Not much of an authors note this time. Just the usual, read and review, leave suggestions if you have any, and above all else enjoy.


A middle aged man steps out onto his balcony to breathe in the crisp and cool mountain air. His children have left for school, the wife is out shopping, and he has the house to himself for the first time in ten years. He had a cup of his favorite tea steaming in his hand, and he just took the most relaxing dump he has ever had since becoming a father. This moment right now was wonderful. That is, until he saw a mixture of red and green, then just red, and then a man attached to that red, flying through the air. And then right past him, crashing into his house. Another man with bandages around his head and a green aura floated after the other man into his house moments after. Still on the balcony, he watched as the two men fought violently, destroying his house in the process. The bandaged man spun his hands in a cartwheel motion before transitioning into an upwards elbow, flipping the red clothed man head over heels and crushing the antique glass table. The man in red, with precious glass shards in his back and ass, got to his feet and took a defensive stance. When he was struck, he disappeared in flames before reappearing behind the bandaged man and hit him in his back. He placed his hands on the now kneeling bandaged man's shoulders, planted his foot in his back, and then fell backwards to launch the bandaged man into the air, then incredibly swiftly he hopped to his feet to kick the airborne one across the room. He landed with a crash, a crash that sounded like the shattering of a priceless family heirloom vase. The bandaged man struggled to get up, and the other man took advantage of this. From across the room, a span of twenty feet, he leaped into the air without even a running start with his foot outstretched. The kick almost collided, but bandages moved to the side quickly and karate man went crashing through the window, uttering a vulgar statement. Bandages jumped out after him, leaving the owner of the house alone again. With his house utterly destroyed and two valuable artifacts in pieces, the owner added his tea cup to the junk pile in anger and left to find a broom.

Liu Kang hit the ground hard, but still managed to curse himself for inadvertently hurling himself out of a two story window. Worst of all, after Jerrod had put him through that table, he had a wedgie laced with glass. Despite his ass cheeks being eviscerated with every move, he rolled out of the way as Jerrod use Ermac's telekinesis to make himself drop like a sack full of hammers feet first. If Liu had not moved, Jerrod would have most definitely gored him. Now, Ermac's legs were stuck two and a half feet in the ground. For some reason, this made Liu think of a video game that he and Kung Lao had played recently. Mimicking that game, Liu quickly got to the stuck Ermac and began raining as many wild blows to the head as he could. The punches may not have been as efficient as an articulated strike, but the sheer overwhelming amount of them gave Jerrod absolutely no breathing room or recovery time. Having his head, or rather the head he inhabited being beaten to a pulp, Jerrod reached out with telekinesis for something, anything. He sensed that he had something in his grasp and hurled it with all his power at Liu, who was still beating him senseless while he couldn't move. Ermac's eyes had begun swelling shut, but he heard the unmistakable metal clang of a frying pan hitting something hard, and the punches stopped. Liu felt to the ground, barely holding onto consciousness.

I haven't taken a hit to the head that hard since Shao Kahn's X-ray attack. Liu thought to himself.

He laid down on the dirt, glass shards in his butt and a frying pan shaped goose egg on his head. Despite the incredible pain, he savored the respite from the fight. Sleep looked so appealing right now.

"You cheating rat." Liu heard Ermac's voices say weakly.

"For the last time Jerrod, I didn't do anything with her."

"Right, so you just always let naked women straddle you?"

"You got to give me some credit when it comes to self control on sexual matters. I mean, I'm always around nearly naked women like Kitana, Jade, Mileena, Sonya, and even Sindel and I don't get...AAAWWW!" He screamed mid sentence.

"I'm gonna shut your lying, idiotic mouth for good!" Jerrod raged through Ermac.

He was still nearly three feet in the ground, but he used his hand to focus some of his power, on Liu's testicles. He began to squeeze Liu's nuts with the energy.

"Ow, ow ow ow ow! Look, lets not be too hasty with this, oh my god! Look I didn't mean it that way I was just saying that even though your daughters and wife are incredibly sexy I..."

Jerrod used the power to twist Liu Kang's nut sack 360 degrees.

"Oh for Fujin's sake just kill me please!"

"With pleasure." Jerrod now focused some energy on Liu's neck to strangle him.

Liu was on the ground being strangled to death and having his scrotum being treated like a dog's chew toy. He prayed to the gods that his necked broke first. Then a brain piercing screech pounded into his ears, and evidently Jerrod's as well because the testicular strangulation stopped.

"Both of you idiots stop this at once!" Sindel shouted flying over to them.

"What the hell are you doing Sindel?" Jerrod said as he finally pulled himself out of the hole.

"What am I doing? What the hell are you doing strangling Liu Kang?"

"And mashing my potatoes." Liu said weakly, still lying on the ground.

"This unfaithful piece of shit was cheating on Kitana with my handmaiden Alice!"

"No he/I wasn't!" Liu and Sindel said together.

"I saw you, I saw him on his bed with Alice naked on top of him!"

"Because Mileena put her up to it!" Sindel revealed to him.

"What!" Jerrod and Liu Kang said in unison.

"I found Alice running around butt naked yelling hysterically. I took her to my room and gave her some clothes and she told me everything. She said that Mileena 'convinced' her to try and seduce poor Liu to make trouble. She also told me that you were trying to kill him so I came to find the two of you." She finished by helping Liu to his feet, for he was still clutching his bruised nuts.

Jerrod was silent, and felt very stupid and embarrassed at his reaction. Liu could see this even through Ermac's bandages, and knew he had to do the right thing.

"I told you I didn't try knock up Alice you fool!"

Sindel promptly slapped him in the back of the head. He changed his tone and demeanor.

"Sorry. What I meant to say is, I know how much Kitana means to you, but I need you to know that she means just as much to me, and that I would never betray her trust."

Not intentionally at least. He thought as he remembered the time that Mileena pretended to be Kitana.

"I, I think I can believe that Liu. I'm sorry that I doubted you, and that I threw you through the air, and tried to strangle you."

Not to mention that you may have bruised any gran kids you might have in the future.

"Can we put this behind us?" Liu asked as he extended his hand to Jerrod.

Jerrod didn't take it initially, but Sindel slapped him on the head this time.

"I'd like that Liu." He said, accepting Liu's hand in a handshake.

"I'd also like to get back home and have a word with Mileena." All of Ermac's voices said darkly.


The journey back to the palace went much more smoothly without Reptile's attempted murders. Liu said he was tired once and Jade gave him a look of absolute death, effectively shutting him up for the rest of the journey. Back at the palace, the front gate was guarded by the grizzled guard Bryant only.

"Bryant, where is Eric?" Jade asked him.

"Welcome back General, my King and and Queen, and master Liu. I'm sorry General but I'm afraid Princess Mileena is at it again with Eric. She took his helmet this time, right off his head."

"How does she manage to do that all the time?" Jerrod asked him.

"With respect King Jerrod, Princess is Mileena is quite, um, crafty."

"Did she try to flatter, butter up, or pretty much seduce Eric?" Liu said, somewhat unaware of his bluntness.

"It is not my place to say that Mileena did or did not try to dry hump Eric and remove his pants before stealing his helmet, nor is it my place to say whether or not Mileena seems like the kind of girl who would do this to someone out shear psychotic pleasure, or infatuation." Bryant said the last part quietly.

"I will go find Mileena and deal with her." Jerrod said and he hurried off past a bowing Bryant.

Liu was pretty sure that Bryant's words, especially the last ones, put Jerrod on edge. Right now however, he didn't really care. He went off to find Kitana. Rain brushed him, hard, in the hallway but he let it go, at least for now. He found Kitana in her room, she was waiting for him it looked like. She stood up from her bed when he came in.

"Kitana/Liu I," They both spoke at once.

"I just wanted to say," They both spoke at once again.

They both opened their mouths again, but Kitana placed her hand over his to silence him.

"Liu I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the way I acted. I didn't realize just how hard it was for you to be here and try to get along with my father."

"And I'm sorry that I that I was being insensitive, and acting like overcompensating ass with Rain, and for flooding the bathroom, and for almost getting raped because of your sister and for beating the crap out of your father."

"What?"

"What?"

"Oh just kiss me already!" She aggressively pulled him into a passionate kiss.

They fell onto the bed and made out for five minutes. Liu surprised himself in that he kept his clothes on. He had enough of naked women for the day.

"Ahem." A servant said from the doorway.

"Princess Kitana, your guest has arrived."

"Thank you, I'll be right down." Kitana said from underneath Liu.

"Your guest?"

"I got you a surprise."

Liu just raised his eyebrow curiously and the both of them went downstairs to the front door.

"So, I was hanging out with Rain, and he gave me an idea."

Liu chose to ignore that she just said she was hanging out with Rain.

"I sent a letter to Kung Lao via portal and invited him to come stay while we're here."

"Seriously? That's great!" Liu was ecstatic at the thought of his fellow Shaolin monk staying here.

The door opened and instead of seeing Kung Lao's deadly hat, they saw a man in a suit and sunglasses giving Bryant a picture of himself.

"Now make sure you hold onto that, a picture of Johnny Cage signed by Johnny Cage is priceless!" The person was, obviously, Johnny Cage.

"Johnny?" Liu and Kitana both said together.

"Liu my man! You've put on weight since the Mortal Kombat tournament eh? Kitana, still just as lovely as ever. Can you believe that no one her has ever seen Dragon Fist 1 or 2? What are you guys doing with your lives?"

"Johnny, what are you doing here?" Liu spoke for himself and Kitana.

"Baby Blue sent a letter to the set of Dragon Fist 3. She said that you needed a buddy here because you were failing hard with Kitana's old man Jerry. Don't worry, a little touch of the Cage will loosen anybody up." He said with an absurdly white smile.

"Kitana! I hear that you have another guest coming to stay." Jerrod came around the corner to greet them.

"I guess this is h," Jerrod began.

"Look out its Ermac!" Johnny yelled.

The actor tossed his bag to Liu then front flipped over him and Kitana. He ran and then slid on his knees across the floor, underneath Jerrod's attempt at a greeting handshake, and uppercutted him straight in the crotch. A lesser man would have had his pelvis shattered from the hit. Ermac's orchestra of voices hit an octave that would make any opera singer envious, and part of the ceiling in this hallway was ripped away by green telekinesis.

He just got a lot more than just a touch of the Cage. Liu thought to himself.

"You just got put in the Cage!" Johnny said triumphantly.

"Johnny that is my father!" Kitana screamed while rushing to Jerrod, who sat in the fetal position with his hands cradling his balls because they had finally come back down from his throat.

"Uh, well shit." He said now that his celebration had been stopped abruptly.

"That's what I said." Liu added, being able to sympathize somewhat with Johnny.

Bryant and a servant dragged Jerrod off, for he was in no shape to stand up. This left Liu, Kitana, and Johnny alone.

"So Johnny, we've got a little problem." Kitana began.

"What? Oh yeah, sorry about that. How is Ermac your pops? You'll need to explain that one to me at dinner. How's my hair? I'm using this new gel and,"

"Johnny, I meant to send that letter to Kung Lao, I guess I just thought about you by accident when I sent it."

Ouch. Liu thought.

"Oh, I see." Johnny took off his sunglasses in public.

"Sorry, I, I guess I got to excited and jumped to conclusions. I mean, I canceled the screening of my movie to come here. Stupid me."

He picked up his suitcase with slumped shoulders and began making his way to the door.

"I apologize for bothering you guys. You know your like family to me. Since Jax and Sub Zero aren't the most sociable, and Sonya is so caught up playing hard to get, and Stryker is just a loser. I'm kinda lonely sometimes. Anyway, tell Jerry sorry for me, you guys take care." His head was down and he resembled a kicked puppy as he walked out the door.

Liu and Kitana both thought they heard a loud cracking sound. They thought it was their hearts.

"Oh man, Johnny wait!" Kitana began walking to the door.

"Hmm?" Said Johnny sticking his head back in the door.

"I'm sorry for being so rude, we'd love to have you stay with us."

The door nearly flew off it's hinges as Johnny came bursting in.

"No worries, it just wouldn't be a party without the Cage! Here Liu hold this for me would ya babe?" He tossed Liu his suitcase again.

"So where am I sleeping. Also, what did you think of that attack I performed on Jerry? I thought that for my movies I would be standing a small distance away from my opponent, and that as I was sliding in for the punch I would yell Get Over Here!"


(In Quan Chi's hideout.)

Scorpion was slowly falling asleep as he stood at the side of Quan Chi's chair, listening to the sorcerer negotiate a deal with the Oni Drahmin. Something made him wake up abruptly and he stumbled back, tripping over a tented part of the rug and falling ass first into one of the small lava streams that ran throughout the room. He screamed and squirmed to get. Without thinking, he patted down the flames on his burning buttocks only to burn his hands in the process. He started stomping away angrily past Quan Chi.

"Scorpion, where do you think you are going?" The pale sorcerer said standing up.

Scorpion spun on his heel and pimp slapped the much taller sorcerer, rendering him unconscious, dislocating his jaw, and fracturing his neck slightly from the recoil. For good measure, Scorpion approached Drahmin and drew one of his swords. He masterfully sliced the Oni's mask down the middle, and it fell off Drahmin's face into two pieces. Showing remarkable intelligence for an Oni, Drahmin ran screaming out of the building.


Kitana let Liu show Johnny to his room. She went to go check on her father and found him in his study. He was sitting in a chair and looked half asleep.

"Father, I just wanted to let you know that Johnny Cage will be staying here with us."

Jerrod adjusted the bag of ice the size of Goro's head that rested over his crotch.

"Wonderful." He said sarcastically.


Edenian Princess, you got your wish. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope everyone else did to. I'll admit shamefully that I mainly introduced Johnny because I had writers block. So anyone reading, please leave a suggestion if you have it. Also, I don't hate Stryker, though I find many people do bag on him. He is not my favorite character by any means at all, but I think they're definitely more useless or pointless characters. (Kobra) Finally, if any of you are wondering whether or not Scorpion will join the cast, I'm not sure. If he does, Sub Zero needs to come with so that's definitely awhile away, though I would love to include my two favorite characters in this.