of her mouth. They had been dancing around all the issues in their lives for so long, she hadn't expected the brutal honesty.
"Regina, it doesn't matter what feelings I have. This is about you, and doing what's right for you. I'm not trying to break you and Robin up so you'll date me, if that's what you're asking."
Regina smiled softly, "I wasn't asking that. Besides dear, I'd know if that's what you were up to. If there's one thing you don't possess, savior, it's subtlety."
"Hey now..."
"I was asking if you have feelings for me," Regina repeated.
Emma took a deep breath. It was now or never. She could come clean to Regina and risk all the progress they had made as friends. Regina didn't seem upset or worried at the thought, but Regina had a master poker face when she needed to.
Emma exhaled and opened her mouth, but any answers she was about to provide were cut short by a pounding on the door.
"Uh, I'd better get that," Emma mumbled before jumping up.
She turned the lock on the door and pulled it open.
