Chapter Seven
Orthanc rose up on the horizon line like a big needle. Needles...I began to wonder if Saruman vaccinates his Orcs with the points at the top of the tower. It would be a very handy tool, but very painful. And it's probably leave a gaping hole where ever they needed to be vaccinated. So, I decided he must not use the tower for vaccinations.
"I bet Saruman takes care of polka dotted sea monkeys in his spare time," Emily commented. My eyebrows shot up and I gave her "the look."
"Now, just were did that come from?" I asked patiently.
"It was imported from the Land of Nod," she said after a moment of thinking. I sighed and shook my head, turning away to look at the very very evil looking gate looming closer. Gandalf, at the head of the company on Shadowfax, led onward. Aragorn and Emily followed on Hasufel. Legolas and Gimli came next on Arod, and I followed on my stubborn horse. I decided to name him Obstinate Fool. Lovely name, no? I'm so brilliant, I made it up myself! Yeah, yeah, I know Eomer's gonna hate me for the name, but it's the honest truth.
"The white one makes your head look funny," Emily said to Legolas suddenly. I snorted with laughter. The things this little grasshopper comes up with...
"What?!" Legolas gave her a startled expression.
"The white one, silly! It makes your head look waaay to big. You need to go with the fuchsia!" she cried and clapped her hands prettily. "Trust me, honey, I'm a fAshION expert!" She stressed the 'a' and the 'io' in 'fashion.' I groaned. Save me Lord. I swear, I will never again ball up my socks before I put them in the washing machine if I am saved! But, then again, they don't have washing machines in Middle Earth.
"What is fuchsia?" he asked, clearly confused, as usual whenever he talked to her.
"It's a color. It's a really-"
"Sick looking pink color," I finished for her with a grin. Legolas wrinkled his nose in disgust and Emily scowled.
"I think I'll pass..." he said lightly.
"See, Emily? Pink is an insult to the rainbow. Everyone hates it, even you."
"Hey, I'm not the one who had a light pink room with BALLERINA stickers all over it!" Emily snapped. My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to scream, then remembered Obstinate Fool would bolt if I did.
"SH!!! Don't say that in public!!! IT'S MY SECRET, YOU DIAPER WEARING NOSE SNIFFING BASSOON!!!" I cried and she only laughed. No, she doesn't wear diapers, but she doesn't use her nose as a musical instrument. It's not the nicest thing to hear, I will tell you that. And I refuse to comment on the pink room with ballerinas. I WILL NOT SAY A WORD!!
"Katie likes p-" I nudged Obstinate Fool over to her. He moved three centimeters over, and then resumed walking normally. I growled at him to no avail.
"MOVE OVER! Please, Obstinate Fool?" I pleaded. "You can help me run her over!"
"Obstinate Fool? You're so creative, Katie!" Emily chortled. "Hey, Eomer, Katie's named your hose Obstinate Fool!" Eomer and Theoden both looked back at us. Theoden muttered something to Eomer, and turned away. Eomer glared at him, then wheeled his horse around to face us.
"You will not mock the horses of Rohan so lightly!" he snapped. I stared at his stormy face, totally unfazed.
"But names should tell about the bearers personality. Trust me on this, he is an obstinate fool," I countered eagerly.
"Ignore her, Lord, she is young and knows not how to hold her tongue," Legolas said to Eomer.
"Indeed I know this," Eomer commented and rode back to his place next to Theoden. I sighed in relief.
"Woah...I thought he was gonna shove me into the Cracks of Doom or something..." I said.
"Don't say that name, please," Legolas said, cringing. I smirked.
"You mean 'Cracks of Doom?'" I asked unmercifully.
"YES!" he cried and flinched as I said it.
"Okay, I swear, on the Cracks of Doom, that I will never say the Cracks of Doom again, and if I do say the Cracks of Doom again, I will push myself into the Cracks of Doom and burn to a crisp in the Cracks of Doom and a giant will pull me out of the Cracks of Doom and eat me like toast made from the Cracks of Doom," I said solemnly.
"That's a run on sentence," Emily said with a smile. I couldn't reply because Gandalf halted at the gate of the Orc Vaccinator (Yep, the new name for Orthanc!) just then.
(A/N: This is the part where everything is going to sound lame because I really hate copying script from my book. *pouts* So bear with me if it sounds real scary. It won't be word for word or anything, I'm improvising. Live with it.)
As we crossed the thresh hold, we saw two little men jumped out. They were worse for wear but I couldn't quite place their faces...SO DANG FAMILIAR!!! Dining utensils and plates and bowls were strewn around them. One was asleep, and the other sat quietly near his companion. Water was everywhere, with bits of rubbish floating around. The one not asleep stood, and looked up politely at Theoden and Eomer, bowing low to the ground.
"Welcome, my lords, to Isengard!" he said grandly. WHERE HAVE I HEARD HIS VOICE?? "We are the door-wardens, Meriadoc, son of Saradoc is my name; and my companion, who, alas, is overcome with weariness-" here he kicked the other and the second little man rose from his sleep. "-is Peregrin son of Paladin, of the house of Took. Far in the North is our home. The Lord Saruman is within; but at the moment he is closeted with one Wormtongue, or, doubtless he would be here to welcome such honorable guests." Big words for such a little hobbity person...wait...Hobbits...Two hobbits missing...Meriadoc and Peregrin...MERRY AND PIPPIN!!! I swear I am not blond!! I am just air headed. There's a difference.
And that, as everyone who has read LOTR knows, is how we were reunited with the small little hedgehogs. Merry and Pippin gave Gandalf and the Riders directions to Treebeard. Gimli, Legolas, and Aragorn demanded to know what happened. Merry and Pippin decided to take them to an abandoned barrack. Emily already knew the whole deal, but she was thirsty so she was forced to go along with them. I went because I wanted to see if there was any sugar or croutons in their little stash. Highly unlikely, yet I like to dream big.
"So, what did ya'll do while we-excuse me, I, no thanks to SOMEONE-got stuck with the Mary-Sues in Helms Deep?" Emily asked. The two hobbits launched into the tale of how they were taken captive by the Orcs, then found by Treebeard. Then they started to tell about how they stirred up the Ents to war. Pipes had been smoked throughout the whole deal by everyone but the juveniles (Emily and I) and the "Clean Air" Elf (Legolas).
"Why do you four get to get high and I don't?" I protested angrily. Aragorn looked at me in bewilderment.
"'Get high?'" he asked quizzically.
"To get high," Emily said smartly. "To get high means to get pumped up with tobacco, marijuana, heroin, etc."
"Heroin? Marijuana?" Legolas shot her a look similar to Aragorn's.
"Pollution for the lungs. They're like too much tobacco on a worse scale," I explained and added hastily, seeing his horrified expression, "I seriously don't get high. It's a joke. When you get high, you act...crazy, you know?" Emily was cackling now at the reaction of the others'.
"I'm glad to hear that," he muttered and I scowled at Emily.
"Emily, it's not funny! They believe you, you nutter! I do NOT get high!" I snapped icily. She shut up, but still giggled every now and then.
"Come, dear Wallace, we are going to take a dip in the gross, unclean, garbage infested water," I said, glancing at Emily who was poking the back of Legolas's with a stick she found somewhere (I swear, she just makes these things appear out of no where!). "And stop taking my job you elephant thief!"
"Toodles, and remember kids, NO GETTING HIGH WITHOUT MOMMY!" she warned and I dragged her out as she added, "No more dead dogs!!"
"That's a book, you know," I said to her as she shut the door.
"What is?"
"'No More Dead Dogs.' Remember? The main character's name was Wallace Wallace."
"Oh yeah...you read it? Without telling me?"
"You'd read it already, stupid!"
"So?"
"So why should you care?"
"So so?"
"So shut up!"
"S-okay." We dodged puddles of water until we came to a set of steps leading up to the arch over the gateway. Without a word to each other we climbed up and sat on the arch. I swung my legs carefully, wishing I could push Legolas into another puddle. Wet Elves might look yummy...
"I sense you are having impure thoughts, my child," Emily said wisely. I snapped into attention.
"Stop being Galadriel!"
"Ha! Caught red handed! I knew it! So, tell me-"
"No, never!"
"Do it or I'll lock you in Orthanc."
"NO! NOT INSIDE THE ORC VACCINATOR!"
"Orc Vaccinator?" she asked.
"Yep. New name for Orthanc. The top looks like a needle, don't you think? He might have once vaccinated Orcs up there. You know, against getting all pretty and Elfy again."
"'Pretty and Elfy again?'" she repeated.
"Duh..." I tried my best impression of Saruman. "'They were Elves once. Tortured, and mutilated-"
"I get the picture," she said, cutting me off. "Hey, do you think we could get Saruman to do that to Legolas?"
"NO!" I cried.
"But why not?" she begged, putting on a puppy dog face. No...must resist the puppy dog face...She stuck her lower lip out further.
"Because...then he wouldn't be pretty anymore!" I said stubbornly. Never would I give into the Puppy Dog Face of Doom.
"Pretty?" floated up a voice from bellow. I peered down at Legolas. Merry and Pippin laughed a little and Aragorn smiled.
"Hello, ye sailors. How goes the fishing in these parts? I hear there be a landscaping expert down the wave a piece," Emily called.
"Yes, pretty. Let's face it, dear Elf, you are pretty," I said firmly to Legolas. He scowled.
"I am not pretty."
"Then what are you?" Emily asked.
"Don't answer that! Leggy, don't do it!!!" I cried. My exaggerated movements of urgency for his not to answer caused me to tip off the edge of the arch. SPLASH. Right in a puddle of the slightly muddy water. Why do I always fall off things?
"Anyone say a word and I hurt you..." I muttered and rubbed water from my eyes.
"At least it's not me," Legolas joked. That did it. I grabbed his leg and wrenched down with all the strength I could muster. God this guy is like a rock! But he did fall over and join me in the sewage.
"Now it is," I said simply and stood up. "Snuggles will always get revenge. Remember, young Jedi." I went, dripping, with Emily to find clean clothes.
~*~*~*~*~
Yep, there seriously is a book called "No More Dead Dogs." I just read the whole thing a while ago actually. I dunno, it just found its way into the text, I guess...
I'm gonna die from heat exhaustion...okay, so it's only 87 degrees, I'm sweating though! *glares at her mother, who refuses to turn on the A/C* I need cool air...I might take refuge in my room with my lovely library books with the nice window open...YES, I GOT NEW BOOKS FROM THE LIBRARY!!! CELEBRATE MY FRIENDS, CELEBRATE! And remember, when people say, "Katie, seventeen books is way too much" tell them to leave you and your books alone or you will pull an RL 20 on them...Okay, not really, but still, WORSHIP THE BOOKS! ^_^
Dy: Yes it was. Thank you, but I'd like to live a while longer...*narrows eyes and grabs Leggy for protection.*
Star Girl: Okay, thanks a bunch! ^_^ We will haves a look.
Bjam: *claps* YAY! I guess that means I can actually take correct notes in class...it's amazing! *scratches head* But, no, the last time I checked my location was Mirkwood...in Mirkwood palace...hiding behind a tapestry with a butterfly net for a certain Elf...*jumps out and snatches Leggy in an oversized net.*
Wandering-Ranger: Nuh uh! They are SO not your words! MINE! ALL MINE! I made the Meepish Language! I own it! I SWEAR I DO! *sobs*
Orthanc rose up on the horizon line like a big needle. Needles...I began to wonder if Saruman vaccinates his Orcs with the points at the top of the tower. It would be a very handy tool, but very painful. And it's probably leave a gaping hole where ever they needed to be vaccinated. So, I decided he must not use the tower for vaccinations.
"I bet Saruman takes care of polka dotted sea monkeys in his spare time," Emily commented. My eyebrows shot up and I gave her "the look."
"Now, just were did that come from?" I asked patiently.
"It was imported from the Land of Nod," she said after a moment of thinking. I sighed and shook my head, turning away to look at the very very evil looking gate looming closer. Gandalf, at the head of the company on Shadowfax, led onward. Aragorn and Emily followed on Hasufel. Legolas and Gimli came next on Arod, and I followed on my stubborn horse. I decided to name him Obstinate Fool. Lovely name, no? I'm so brilliant, I made it up myself! Yeah, yeah, I know Eomer's gonna hate me for the name, but it's the honest truth.
"The white one makes your head look funny," Emily said to Legolas suddenly. I snorted with laughter. The things this little grasshopper comes up with...
"What?!" Legolas gave her a startled expression.
"The white one, silly! It makes your head look waaay to big. You need to go with the fuchsia!" she cried and clapped her hands prettily. "Trust me, honey, I'm a fAshION expert!" She stressed the 'a' and the 'io' in 'fashion.' I groaned. Save me Lord. I swear, I will never again ball up my socks before I put them in the washing machine if I am saved! But, then again, they don't have washing machines in Middle Earth.
"What is fuchsia?" he asked, clearly confused, as usual whenever he talked to her.
"It's a color. It's a really-"
"Sick looking pink color," I finished for her with a grin. Legolas wrinkled his nose in disgust and Emily scowled.
"I think I'll pass..." he said lightly.
"See, Emily? Pink is an insult to the rainbow. Everyone hates it, even you."
"Hey, I'm not the one who had a light pink room with BALLERINA stickers all over it!" Emily snapped. My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to scream, then remembered Obstinate Fool would bolt if I did.
"SH!!! Don't say that in public!!! IT'S MY SECRET, YOU DIAPER WEARING NOSE SNIFFING BASSOON!!!" I cried and she only laughed. No, she doesn't wear diapers, but she doesn't use her nose as a musical instrument. It's not the nicest thing to hear, I will tell you that. And I refuse to comment on the pink room with ballerinas. I WILL NOT SAY A WORD!!
"Katie likes p-" I nudged Obstinate Fool over to her. He moved three centimeters over, and then resumed walking normally. I growled at him to no avail.
"MOVE OVER! Please, Obstinate Fool?" I pleaded. "You can help me run her over!"
"Obstinate Fool? You're so creative, Katie!" Emily chortled. "Hey, Eomer, Katie's named your hose Obstinate Fool!" Eomer and Theoden both looked back at us. Theoden muttered something to Eomer, and turned away. Eomer glared at him, then wheeled his horse around to face us.
"You will not mock the horses of Rohan so lightly!" he snapped. I stared at his stormy face, totally unfazed.
"But names should tell about the bearers personality. Trust me on this, he is an obstinate fool," I countered eagerly.
"Ignore her, Lord, she is young and knows not how to hold her tongue," Legolas said to Eomer.
"Indeed I know this," Eomer commented and rode back to his place next to Theoden. I sighed in relief.
"Woah...I thought he was gonna shove me into the Cracks of Doom or something..." I said.
"Don't say that name, please," Legolas said, cringing. I smirked.
"You mean 'Cracks of Doom?'" I asked unmercifully.
"YES!" he cried and flinched as I said it.
"Okay, I swear, on the Cracks of Doom, that I will never say the Cracks of Doom again, and if I do say the Cracks of Doom again, I will push myself into the Cracks of Doom and burn to a crisp in the Cracks of Doom and a giant will pull me out of the Cracks of Doom and eat me like toast made from the Cracks of Doom," I said solemnly.
"That's a run on sentence," Emily said with a smile. I couldn't reply because Gandalf halted at the gate of the Orc Vaccinator (Yep, the new name for Orthanc!) just then.
(A/N: This is the part where everything is going to sound lame because I really hate copying script from my book. *pouts* So bear with me if it sounds real scary. It won't be word for word or anything, I'm improvising. Live with it.)
As we crossed the thresh hold, we saw two little men jumped out. They were worse for wear but I couldn't quite place their faces...SO DANG FAMILIAR!!! Dining utensils and plates and bowls were strewn around them. One was asleep, and the other sat quietly near his companion. Water was everywhere, with bits of rubbish floating around. The one not asleep stood, and looked up politely at Theoden and Eomer, bowing low to the ground.
"Welcome, my lords, to Isengard!" he said grandly. WHERE HAVE I HEARD HIS VOICE?? "We are the door-wardens, Meriadoc, son of Saradoc is my name; and my companion, who, alas, is overcome with weariness-" here he kicked the other and the second little man rose from his sleep. "-is Peregrin son of Paladin, of the house of Took. Far in the North is our home. The Lord Saruman is within; but at the moment he is closeted with one Wormtongue, or, doubtless he would be here to welcome such honorable guests." Big words for such a little hobbity person...wait...Hobbits...Two hobbits missing...Meriadoc and Peregrin...MERRY AND PIPPIN!!! I swear I am not blond!! I am just air headed. There's a difference.
And that, as everyone who has read LOTR knows, is how we were reunited with the small little hedgehogs. Merry and Pippin gave Gandalf and the Riders directions to Treebeard. Gimli, Legolas, and Aragorn demanded to know what happened. Merry and Pippin decided to take them to an abandoned barrack. Emily already knew the whole deal, but she was thirsty so she was forced to go along with them. I went because I wanted to see if there was any sugar or croutons in their little stash. Highly unlikely, yet I like to dream big.
"So, what did ya'll do while we-excuse me, I, no thanks to SOMEONE-got stuck with the Mary-Sues in Helms Deep?" Emily asked. The two hobbits launched into the tale of how they were taken captive by the Orcs, then found by Treebeard. Then they started to tell about how they stirred up the Ents to war. Pipes had been smoked throughout the whole deal by everyone but the juveniles (Emily and I) and the "Clean Air" Elf (Legolas).
"Why do you four get to get high and I don't?" I protested angrily. Aragorn looked at me in bewilderment.
"'Get high?'" he asked quizzically.
"To get high," Emily said smartly. "To get high means to get pumped up with tobacco, marijuana, heroin, etc."
"Heroin? Marijuana?" Legolas shot her a look similar to Aragorn's.
"Pollution for the lungs. They're like too much tobacco on a worse scale," I explained and added hastily, seeing his horrified expression, "I seriously don't get high. It's a joke. When you get high, you act...crazy, you know?" Emily was cackling now at the reaction of the others'.
"I'm glad to hear that," he muttered and I scowled at Emily.
"Emily, it's not funny! They believe you, you nutter! I do NOT get high!" I snapped icily. She shut up, but still giggled every now and then.
"Come, dear Wallace, we are going to take a dip in the gross, unclean, garbage infested water," I said, glancing at Emily who was poking the back of Legolas's with a stick she found somewhere (I swear, she just makes these things appear out of no where!). "And stop taking my job you elephant thief!"
"Toodles, and remember kids, NO GETTING HIGH WITHOUT MOMMY!" she warned and I dragged her out as she added, "No more dead dogs!!"
"That's a book, you know," I said to her as she shut the door.
"What is?"
"'No More Dead Dogs.' Remember? The main character's name was Wallace Wallace."
"Oh yeah...you read it? Without telling me?"
"You'd read it already, stupid!"
"So?"
"So why should you care?"
"So so?"
"So shut up!"
"S-okay." We dodged puddles of water until we came to a set of steps leading up to the arch over the gateway. Without a word to each other we climbed up and sat on the arch. I swung my legs carefully, wishing I could push Legolas into another puddle. Wet Elves might look yummy...
"I sense you are having impure thoughts, my child," Emily said wisely. I snapped into attention.
"Stop being Galadriel!"
"Ha! Caught red handed! I knew it! So, tell me-"
"No, never!"
"Do it or I'll lock you in Orthanc."
"NO! NOT INSIDE THE ORC VACCINATOR!"
"Orc Vaccinator?" she asked.
"Yep. New name for Orthanc. The top looks like a needle, don't you think? He might have once vaccinated Orcs up there. You know, against getting all pretty and Elfy again."
"'Pretty and Elfy again?'" she repeated.
"Duh..." I tried my best impression of Saruman. "'They were Elves once. Tortured, and mutilated-"
"I get the picture," she said, cutting me off. "Hey, do you think we could get Saruman to do that to Legolas?"
"NO!" I cried.
"But why not?" she begged, putting on a puppy dog face. No...must resist the puppy dog face...She stuck her lower lip out further.
"Because...then he wouldn't be pretty anymore!" I said stubbornly. Never would I give into the Puppy Dog Face of Doom.
"Pretty?" floated up a voice from bellow. I peered down at Legolas. Merry and Pippin laughed a little and Aragorn smiled.
"Hello, ye sailors. How goes the fishing in these parts? I hear there be a landscaping expert down the wave a piece," Emily called.
"Yes, pretty. Let's face it, dear Elf, you are pretty," I said firmly to Legolas. He scowled.
"I am not pretty."
"Then what are you?" Emily asked.
"Don't answer that! Leggy, don't do it!!!" I cried. My exaggerated movements of urgency for his not to answer caused me to tip off the edge of the arch. SPLASH. Right in a puddle of the slightly muddy water. Why do I always fall off things?
"Anyone say a word and I hurt you..." I muttered and rubbed water from my eyes.
"At least it's not me," Legolas joked. That did it. I grabbed his leg and wrenched down with all the strength I could muster. God this guy is like a rock! But he did fall over and join me in the sewage.
"Now it is," I said simply and stood up. "Snuggles will always get revenge. Remember, young Jedi." I went, dripping, with Emily to find clean clothes.
~*~*~*~*~
Yep, there seriously is a book called "No More Dead Dogs." I just read the whole thing a while ago actually. I dunno, it just found its way into the text, I guess...
I'm gonna die from heat exhaustion...okay, so it's only 87 degrees, I'm sweating though! *glares at her mother, who refuses to turn on the A/C* I need cool air...I might take refuge in my room with my lovely library books with the nice window open...YES, I GOT NEW BOOKS FROM THE LIBRARY!!! CELEBRATE MY FRIENDS, CELEBRATE! And remember, when people say, "Katie, seventeen books is way too much" tell them to leave you and your books alone or you will pull an RL 20 on them...Okay, not really, but still, WORSHIP THE BOOKS! ^_^
Dy: Yes it was. Thank you, but I'd like to live a while longer...*narrows eyes and grabs Leggy for protection.*
Star Girl: Okay, thanks a bunch! ^_^ We will haves a look.
Bjam: *claps* YAY! I guess that means I can actually take correct notes in class...it's amazing! *scratches head* But, no, the last time I checked my location was Mirkwood...in Mirkwood palace...hiding behind a tapestry with a butterfly net for a certain Elf...*jumps out and snatches Leggy in an oversized net.*
Wandering-Ranger: Nuh uh! They are SO not your words! MINE! ALL MINE! I made the Meepish Language! I own it! I SWEAR I DO! *sobs*
