A/N Putting drunk-talk into writing is hard. I gave my best.
Meredith and Derek, mostly Derek, got a little out of hand while I was writing this. Consider yourself warned.
Thanks for the reviews, it made me really happy to read all of your opinions of the story. :-) I'm looking forward to reading your reaction to this chapter... so don't forget to leave a review after reading.
Do not yell. You are her boss, her teacher, do not yell. Derek concentrated on scrubbing out more intense than he had ever done before. Disapproval rolled of Isobel Stevens in waves, making the air in the scrub room thick and uncomfortable. Screw it. Derek threw the soap bar into the sink.
"I don't care what your problem is, Dr. Stevens, but if you ever bring your personal problems or opinions in my OR again, I'll make sure that's the last surgery you ever assist in. I am your boss, behave accordingly" his voice was cold as he forced himself not to yell. Meredith wouldn't want him to fight this battle for her, but he had had to say something.
He dried his hands and left the room in a hurry. He needed to leave before he said something he would regret. Today had not been an easy day. Whispers and stares had followed him everywhere and it actually started to unnerve him, so what must Meredith be feeling, the claimed homewrecker? He knew he told Meredith earlier Addison wouldn't jump to conclusions, but still he was glad she had the day off. It would have been ugly and she didn't really needed to hear all the gossip with made-up stories where he and Mer had been seen sneaking around the hospital. One nurse actually had caught on that he rescheduled his days on the same days Meredith was not in, that had fuelled the fire to new heights.
He needed a drink before he went home and talked to Addison.
Joe's was full of hospital staff as usual. He smiled briefly as he remembered the night he met Meredith here. He let his eyes sweep the room for an empty space, he was not that late but the crowd was unusually big. Next to Meredith and Cristina was some empty space at the bar, but that would be just adding more fuel to the fire. He noticed the impressive stack of shot glasses in front of the two interns. He spotted an opening at the bar next to one of Mer's friends, Karev.
He nodded at Joe in greeting "Double Scotch, single malt."
"Sure thing, Doc." he sat down and nipped at his Scotch.
"Evening Karev." He said carefully. He didn't know if Meredith had told him the truth yet, but the way the younger man was holding onto his beer, his eyes never leaving Meredith and Cristina let him think he probably knew.
"Dr. Shepherd." the other man replied.
"Do you know how long they've been drinking?"
"About an hour?"
"They drank that much in an hour. Oh, they're going to be sorry in the morning." Karev snorted in his beer.
"Yeah. They spent the last 20 minutes trying to convince Joe to just leave the bottle of Tequila and two straws with them. I've been watching, waiting for the alcohol to kick in."
"It hasn't yet?"
"Dude, they're still sitting upright. That shouldn't be possible with the amount of Tequila they just drank. They're what? A hundred pounds soaking wet each?" Derek laughed.
"Don't underestimated their ability to hold their Tequila. I've seen Mer drink it like it were water."
"Yeah we all have. Never had a better reason that tonight."
"No, I guess not." He took another sip of scotch, enjoying the smoky burn in the back of his throat.
"Are you okay, Karev?" the other man laughed.
"Sure. Why wouldn't I? Its only Mer, afterall." Karev looked at him. "She gets me y'a know, better than anyone else. We're like the same or something. And now she's got cancer. Man, life never gives her a break."
"Yeah..." it didn't really warrant a proper supply.
"I felt like I should keep an eye on them tonight." Derek looked at Karev, the intern seemed to be surprised. Derek wasn't sure whether it was because he was sharing this with Derek or because he very obviously just admitted he cared. The doctor reminded him a bit of a younger Mark, only... better. But then his view on Mark was severely skewed this days.
"Are you gonna keep an eye on them? I'm going to call it a night, I'm on call tomorrow night." Derek looked up, he had planned to just finish this one drink and then go home to talk to Addison, but Karev looked tired and Derek remembered just too well what being an intern was like.
"Sure." The other doctor held his gaze for a while.
"Don't hurt her. I've seen what you've been doing. And the last thing she needs is you changing your mind about taking care of her." Karev moved and walked away before Derek had time to formulate a reply.
Not long after the other doctor left, Cristina tried getting off the barstool. Derek watched her loose her footing and before he could do anything more than flinch she tried to hold onto Meredith and both were a mess of intertwined limps on Joe's floor. He heard Meredith giggle loudly. He swallowed the rest of his Scotch and got up. By the time he made it around the bar to where they were lying, they had sorted themselves out, but were still sitting on the floor, giggling like two madwomen. Joe was standing over them, worry in his face.
"McDreamy" Cristina saw him first. Meredith looked up.
"Derek." the smile on her face brightened. The two woman clambered to their feet, holding onto each other. They swayed. On instinct, Derek wrapped his arms around each of their waists to stop them from toppling over again. As if the response were automatic, Meredith wrapped her arms around him resting her head on his chest. Cristina stood up straighter, trying to stop swaying.
"I think its time for the two of you go home. You're completely sloshed."
"Weeee're not drrrrrrrunk." Cristina slurred.
"Of course not, Yang."
"'M drunk" Meredith murmured in his chest. He wrapped his arms tighter around her. This would give the gossip mongers a whole lot new stories to tell.
"Put your arm around me, Yang. I'm going to drive you home."
"I cannnn walk." the asian woman said with conviction. Well, as much conviction as a drunk person can have at least.
"Then walk." his hand hoovered at her elbow, ready to hold on should she fall. The doctor made a few stumbling steps, before she almost fell over and Derek grabbed her elbow.
"Will you put your arm around me now, Yang?"
"No get'n frisky. Men take ad'tage of drrrrunk women." Derek laughed.
"I thought you weren't drunk?" Cristina put her arms to her hips and stared at him. Her stare would have been much more effective hadn't she been swaying, now it made Derek smile.
"I promise." she nodded before putting her arm around him, holding her distance.
"Let's go." he slowly half-carried, half-dragged the two woman out of Joe's. The steps to the parking lot proofed to be a real challenge for them as they had trouble putting two feet in front on each other on even ground. He had to stop in between to untangle Cristina's hands from his hair because drunken her had decided she needed to find out if his hair felt as soft as it looked. He was glad when he finally got the two of them into the backseat of his car. He closed the door firmly. It would be a while until he could even think about going home. He got out his phone, and dialled Addisons number.
"Montgomery-Shepherd." her voice was cool.
"Addison. I hope I didn't wake you up."
"It's not that late. I was reading. Are you on your way home yet, or are you still at the hospital." For a moment he considered lying, she had presented him with the perfect excuse, but there was no sense in lying about it, too many of the hospital staff had seen him, she would hear about this sooner or later, he might as well tell her right now."
"It will be awhile. I was at Joe's for a drink after work, and Meredith and Cristina Yang got drunk. I will drop them off before coming home." Addison was silent. Maybe he should have lied?
"Addie?"
"What do you want me to say Derek?"
"You said I should call when I'd be home late, yesterday. This is me doing what you asked." Somehow, he thought, this wasn't quite what she had meant, but oh well.
"We'll talk later." she hung up on him. Derek winced. Calling Addison hadn't been a very smart move. He wasn't looking forward to telling her about the hospital gossip later. Hopefully she would still be awake. Otherwise he would have to tell her tomorrow morning directly before work, because he couldn't let her go in without at least giving her a fair warning about the looks she would be receiving. He started his car. He figured it would be easier to drop both of them off at Meredith's, he wasn't feeling like trying to get Cristinas address out of her in the state she was currently in.
The drive was short. It was an advantage he had enjoyed when he had been staying at Merediths. Sleep was so precious to doctors, and living so close to the hospital always meant a few extra minutes of sleep, or as it had been in their case, often sex.
He pulled up in the driveway. The house was dark. Stevens either wasn't home or already asleep. He looked in the rearviewmirror. Both women were fast asleep, Cristina stretched out and half on top of Meredith, who had curled up in the corner.
He got out, and went to the front door. He was lucky, just like he had hoped, it was unlocked. He left if wide open. Gently he pulled Cristina outside of the car, picked her up and carried her inside. He eyed the couch for a moment, no he wouldn't want to wake up hungover on there, he decided. They wouldn't mind sleeping in the same bed. He carried her up the stairs and into Meredith's room. He felt a bit silly when he pulled of her shoes before tucking her under the cover. She didn't even stir once. He walked down the stairs quietly. He had no idea if Stevens was home, but he wasn't going to risk waking her up. He was in no mood to face her. Meredith was still fast asleep in his car. He gathered her up like he had Cristina minutes before. The last time he had carried a woman like this before tonight, Derek thought as he passed over the threshold, was almost 11 years ago when Addison had insisted he carry her over the threshold as his bride because it was tradition. Briefly he imagined himself carrying Meredith in a white dress, she would giggle no doubt about the silly tradition, but humour him nonetheless. Was she a white-dress-wedding kind of girl? Probably not, he thought. She shifted in his arms, pulling him from his mind and he adjusted his hold on her. She nuzzled her nose into the crook of his neck.
"Smell nice." she sighed and her arms wrapped themselves around his neck as he carried her up the stairs. He felt her lips on his neck, moving slowly along in small kisses. Reflexively he tightened his grip on her. She giggled softly and pulled herself up to reach his jaw. She covered it in soft kisses, it was only a few more steps until the bedroom. Her lips felt so good on his skin. She's drunk, he reminded himself, so drunk you have to carry her to her bed. She doesn't know what she's doing. They were almost in her bedroom when she kissed the corner of his mouth. He twisted his head away. Not so much because he wanted to, but because he knew he had to.
Instead of on his lips, her mouth landed on the spot just below his ear, where his jaw and neck met. That was worse than had she properly kissed him. He moaned when her tongue flickered over the spot. She had discovered it during their tryst in his car at her party. She had been kissing him along his neck while riding him, when suddenly she had hit the spot and it made him buck his hips wildly when the sensation went straight down his spine into his cock already buried deep inside her. It had surprised him, that after more of 20 years with an active sex life, this woman he had just met had found a spot on his body he hadn't known existed to drive him wild.
She sucked on the spot gently. Already his pants were uncomfortable tight, as his cock strained against the confinement of his fabric-prison. Two more steps until he could put her down on the bed, walking became hard. She moved her lips lower down his neck. They were there. He had pulled the covers aside when he had put Cristina to bed, so he only needed to put her down. He leaned over and gently released his hold onto her legs and her back. Her grip around his neck tightened. With a quick twist he hadn't seen coming, her legs were wrapped around him. With a mind of its own, his hips thrust forward into her clothes-covered pelvis. He hovered over her, one arm found its way to her hip, the other holding up most of his weight. She pulled herself up and pressed her lips against his. Her movement made her centre rub across his groin. He imagined he could feel the heat of her arousal even through four layers of clothing. Her tongue teased his lips and they parted automatically allowing her entrance to his mouth. His grip on her hip tightened as he got lost in the familiarity of their kiss. His eyes closed and he savoured the feeling of her lips against his. All thought abandoned him and he climbed on top of her, stretching out, pressing the lengths of their bodies together. Her legs fell of his waist, spreading herself wider open and he sank deeper against her centre. They were wearing way too much clothing. Somewhere in the back of his mind, where rational thought still existed, he knew there was a reason why he wasn't supposed to do this, aside from that she was drunk and he was sober, why he hadn't done this in months, but for the hell of it, he couldn't figure out what it was. She just felt so good pressed up against him like she was, perfectly fitting together. Why had he ever given this up? One of her hands was running up and down his back, slowly dragging his dress shirt and shirt out of his pants. Her other hand was running trough his hair, gently scratching the skin. This was perfection, this was heaven on earth. The hand that had been on her hip, wandered towards the button of Meredith's jeans. With a flick of his wrist, he popped it open, being a surgeon was awesome. He lowered the zipper, before worming his hands inside. It was a tight fight, her jeans didn't leave much room, but somehow he made it. He ran his hand over her panties. They were drenched and she was hot and ready for him. With a little manoeuvring he was able to push her panties aside and he ran a finger over her folds, gently prying them open, teasing her before pushing a finger inside of her. His hips bucked at the feeling. She moaned in his mouth. The tight jeans didn't leave him much room for movement, but for now it was enough. He rubbed himself against her thigh. Meredith withdrew the hand on his back and silently started working on his belt. The hand that hand been running through his hair and twisted itself into his dark locks, holding on, pulling gently when he hit a particular sensitive sport with his fingers. He ripped his lips from her mouth and assaulted her neck. Her hand ran over his erection. He pressed himself harder against her hand. She made cute little moaning sounds that made him want to go on forver.
Something kicked him in the leg. His eyes flew open. There was no way that Meredith had kicked him in the leg, he was straddling one of her legs, and the other one was one the wrong side for it to be her. His eyes moved the left. Cristina. Merediths hand was on him, freeing him of his boxers, teasing gently and for a precious second his mind went blank again. CRISTINA. His body stiffened. Holy shit. He pulled his hand out of Merediths pants as fast as he could. She cried out in protest. He winced at the noise, but Cristina remained oblivious to the world. Her hand in his hair tightened and she tried to pull him down for another kiss. He shook his head and gently removed her hand from his throbbing cock.
"Cristina." he said quietly. She looked at him with big question marks in her eyes. He nodded into the direction the other woman was lying. Meredith followed his movement with her eyes. When she saw her person lying next to her, deep in an alcohol induced sleep, her mouth formed a surprised 'o'. Derek got up. He was still uncomfortably erected, he would have to calm down before he would be able to zip up his pants again. He tried to take deep breaths, but Meredith wide eyes followed his movement, making it very hard to concentrate on something other than how good she felt or that her arousal was still covering his fingers. The heady smell was making him dizzy. He took a few steps back.
"I'll..." he desperately tried to think of something to say "I'll get you some water and aspirin for your hangover tomorrow morning." he finally said, leaving the room as fast as his hard on would allow. Oh god, they hadn't even closed the door. If Stevens... He crossed the hallway and went into the bathroom. He could still feel Merediths long fingers wrapped around his hard on. He just needed to wash of Meredith of his fingers, and focus on something else. He washed his hands with hot water and soap, but the smell was stuck in his nose. She had felt so good. The slightest movement, and his boxers or jeans rubbed against his erection, tingling sensations running up his spine. If he could just... then he would be okay. His balls were sore, begging for release. His hand twitched towards his erection. No, he couldn't do that. This was Meredith's bathroom. That was just wrong. Not as wrong as pleasuring your ex-girlfriend while your wife waits for you at home. Guilt slammed into him, making it hard to breathe. He was a cheater. He had cheated. He had betrayed his vows. For real this time. Addison and he were trying! He barely noticed as his erection went away. Oh god, what had he done. He had almost slept with Meredith, hadn't Cristina kicked him and brought him to his senses. Shit, he almost had sex with Meredith with Cristina sleeping right next to them. He had put his hand into Merediths panties, pleasured her, while Cristina was sleeping right next to them. He was not only a cheater, he was a pervert. He needed to get out of here. Fresh air would help, it would make Meredith's smell that was still in his nose go away. He hesitated. He had said he would give Mer water and aspirin for tomorrow morning. Would he manage to go back into the bedroom? Yes, he decided, he just had to keep his distance from Meredith. He closed his pants. He grabbed a couple of Aspirin from the bottle in the medicine cabinet, the same place where it had always been when he had stayed over during their brief relationship. Meredith was asleep when he came back into the room. How long had he been gone? She had taken off her jeans and was only in her shirt and panties. He kept his focus on Cristina as good as he could while evenly distributed the pills on their nightstands. Water. He needed to get water. Glasses were in the kitchen. He walked down the stairs. As he walked down, he saw that the door to Izzie's room was open, his heart stopped in his chest, but then he saw that her bed was empty and made. That was good. He grabbed to glasses and a big bottle of water from the fridge. He almost ran up the stairs and hurriedly put them down in the bedroom. He needed to get out of here. He breathed in relief when he closed the door behind him, but the breath almost chocked him. He could still smell Meredith. Lavender clung all around him, but he would be able to explain that away by having to carry her, but there was the faint smell of arousal. Had he smeared some of her fluids on him? He hadn't been careful, hadn't been thinking. He checked his jeans for stains in the faint light of a street latern, but he couldn't see anything. Adulterer, the voice in his head screamed, already trying to erase all proof. God, what time was it? He had to go home, Addison was waiting. Waiting for him. Just yesterday she had asked him if he was sleeping with someone else, and he had honestly been able to say no. Today, barely 24 hours later, he had made an liar out of himself. Panic gripped him. How was he supposed to go home to Addison? He only knew he had to. Meredith wouldn't remember in the morning. She was drunk. She would kill him if she knew what he had let happen. He was a cheater, a pervert, he had taken advantage of a drunken woman. Just moments before he had thought about how he couldn't let her do anything because she was drunk, and then that went all out of the window just because she had touched him. What had he done? What had he done? He tried to hold onto one thought, but they wouldn't hold still long enough for him to make sense of them. He drove his car onto the ferryboat and got out to stand on the deck despite the late hour. Maybe the seabreeze would be able to clear his mind, blow away all lingering smell of Meredith on him. The trip was too short, he thought as he started his car again and drove off the dock. Just a few more minutes and he would have to face Addison. His heart beat hard in his chest. He had just about climbed of Meredith, and now he was facing his wife.
When he pulled up next to the trailer, the lights were still on. Addison was in the hammock on the patio, covered by plenty of blankets, a book in her lap.
"You're here." she smiled slightly, "Did you get Meredith and Dr. Yang settled?", she wasn't suspicious. His gut twisted and he felt nauseous. No matter what Addie had done to him, she didn't deserve this.
"Yeah." he nodded. "I need a shower, it was a long day." he hesitated. "Afterwards, can we talk?" She looked at him. "We said we would."
Right, her last words before she had hung up the phone earlier. The call that felt like a lifetime ago when in reality it had only been what?, he checked the time. Not even 3 hours ago. He walked into the trailer, dropping his clothes as he went. The smell of arousal had finally left them. It probably had been his imagination and the fresh air of the sea had flushed it away. He stepped into the small cubicle. The water ran over him. He grabbed his shampoo and started to wash his hair. His nails scrapped over his scalp. Like Merediths had. He drew in a sharp breath. His cock stirred to life again. Half-rising. He closed his eyes. He shouldn't. This was wrong. His wife was right outside. He couldn't jerk off thinking of his ex-girlfriend in the shower with his wife sitting outside on the patio of their home. He grabbed his shaft tightly, replacing his bigger hand with Merediths smaller one in his mind. He rose, coming to full attention. He was ready, it wouldn't take much. He needed to do something with all this sexual tension that was running through him. And relieving it with Addison just wasn't an option, that would add a whole new level of wrong to this whole mess. His hand moved faster, tighter. His head fell back against the shower wall. His jaw clenched, he refused to make a sound. Meredith, she had been so wet around his finger. If they were still together, he would be filling her right now. It would have been rough tonight, he decided. Not the slow, gentle lovemaking they sometimes had done, but the wild, soul-possesing, unrestrained sex. The one were he pounded into her in wild abandon and she clawed on him and screamed until her throat was sore when she came. His hand moved fast and he felt his balls tighten. Almost there. Meredith showed up in his mind, naked, spread out for him to feast on, glistering wet, just waiting for him to take her. He spilled himself and as the tepid water washed the evidence of his doings away, he felt relieved. Then, shame added itself to the mount of bad feelings he had that night. He had just jerked off like some teenager. He felt dirty. He had thought about enjoying Merediths body while his wife was waiting for him to talk. He walked out of the shower, put on his pyjamas, he wasn't feeling like getting properly dressed and walked into the small bathroom to brush his teeth. While he scrubbed them clean, he looked into the mirror, trying to find the man he used to be, the man he thought he was. Tonight he had betrayed everything he had believed in, his vows, his integrity, his honour... Most likely the only part of him that survived the night without harm had been his pride, nourished by the thought that two so attractive women wanted him. He was disgusted with himself as the thought entered his mind. He was a whore. He was worse than Mark. At least Mark didn't pretend to be a good man, a mothers dream for her daughter. McDreamy. Yeah right. He heard Addison walk into the trailer. He needed to pull it together. He rinsed his mouth.
"Ready to talk?" she looked at him as she put down the blankets on the couch.
"Yeah." he swallowed hard. How to start. "There is gossip floating around the hospital..." Derek started. A few hours ago, he could have honestly said that it was just that, gossip. The overactive imagination of people bored with their own lives. Now, whatever they said it held a certain truth to it. He was a cheater. His jaw clenched.
"There is always gossip, This place thrives of gossip." He smiled briefly at Addisons comment.
"About me and Meredith, that we are sleeping together. The reason for this gossip," he spoke fast, hoping to get it all out before Addison could react. Hoping if he just kept talking fast enough, this night would end."On the days when I rearranged my schedule, you mentioned them yesterday, I was with Meredith. I took her to her doctors appointments. She found a lump in her breast and since I was the first of her friends to ask her what was wrong after she found it, she confided in me. She didn't want to tell anyone else before she knew anything concrete. Yesterday she found out its a stage II, IDC. I dropped her off at her house afterwards and Stevens saw, jumped to the wrong conclusions and confronted Mer in the locker room quite loudly this morning. Seattle Grace being what it is, it was all over the hospital before morning rounds were over. So far, in the hospital, its only the two of us, Cristina Yang and Alex Karev that know that Meredith is sick. She was going to tell her friends today, but things got out of hand this morning. That I took her and Cristina home from Joe's tonight probably didn't help, but I couldn't just leave them there, they were so drunk I had to carry them inside. Not that I blame them, getting that diagnosis and then on top of it all the stares and whispers in the hospital today..." Derek ended his explanation,slightly out of breath. Interesting, looked like he was no longer only rambling in his head. Meredith had really rubbed of on him. He felt heat crawling up his neck. Bad thought, very bad. Addison was stone-faced and looked even a little overwhelmed. Derek's nerves were tense, and the longer the silence stretched on, the worse it got.
"Addie?" he asked, almost afraid.
"Meredith Grey has breast cancer?" that was not the part of his explanation he had expected Addison to react to first. He had to give her more credit, she was a good person, she cared about people.
"Yes."
"That's why you've been such a complete ass to everyone but Meredith in the past few weeks?" He winced.
"Yes. Its just..." he shrugged helplessly. "It scares the shit out of me." that was the truth. The most harmless part of the truth, but still the truth.
"How is she doing?"
"Considering the circumstances? Mostly okay, tonights drinking binge aside."
"I'm glad. What doctor is she going to?" Addison nodded.
"Dr. Cox."
"She's good. If I had to go somewhere here in Seattle, that's were I would go." Derek only nodded. What was there to say? He waited for Addison to say more, waited for the big blow-up he deserved, but she was strangely quiet, staring out of the window.
"I'm going to bed." He finally said. The guilt and shame were heavy in his stomach. Was this what Addison had felt after he had left? He laid on his side, staring against the wall. He couldn't close his eyes, whenever he did, he went back to Meredith's bed. He was lying in his marital bed, and he couldn't stop thinking about how she had felt against him. He felt sick. A hand was on his shoulder. He flinched. The hand withdrew.
"Are you okay, Derek."
"No." he said truthfully, what else was there to say, he had just flinched away from his wife's touch.
"Okay.", she sounded hurt, "Stage II, means she has very good chances, Derek. 75% survival rate".
"I know." they were silent. It added to his shame. He had almost forgotten Mer had cancer tonight, his thoughts were so consumed by what he had done and here there was his wife, trying to assure him. And Addison cared! She had tried to reassure him even. He was a disgusting person. Sleep eluded him that night. He stared at the ceiling long after Addison had fallen asleep. What was he supposed to do? The logical thing was to pack up everything, take Addison and leave, go somewhere where Meredith wasn't tempting him. Only... there was no logic to this situation and the thought of leaving robbed him of his breath. Karev's words kept running through his mind don't hurt her he had said. Going somewhere, leaving Meredith behind, the thought was unbearable. Not being able to hold her, not to support her... He had to be close to her. He just had to make sure he didn't get too close to her. What happened tonight, could never happen again. He would not cheapen what he and Meredith had had.
And in all likelihood she wouldn't even remember what had transpired between them tonight. He hoped, and then he could just carry on like normal, pretend it never happened. Did it make him a better or a worse person that he hoped Meredith wouldn't remember their encounter in the morning? That he hoped he could continue his life of lies and pretending and unacknowledged feelings for a little longer. He and Meredith could remain friends and he could keep supporting her and he and Addison could keep doing whatever they were doing, could keep trying. Meredith didn't need more drama in her life, irrational guilt she would surely feel if he left Addison now, he needed to wait it out, just be her friend.
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