Warnings for abuse/ emotional manipulation/ mentions of death
Levi POV
"So the autopsy was pretty straight forward. You sure you wanna know the results?" Hanje asked, pushing their glasses up.
"I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to know." I clenched my toes in my boot in my nervousness. If I wasn't so insistent on not showing outward signs of nerves, I might bounce my leg or bite my lip. I had to lock my feelings down though. They were of no use to a hunter.
"Cause of death was a gun-shot wound to the head, but you already knew that. Approximate time of de-"
"Skip the medical shit. I don't care about that. I know how she died and when she died because I killed her." I crossed my arms and frowned at Hanje, who just leaned back in their office chair and gave me a sad look.
"Two months pregnant." They said.
"That's all I wanted to know." I stood to leave.
"Levi, I still have things to discuss with you." Hanje said, their voice not giving anything away.
"I have a lesson with Ymir in an hour, so I need to go look over the assignment board and get ready." I turned and headed toward the doorway. I didn't care if I was rude. I felt dirty and I needed to shower. I needed to scrub the sin from my body.
"It's a about a cute boy."
"I don't give a shit." I opened the door. Ever since Hanje found out I was gay, they had been trying to set me up with every cute boy they saw. They said my relationship with Erwin was toxic and that I needed a good boyfriend. Whatever the hell that meant.
"Eren."
I slammed the door close and pressed my hands up against it, not turning around. "Who?"
"Eren. The nymph. You know who he is."
"Ymir." I gritted my teeth. I was honestly surprised that Ymir sold me out. I guess I had misjudged her, which didn't happen often. I learned how to read people and their intentions really well in the underground. I whipped around and stalked up to their desk.
"What? What does Ymir have to do with Eren? He did mention her, which I thought was strange-"Hanje tilted their head and their eyes unfocused, remembering something from the past.
"You spoke to him? How? When? Did Ymir bring him in? That bitch! I'll kill-"I growled until Hanje
"He came to me." Hanje said calmly, almost lazily. They knew that remaining as calm as possible was the best way to deal with my outbursts.
"Explain. Now."
"I was out looking for him. I used the spyglass to find him flying and then waved him down. He came to me willingly because he wanted to learn about humans as much as I wanted to learn about nymphs." The corners of their mouth twitched. "You know, Levi…he was very interested in one particular human."
"Erwin?" I asked. Erwin had shot him, after all.
"Nope." They popped the 'p'. "You."
I sighed. "Hanje."
"He's cute, isn't he? I even wrote down that he was cute." They held up a blue notebook and I eyed it.
"You took notes?" I asked.
"Maybe~." They sung out, teasing me.
"Can I see them?" I would rip it away from them if I had to, but thought I would be an adult and ask nicely first.
"I'll make you a deal. Tell me how many times you've jacked off to the thought of Mr. Big Green Eyes and I'll let you read all you want."
"I haven't counted." I said, not caring if Hanje knew some details about my private time.
"You lost count? Hot damn. I knew he was just your type, but shit, Levi." They whistled and tossed me the book. I sat down in the chair I had previously been in before I acknowledged what they had said.
"I didn't mean it like that. I meant that I don't keep a fucking notebook and put a tally mark next to his name every time I jack off to him." I flipped the notebook open, and was greeted with a crudely drawn penis with huge eyebrows draw near the tip. It was labeled "Erwin" at the top.
"God, damn it, Hanje." I said, flipping to the next page.
"I thought you might want to see something familiar when you opened my notebook."They laughed, clearly proud of themself.
"Shut up." I flipped through a bunch of random drawings and notes about shit I didn't care about before I found a page labeled "Eren". I read it quickly.
Eren- he/him, healing nymph, a real cutie patootie, healed my headache and sunburn, really useful, really hot, Levi's future mate
"'Levi's future mate'? What's that mean, shit heel? You already trying to marry me off to yet another guy?" I swore, Hanje threw men at me left and right. Sometimes I had fun with them and other times I tossed them to the side. They come and go, and Erwin stays. He is the only man I've slept with for this long.
"Oh no, babe. I didn't pair you up. You paired yourself up with that sweetie." They gave me a pointed look.
"What are you talking about? I don't want him!" I have been, am, and always will be a miserable monster who is only good for two things: fucking and killing. I'm not good for a sweet nymph who is literally my opposite: a virgin and a healer.
"You paired yourself with him when you gave him his first smooch." They puckered their lips at me and made gross kissing sounds. "Levi and Eren, sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-"
"I will come over that desk." I scowled at them. "I took pity on the kid and kissed him. Big deal. Its nothing to fight over. He's a shit kisser, anyway. He slobbers and licks like a dog."
"Like a dog, you say? Oh, man, I bet he's just an animal in bed." They snickered.
"It doesn't matter what he's like in bed because neither you nor I will ever find out." I wasn't going to be with him, and Hanje had zero interest in sex.
"So if I told you he mentioned how he was in love with you and how he wanted your boney hard cock in him every night-"
"He didn't say that. He doesn't talk like that." I tried to ignore the image in my head of how Eren would look face down ass up, wings and sweet little hole on full display.
"Just admit you want him." They sat forward. "It'll make you feel better."
"You're a piece of shit." I shot at them.
"And you're the paper that wipes it." They shot back. "But fine, we'll table this discussion for later, but don't you think for a second that I'm letting this go."
"Of course you won't." I looked through all their notes on nymphs. "These are his friends and family?"
"Yeah. Armin is his mate." They commented. My eyes shot up to theirs.
"What?" I said a little too harshly.
"Just kidding! Just wanted to see what you would do!" They clapped their hands.
"I would slap you but I don't feel like getting shit all over my hands." I stood up. "Write me a copy of this, will ya?" I walked to the door.
"Sure, sure!" They called out as I stepped out the door. "Have fun with your new pup! Do it doggy style!"
"Fuck off." I hissed as I shut the door. Movement beside the door had me in fight mode, pulling out my dagger and turning sharply toward the source.
"Levi." Erwin narrowed his eyes. I came out of my fighting stance and tucked my dagger away.
"Erwin." I said. I always knew he was a creepy fucker, but lurking outside of doors? How long had he been doing that and what exactly did he hear?
"Who's your new pup?" He asked, putting a possessive hand on my shoulder.
"No one. Just some guy Hanje is trying to set me up with." I wished I could shrug off his hand. His touch was making my skin crawl more and more lately.
"I'll have a talk with them later." He smiled at me, but the grip on my shoulder tightened. Was he threatening Hanje? Hell no.
"Don't you dare hurt them." I hissed.
"I'm just going to remind them that I don't share. What's mine is mine." He brought his other hand up and squeezed my other shoulder.
"They don't need a talk on that. They know that I'm in your bed." I looked into his eyes, pushing down my instinct to fight, as I had done so many times before.
"Why don't we get back together? We should be romantic and sexual." He had this hard look in his eye that I didn't like. I was on the verge of a 'kill Erwin' moment, as I called it. I had moments were I thought would kill him in his sleep if the rest of the survey corps wouldn't come after me. I was a good fighter, yeah, but, hell, there is only so much I could do. Fight off the whole survey corps? I couldn't do that.
"I told you, I'm not interested in romance." I said.
"Are you like Hanje?" He asked, and it took a moment for what he was asking to click. Hanje was asexual and demiromantic.
"I don't know." I answered. "I just know I'm not interested in romance. At all."
That was a lie. I was interested in romance with a certain brat that I couldn't have.
"Then why don't we just date anyway? If you don't care about romance, then we could just do what we have always done, but call each other 'boyfriend'. I would really like to call you that, Levi." He said and what I heard was, 'I don't care what you identify as, I'm going to call you something that let's everyone know you are mine'.
"Whatever makes you happy, Erwin."
"Boyfriend." He smiled, he stop squeezing my shoulders and stroked my face softly. "Call me that."
"Okay." I said, very uncomfortable with this.
"Say it, boyfriend." He used the voice he uses when giving us orders.
"Whatever makes you happy, boyfriend." I said, pushing my emotions down. He hummed in approval and leaned down to kiss me.
"Good boy. Say it again."
"Boyfriend." I said and he shook his head.
"The whole thing." He commanded, and I felt my stomach roll. Sick fucker.
"Whatever makes you happy, boyfriend." I looked down as he started kissing me again.
"Again." He whispered against my lips.
"Whatever makes you happy, boyfriend." I felt nauseous. Eren would never do this. Eren would never treat me like a possession and do whatever the fuck it was Erwin was doing to me. Hanje's sad face flashed through my mind and heard their voice tell me Erwin was toxic again. Was this what they meant? He made me feel like I was going to puke. I always obeyed him, though, unless I was protecting Eren. He had his good moments, like when he helps me do first aid and says sweet things to me.
"Again." He kissed all over my face.
"Whatever makes you-" I started to say it again, my voice sounding more and more robotic with every time, but someone cleared their throat. I thought it might be Hanje come out of their room, but I was wrong.
"Hate to interrupt whatever the fuck this is, but Levi and I have a les- a hunt to go on." Ymir quickly corrected herself. No one else knew about the lesson part of our hunts.
"We do." I pulled away from him. "Thank you for reminding me, Ymir. That's very responsible of you."
"Whatever. I'm bored. Let's go." She looked over to Erwin. "Commander."
"Third hunter." He acknowledge her back. "You two have been hunting together a lot." There was a note of suspicion in his voice I didn't like. God, I hoped he didn't think Ymir and I were sneaking around and fucking. He knew I was homosexual, but with his jealous tendencies, I wouldn't put it past him to suspect her. I had to give him something without revealing everything.
"I'm teaching her how to improve her hunting skills." I told him. Ymir looked at me and twisted her face up. I would explain why I told him to her later.
"Oh?" Erwin raised his eyebrow.
"You were the one who told me Mike was retiring soon. We need a strong second hunter to take his place." I reached out and squeezed his hand. I knew how to work him if I needed to. "I'm sorry we don't get to spend more time together because of my hunts with Ymir, but I'm thinking of the Survey Corps here. I'm trying to do what's best for them, boyfriend."
He melted, smiling and looking at me like he actually loved me. "That's very good, Levi. We can spend more time together some other time. One more kiss before you head out, boyfriend."
I let him kiss me deeply while ignoring Ymir. I figured she would be smirking, but when I pulled away and looked at her, she was looking at the ground with a frown. I guess she really didn't like Erwin knowing I was teaching her.
"Work hard, Ymir. You will be second hunter soon enough. You're strong and capable and have the best teacher you possible could have. Make me proud." He nodded at her.
"Yes, sir!" She suddenly snapped up straight and gave him a perfect salute. I saw how she just lit up under his praise. She just wanted to prove herself. Just like young me.
"Come on, let's go look at the assignment board." I walked towards her.
"No, no, you two have assignment from me." Erwin gave us a pointed look. "The nymph. Get him. Work on that for your lessons."
Fuck you, Erwin. Fuck you.
"Yes, Er-boyfriend." I quickly corrected myself. God, I hated the way that word tasted in my mouth. So bitter. So wrong.
I looked at Ymir. "Come on."
We didn't say anything until we were on horseback, going to the forest. The air was tense around us because I was angrily cursing Erwin in my head.
"Reiner wasn't at dinner. That's weird. You know where he is?" Ymir asked, breaking the tense silence.
"Ymir," I gritted my teeth, "When the hell have I ever done anything in my whole life to give you the impression that I cared about where the fuck Reiner shit head Braun was?"
"Sorry. Geez." She looked down.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's not good in my head right now." I said after a moment.
"That was fucked up." She whispered, her voice barely audible over the sounds of the horses. Normally, we would be moving quickly, but today we were wasting time by riding our horses at a slow gait. I wasn't particularly ready to fake hunt Eren.
"I said sorry." I grumbled.
"Not that. I don't care about you being all pissy. I mean what Erwin did." She sounded a little anxious. "I heard a bit of what went down between you two."
"Oh? What exactly did you hear?" I pretended I wasn't tense.
"I was walking down the hall and I heard him say 'good boy' so I paused and pressed up against the wall. I listened in. I'm a curious bitch." She didn't say anything else, so I spoke.
"Bitch is right."
"I don't always like what I hear." She paused, looking toward me.
"I'm guess you shared that because you didn't like what Erwin and I discussed? I don't care how you felt because that was a private conversation, you sneaky shit." I did have to admit that it was impressive that she was so good at eavesdropping. This was her second time doing it to me that I knew of. She called herself a 'curious bitch'. I wondered how big of a past she had with this.
"That wasn't a discussion, Levi. He talked to you so…so… fuck, I don't know that word for it." I could feel her eyes on me but I didn't turn to look at her. "You sounded so dead inside, repeating those words over and over. I hated hearing you like that. You sound monotone most of the time, but you actually have such fight in your words. It's like Erwin's broken you somehow."
I was quiet. I had heard all this before from Hanje, and I knew it was true myself. Erwin scared me and what's worse is that he made me scared of myself. The way I let him make me feel…the things I let him do to me. I had moments where I questioned the way he treated me, but it wasn't like he was hitting me or threatening me. He just acted a little possessive. Sometimes he did fucked up things, but I could always trace it back to some fuck up I had done.
"Fuck, sorry. I'll shut my mouth." She looked away. We rode in silence for a while. It was even tenser between us than before.
"He's not that bad." I commented. "He's nice to me sometimes. He's gentle with me on occasion. He doesn't love me, but he does care for me."
"'Sometimes' and 'on occasion' aren't words I would ever put with 'care'. People who care for one another don't care for each other only sometimes; they care all the time." She said.
"Why do you care how he treats me?"
"Levi, I've been watching you two since I first became a hunter. I'm a curious bitch, remember? I like knowing things in case I need to blackmail someone. You should understand that. You were the one that called me a self-serving bitch. That's true. Anyway, I started thinking what was between you two was fucked up when I noticed how he would order your ex-boyfriends away on assignments far away from where you were. Then, he started firing your ex-boyfriends-"
"They made mistakes."
"Mistakes others got away with easily-"
"Mistakes, nonetheless, Erwin was within his authority as head hunter to fire them."
"Is he 'within his authority' to scare off other men who try to get close to you? I've seen the way he glares at them when they even look at you. Is he 'within his authority' to control who you see? Is he 'within his authority' to treat you like his dog? You should hear the way he talks about you when you aren't in the room. 'My Levi' this and 'my Levi' that. Petra once mentioned inviting you out for drinks with the rest of the top ten and he immediately said 'No, my Levi doesn't want that'-"
"Shut up. You don't even know what you're talking about." I finally looked at her.
"Does he hit you?" She asked.
"No. Why would you care if he did?" I turned back away from her. It was easier if I didn't see the sad look in her eyes.
"You're my teacher." She said simply. "I need you."
I need you. My heart clenched. I knew it was only because she needed me to help her claw her way to number one, but fuck me if it didn't make me feel even more attached to her. I quickly tried to push it away. I couldn't be attached to someone who could die at any time during a hunt.
"Plus, you're an alright guy. Straightforward, strong, honest…" She paused. "I don't want to see you abused."
"He's not abusive."
"What do you call all that possessiveness and emotional manipulation then?" She looked over to the sun. It was low in the sky, so I figured we would have three more hours of light at most. We liked to hunt at night when our prey sleeps.
"He's just…protective." I sighed. "I'm not discussing this with you. Why do you think you know so much about this, anyway?"
"You'd laugh if I told you."
"Now I have to know." I looked over at her.
"When I was a kid, I lived next to this woman who had, like, lots of textbooks. I used to break in and steal all the books my little gay hands could carry. I ended up with a lot of science books, some of them were psychology books. I read about abusive relationships and shit." She flushed a bit and looked down.
"Why would I think that was funny?"
"People don't think I'm smart. They don't think I can read and know stuff."
"I think you're smart. You've managed not to get your ass kicked by me yet and I can't stand ignorant people. That means you're smart."
"Gee, thanks." She flipped me off, then got serious. "I was left alone a lot as a kid. No one really cared about me. I was in my house all alone from dawn til dusk every day. My parents would come home and go straight to bed. No talking to me or anything. I felt like I was invisible. I tried being really good, and that got me nothing. I tried breaking every rule in the house and that got me nothing, too. I got really bored doing nothing, so I read."
There it was. The reason she needed validation and praise so much. The reason she needed to prove herself so much.
"You must have learned a lot." I commented. "Mostly science?"
"Yeah. Biology was her thing. She had plants everywhere in pots and shit. I used to break a couple of them every time I came over to exchange out books."
"You brought back the books you stole and got new ones?" I asked.
"Yeah. Like a library."
She was a good kid. Misguided, sure, but still a good kid. She acted like she was made of steel and cared about no one other than herself, but she actually did like people a lot. She just bad at feelings, like me. She could have just stolen all of them, but she brought them back. She just wanted to learn. She probably would have borrowed them with permission if she could have, but was too scared and awkward to talk to the woman.
"I talked to Hanje." I said, changing the topic as we arrived at the tree we used as a hitching post.
"About?"
"The woman. I had them perform an autopsy. Check out certain things…" I trailed off as I started hitching my horse.
"Like her uterus." Ymir said, her voice full of anxiety.
"She wasn't pregnant." I told her, finishing my work and walking over to Ymir. I put one hand on her shoulder. "There wasn't a baby involved."
She let out a breath and gave a nervous laugh. "That's a relief."
I turned away from her and started walking fast toward the woods. I couldn't look her in the eyes right now, knowing that I lied. I should have just told her the truth, but I didn't want her hurt if she didn't have to be hurt. She probably tossed and turned over this and I've given her peace of mind instead of regret.
"Are we really going to see Eren?" She asked, jogging up beside me.
"If he's there, he's there. If he's not, he's not." I shrugged.
"Sure…" Ymir smiled slyly at me.
"There's nothing going on between Eren and me." I walked a little faster, reaching the tree line.
"You know…" Her voice suddenly sounded serious. "you never sounded dead inside when you talked to Eren."
"Ymir." I said, hoping my voice could convey the warning.
"Fine. Just…be careful around Erwin, okay? From what I've seen he's getting worse and worse with you-"
"Drop it."
"Fine." She hummed. "Why are we doing this, anyway? We can't bring Eren in, if he even is out here. Why don't we hunt someone else from the board?"
"Because if we brought in another assignment, what would Erwin do?" I asked her.
"Accuse us of not obeying his orders?"
"More like accuse us of not even trying to obey his orders. We need to think of a plan." I sighed.
"I've actually been thinking about something." She said in a quiet, dangerous voice that was in sharp contrast to the calm forest around us.
"What would that be?"
"Me and you. We take Eren to the outskirts of the nymph territory and then trade him for another nymph and bring that one to Erwin." She said. I stopped moving through the forest and spoke slowly to her.
"You want to take Eren hostage and trade him for another?"
"That's what I said, yeah." Ymir sounded guarded.
"He would fight." I spun around. "He would fight for whoever we got. Not to mention all the nymphs around would fight, too."
"We can take-"
"An ungodly amount of nymphs? You think we can take on his whole band?"
"Well," she shifted from foot to foot. She looked up at me harshly. "It's just an idea!"
We stared at each other for a few tense moments before an idea sparked in me.
"What if we just went into the outskirts and took a nymph without involving Eren?" I asked.
"We could do that?"
"Yes. You sneak better than anyone I have met before. I'm obviously capable of moving around undetected."
"We could go from two sides. I'll drive the nymph toward where you're hiding and then you, like. Jump down from a tree and take them out."
"They'll fly away when you try to drive them to me." I said, turning around and moving faster, feeling the excitement of planning a new hunt driving me.
"Then we have to take away their ability to fly first. We could shoot them," she suggested, keeping up with me easily.
"In order to prevent them from flying we would have to basically shred their wings with bullets. So that's off the table…Hmmm…"
"What is it, teacher?" Ymir looked at me excitedly.
"How about a net? Or an animal trap? You have experience with animal traps, yes?" I asked. I had heard that Ymir was excellent with hunting animals.
"Yes. I set traps for rabbits and small stuff like that. Not for something as big as a nymph." Ymir shook her head.
"I'm going to need you to teach me what you know about traps. Is there something we could lay on the ground and disguise while waiting for a nymph to walk over it?" I asked her.
"You don't have experience with trapping animals? I thought you could do it all." She smirked.
"I'm not god." I rolled my eyes. "I have experience hunting humans. Not rabbits. I think we can get a nymph, but you and I have to work together."
She eyed me. "I get the points. All of them."
"Like I give a fuck about that. I care about getting Erwin off Eren's back."
"Deal." She was behind me slightly, but I heard the awful sound of her hacking up some slobber.
"Don't you dare."
"Shake on it." She put a hand on my shoulder and I jerked away from it, worried it was her spit hand.
"I can't believe you are offering me another slime covered bitch paw." I stared at her in the dusky light. "We're already in a deal. We don't need to shake on it again."
"This is a different deal. New deal, new shake," she held her hand up to me and some spit dripped off of it.
"Put that thing away or I will cut it off." I walked away from her. We were close to the place where Eren was hiding out. Or at least he was there the last time I saw him.
"Teacher." Ymir whined. "Don't be a bitch! That's my job!"
"I will shake the other one, but only if you wash that disgusting thing off."
"Oh, yeah! I'll just wash my hands at this handy-dandy sink right here in the middle of the god damn forest!" She said sarcastically.
"There's a river up ahead." I sighed.
"Fine. Ugh." She bolted ahead of me. "Race you!"
"Bitch!" I called, speeding up. Races weren't fair. She had such long legs. Even if I stretched my legs out as far as I could, I couldn't match her stride for shit. On the other hand, I could maneuver around the forest easier with my smaller stature. She lost time and speed when she had to duck for trees and push limbs out of the way. In the end, I won. I darted ahead of her at the last moment when she narrowly avoided taking a tree limb to the face.
I put my hands on my knees and caught my breath before pointing at the river.
"Wash."
"Fineeee," she whined, and then kneeled next to the river.
"It would be so funny if we pushed her in right now," someone breathed at my neck. I was on them in an instant, reacting exactly like I was trained. I pinned them to the ground and viciously held their throat before I realized that those shocked green eyes belonged to someone I knew wasn't a threat.
"Don't ever sneak up on a hunter like that." I hissed at him while I let him go. He sputtered and sucked in breath.
"Now kiss and make up," Ymir said and I shot a look at her.
"Wash." I commanded her, rolling off of him and sitting beside him. He sat up beside me, his wings trembling a bit.
"Sorry." He whispered to me. "I wasn't thinking."
"Whatever." I looked over at him. He was massaging his throat, but he looked okay. "You hurt?"
"I'm okay. Healing nymph, remember?" He smiled at me. He dropped his hand and I saw the red mark on his throat slowly turn back to his normal skin tone.
"Yeah." I looked over to Ymir and saw her sitting on the bank, just watching us.
"You okay? I felt some bruises on your shoulders. I can heal them." He offered. Fuck, Erwin had left bruises on me from early.
"Please." I said. I didn't like thinking about yet another mark on me from Erwin.
"I'm gonna have to touch you." He blushed.
"Levi's more than okay with that." Ymir snickered.
"Get over here if you're such a curious bitch." I shot back at her. Having someone close and watching when he touched me would make it less intimate. Less like we could be something.
"Like I need an invitation!" She crawled over here and sat across from us.
"Don't call her that!" Eren growled, glaring at me. I blinked at him, not expecting him to care for Ymir, of all the fucking people.
"It's a compliment." Ymir laughed. "I'm not a bitch; I'm the bitch."
"It's not okay! Ymir isn't bad! Be nice to her!" Eren frowned at me.
"Kid. Calm yourself." Ymir waved a hand. "I'd be more offended if he called me a 'classy young lady'. Really."
"Really?" Eren looked her over for a second. "Okay then."
"It's fine, Eren. Heal Levi." Ymir looked over at me. "Those are Erwin's bruises, right?"
"It doesn't matter." I looked at Eren. "Do what you gotta do."
"I need to touch you. Will you take your shirt off?" He asked me, batting those beautiful eyes at me.
"Fine." I stripped off my jacket, cravat, and then started unbuttoning my shirt.
"That's my cue to leave. I'll guard the perimeter so no one disturbs your hot forest sex." Ymir stood up. There goes my intimacy buffer.
"You don't have to leave. He's healing me, not sucking my cock." I shot her a look.
"I want to leave, Levi. I don't like seeing naked men. I get nothing out of it."
"We're not getting naked!" I barked at her, glancing over at Eren to find his face burning red behind his hands.
"Sure." She turned away. "Have fun. Remember, whoever gets on top needs to wrap it up! Safety first, fellow gays!"
She reached into her pocket and threw a little silver packet at me that could only be one thing. I caught it and clenched it in my fist.
"Why does a lesbian have condoms, anyway?" I asked her.
"I grabbed them while we were getting ready for this hunt. Isn't it you who taught me to look out for my partner? Well, I'm looking out for you." She snickered, walking away.
I tucked the condom into my jacket pocket on the ground before turning to Eren. He was still hiding behind his hands.
"Hey," I said gently, trying to forget that Ymir was probably watching us, "Ignore her. We aren't having sex."
He mumbled something into his palms.
"For fucks sakes, brat, if you want someone to hear you, you have to talk without your hands in your face."
"Nothing!" He dropped his hands suddenly into his lap. "Lay down!"
"Lay down?" I brought my eyebrows together. Was he trying to give me images of him riding me?
"It'll help me heal you."
"Fine. Just hurry." I shrugged out of my shirt and laid down. I watched his eyes as they moved up and down my exposed skin, pausing on my scars. I covered up one of my scars with my hand. It was faded scar from a stab wound, so silver it was almost not visible anymore, but it was still psychologically my worst scar. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see him look at my damaged skin.
"Wow, you have a lot of scars." He commented, and I felt one of his fingers trace a scar. My brain automatically reminded me which one was right there. Burn scar from the underground.
"No shit." I snapped at him. He pressed his whole hand over the scar and was quiet for a moment. I opened my eyes to see if he would acknowledge my snap. His face was screwed up in concentration.
"What are you-" I started to ask what he was doing, but was cut off by a pleasurable, tickling sensation all around my scar. I wiggled underneath him. "Stop that shit." I was starting to enjoy the feeling and that was a slippery slope.
"I can't- I can't heal it." He pulled his hand away and looked at me with disappointed eyes. "The scar tissue is too old. I can't heal it."
"It's just a scar. You can't do anything about it. Just heal these damn bruises." I closed my eyes again, but opened them as he went to another scar. "Eren."
"I just want to try-"
"No! These scars are reminders of my past and keep me grounded. They don't let me forget the monster I am so I don't have unrealistic fantasies." Like my fantasy of just fucking being happy.
"You're not a monster-" He started.
"You don't even know me." I grabbed his hand and held it to my shoulder. I ignored how his warm flesh against mine gave me butterflies. I'm a gown ass adult who is a fucking killer monster. This brat is not giving me butterflies.
"Levi. How can I help you?" He whispered.
"You asking me how to heal my bruises? Fuck, just use your nymph power shit-"
"How do I help you emotionally?" He bit his lips, his cheeks going red a bit.
"I'll let you know when I figure it out." I said to him. "Just heal the bruises."
"Okay." He paused. "I need to touch both of them at once."
"Then do that." God, was he asking me for permission or something?
He moved closer to me and started to swing one leg over me when I stopped him. "Whoa, there. Fucking do it from the other side! Don't straddle me!" My control was tested as it is.
He moved quickly off of me and kneeled behind my head. He reached forward and put his hands on my shoulders. "Relax."
"I'm fucking relaxed." I said.
"Relax more." He rubbed circles into my shoulder. I relaxed a little more, still covering that one scar. Then, the tingles came. They started in my bruised flesh and moved outward, tingling around my whole shoulder before inching up my neck. He moved his hands to my neck and massaged lightly. The pleasure from his power came into me and my head lolled into his hand. Fuck. This feels good. I moaned lightly when his thumb brushed a sweet spot. His breath caught in his throat before he started rubbing at that spot over and over.
"Fuck," I growled. I sat up and brought our lips together harshly. He whined low in his throat before tangling his hands in my hair. I kissed him hard, bringing a hand up to touch his wings. I had wanted to touch them since I had first met him. They were as fluffy and soft I could have imagined and so much more. He tensed for a moment, then he melted in my arms, moaning into my mouth. The sound went straight to my dick. Fuck. I had to stop this. I didn't want to, though. I wanted to grab that condom and ram into his virgin ass.
"Levi," He whimpered, pushing at my chest. "Mate with me."
Shit. I pulled back, looking at his flushed face and hooded eyelids. I wanted him, but what I wanted wasn't important. I shook my head. "No, Eren."
"Levi," He nuzzled his face into my neck and kissed the sensitive spot he had found with his thumb.
"Stop," I pushed him away and this time I held him there. "I'm not fucking you."
"Because of your mate? The one who shot me?" He was still breathing heavily and shaking a bit.
"Because this isn't right. Look, I'm sorry I let it get this fucking far… I just wasn't expecting your power to feel so fucking good." I shook my head. "God, what is that?"
"I…may have gone a little heavy with it." He bit his lip and looked away.
"What does that mean?"
"I'm a healing nymph. I take away pain. I can push you to release endorphins. I may have pushed your body to, um, release a lot of them…" he looked away.
"You fucked with my body? You didn't just heal me like I asked?"
"I just wanted to help you! I wanted to make you feel good! I thought if I made you feel good, you wouldn't run away like last time!"
Last time I was here I had told him he would never see me again. Look at how well I followed through on that. I was so fucked when it came to him. Why can't I just let him go?
"Eren. I don't know what you want from me." I told him honestly.
"What I want- what I need is for you to stop fighting me." He started to come closer.
"What does that mean?" I needed more help than that. Come on, Eren, spell it out. I'm shit at romance.
"I want to mate." He smiled at me. "Will you mate with me?"
"What," I took a deep breath, before continuing, "would mating entail?"
"You would be with me. As my mate." He raised an eyebrow. "What part of that is confusing?"
"You just want my dick? Or would it be something more?" I cursed myself for even considering it. It could never happen, no matter if its dick or more he's after.
"Well, we would have sex, but also be mates." He explained.
"For how long?" I asked. In my head I justified it as information gathering for shitty glasses, but my heart knew better.
"Until one of us dies. Nymphs mate for life." He leaned closer.
"Fucking hell. I need to get out of here." I scrambled to my feet. A whole lifetime of fucking Eren. I shook my head to clear it.
"Levi! I didn't mean it like we had to kill each other or something!" He jumped up.
"I knew what you meant. I have to go." I found my shirt and hastily buttoned it up.
"YMIR!" I screamed. She would be close by if she wasn't watching.
"Levi, when will I see you again?" Eren asked as I put on my jacket.
"Please, just go home, Eren." I looked at him, begging. "I'll give you a horse if you need it. Just go." I could ride with Ymir back and say we lost a horse.
"I can't fly all the way there yet, and I'm not taking a horse." He shook his head. "I'll be here another couple days. I want to see you once more before I leave."
"No." I said as Ymir walked casually into sight.
"I'm not leaving until I get to see you again." He huffed.
"We can't be together. Just go. No sense in us seeing each other again." I walked past Ymir and we started through the forest.
"I'm not giving up." I heard him call to me before I broke out in a run. I pushed myself as hard as I could, trying to run away from my thoughts. We made it out of the quickly darkening forest in record time. We had to spend a couple minutes catching our breath before Ymir spoke.
"Just fuck him already."
"Did you listen in?" I wiped the sweat off of my forehead.
"Actually, this time I did not. I looked around the perimeter. There is a bunch more wolves in the area than usual. Weird, if you ask me."
"God, let's just go home. I need to shower."
We got lots of stares when we got back so quickly. Most of the time we didn't return until much later, but I couldn't even fake hunt right now. Ymir and I quickly went our separate ways and I knew that my lie about the baby would help her sleep tonight. I went quickly to my room and opened the door only to find Erwin inside. He was calmly laying in my bed in pajamas and reading a book.
"What the fuck?" I asked him as I stepped inside.
"Oh, you're back early." He smiled. "Since we are boyfriends again, we ought to sleep together, don't you think? You can move in with me or I'll move in here."
"I-You- Fucking-," I did not have the energy to fight this right now. "Whatever."
"Good boy." He looked me up and down and then frowned at my stomach. "Levi? Your shirt is buttoned wrong?"
"Oh." I looked down and saw that I missed a button right at my belly button. "Damn thing. I was about to shower anyway." I pulled off my cravat and laid it on my dresser along with my jack and shirt. I hoped he would drop this.
"Why did you take your shirt off?" He asked.
"I was demonstrating to Ymir how in a pinch you can use it to bandage a wound." The lie came easily off of my tongue, like so many other had in the past and will, no doubt, in the future.
"Very good." He nodded. "That's a good skill to have."
"I'm gonna shower." I said to him, grabbed one of my towels and throwing it over my shoulder along with my pajama pants. "You going to sleep or are you going to stay up?"
"Why? Do you not want to have sex with me?" He looked hurt.
"It's not that. I just needed to know if I would disturb you getting into bed." I lied again. He relaxed.
"It'll be fine, boyfriend. Go clean up."
I hummed in response. There was a strange feeling that I was forgetting something nagging at me. I ran through my lies one more time. I would teach Ymir the bandage thing first thing in the morning in case Erwin decided to test her on it. Other than that, I couldn't figure out what I was forgetting.
I took longer in the shower this time. I was thankful that for once, there wasn't any blood washing down the drain. I sighed and let the hot water relax away my tension. I started to think about Eren, about the way his power made me feel. I wonder what else he could do to get my endorphins going. I considered masturbating, but then remembered Erwin waiting for me. He would want to bang me and I should save my Eren material to get me through that.
I shut off the shower and walked back to my room after drying off and dressing. I was still working the towel through my hair when I opened the door. Erwin was sitting at the edge of the bed, turning something over and over in his hands. I didn't really care what it was so I turned to put my towel with my other clothes that needed to be washed in the morning.
"So how did the hunt go?" He asked, and I heard the dangerous undertone in his voice. I froze with my back turned toward him.
"Fine."
"You're back really early."
"Didn't find shit but a lot of wolves." I said, slowly turning around.
"A lot of wolves, hmm? You didn't find anything else?" He said, holding up what I had been forgetting in his hand. "Maybe a bush that grows condoms?"
Fuck.
