Bedlamite
Yes yes I know. I'm a horrible person who shouldn't make promises I cannot uphold to. I had a rather serious case of writers block and had to devote every single creative jot that did show up to the tonne of Creative Responses and Essays that my teachers decided were an appropriate way for me to begin my final year. If anyone wants to write said essays for me then I'm sure that new chapters would be easy to formulate, but that is unethical and blocks my access to further university studies so I'm afraid you'll all just have to be patient(stupid BSSS).
Warning: This story is rated M. It contains strong violence, adult themes, and sexual references.
Summary: First let's pretend Harry is sent to Azkaban. Now let's pretend he doesn't like it much. Then let's pretend the ministry says OOPS and releases him. But finally, let's pretend Harry does not easily forgive and forget. Dear wizarding world… this means war.
Disclaimer: See chapter one.
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Chapter 7- Arrivals
1st September
"I have made a decision" Harry announced, "Everyone who utilizes and/or has a hand in the control of sweat shops and other such abuses of human lives should be put to death… after being buried alive for at least twelve hours… or perhaps just burnt at the stake."
"Is there any particular reason for this sudden decision, other then simple disgust at a horrid practice?" Daphne inquired; looking up momentarily from her map of the Ministry (she was trying to figure out the easiest way to sneak anthrax into the building).
"Nah, just planning ahead for future campaigns after our 'Screw Magic' efforts have succeeded."
"Alrighty then."
Unbeknownst to the couple, at this moment another noteworthy individual was also plotting, but his efforts were slightly less noble, and slightly more focused. His plans were to drag three people halfway across the world and force them to receive an education. Truly, it was an important issue in modern society and completely worthy of the vast sums of money he and his backers were spending. By now they probably could have fed an entire country with these funds but obviously this issue was having a greater affect on the world. Or perhaps he just found the time constraints of his current plan a little easier to work around.
Albus Dumbledore was this plotter's name, and he was one of the most important figures in modern wizarding history. And ancient wizarding history. To be honest, he should have retired several centuries ago. However, he was currently awaiting the arrival of several hundred youths, all eager to be in the presence of him and his superfluously copious ego. More importantly, three soon-to-return-to-being-students would be arriving shortly before the others started eating. There would probably be a few awkward moments connected with this event, but he was sure that the three of them would soon settle down and tuck in to the lavish feast that Hogwarts' own slave system had prepared. Yes, he sighed to himself, everything would soon be as it should be.
Cassandra DeGette rolled her eyes as she watched the elderly headmaster smiling to himself, his hands gently conducting an imaginary orchestra. She had tried to warn them all, let it never be said that she hadn't tried, but they were all so wrapped up in doing things "their way" that they had brushed aside her warnings with true teacherly essence. She sighed in exasperation as she looked around at the Hogwarts teaching staff, all barely masking their excitement as they bounced in their seats like toddlers anticipating that big bowl of vanilla ice-cream Mummy had promised them. Idiots the lot of them, she decided as she waited patiently to the side of the stage for her future companions. She was absolutely certain that if she could only separate them from the older students for a few minutes she could completely immunize them from the youthful manifestations of stupidity they would be dropped amongst. The only problem was how to get them away from the masses for that one moment she would require. It was truly a dilemma worthy of a rather gifted eleven year old.
Harriet Stolks was now a second year at Hogwarts and this year, she was the first to walk through the doors of the Great Hall. She was an unremarkable individual who didn't have any marked importance in the current events of society, but she was the first to spot the small child standing to the side of the stage with a contemplative frown on her face. She didn't look nearly old enough to be at Hogwarts, but she, like the other students, dismissed this oddity with barely a thought. Just assuming it was another thing to happen at this rather unique educational facility.
After everyone was settled, the first years all shuffled along the stage, Cassie moving in front of them, resulting in her being the unfortunate student who had to stand closest to Filius "Tuna-Breath" Flitwick. She took no notice however and simply continued her pondering. The ridiculously shabby and unfashionable hat began singing and Cassie turned to the first year beside her, but was unable to say anything under the watchful and suspicious eyes of every single teacher at the table. For the past half hour, none of them had anything better to do then watch Cassie for fishy behaviour so she instantly realized that this was not her "moment" and went immediately back to pondering, ignoring the hat's caterwauling.
She did not break this trance-like thought process until the first student, one chubby looking boy called George Abbott, had been called to put the hat on As he sat down on the three legged stool and McGonagall brought the hat close to his head, Cassie broke her silence with a look of pure horror on her face.
"Stop!" She shrieked her voice filled with fear, "Don't you let that thing touch that poor boy!" She continued as the hall's other occupants looked at her in bewilderment.
"Miss DeGette," Professor McGonagall said in a warning tone, "Please moderate your volume and behaviour. You are disturbing the other students."
"How can you even consider letting that thing touch any of us!" Cassie cried out, "When was the last time it was cleaned? Have you not heard of head lice? Do you not understand the ease with which those vermin transfer from one child's hair to another? You!" She pointed at the startled Abbott boy, "Do you have lice?"
"N-no." George stammered looking scared.
"Do you want them?"
"Of c-course not."
"I thought as much." Cassie muttered, "Professors, we the first years refuse to participate in this practice until that hat has been soaked in lice killer and bleach. In the mean time, we'll wait in the antechamber." She said before spinning on her heels and ushering the other students back out in front of her.
The hall filled with whispers and mutterings as all the first years exited through the side door, all looking more then a little dazed. The teachers spoke for a moment (yes, it was Cassie's moment) before McGonagall marched out to retrieve the students while Flitwick performed a few charms on the hat to fulfill Cassie's requests.
The first years reentered the hall, all finally looking to have a sense of purpose. Some of the teachers looked slightly worried, having overheard Cassie muttering earlier about only needing "one moment" to corrupt the new students, but nothing could be done now.
George Abbott marched firmly over to the hat and, after a quick lice inspection, popped it on.
"Gryffindor!" The hat warbled in the tone of one who's drunk a few too many beers and really shouldn't be working.
The students clapped as Hannah's younger brother waddled over to his new table and sat down. The line shrunk slowly as each student received the third degree from the intoxicated-sounding hat, but finally "DeGette Cassandra" was called to the stage.
Cassie folded her arms across her chest and looked at the hat pensively. She tilted her head from one side to the other as the teachers resisted the urge to roll their eyes. Cassie took a cautious step toward the three legged stool but halted and turned to look at Professor McGonagall, her guardian of the last few days.
"Pwofethor McGonagall?" She lisped in her sweetest tone before straightening up and looking round at all the teachers with an invasive glare, "When was the last time this hat received a full psychological examination to make sure it held no suppressed paedophilic tendencies?"
"I-I'm sorry?" Remus finally stammered out on the behalf of them all.
"Every year, this hat has access to the minds and bodies of anywhere from twenty to seventy eleven year olds. I would hate to think what could happen if it were to abuse this privilege."
"Oh, for Merlin's sake kid, just put the damn hat on!" Sirius shouted at her.
"Now, now Frances, don't get touchy with me." Cassie shook her finger at him, "I'm only concerned about my personal welfare, as well as that of all the other students who must allow this invasion of their privacy. Anyway, just imagine if… hold on.' She tilted her head and placed her hands over her ears before smiling at them all, "Its okay everyone! The voices in my head say that they'll make sure the hat doesn't do anything naughty."
With this startling comment, Cassie skipped forward and placed the hat gently on her head.
"Gryffindor!" The hat rasped out, apparently fast moving from being inebriated, to having a massive hangover.
She skipped over to her table amidst a heavy silence, broken only by George Abbott's enthusiastic clapping.
The rest of the sorting continued quite calmly and before long, all the first years were settled calmly, but nervously, with their new companions. Luckily, all were armed with Cassie's one moment crash course on how to avoid being infected with stupidity and bigotry.
With the final student gone, Dumbledore rose up in his chair and stretched his arms out wide, seeming like the kindly grandfather figure all of Hogwarts had come to love and adore. As Cassie gazed up at his face, she finally noticed exactly what the problem had been in trying to convince this man of the facts of life during the past few weeks. Only now, as she looked up at him from amidst a herd of barely animate numbskulls could she see him as he truly was. He met her gaze peacefully, displayed the gentle eyes and faint smile... of the true Alzheimer's sufferer. How she had missed it all this time was mind-boggling. Now all she needed was a well scripted letter to the school board and they would be rid of him for good. Surely he would be happier to simply reside in a rocking chair in the corner of a mental health facility like so many others with his symptoms.
"Welcome back." Dumbledore began in hisrather usual fashion, "I am delighted to have you here once again, particularly now that we can enjoy our newly restored safety." He inclined his head at Neville who ducked his head modestly, "However, three of our students are not here with us." Dumbledore looked sad, "As such, we have made a vast effort to return our students to us and we are hoping to see them here shortly. We ask you to be patient for a moment longer before the feast truly begins."
Dumbledore sat down again, apparently having finished his rambling. The teachers all pulled out their wands and, with Dumbledore's direction, all whipped them around and shouted out a long complex Latin phrase.
There was a blinding flash and suddenly three seventeen year olds fell out of the sky and landed in front of Dumbledore.
There was a stunned silence in the hall. The students were silent because two ex-convicts and a suspected death eater had just landed in the middle of Hogwarts. Dumbledore was silent because he was too busy doing a mental victory dance to greet the new arrivals. Cassie was silent because she honestly hadn't thought this would work. Sirius was silent because Cassie hadn't thought this would work and he was too busy smirking triumphantly to realize that he was ignoring his godson in favour of holding a silent battle of wits with an eleven year old. Remus and most of the other teachers were silent because they were looking at the young man who had been the focus of all their free time for the past few weeks. The new trio was silent because they had honestly agreed with Cassie's theory that this couldn't possibly work on Harry Potter.
The silence was finally broken a few minutes later as Harry stretched his hand out in front of him, tilted it back, and examined his nails.
"You know Daphne," He began, "You really couldn't have picked a worse day to take it into your head to paint my nails hot pink."
And with this statement he cast a quick spell at Hermione Granger before he and his friends vanished silently, just as quickly as they had arrived.
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Thank-you to all the people who have submitted revenge ideas. They are all hilarious (although sometimes cringe worthy) and you'll be seeing the first usage of them in the next chapter. Yes it will be Hermione. Since I haven't started them, I can't give credit yet but keep an eye out at the end of the next chapter to see tbe marvellous, creative, and sometimes mildly sadistic ideas that you and your peers took the time to submit.
Btw, while I now have an idea for all the characters I was troubled with before, I'm still open to suggestion so feel free to submit ideas for any character if there is a scenario you would really like to see played out. No promises but if it works...
