AN: This chapter has the big reveal. Everything will become clearer in the end. There's also humor and action, so hell yeah! Two more chapters still to come, so don't worry too much about this ending.

Chapter 7: The Punchline

Marceline dragged Finn down into the Lich's lair and away from the ongoing massacre on the surface.

"Oh, come on Marcie! That looked like a great time back there!" Finn whined once being let loose from his queen's grasp.

"We came here fo a reason Finn, remember?"

"Oh yeah. So where are we going?" his eyes searched through the dank tunnels, looking for a path to follow.

"How should I know? I've never been here before, but you have." she stated ever so accurately.

"Well last time I kind of just went... Down..." Finn mumbled thoughtfully.

"That's helpful. Let's get going then." she said with a sigh then floated off to look for an entrance to a lower level.

"Hey, wait up! This place gives me the creeps." Finn made a face at the disgusting moldy floors.

"You want me to hold your hand?" Marceline asked teasingly, but was surprised when Finn eagerly accepted her sarcastic offer. "You're such a whimp." she laughed.

"Yeah, but I'm your whimp and you love me!" he replied now gliding along with her in her search.

"I guess I do, not sure why though." she poked at him with her free hand and stuck a forked tongue out at him.

"That's not very nice. I'm already insecure with my emotions, you don't need to make me feel worse." Finn frowned.

"Ok, I'm sorry! I'm already holding your hand, what else do you want from me?" Marceline grumbled.

"A kiss." he stated slyly. Marceline rolled her eyes, but obliged him anyway and a goofy grin spread across the young vampire boys face.

"Better?" she asked, wanting to get on with the task at hand.

"Totally." Finn answered.

"Ya know, some times it feels more like I'm your mom than your girlfriend." Marceline complained of the hero's immaturity.

"Well technically, you're way old enough to be..." It was now Finn's turn to take a verbal jab at her, but for his joke he recieved a swift fist to the shoulder and a scornful scowl. "Ow. It was just a joke!" he whined while rubbing his shoulder.

"Well it needed a punchline, Now come on." Marceline led the way down an ancient corridor and after various twists, turns and dead ends, they reached a room with a gaping hole in the floor. Looking down through to the lower level, they noticed more mercenaries had stayed behind to continue guarding the lair. "Damn it." Marceline cursed under her breath. She was nearly certain they wouldn't run into any opposition down here, not while they were being attacked by destruction incarnate on the surface. "Ok, there's five dudes down there. They don't know we're here, so we strike fast, they fall hard. Got it?" she whispered to Finn.

"I'm totally down with blitzkrieg, let's go bop 'em on the head!" he nodded.

"Alright..." Marceline replied, readying her axe. "On pi; 1, 2, 3, 3.14." The vampires silently lowered themselves down through the hole, keeping out of the mercanaries' views. All five were standing idly by, wholey unprepared for the hell that was about to rain down upon them.

Marceline hovered above a merc in one corner while Finn snuck behind one in the adjacent corner of the room. Both struck simultaneously. Marceline reeled back and made an underhand arc with her axe, colliding with the head of the unsuspecting mercenary as if she'd T-ed off a golfball. He flew a few feet away, then crashed to the floor out of commision. Meanwhile, Finn bashed the handle of his sword into his targets cranium, dropping him to his knees and then onto his face.

Unfortunately, these actions were none too quiet and had garnered the attention of the three remaining guards, who aimed their weapons and sprayed shots out at the undead intruders. Moving targets are hard to hit, but targets that are flying through the air toward you and wielding weapons are substantially more difficult to plug a bullet into. Marceline disarmed one guard with her axe, where as Finn had grasped onto the barrel another merc's gun, forcing it in the direction of the third remaining man as the weapon's weilder held down the trigger, spewing out hot lead which dropped the merc to the floor, leaving only two.

Still gripping onto the gun, Finn delivered a devastating elbow to the cloaked man's face. He couldn't tell for sure, but he thought he felt the merc's nose cave in behind his vail (which made Finn ashamedly hungry). Taking the rifle out of the hands of his fallen opponent, Finn tossed the weapon to Marceline who had backed the unarmed guard into a wall. With one hand she caught the weapon by its barrel and smashed it over her foe's head, splintering off the wooden stock in the process.

"Well that was a little harder than I thought it'd be. I think it's this monkey suit, it's throwing my mojo all out of whack." Finn commented while trying to adjust the constraining sleeves.

"You really don't have any room to talk about what you're fighing in, I'm wearing heels and a dress! You have any idea how hard it is to keep this thing covering me while I'm kicking butt? It's like this dress has a mind of its own and wants to come off every two minutes." Marceline told her case while pulling her top further up over her chest.

"I like the way your dress thinks." Finn said attempting to sound seductive.

"Finn, I know we're kind of alone-ish now, but this is hardly the time or place for talk like that."

"What? You get to talk that way to me all the time, then when I try sounding naughty it's not chill? This is sexism." he huffed poutily.

"It's totally chill Finn, just save it for the bedroom." she encouraged.

"I can't make witty remarks about your dress in the bedroom." he sighed.

"Why not?" asked Marceline, geniuinely confused.

"'Cause you're already out of the dress by then!" Finn's joke was met only with a very unamused face.

"Seriously, knock it off for now. We got to go find Billy and figure out who's behind all of this."

"Alright." he maoned, disapointed that his humor wasn't well recieved. They continued on until they arrived upon a large chamber with a green glow eminating from within. Inside the room they saw an unconscious Billy chained to a wall and a figure in a long black hooded robe standing on the other side of the Lich's well. In the robed figure's hand was the snail, who mockingly waved at the couple as they made their entrance.

"So you're the one behind all this, huh? And you don't think the robe is just a tad too cliche?" Marceline asked, addressing the mysterious person whom she figured to be the mastermind.

Instead of answering, the robed figure simply turned its hand over, dropping the snail into the bubbling liquids of the well.

"No! Do you know what you've just done!" shrieked Finn. "Seriously though, 'cause I don't. Is that like a big thing, the sail in the well?" He turned to Marceline who could only asnwer his inquiry with a shrug. Green vapors then arose from the volitile chemicle compound and lingered in a mist like sate above.

"So, obviously not being the most original villain, I suppose this is where you reveal your identidy and motives." said the queen, speculating the robed figure's next move.

"Like yeah," it spoke in a gruff masculine voice. "You lumping man stealer!" The robe was removed, revealing Lumpy Space Princess to be the one behind the plot.

"What?" the heroes both exclaimed in unison. Niether Finn nor Marceline had anticipated this tactically ruthless and well organized foe to be the spoiled princess of Lumpy Space.

"But why? Don't you know what the Lich is going to do?" Finn was baffled that someone he once considered a friend could do something so diabolically disasterous.

"Of coarse I do! He's gonn'a destroy stuff and kill people. Duh!" She answered arrogantly. "You broke my heart Finn, so I swore revenge on that cold hearted skank for stealing you away from me!"

"You best watch yo mouth bitch." Marceline snapped back sassily.

"Can it you undead hoe, I'm telling a story here! So anyways, with my Lumpy Space parents' money I hired those totally gross low lives to gather all the crud I needed to bring back the Lich. I made a totally sweet deal with him too. The Lich spares my little love muffin, so I can have him all to myself, and he can destroy the rest of Ooo. Especially you, ya blood sucking bimbo!" LSP pointed a chubby purple finger toward Marceline, clearing any doubt as to whom she was refering with her insult.

"Finn, I can kill her now, right?" Marceline growled, awaiting confirmation.

"Well I really don't think you should kill her..." he answered.

"I Shouldn't, but I probably will anyway."

As the two vampires were arguing over how best to deal with the treacherous princess, the green mist had made its way to the sleeping giant and began forcing itself down Billy's esophagus.

AN: LSP is really the punchline of the story. I don't know if anyone saw it coming, but she was really the only character from my last story that made sense. I suppose it could have been Bubblegum with similar motives, but I just don't think she's into Finn. Oh also, Blitzkrieg Bop is a song by The Ramones, just in case you didn't pick up on that earlier.