X-Sammii-X, thank you for your review. The old Cal probably wouldn't have given Ethan so much time with Lily! George said in an interview that the writers planned to get Ethan and Lily together, but then they decided they didn't have chemistry. But maybe they'll change their mind. Chemistry is different between every couple and if the writers want more chemistry, they have two very talented actors to work with! I'm glad you like vulnerable Cal and strong Ethan. Thank you for your review.

ETWentHome, thank you for your review - I'm glad you still like the story! That's an interesting point - Ethan is being wonderfully supportive and the brothers seem close, but they're both hiding their feelings from each other, which isn't going to help either of them. Perhaps Lily will be able to help them realise this.

westlife4ever80, there aren't many things I don't love about Ethan, but the way he gets flustered and embarrassed so easily is definitely quite high on the list! He's so adorable. Thank you for your review - I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

Tanith Panic, it's good to hear from someone who's been in Cal's situation. Even though Cal is being helped by someone he knows, that actually makes it worse because he's so used to being strong and independent and hates the idea of relying on his little brother. I'm glad you like Lily in this. Thank you for your review.

Is-there-somewhere-x, I'm glad you like my inclusion of Lily and David - Lily is in this chapter too and David will be back in Chapter 8! I'm slightly worried that Lily and David are fulfilling the same function to an extent, but maybe I can sort that out. Ethan probably can't have too much support! Thank you for your review.

20BlueRoses, having read your wonderful stories, I did have an idea you liked vulnerable Cal! I think Cal is a lot more vulnerable than he likes to admit and here he's physically vulnerable too. I agree that Cal and Ethan have no reason to feel guilty, but I don't think they agree! Thank you for your review.


Ethan almost floated up to the flat. He was smiling as he unlocked the door. He wasn't sure why, but some of the weight on his shoulders had lifted and given him new strength to face whatever lay before him.

But when he heard the sound of crying, he stopped smiling. The desperation returned.

Ethan hurried towards the sound to discover Cal on the kitchen floor. His face was screwed up with pain as he sobbed. Beside him was a smashed cup and a pool of pale liquid.

"Cal?" Ethan crouched down beside him. "Are you hurt?"

With a sob, Cal showed Ethan a red mark on his hand.

It was a burn, but not a serious one. Even so, Ethan sucked in his breath at the sight of it. He knew the burn was hurting, but he knew the reason why it had happened would hurt Cal even more.

"Come on, Cal. We'll hold it under the cold tap for a minute." Ethan knew it wouldn't be easy getting Cal off the floor, but he'd have to do his best. He stood up and slowly bent his knees, keeping his back as straight as he could and his feet flat on the floor. He put his arms around his brother and hugged him close for a moment before speaking softly. "Come on, Cal. You can stand up. It's okay."

He managed to support Cal as he got to his feet – or rather foot – and kept his arms around him as he helped him to hop over to the sink. Cal grabbed the edge of the sink and leaned against it gratefully: the sink was certainly more solid than his admittedly-small brother.

Ethan lifted his hand, intending to turn the tap on for Cal, but he realised just in time that it would be better to let Cal do as much as he could by himself. Doing everything for him would make Cal feel even more useless.

And yet, one day, Cal would be doing everything for Ethan.

Ethan waited, hoping that Cal would be able to do it for himself, but Cal was just clutching on to the side of the sink, tears pouring down his face. Ethan's supporting arms tightened into another hug. "Run it under the cold tap, Cal," he said, his own voice husky with tears now.

Cal sniffed and finally turned on the tap, his movements slow and hesitant. He put his hand under the tap, holding his other hand over his wrist to help protect the cast he was wearing. He'd turned the tap on a bit too much and streams of water flew out, hitting both of them, but Ethan didn't complain as he would usually have done. It seemed unkind and he didn't think he could have spoken through the lump in his throat.

After a while, Cal took his hand away. Ethan passed him some kitchen roll. Cal wet it under the tap and remembered to switch the tap off for once. Cal had trouble wrapping the kitchen roll around his hand, but Ethan helped him, quietly murmuring that it was almost impossible to do it one-handed.

Very gently, Ethan turned Cal to face him. There were tears on his cheeks that he wasn't even attempting to hide. Ethan felt anguish fill his heart. He tore off some more kitchen roll and offered it to Cal. Cal wiped his tears away, flinching slightly as the movement seemed to aggravate his shoulder. Ethan was tempted to do it for him, but he knew Cal wouldn't like that.

One day, he'll have to wipe my eyes. And my nose. And my… Ethan felt horror threatening to overcome him. He'd met people with terminal illnesses who accepted the indignities and focused on enjoying every little bit of life that remained. Emilie had been like that, at least once she'd realised it wasn't her fault her boys had been taken away. But Ethan had always been shy about asking for an accepting help. He couldn't imagine anyone doing all that for him.

Ethan cleared his throat and managed to find his voice. "Were you trying to make tea?"

Cal nodded tearfully.

Ethan tried to keep his tone non-judgemental. "Why didn't you wait for me?"

"I wanted to make it for you," sniffled Cal.

"That was really nice of you," said Ethan. This was no time for getting impatient with Cal – and Ethan didn't feel impatient in any case. Only sad. "Thank you for thinking of me. But there's no way I'd be able to make tea with your injuries." And there's no way I'll be able to make tea when... no, don't think of it, Ethan."Come on: I'll get your chair for you."

Cal didn't argue. The wheelchair was beside the sofa: Cal must have hopped all the way into the kitchen. Ethan took the brake off and wheeled the chair over to Cal, who was standing on one leg, still holding on to the sink.

"Here you are," said Ethan as he helped Cal to sit down. "It's okay."

Cal didn't seem to agree with that. Or perhaps he was reacting to the shock of what had happened. He hung his head as tears poured down his face.

Ethan wheeled Cal as close to the sofa as he could. He sat beside him and hugged him tightly. "I'm here, Cal. I'm here."

"I hate this," wept Cal. "I feel so useless. So helpless."

"I know," said Ethan softly. "But it won't be forever. I promise."


Ethan awoke feeling exhausted. He'd had to get up twice in the night to help Cal into the bathroom, but he knew that wasn't why he was so tired. It was more the lying awake, imagining his life as it rushed towards its sad conclusion, that had really got to him.

Cal would get better – but Ethan would only get worse.

The only consolation was that it was Ethan and not Cal. He thought seeing his brother suffer would be even worse than suffering himself.

Ethan reached for his alarm clock and held it close to his face, deciding it wasn't too early to check on Cal. He swung his legs from the bed and was alarmed when a sudden wave of dizziness caused the room to swirl around him. His legs gave way and he sat down hard on the bed. It didn't hurt, but panic filled him: how could he care for Cal if he was ill?

And what would happen when Ethan was helpless and Cal was ill?

But as he sat there, Ethan's fears and heartbeat gradually calmed. He'd probably stood up too quickly. He gave himself a few minutes to breathe deeply and stood again, relieved to discover that the room remained in its proper place and he didn't even feel slightly wobbly as he made his way to Cal's room.

He was quite relieved to discover he was asleep. Perhaps in his sleep, Cal was happy. Ethan had a quick shower and had some breakfast, then he got on with the housework. He'd cleared up the kitchen and re-made Cal's bed last night, but exhaustion had sent him to his own bed not long afterwards.

When the doorbell rang, he almost didn't answer it, but he was glad he had when he realised it was Lily. She hugged him tightly and Ethan was hit by a sudden urge to cry. He felt so tired and afraid.

"Would you like some tea?" he asked shakily.

"I'll make it. You look tired."

"You're my guest," Ethan tried to argue, but he was no match for Lily. He sat on the sofa and got himself fully under control as Lily busied herself in the kitchen. He'd asked her to shout if she had trouble finding anything, but she worked quickly and efficiently with no apparent problems.

"I was wondering if there was anything you needed," said Lily, when she'd returned with two mugs of tea. "I can go shopping at lunchtime, if you prefer."

"That would be really helpful," admitted Ethan. He stared at the wall over Lily's shoulders and swallowed in an attempt to dislodge the lump in his throat.

"Ethan." Lily took his hand. "Everything will be okay. You can cope with this."

Tears welled in Ethan's eyes. "I don't know if I can, Lily. And it's all my fault."

Lily held his hand tightly. "Ethan, you have nothing to feel guilty for."

"Of course I do." Ethan's tears tracked down his cheeks. He wiped them away quickly. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay to feel sad," said Lily. "It is sad what has happened to Cal. But it is not your fault."

"Everyone blames me," said Ethan, barely audibly.

Lily shook her head. "I don't think anyone blames you, Ethan. They were shocked and worried about Cal, but they know you. Dr Gardner asked me to go with her and speak to Mrs Beauchamp about your drinking habits. I refused, but I gather Mrs Beauchamp was not interested. I should not repeat gossip, but Robyn overheard Dr Gardner telling Jacob about it. Mrs Beauchamp suggested that Dr Gardner should refrain from reporting her colleagues in future as going on past experience, she's almost certain to be wrong."

"But I blame myself," sniffed Ethan. "I don't know if that will ever go away. I try not to think about it. I know thinking about it won't help. Usually, I'm quite good at not thinking about it. But every so often, it hits me. And it hurts."

Lily pulled Ethan into her arms as he began to cry again.

"And I just keep thinking," sobbed Ethan. "I keep thinking about when our positions are reversed and he's the one helping me. Knowing I'll never get better. Knowing it's only going to get worse."

"Oh, Ethan," whispered Lily. "I wish I could make you feel better. But I will always be here, if you want me to be."

Ethan cried even more because he wanted that more than anything.