Thanks for the kind reviews and for those who are sticking with the story. Love your reactions to what I've come up with and the suggestions I've received. I recently finished Crystal Clear, so check it out if you haven't already.
Kelly hadn't spoken to Cate since his "visit" last week when she put on his shirt and faked an illness to get rid of her next patient...an elderly woman who didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary.
Kelly had made a quick exit and Cate hadn't stopped him. It was now a week later, time for his last session.
He nervously approached the door to Cate's office and didn't know what he would say or do, what she would say or do. No sign on the door. He knocked softly.
"Kelly, I didn't know if you would show today. I'm glad you did." Cate smiled nervously and motioned for him to come in. Kelly dropped into the same chair as always.
"You thought I wouldn't show? After what happened," Kelly began. "I'm an ass for not calling." Kelly said simply.
"No, I'm the ass," said Cate. "I am not only a cheating wife, but I should lose my license for taking advantage of a patient. The worst part," continued Cate looking directly at Kelly. "Is that I don't regret what I did."
"I don't think anyone has ever been accused of taking advantage of ME," laughed Kelly. "I don't regret it either. Not one damn bit."
"Oh, lieutenant, another place, another time, another universe..." Cate dropped her gaze.
Kelly got up and went to Cate wrapping his arms around her. They hugged for a long time. He didn't want to let go.
"Why does it have to be another time, another place? What's wrong with right now?" Kelly's grin was full of hope wishing for more than this woman could give.
"Because neither of us is the type for this kind of relationship. You know what it's like to be cheated on. I am married." There, it was said with a finality that couldn't be argued with.
"So this really is the last time I'm gonna see you?" Kelly knew the answer, but he had to hear it. The thought of not seeing Cate again felt wrong, more wrong than what they did.
"Yes. I hate saying that. You have no idea how much. I wish things could be different." Do not let yourself cry, thought Cate.
"Yeah, me too. Everything you say makes sense, but I don't care about all that. When have I ever cared about what makes sense?" Kelly let go of Cate and just looked at her trying to memorize her face.
"You are going to make me kick you out of here aren't you?" Cate held Kelly's face in her hands as if reprimanding a young child.
"Yep," Kelly put a hand on the back of Cate's neck and drew her in. They kissed softly at first then harder, more desperate, with a need to not let go.
Cate pulled away gently. She wrapped her arms around Kelly and hugged him one last time.
"You be careful, take care of yourself for once." Cate led the way to her door.
"Damn, I don't wanna leave," Kelly didn't want to say this goodbye. "I'm gonna miss you."
Cate kissed him one last time and walked him out of her office. As Kelly closed the door to her waiting area, he felt like he would never see her again.
Cate walked back into her office, closed her door, resting her head on the door frame.
"I'm going to miss you so much too, lieutenant." Cate let the tears flow, tears for what could have been, tears for what she wished would have been.
The homework Cate gave Kelly was forgotten almost as soon as it was assigned. Kelly was consumed with thoughts of his therapist, not his best friend.
"Why have you been so grumpy? I thought Boden was gonna let you get back to squad full force, not half assed?" Shay didn't like that Kelly seemed mad all the time...depression gone but now he just seemed pissed.
"Yeah... so. It's about damn time." Kelly couldn't talk to Shay about Cate. The way she reacted to her at the movies, Kelly knew that conversation was off limits.
"I don't know what I've done to you except be the most supportive friend ever, but your pissy attitude is getting old." Shay had enough and wanted her best friend back. "I'm going to the station."
"Shay, wait." Kelly watched the door slam shut. He knew Shay was right, but wasn't able to shake the anger he felt at losing someone he never really had. He realized he would get over it. He'd gotten over worse, just needed time.
Kelly knew Shay deserved better. He promised himself he'd do better. Back on shift, back to being a fireman, that's what he needed.
Kelly headed for the station, ready to be squad's leader again. Yes, work would do him good he thought.
Everyone at the firehouse knew he was back today, back as lieutenant of squad. As Kelly entered, there were plenty of hugs, handshakes, pats on the back.
"Severide, welcome back." Chief Boden moved Kelly's hand aside to give him a hug instead. "It hasn't felt right around here. It feels right now. Glad you made it back...I knew you would." It was more than Boden wanted to say, but he felt it had to be said. He was aware of how close he came to having to find another leader of squad.
"It's about damn time. Shay's been a real pain in the ass with you gone. Welcome back to full duty. No more slacking." Mouch shook Kelly's hand and gave him a couple of pats on the back.
"Yeah, she's been a mess. We all have. Glad you're back, Severide." Hermann hugged Kelly glad to have the lieutenant back.
Cruz, Otis, Hadley, and Capp all greeted Kelly making him even more uncomfortable. These were good friends, but all the attention was unnerving. He'd been back for a while, but everyone knew this was a big day - back on squad, no limitations.
Mills was more than excited to have Kelly back on squad. His guilt had lifted, replaced by a little hero worship. He gave Kelly a hug, no words seemed enough.
"Alright ladies, don't make me regret coming back. You all are getting soft in your old age," laughed Kelly ready for everyone to get back to work. "Hey, where is Shay?"
"Dawson and her had a run. Possible heart attack," Mouch was back at his paper. Things were returning to normal.
"Hey! Sorry, I was taking a shower," said Casey smiling, coming in from the back, hair still wet. "You look good."
"Feel great. Ready to get off my ass and do some real work." Kelly hugged his friend knowing how much he'd done for him.
"I didn't want to say anything, but...yeah, you've milked this thing for way too long." Casey was glad to have his friend back, but before he could enjoy the moment too much the sound of the alarm rang out.
The scene looked like something out of a movie...three cars entangled in such a way it was hard to see where one began and the other one ended.
Shit, thought Kelly surveying the scene, probable fatalities. He was hoping for a simple fire, one alarm, maybe a dog to save. No such luck.
Kelly rushed to the first car and could see part of a middle aged woman through the driver's side window. He could see the side of her head smashed in from the impact, eyes open, so much blood. He ran to where the second car began, twisted under the first car. He wasn't expecting anyone alive in this one either, but as he neared what used to be the front windshield, he heard a loud groan.
"Someone's alive in here!" Kelly yelled to his team. He barked out instructions and within seconds he was cutting through the front window, revealing a woman hunched in a ball in a small pocket of her car that hadn't been twisted like putty.
Shay and Dawson were on the scene now waiting for some sign of life that they could work on. This was it.
The paramedics rushed to Kelly's side and began stabilizing the woman. She had a few broken bones, head wound, looked pretty banged up, but would be okay. Looking at the mangled mess of metal, it was a miracle she was intact. They got her on a backboard and rushed her to the ambulance.
Casey had been trying to get into car number three while Kelly was helping with this victim. It was the least damaged of the vehicles, but he could see no one in the car. The front windshield was broken out. Not good, the driver, the passengers could have gone straight through the front. What Casey saw next sent a shudder through his body. There, in the back, was a carseat.
"Severide! Get over here!" Casey yelled, worry written all over his face.
Kelly almost stumbled running to his friend not liking the tone he heard.
"Shit," was all he could say when he saw the baby seat. The two lieutenants were calling out orders to their men having them fan out to find any victims from this car.
There was a small barricade about 25 feet from the wreckage. Kelly and Matt saw it at the same time and looked at each other. They ran to the area knowing someone could have landed back there with no one seeing.
As they grew closer, they could hear a soft whimpering. A man in his thirties was lying in a pool of blood behind several orange barricade barrels. He was conscious despite a serious injury to his head. Matt worked on him while Kelly swept the area praying he would find no one else.
"Severide! No one else in the car! He was alone!" Matt called out relieved that there had been no baby in that carseat. The man could answer simple questions and seemed remarkably alert for someone who flew through a windshield.
Dawson and Shay had left with their victim, so another paramedic team took care of this victim. They were also amazed that he looked like he would survive.
"Good job , lieutenants," said Boden patting both of them on the back. Kelly was exhausted. He had no idea he was in such bad shape. He was rethinking that original wish for a fire.
Back at the station, Dawson approached Kelly in the locker area with a huge smile on her face. Kelly was hoping for a shower, but it would have to wait.
"Severide, so glad you're back on call not behind a desk. How was it? You okay?" Dawson could tell Kelly was spent.
"Good. Felt good to get back to it. Damn, I've missed it." Kelly sat on a bench resting.
"You okay though?" Dawson wasn't used to seeing Kelly so done after one call.
"Yeah, feeling it a little." said Kelly understating how exhausted he was.
"A little, huh?" laughed Dawson. "Well, I'll leave you alone. Take your shower."
"Thanks, Gabby. For all of it." Kelly wanted to say more, but knew that Dawson understood. She was responsible for him seeing Cate, for getting his head straight. It was something he would never forget. Two times now she'd saved his ass.
Kelly had just gotten in when another alarm rang out.
"You have got to be kidding me." Kelly said to himself grabbing a towel then quickly throwing on his clothes.
Hadley and Capp were yelling at him to hurry as he made his way to the truck.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming!" He'd grabbed a Gatorade on his way out hoping that would give him a little energy.
"What do we have?" Kelly asked Hadley in the truck.
"Warehouse fire. You okay, Severide?" His team was glad to have him back but they also knew he wasn't back to his normal condition. They were used to him leading the way in with everyone barely able to keep up.
"Yeah, but not 100% yet. Gotta hit the gym, for sure. Just not today," he laughed knowing his 80% would be better than most.
Truck and squad quickly got the blaze under control. Luckily, they got there before it had a chance to eat up much of the warehouse. But if Kelly thought he was exhausted before, he now had a new definition of the word.
He was slumped at the back of the truck, pouring water over his face, sucking in air. He looked up and saw Shay running over to him. He hadn't seen her all day.
"You dropped your phone at the station. Uh, here," she said handing him his phone and turning around.
"What the hell, Shay? I'm fine, in case you were wondering!" Kelly yelled after her.
Shay didn't break her stride. She jumped in the ambulance not looking at Dawson.
"What is up with you? Is Severide okay? He looks like hell." Dawson was waiting for a reply staring at her friend. "Well?"
"I'm done worrying about him. My life has been on hold and now I'm out." Shay wouldn't look up.
"What did he do this time? He's barely been out," started Dawson confused at Shay's anger at her best friend.
"Oh, he's been out! He's back to normal! He slept with THAT woman!" Shay's eyes were on fire.
"What are you talking about? Slow down, WHAT woman?" Dawson was completely confused now.
"His doctor, therapist, whatever she is! That Cate I told you about. I saw a text from her on his phone!" Shay was still muttering words like "asshole" and "unbelievable" while Dawson remained more confused now with the explanation.
"And what's the problem? Did you and Severide elope when I wasn't looking and that's why you're acting like a jealous wife?" Dawson wasn't afraid of calling it like she sees it.
"So you're defending him. After I was by his side through ALL of it." The ambulance pulled into the station and Shay flew out ready to confront Kelly about this "betrayal."
"Where is Severide?" Shay yelled to everyone, but no one in particular.
"Shay, in my office." Boden led the way. "Shut the door."
"I had Casey take him to the hospital. He's fine. He looked like crap, so I wanted him checked out. Casey called and said just dehydration. They're giving him a bag of fluids then he's going home. You go home too."
Shay didn't say anything to anyone. She headed home to face God knew what.
Kelly was on the couch eyes half closed kind of watching some car show when Shay came in. He had seen his text from Cate, saw that it had already been read and put two and two together. Cate had given him the name of another therapist in case he did need to talk to someone again. She had said sorry about what happened four times in the text and also said she was telling her husband. He texted back swearing that if she said sorry again he was going to camp out at her office and never leave. He wished her luck with her family. He meant it.
"So when were you going to tell me that you slept with that woman? You just can't keep it in your pants, can you?! That's why you've been so pissy, isn't it?" Shay was yelling, startling Kelly from his almost sleep.
"Since when do you read my texts? Since when is my sex life your business?" Kelly countered not expecting this. He thought Shay would come in, he would say sorry, she would say sorry, and all would be back to normal. Not this.
"I can't deal with this right now. I'm going to bed." Kelly got up but before he could take two steps Shay was pulling his arm and forcing him to sit back down. His head was now throbbing and he was beyond tired.
"We are gonna talk about this right now! I'm going to have that woman disbarred! You said she helped you. Now I know exactly how!" Shay was out of control and didn't even know why. She felt betrayed, almost cheated on. How could her best friend start a relationship with this woman?
"She's not a lawyer, so I don't think you're getting her disbarred. What the hell, Shay? Do we have a no sex clause I wasn't aware of? Why are you acting like I did something to YOU?" Kelly was confused, exhausted, and didn't want this confrontation.
"I don't know," Shay's eyes were welling up. "I feel like we're in this together and you let her in. I don't know what's wrong with me." She was crying now. Kelly grabbed her head and brought it in to his chest.
There was more to say, but neither friend wanted to talk about any of that right now. Both decided to let the silence linger. They stayed on the couch for a long time and Kelly drifted off finally getting what he wanted...some badly needed rest.
Shay softly moved off the couch carefully letting Kelly stretch out the length of it. She covered him with a blanket and looked at his tired face. He was in the hospital today and she was giving him hell. What is wrong with me, she thought. I need to get on with my life.
The next day Shay went to the station while Kelly stayed home to rest some more. Boden laid down the law. Kelly pushed too hard his first day back. It wouldn't happen again.
Kelly wasn't arguing. He slept a good part of the day, drank plenty of fluids, and thought about his run in with Shay. He finally remembered Cate's homework, a reflection on Shay and what they both wanted from their relationship. He was more confused than ever. What did she want? They had cut their conversation short last night, but he knew they would have to have that talk soon. Maybe tonight.
Shay walked in with a little perk in her step seemingly in a good mood.
"Hi, you!" she said coming over to Kelly before he could get off the couch. "Feeling better?"
"Yeah. Hey, I was wondering if we could..." Kelly didn't get out his request.
"Um, can we talk later? I've gotta get ready. Hot date! Ha!" Shay was all smiles laughing as she ran up the stairs to her room.
When Shay came down, she looked amazing, truly beautiful, like the night of the Fireman's Banquet. She had on a snug black mini dress with a little shimmer, simple but stunning against her pale skin and blonde hair. She would definitely be noticed tonight. Kelly's mouth dropped open, just the reaction she expected.
"Whadya think?" she asked all wide eyed and innocent.
"Who are you meeting? You haven't mentioned word one about anyone? I thought we could talk about everything," Kelly was trying to control his anger and remain calm, not his natural state.
"Not tonight, I'm late. And don't wait up." Shay kissed Kelly on the cheek and was out the door not answering his question, leaving him confused again.
He would admit it to himself... he WAS jealous. She looked damn good. He told himself any man would feel that way. Who the hell was getting to be with her tonight?
Kelly tried to wait up but fell asleep on the couch. He awoke to the sound of his phone. It was Shay and the time was 1:30 a.m.
"Are you okay?" he answered, worry in his voice...good phone calls didn't come at this hour.
"Yes! Great! I figured you WERE waiting up, so I'm letting you know I won't be home. Go to sleep. See ya tomorrow." Shay hung up not waiting for a reply.
Kelly heard the sound of loud music and laughing in the background. To say he was angry would be an understatement. He swore they would have that talk tomorrow. He also swore a few other things as he turned on the tv knowing that sleep was not coming that night.
Shay strolled in around 5:30, hair a mess, shoes in her hand.
"You never answered me when you ran out of here." Kelly's voice made Shay jump. She wasn't expecting him awake on the couch. She felt a little attacked.
"Kelly, I've got to shower. We both go in today." Shay ran upstairs and shut her bedroom door.
God he looked pissed. Her date was uneventful, a candidate from another station she met on a call. Nice girl, not much personality. Shay had spent the night at Dawson's house swearing her to secrecy. Yes, total high school bullshit. What was she doing, she wondered.
When Shay came down, Kelly had already left for the station. Cut and run she thought, typical Kelly. She had to admit she'd been no better last night. She knew they had to talk before things were said or done that couldn't be forgiven. Tonight. They would talk tonight.
As soon as Kelly got to the station, he was summoned to Boden's office.
"Be straight with me, no bullshit. You okay?" Boden wasn't pulling any punches. If Severide wasn't ready, he would find himself doing paperwork for as long as it took.
"My first day was rough, but, yeah, I'm okay. I'm ready," Kelly was interrupted by the sound of an alarm. He waited for Chief to nod or give him some sign to take off. Boden nodded once and Kelly took off running.
The fire was a small brownstone, blaze only on the first floor.
Kelly jumped out of the truck eyes scanning the scene.
"Severide, you wanna take your men to the back. We'll get the front. Let's meet in the middle." Casey was already running to the front with his team.
"Let's do it! " Kelly busted through the back door and fell flat on his back. Capp and Hadley picked him up looking at each other.
Both teams got the flames under control and by the time they ran into each other the fire was almost out. The last job of breaking up smoldering wood was left to Cruz, Mouch, and Mills.
Kelly and Casey were leaning against the back of a truck, drinking water, trying to cool off.
"You alright?" Casey knew Kelly didn't want to hear it, but he had to ask.
"Yes. I know you're worried, but don't. I'm okay." Kelly was glad their friendship was almost back to where it was before Andy died. It felt good to have Casey watching his back. It felt good to have his friend back.
"I can't think of anyone else who'd be able to make it back, myself included. I don't know how you're doing it," Casey smiled at his friend really eyeballing him, making sure Kelly was okay.
"That's about the dumbest thing I've heard. You probably would've made it back two weeks earlier," Kelly laughed knowing his words were true. "Let's get out of here."
The lieutenants got in their separate trucks and headed back to the station. Shay was waiting for Kelly and was at his side almost before his feet hit the ground.
"Hey, can we talk?" Shay was looking around, not wanting anyone to hear their business.
"Really, Shay? We're doing this right now?" Kelly just wanted a shower. He hoped they would talk back at their place tonight.
"Yes, Kelly, really. I don't want another day to go by with us pissed at each other." Shay was looking at Kelly making sure he was okay without asking.
"I'm not pissed. I want us to be back to normal, the way it was." Kelly kept walking hoping to get a shower in this time before another call.
"Okay. Take your shower and we have a date tonight. To talk." Shay squeezed Kelly's arm and kissed him on the forehead. "You know I love you," she said letting him sit on a bench.
"Love you too," Kelly said taking off his shirt. Shay looked at the zig zag of scars across his chest and was glad they would hash things out tonight. No, not another day would pass with them not talking. Those scars were a stark reminder that no one was guaranteed a tomorrow to make things better.
Kelly got home first and started dinner, cheese enchiladas...a Dawson specialty. She revealed her secret recipe on one of her babysitting visits when she had stayed with Kelly all day to make sure he didn't go crazy with boredom.
Shay walked in an hour later with a bottle of Kelly's favorite wine and some ice cream for dessert.
"That smells incredible Kelly!" Shay kissed his cheek and immediately opened the wine. "Let me change and then we'll attack that masterpiece you've created." She grabbed her glass of wine and took it upstairs with her.
Everything seemed great. Kelly wondered if they even needed to talk about anything.
Shay was down quickly and found the table set and plates ready to be loaded with food. Kelly did the honors and the two sat down at the small dining room table.
"Well," said Shay not knowing where to begin. "What are you thinking?" she asked Kelly.
"I'm thinking we're good. We've been through hell. We're over it. All's good," said Kelly stuffing a fork full of food in his mouth.
"All is not good. We have issues! You don't think we have issues?" Shay didn't want to brush what had happened over the last few days under the rug.
"You're right. The last few days have not been good." Kelly started. "I'm gonna be honest with you right now. Cate said I had homework...to think about what each of us wants from the other. She also thought we had issues."
"I don't care what that woman thinks. I..."
Kelly cut her off. "Let me finish. I was jealous when you went on that date looking so good. I don't know why. Sometimes I wish..." Kelly paused, not sure how to finish this thought.
"Wish what?" Shay wasn't letting him off the hook.
"I wish we had more. I wish we were more...maybe more than friends." He said it and was waiting for some reaction. Shay just stared straight ahead.
"I don't know what to say Kelly." Shay took a deep breath and neither one said anything for what seemed like minutes.
"Since we're being honest, I need to come clean. I was so jealous of you having sex with Cate. I can't explain it. I don't know why." Shay took a huge bite and waited for Kelly to respond.
"I say we finish off that bottle of wine, eat that ice cream, and go to bed. I mean separately, of course." Kelly looked awkwardly at Shay.
"Yeah, enough of this sharing crap," Shay laughed not quite over what her roommate had said about wishing for more. "Kelly, it's you and me. We're good. Forever, okay?"
"Of course," Kelly poured the last of the wine in their glasses, getting up to toss the bottle in the trash. He kissed Shay's head on the way back.
The doorbell rang just as he was sitting down. At this hour? He motioned Shay to stay. "I'll get it," he said making his way to the door.
"Cate!" Kelly said opening the door wider.
"Kelly... Jim left me."
Shay could hear the sound of a woman sobbing. She grabbed her wine glass and quickly downed what was left, wishing there was another bottle.
