"Geez Konan, are you pretending to have a kid or a baby elephant?" Kisame snickered from the back seat of the van.
"Shut up," the woman in question snapped as she yanked off her costume and tossed it into the backseat. The group had pulled over after exiting the park to let Pein switch back to the driver's seat, much to Rostov's immense relief. Driving in a foreign country without a valid driver's license (or any form of ID, for that matter), did not sit well with the black market dealer. "At least it got us out of there."
"That was way too close," Pein muttered as he started up the engine. It was unsettling for the leader to realize how near an arrest had been for them. The Akatsuki had been in trouble numerous times before, but nothing that could be so damaging to the group as this incident.
The ginger glanced in his rearview mirror to look at Sasori and Deidara. The two had been glued to one another for the entire ride out of the park, faces calm and expressionless even as their knuckles turned white from gripping each other's hand. The duo had been split before, after Deidara's impromptu breakup and fleeing to boarding school. From what Sasori had told him, the two had been going through a rough patch in their relationship caused primarily by lack of communication, and being artists they had to confront their problems in the most dramatic of ways. But now their relationship was finally stabilized, and the bomber and puppeteer were closer than ever. Tearing them apart at this point would probably feel like a part of their very soul was being ripped out.
His eyes wandered over to the other members of the group. Kisame and Itachi were bickering about who knows what, Itachi still simmering over the shark's thoughtless comments in the forest and Kisame taking a defensive stance against any of the Uchiha's accusations. Still, even through the fighting you could see the depths of their relationship; the two could read each other's body language perfectly, were capable of completely blocking out the others as they remained engrossed in their own little world, and Kisame was even humoring Itachi and responding to what Tobi had affectionately dubbed to be, "weasel speak" (shortly thereafter, Tobi decided that he would never refer to it as such in front of Itachi ever again. Ever).
Speaking of the other Uchiha…Pein smirked as he saw what appeared to be Tobi squeezing the life out of Zetsu in a choke hold/hug. Even if he didn't care for the boy's rambunctious attitude, the ginger was undoubtedly grateful for Tobi's presence. His relationship with Zetsu had brought a strange sort of peace over the schizo, doing what years of therapy and medication never seemed to achieve. Zetsu was able to function better in day to day activities, and it had been months since either Pein or Konan had been called in to a classroom in order to coax Zetsu back into a calm state-
He shook his head. Those memories were thoughts for another day. Right now, he was just going to think about how a kid whose ADHD wouldn't be affected by a whole bottle of Ritalin succeeded in keeping his best friend from flying off the handle at the drop of a hat.
And while he was on the subject of polar opposites, there were Hidan and Kakuzu. He still couldn't figure out what in blazes drew those two together; it was like mixing oil and water, if the oil were a sullen Ebenezer Scrooge and the water had the language skills of a Pacific Rim sailor. If Pein had to venture a guess, he'd say it was probably the zealot's persistent nature that brought them together. Kakuzu tended to keep people at arm's length, but Hidan had kept pushing and pushing his way closer until he'd finally wormed his way into the banker's heart. In exchange for that, the masochist was rewarded with an insanely devoted and protective boyfriend (if the scars on Kakuzu's body were any proof).
Seeing them together like this, each member of Akatsuki clinging to their partner in some way, Pein felt a strange tightening in his chest. These teens were more than his friends; as stated only a few months before, they were his family. As a leader, it was his solemn duty to protect them from harm and do whatever it took to keep them safe and happy. Had it not been for a sudden epiphany in the forest about how to escape the grounds without a search, they would be sitting in some holding cell in an unknown police station as they awaited a fate that would at least split up Sasori and Deidara, if not the rest as well.
Konan was surprised when Pein's hand suddenly slipped into hers and gave it a brief squeeze. Their escape was nothing short of a miracle that was unlikely to be repeated in the future, and Pein felt guilty for putting them in that sort of situation. He'd be sure to keep the Akatsuki moving next time to avoid drawing attention to the group, hopefully managing to not make the same mistakes again.
Konan squeezing his hand back managed to lessen the grim expression written on his countenance. The two juniors had been together since they could walk, and their incredibly close relationship was a testament to that. Being a leader was a heavy burden, but his second-in-command would be right by his side for every step of the way to help ease his worries. Just like she'd always been.
It was moments like these that made Pein's train of thought stop dead in its tracks as a voice whispered in his mind, "It's times like these that I really and truly love this woman."
"Excusing me, Mr. Pein? I can be going free now, yes?"
Aaaaaaaand moment over.
"Well, it has been several miles, and I suppose you wouldn't try to double cross us and turn us over to law enforcement the first chance you get, right?" the leader inquired.
"Of course not! Mr. Deidara will be vouching for me not liking the pigs, yes Mr. Deidara?"
"…"
"Mr. Deidara, why is you looking at me like that? Mr. Deidara?!"
-Somewhere along the interstate, at approximately 70 mph (or 112.65408 kph)—
"AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!"
SPLAT
-n-
"Deidara, was that really necessary?"
"No, but it was fun, un."
"Zetsu, is the scary man gonna die?"
"He's fine. The worst for him is definitely over."
"Tch, be more worried about us, dumbass," Hidan growled over his map.
"What's the verdict?" Sasori asked, voice and face never betraying the emotions that were swirling beneath the surface.
"We're making damn good time. A few more days like this and we'll be there."
Deidara let out a barely audible sigh and leaned his head against Sasori's shoulder. That was the first bit of good news they'd heard in a long while. As the blond felt his danna's arm move to wrap around his waist, Deidara prayed it wouldn't be the last.
-meanwhile, approximately 20 furloughs down the road (which is a bit under one league or approximately 794.88 rods) -
Anna groaned as she rolled over in her bed. Her head felt like someone had cracked it open like an egg and whisked her brains around until she didn't know which way was up. Wait, since when was she lying down? And why was her bed moving? And who was playing a horrible rendition of Strawberry Fields Forever in C Flat?
Using her fifth degree stage manager martial arts skills, the sandy blonde reached under her pillow and hurled what might have been a snow globe at whomever it was that was playing. There was an audible "Eep!" and the sound of glass shattering against the wall as she fumbled around the bedside table for her glasses, before finally putting them on and opening her eyes.
Jude was cowering on the end of the bed, clutching a familiar acoustic guitar in front of him as though it were a makeshift shield. His boss was radiating an aura that promised pain and death to whomever was foolish enough to make a wrong move. "M'lady?" he finally squeaked out.
"Where the hell are we, why the hell am I in bed, what the hell are you doing here, and most importantly, where the bloody hell is Lennon?!"
The male thespian was on the verge of wetting himself in terror. "The troupe believed your consent lay in the pursuit of my fair maiden, and verily we set forth in the hunt. Alas, you, our mighty and fearless leader could not lead the charge, for you succumbed to a vile and wretched fit, the arrow of fate piercing you like Achilles on the fields on glorious and horrific battle! As to my presence, you need only inquire to Lennon for your answers."
"Where is he?!" Anna hissed out, a visible cloud of doom and despair now hanging over her head.
"He's with Prudence up front, navigating," a new voice chimed in.
For the first time, Anna noticed that Maria was also in the room. Currently, the raven-haired girl was slouching in a beanbag, twirling a curled lock of hair around her fingers as she flipped through what appeared to be another one of Prudence's independent pieces. "You'd figure he'd be back by now, considering it's been almost four months since you passed out."
"WHAT?!"
"Calm thyself!" Jude begged as he shoved the theatre troupe's boss back down to the mattress. The doctor had warned the actors not to let their leader engage in stressful activities or any vigorous movements too soon, and one of the few things that outweighed the thespians fear of Anna was their concern for their well-being. She may be an overbearing tyrant at times, but damnit, she was their overbearing tyrant. "It's not even been a day and night since the fits overtook ye!"
"Then why did-oh god, Maria, not this again."
"I'm telling you, Anna, it was almost three and a half months ago that your vein popped and the doc put you on bed rest."
"And I'm telling you, Maria, that this is not some alternate universe, we are not characters in some poorly-written storyline, and you are not the keeper of the fourth wall."
"The audience does not appreciate your attitude, boss lady." Anna would have made a retort that probably involved threats of pay deduction or kitchen duty, but at that moment the bus swerved widely to the right, and Anna's skull made contact with the wall. "Ow!"
"What horrors have been wrought now?" Jude wailed.
"I believe it's called plot development," Maria put in.
"Remind me to kill you two after I finish with Lennon," Anna grumbled as she curled up underneath her blankets. The whisk was back to do unpleasant things to her brain again, and sleep sounded great right now. "Trusting him to read a map; he can't even finish Hop on Pop!"
"For what it's worth, Lennon's the one who asked Jude to play for you, after his fingers were rubbed raw," Maria stated. "He said it was your favorite song."
"Fine. I will make sure that when I kill him, his death is quick and painless. Now kindly find out what the hell happened before I get up and do it myself." The others rushed to the front of the bus, both to prevent a murderous rampage from their leader and to find out what had caused Prudence, a notoriously cautious driver, to lose control.
-meanwhile, approximately 3 nautical miles north, which is roughly the equivalent of four hypotenuses of a hectare that's been divided into two congruent triangles, or rather 1529.440869 spans -
"Zabuza, you shouldn't drink slurpies. They'll rot your teeth and ruin your complexion. Not to mention your body converts sugar water straight into fat."
The hired gun sighed into his bright blue beverage. He was really beginning to regret getting that brat a subscription to Cosmo last Christmas. Particularly after Haku had read an article about new sex tips and innocently asked him what rimming was. He'd barely been able to come out of his shock in time to stop the kid from looking up images online. Zabuza was a merciless killer that couldn't care less about others, to be sure, but wasn't quite sure he could handle his charge being scarred for life. It might interfere with jobs and such.
"I ate an apple at lunch. What more do you want?"
Haku withheld the urge to remark that said apple had only been choked down after a generous coating of caramel and nacho cheese had been applied, instead taking another bite out of his turkey and lettuce sandwich and scrolling down the page currently opened on his laptop. "Hmm…"
"You have something?"
"Possibly. My research shows that there appears to be some sort of Jashinist colony a bit to the northwest of here-"
"That Hidan kid's a Jashinist, isn't he?"
"Correct. It's possible that they're seeking refuge at this location, until they've formulated a better plan."
Zabuza's hand left the steering wheel long enough to ruffle his partner's hair in an almost affectionate matter, making the younger male smile. Zabuza would never vocally give praise to the dark-haired male for his assistance in their assignments (in fact, on more than one occasion Zabuza had referred to Haku's work as the boy merely paying his rent to the elder male), but a ruffling of hair was the closest thing to thanks the boy got. It meant the world to Haku, and the look on the younger killer's face afterwards melted part of Zabuza's heart.
Now that his work was done, Haku was quick to fish out a weathered copy of Cosmo from under the seat, and within seconds became engrossed in one of its articles. Zabuza felt odd at times like these; seeing Haku reading those trashy magazines or asking to listen to a certain radio station reminded the man that his partner was a teenager at heart, for all the strength and maturity that radiated from the boy. There was a ten year gap in their ages, but you'd never guess it just from talking with Haku. It was almost humanizing, seeing the feminine child like this.
His trail of thought was broken when Haku's lips formed a tight line, a look of confusion taking over his face. "Haku?"
With a naïve look on his face, Haku turned to look at the elder man. "Zabuza, what's a backwards cowboy?"
Zabuza made a mental note to "accidentally" lose the next few editions of Cosmo, and then let the subscription expire.
