A/N: I'm glad that nobody has a side, because that's what I was going for. Here comes more mess...
-Since you went away I've been hanging around, I've been wondering why I'm feeling down, you went away, it should make me feel better, but I don't know, oh, how am I gonna' get through?-
-Pet Shop Boys-
-(What Have I Done to Deserve This?)-
Stan ran his hand through his hair. It had been a whole week until he'd been able to get Gary on his own. Word had spread fast about Christophe and Gregory splitting up. The general rumour was that Gregory had been the one to end it, but no one knew why. This was a relief.
"You're okay?"
Gary nodded. "Yes."
"And Christophe?"
"Fine."
"And Gregory?"
Gary crossed his arms, frowning. "Why would you want to know how he is? He's to blame."
There it was again, a defensive attitude in Gary, making Stan sad. Gary had acted happily all week, laughing and joking as usual, but being alone with Stan and having told him about what had occurred, Gary was angry. The happiness 'act' had been dropped, Stan beginning to think that's all it had been for a while: an 'act.'
Stan was going to be honest. "Well actually, I'd say everybody's to blame."
Gary's eyes burst with rare anger at that comment. "Gregory was the one with a knife to Christophe's throat, threatening to kill him, not me!"
Stan knew he shouldn't, but he laughed. It entertained the mean part of his brain to think of Christophe struggling and frightened beneath the seductive blond. He was shocked at first, but having time to think about it, Gregory played a great game, served Christophe right. Gregory had just gone up in his estimations, that guy really did have everyone exactly where he wanted them. Even though he claimed a strong dislike, Stan could admit that.
Stan rolled his eyes. "I already said he would never have killed him."
"It's Gregory! Who knows what he might have done!"
"Not murder," Stan laughed again, another mean thought sneaking into his brain, "he'd have made it look like suicide."
Gary gritted his teeth. "You joke about that, but how do you know it's not near the truth?"
"Because why would anyone risk so much over one stupid French bastard."
The words cut through Gary like they were designed entirely for him. Stan had known the effect his words would have; he'd had enough of being civil about Christophe: without him there would have been none of this trouble. Stan would still have Gary to himself, and Gregory would be seducing other people, well out of his mind instead of hanging in the back of it.
"Christophe isn't a bastard."
"Really? Because he's definitely acting like one."
"Stan, just whose side are you on here? I always assumed you'd stick by me."
"I am sticking by you, but you're ruining your life! You need to see what you're doing to yourself. Your grades are falling. You're angry. I'm seeing characteristics in you that I never knew were there! I care about you, Gary. I want you to care about yourself!"
"Can't you see that I'm happy, Stan?"
"You're not happy." Stan gazed into Gary's eyes. "You're sad and confused inside."
Gary was on the defensive. "You know nothing!"
"Gary, what happened to you? You would never have said anything like that at one time. No negative thoughts would have filled your brain. You'd have said something like: 'I'm not sad, don't be silly. Let's go get ice cream for the children in the hospital.'" It made Stan sad, he wanted so desperately to fix Gary, turn him back into person he used to be. He worried that it may never happen now. What if Gary was changing permanently? Stan pleaded with him. "Leave him."
"Never."
And with that, Stan and Gary's conversation terminated.
Stan picked up his phone, opened a template, and typed a message to his best friend. Staring out of the window at his house, he knew he should have just gone over to Kyle's already, but he couldn't summon up the energy, not after fighting with Gary.
(16:41) How's the project going?
The reply was almost instant.
(16:42) It would be going a lot better if my partner actually helped me out.
Stan felt guilty. He debated what to reply with. The truth? He'd have to tell that directly to Kyle's face at a more suitable time.
(16:44) Sry.
(16:45) Come over now and we'll do it.
Now wasn't the time, and Kyle was certain to throw relentless questions at him. All Stan wanted was to forget Gary with some kind of output, or talk to someone who understood, though there was no one around.
(16:47) I can't, sry.
(16:48) O.K, but this isn't being dropped until you explain. I'll just do it and write your name on.
Stan felt sometimes that he didn't deserve a best friend as nice as Kyle, not when he was keeping secrets and getting involved in something he should probably steer clear of. Why couldn't he just have developed feelings for Kyle instead of Gary? It would have been a lot easier, Kyle wasn't slowly changing, and Stan didn't feel that Kyle needed help. The red-head had it all under control. In fact why couldn't Stan have just fallen in love with a girl? That would have been easier.
(16:50) Thanks. I owe you.
(16:52) Chocolate.
And that was why Stan kept a bar of diabetic chocolate safely hidden in his bag.
As he continued staring out the window, his eyes lit up as a certain person walked slowly past, staring straight ahead, and almost forcing their feet to keep going forward. Stan realised that he hadn't seen this person for the past week; they had obviously chosen to skip school, which was so out of character that with the new knowledge he'd acquired, it made Stan grab his coat from its hook and race out of the front door.
"I brought some banana bread!" Gary's voice chimed at its usual cheerful volume as he entered the room of his favourite person in the South Park retirement home. Volunteering there had always brought him joy; he loved nothing more than listening to the stories and tales the patients there had to tell in abundance, so many of them were lonely, left with no one to listen. Gary didn't think it was much to ask that he took a small amount of time out of his week to share a cup of tea and a joke. Though, he wasn't much in the mood for joking.
"Oh my favourite! Such a good boy," replied the elderly lady. Her white hair was always kept on the top of her head in a neat bun, as it had been in her youth as a secretary. She'd taken a shining to the blond Mormon, who never used to fail to bring some sunshine into her life, a life ignored by everyone else.
"It's no problem, Dee! Mom will take any excuse to bake." Gary smiled kindly, though it was missing in his eyes.
"I really love getting visits from you, dear. It feels like it's been a while."
Gary dropped into an arm-chair and looked apologetically. "I'm sorry."
"I'm sure you have a reason."
Dee picked up the teapot from the centre of her small coffee table, and poured two cups. Gary added the milk and sugar the way they liked it. "Not a good enough one," he mumbled.
"Why don't you tell me and I can be the judge?"
"I don't want to worry you with my problems. You don't want to hear it. It's way too messed up."
"I've been on the earth for eighty-eight years. My husband was a marine; my brother was an ex-con who ran away with his parole officer. There's not much you can tell me that will shock me. I promise I won't judge, or act like it doesn't matter because you're young."
Gary sighed. His need to talk about his problems with someone who wasn't involved in some way, with someone who knew none of the people involved, proved too great. "I'm in love, Dee, and it's with the wrong person. It was a dangerous affair and it's ended in heart-break... but not for me, and I think that's what makes it work." Gary looked at the old lady gravely. "I'm in a serious relationship with a guy, and apparently it's making me change." He didn't realise how easy it was to tell someone.
Dee always had her suspicions. "Is this that Stan boy you always talked about?"
Gary shook his head. "No, it's not Stan. I only wish it was a simple as Stan. His name is Christophe."
"And you fell in love with this already taken boy?" Dee asked the question sympathetically.
"Yep, and slept with him repeatedly, ultimately leading to him getting found out and being beaten by his now ex."
It shocked Dee to hear this, she'd always considered Gary a devout Mormon, one who even at the idea of sex so young would freak out. But then again, he was young, it was love. "Are you alright?"
"His ex- Gregory has been nowhere near me since then. Gregory isn't a naturally violent person really. I'm wrong in saying he's to blame. He's not the one to blame, I am. It's my entire fault. Gregory would never seriously hurt Christophe."
"This isn't Gregory Williams by any chance is it? Angelic, breathtaking face, slim perfectly balanced features, stunning voice." Dee spoke the words fondly but knowingly. "Gets boys and girls alike wrapped around his little finger."
Gary almost snapped his neck, staring at Dee in shock. "You know him?"
"He used to come and sing to us when he was younger, such a charming boy, and so much charisma. He visits his great-aunt from time to time. I would never imagine him doing something to hurt anybody." She remembered the look he would sometimes get in his eyes, the way he took in and analyzed everyone in any room. "Though he did have that spark."
"Yeah that's him, he's amazing all right, and so beautiful it almost makes me cry. Why Christophe ever saw interest in me when he had him around, I really don't understand." Gary sighed again, eyes drooping, face sickly pale. "And now Christophe's stuck with me."
Dee was startled at the Mormon's view on things. "Stuck with you? It sounds like this Christophe wouldn't choose to be 'stuck with' anyone. It sounds like he goes after what he wants and gets it. I'm sure he was always destined to leave Gregory in one way or another."
"Maybe, maybe not, but not like this." He gazed into the comforting eyes of Dee, a third Grandma, and someone who would understand more than his other Grandmas. "Are you not mad with what I've done?"
"No, it's not my place, I promised to listen, besides, I understand. There aren't many people in this world who haven't done something they regret to get something they desperately wanted. I don't think it right that Gregory was hurt, but let's put him aside as another problem shall we?"
"So can you see how sinful I'm being?"
"I don't necessarily believe you're being sinful."
"What?"
Dee reached her hand out to Gary, and the blond took it, gripping as tight as he thought she could handle. "Boy, what does your heart tell you?"
The answer to that one was easy. "My heart tells me it's right."
"Then maybe you should follow your heart. Has it ever steered you wrong in the past?"
"What do you mean?"
"All the volunteer work you do, why that comes from the heart. You make me happy to be alive with your positive energy; you listen to my stories and divulge your own because of your love of helping, taking pleasure in other people's pleasure. When you stop to talk to people in trouble, or just to check if they're having a nice day, it comes from the heart. When you smile with those toothpaste advert pearly whites, and mean it, it comes from the heart. So, if you truly love this boy with all your heart, how could it be wrong?"
Gary's heart leapt and a genuine smile crept onto his face.
"There's the smile," said Dee, patting him on the hand. "Don't lose it."
"But what about my religion, Dee, it doesn't agree with my heart."
"If you have to pick between your religion and your heart, maybe one of them doesn't have it quite right."
Gary's face dropped. "I have to choose?"
"I think it depends how you define what you read in the bible and that Mormon book you have. Your family has always been strict Mormons. Maybe there's a way you can have both?"
"I don't know. I'm not sure how compatible they are."
"Well there's one thing I know for sure, something needs to change, because I want to see the old Gary back. I miss him."
Gary sighed. "I miss him too."
Gregory knew that Stan was following him. Stan knew that Gregory knew, but they both continued walking at a distance apart.
Gregory led Stan to his house, where he stood by the edge of his garden pond, gazing at his frightful reflection on the clear icy surface. There had been a significant change in Gregory over the past week. An over-confident persona could only disguise the true hurt beneath for so long, and Gregory was hurting. He continued staring at the pond, not making eye contact with Stan as he arrived next to him.
"When I was younger I was told by my uncle that ponds froze all the way through, I used to wonder what happened to the fish. Would they just be frozen in place until summer?" said Stan, in a soft voice. "Then I realised that only the top layer of the pond froze, life still went on underneath. It always carried on even though everything was so... cold and hard."
"I wish that I could get frozen in the pond, long enough for Gary and Christophe to fall apart, and then things could go back to normal." Gregory's voice was so faint, holding none of its usual power.
"Would you really want Christophe back?"
"I don't know, maybe. Maybe he's my weakness; whatever he does I'll forgive him eventually."
What the fuck did everyone see in the French guy? "You shouldn't forgive him. You should find someone else better."
Gregory turned to Stan with tired hazel eyes, dark rings under them prominent on his pale face. He sighed and beckoned for Stan to follow him, into his house and the warmth. "Why are you here, Stan?" he asked as he unlocked the front door and they both stepped inside, knocking snow boots.
"I don't know," admitted Stan honestly. "I guess I saw how distressed and different you've looked this week and thought maybe I should check on you."
Gregory sighed again. "But you hate me."
"I couldn't hate you, not seeing you this hurt."
He scoffed. "How sweet, someone who actually cares."
"Why aren't you kicking me out then, if you hate me?"
Gregory's eyes gave away a faint trace of hurt from that comment. "I've never hated you," he whispered. "You're the one that held a terrible grudge about Wendy, even though I never did anything."
Well that made Stan feel like shit. "I'm sorry."
Gregory knew that Stan's apologies were always sincere; it was strange to get one though. He decided to continue talking about the two boys that seemed to have brought the two foes together. "That night at Gary's, you knew exactly what was going on, yet you were still dressed up to see him. Even though you knew you stood no chance of being anything more than friends. Why? How can you face him without feeling heartbreak?"
"I wanted to show him a good time, a simpler one." Stan dropped his head. "Besides, I couldn't stand to lose him. That would be worse."
"Why haven't you told him how you feel?"
"Because then I'd lose him. He doesn't like me like that."
"So that's worth the heartbreak?"
"I'm not the main concern here." Stan raised his voice. "The main concern is that Christophe is destroying Gary!"
"The Mormon fucking asked for it! Christophe isn't a monster. If it was clear that Gary didn't want it, he wouldn't have done anything." Gregory narrowed his eyes. "Gary is not a fucking innocent victim. Christophe may be destroying Gary, but I think Gary's destroying him too."
"What do you mean?"
"He's never let anything distract him like that before. It's dangerous with what he does. He could get himself killed." Gregory ran his hand through his blond hair, which was not sporting its usual style, it was wavier and more around his face, like he hadn't even bothered to blow dry it, let alone finish it with products. "I've never seen him get so worked up over someone."
"Surely... you?"
Gregory laughed resentfully. "He never ever paid that kind of attention to me."
"To you?! Of course he did!" Stan eyed the Brit. Just look at you, he thought, who wouldn't?
"No, he didn't, he wasn't obsessed to touch me the way it seems he is with Gary. This it, the end of everything. I've lost Christophe, and you are never going to get the Mormon." His words were said with such broken fury, as if before that moment he may have planned on waiting for everything in the French boy's life to fall apart, and then taking him back.
Stan pinched his nose and shut his eyes, he seemed in pain, he seemed like he was breaking. "That's not right. Christophe shouldn't be what Gary wants. G-Gary shouldn't want him. It's not right... it's wrong."
"You like the Mormon this much? What do you want?" asked the Brit. They'd drawn closer, Gregory was panting heavily, a single tear had rolled down and set on his face. He looked into Stan's glistening, caring blue eyes, eyes that held no fury. Any anger Stan held was not deep and dangerous, it was always worn on the surface, and there was none in that moment, Stan's eyes were burst with distress.
"Well, I want Gary. I want what that fucking French bastard has."
"You need to forget about Gary, there are other people in this world. Better people, ones that don't cheat, ones that get cheated on and broken instead." The message Gregory was trying to get across in his words was not quite being received by Stan. "They're the ones that need the attention, the healing touch of a caring person." He leaned close to Stan, inhaling his cologne, causing a small skip in the heart he was sure had been broken. Gregory had no idea why he was doing it; he guessed he just wanted that warm feeling, something that would help him forget for a while. "You're a caring person, Stan."
Stan took in Gregory's sweet smelling scent. It invaded his nostrils and dizzied his head. "I-I am?"
Gregory nodded, stroking Stan's face lightly, the contact sent shivers through him. "You want what the French bastard has, why not what he had instead."
Stan was breathing fast. "W-what do you mean?"
"What do you need, Stan?" Gregory's voice fell soft, captivating, song-like...
Stan noticed the hungry look in Gregory's burning hazel eyes, on some odd reflex he pulled the blond closer. "I need to stop thinking about all this. I just wish I could turn my brain off for a bit."
Gregory draped his arms over Stan's shoulders, pulling himself close with a gasp, taking in the heat. "So do I."
Stan's words came out shaky. "D-do you know a way we could do that?"
A teasing smile played across Gregory's face as he inched it towards Stan's, satisfied that he didn't need to look his normal glowing, immaculate self to get this attention from Stan. But then, he supposed he still looked very good. "I just might." Gregory brushed his lips across Stan's jaw, and then gracefully dropped down onto his knees in a single fluid, tantalizing movement.
As he unzipped Stan's jeans, taking the member he found there out in his hand and beginning to work on it, he found that he could switch his brain off, at least for a little while.
Stan was hesitant to touch Gregory, maybe this is what he'd always followed the blond for, but he didn't want to dare wreck anything, meddle with the blond's appearance. However Gregory desperately encouraged him, he wouldn't break, and he may even heal a little bit. Although the likelihood of that, he considered slim. Stan laced his fingers through the blond's hair, heart thumping fast, both shocked and aroused. His body ached with pleasure as they continued. Gregory sighed at the feel of Stan's hands on his pale skin and the warmth when they entered him.
Turning his brain off, he just wanted a lover to help ease his broken heart.
