With Every Breath, I Fight
"Victory is always possible for the person who refuses to stop fighting."- Napoleon Hill
Nightmares…every night they plague my mind. I awoke in a cold sweat just like every other morning. Memories of burning pain and the cold, dull ache of loneliness are the most recurring themes of my dreams, however, there is now a new character…the lovely Belle. This time I wasn't alone in the writhing flames; a woman's scream intertwined with my own until I couldn't tell which was which.
I leapt out of bed and splashed water on my scorching skin from the basin sitting on a table by the bed. I dried my face and glared at my reflection in the mirror, horrid deformed beast! How dare I come within a foot of Belle, that gorgeous little flower that sleeps just a few feet away in the next room? She doesn't deserve this, not me, not having a monster for a husband. A bitter taste came to my tongue as I realized that I must be the most selfish man in existence for although I love her with every fiber of my being, I'll never let her go, no matter how cruel a monster that makes me.
I dressed quickly in my usual black clothes and executioner's mask then went to Belle's bedroom to see if she was awake. I knocked on the door twice before Belle said, "Come in." Belle was sitting at her vanity, running a comb through her long brown tresses, still dressed in her thin white nightgown. I stood beside the vanity mirror, gazing at her as her own reflection would, admiring every detail of her beautiful face. "Good morning," she cooed, stifling a yawn. "How did you sleep?" Choking back the need to tell her the truth, I lied, "Pretty good, how about you?" She looked at me with a shrewd look in her blue eyes, "Liar, I heard you screaming all night long." I chuckled to hide the shame, "My nights are never good." She laid the comb down on the vanity and turned on the bench to face me. "Why are you wearing a mask? I've told you a thousand times it's not necessary. I don't fear you anymore." This time I laughed out of genuine amusement. "Now who's the liar? You do still fear me, though you hide it very well." I said with a hit of bitter laughter ringing in my harsh voice. I sighed when she didn't protest. Oh well, what did I expect. "I'm wearing a mask because I need to go into town for supplies. Do you want to come with me?" "Yes!" she replied in excitement, jumping from the bench and skipping to her wardrobe. "Meet me in the stables when you're ready." I told her before leaving her to dress.
"I'm so excited!" she giggled as she watched me saddle Grim. "I feel like I've been here forever." I looked up at her smile, "It's been about a month. I don't blame you for wanting to leave…if only for a short time." Bringing the horse outside, I hitched the ridiculously large stallion to a small cart. "Would you like to ride in the cart or on Grim with me?" I asked, turning towards Belle. Her cheeks flushed scarlet, I would prefer to ride with you, but I'm a little afraid of your…um…horse." She was standing a good six feet from Grim and looking at him like others would look at a viper. Who could blame her? The last time she'd been anywhere near Grim was when I was chasing after her during her first escape attempt. I say first because I doubt it will be the last. A grin stretched my tight skin painfully. I strode slowly to her and took her hand. "It's alright. I'll protect you." I whispered in her ear as I lifted her effortlessly onto the saddle. In one fluid motion I hoisted myself onto my charger's back. Gingerly, I wrapped my arms around Belle's waist and took hold of the reins. "Hold on tight." I instructed her, with all seriousness for Grim was a war horse not a beast of burden, then snapped the reigns. Grim went into a quick run. Belle's fingernails dug into the leather of my gloves and she buried her face in my chest. "Stop fretting so. I've got you and I'm never letting go." She smiled at me, comforted by my words. Little did she know, I wasn't just talking about the ride. I wondered if she would smile so fondly at me if she knew that.
We arrived safely at the town of St. Elswick at noon. I swung off of Grim's back then helped Belle down. The poor girl had to clutch on to me for support-not that I would ever complain. I knew that the passers by would probably mistake this as a lover's show of affection. These people know me as Sir Grendel. I come to St. Elswick at least once a month. No doubt seeing me with a woman would kick up many rumors. I reached into my cloak and pulled out a small bag of coins. "Here, you may go spend this in the shops while I get food and horse feed." Belle studied the weight of the coins in her hand. "I can't accept this." she said, handing it back. I curled her slender fingers back around the bag, "Yes you can. You need some new clothes. You can't go on wearing the same dresses over and over again, can you?" She stared into my eyes for a long moment before turning away to the shops. I watched her as she walked slowly to the shops, unaware of the many eyes that watched her. Yes, I did notice the stares of the men around me, eyeing my young wife's backside like a fresh piece of meat. If I were not trying so hard to keep my anger problem under control, I would have castrated them all. Her backside is for my eyes only…even if she doesn't know that.
I finished my errands quickly then went to look for Belle. As I walked past a dress shop I caught a glimpse of Belle in the window, carrying several bundles in her arms, she disappeared into another room. I entered the store and sat down in a chair by the mirror to wait for her. The shop keeper, an older woman with graying red hair and a very wide body, approached me, her grey eyes wide with shock. "My Lord, Sir Grendel? What brings you to my dress shop?" she asked, clumsily curtsying. "I'm waiting on the beauty." I said, pointing towards the changing room. "Oh!" the woman said with a hefty giggle, her plump cheeks reddening. "So you're the husband." She erupted in laughter then -seeing my glare- she caught herself and abruptly stopped. "Forgive me Sir. I just never guessed it was you she was going on about. I didn't think you were even married." I shrugged and looked away from her, "We're newlyweds." She smiled cheerfully, her entire round face now as red as a beet. "Well if you don't think me too bold for saying, Sir. That's a fine catch you have there. She obviously cares about you a great deal, the way she fretted over those dresses so. She constantly asked for my opinion or what your opinion might be. She wanted to look her best for you, you see. Sweet girl." I really hope my face did not look as flabbergasted as I felt.
The shop keeper's grin broadened even more as Belle returned from the dressing room, wearing a deep green dress with golden threads woven into the long sleeves. She smiled shyly and twirled around so that I could see it from all angles. Before her mouth could move to form the words I answered the question I knew was coming, "You look absolutely beautiful, Belle. You always do." And I meant every word, for she seemed to glow with pure joy. I have never been more in love with her than in that moment. I got up from the chair and took Belle's hand in one hand and tucked her packages of new clothes under my other arm "Congratulations!" the shop keeper called after us as we left, hand in hand.
We went back to Grim and the cart and I put Belle's purchases with the rest of the things that needed to be loaded up. "Damn it!" I cursed beneath my breath. "I forgot the potatoes." I scowled unhappily as I reached for some more money. I handed her three more coins and pointed to a produce cart a few yards away. "Go buy us some for tonight's dinner, while I load the cart." She ran right to it and was going about her task when the miller's freckle faced daughter and her fat cousin began speaking to her, glancing in my direction every few seconds as if they expected me to come charging at them at any moment. Unfortunately, they were not out of earshot.
"Are you here with Sir Grendel?" asked the miller's daughter. Belle's head tilted to the side slightly in confusion, "Who's that?" she asked. The two younger girls pointed my way, "The man in the mask." they said. "Oh, forgive me. Yes, I did come with Sir Grendel." She shot me an amused look. The cousin smiled cunningly, "We saw you two embracing today when you first arrived. We've never seen you with him before…or with any woman for that matter. Are you his lady?" Belle blushed violently, "Y-yes, I'm his wife." "How come we haven't met you before? He comes into town at least once a month." Belle tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear in that bashful manner of hers. "We were just married." "Newlyweds!" the girls shrieked with glee. They drew closer to Belle and dropped the volume of their voices to a whisper, but a skilled hunter like myself could still manage to hear them…unfortunately. "What does he look like under that mask? Is he ghastly? Handsome? Deformed? Was he maimed in battle? Is he human at all?" the girls asked in a flurry. I winced at every question. Oh, the horrors they must have imagined. I bet they didn't envision anything close to the face that lay beneath this mask. I waited in impatient silence for Belle's answer. "I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss the matter. Now if you'll excuse me…" Her voice trailed off, drowned out by my sigh of relief.
After the potatoes had been bought and we had loaded the cart, Belle and I went for a stroll through the market place. "Thank you." I whispered, squeezing her hand. "For what?" she asked, her eyes drifting to the ground before her and away from my adoring gaze. "For not telling them what I look like. I never made you promise your silence. That was very kind of you." She gawked at me, "How did you hear that?" I chuckled in response. "By the way, why do they call you Sir Grendel?" she asked with a smirk. "Well, I couldn't tell them my real name, could I? Beast is a strange name for a man." I laughed. She sighed, "I truly hate calling you Beast." We stopped at a fruit stand and she laid her head on my shoulder. "It doesn't fit you at all."
I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into a dark place between the fruit stand and another shop. "What's this about?" she gasped in surprise. "Do you love me, Belle?" I asked in a croak, my throat and stomach tight. She blinked up at me as I leaned over her. She opened her mouth to speak, but all that came out was a squeak. "The dress shop keeper told me that you seemed to care for me a great deal. Is it true?" Belle turned away from my face as if ashamed, "It's very true." she whispered. "That's why I hate calling you Beast. A monster could never love me as you do and I…" she reached up on her tiptoes and folded the mask over my nose. "…don't see a monster before me now. I see a beautiful man. A man who loves me more than anyone ever could." We kissed and joy swelled my heart. I held her close, my arms like a vice. I never wanted this moment to end, but all good things must. She ended the kiss and pried herself from my arms. She laughed lightly, brushing her hair away from her face, breathing hard. I took her hand and kissed it, savoring it's warmth. "You don't know how you happy you've made me." I said, my raspy voice once again ruining the romance. Belle smiled and kissed my cheek. "I can imagine. I've never seen you smile so much." I hugged her , breathing in her sweet scent. I felt like I was in heaven. This was the happiest day of my life! I was on top of the world!
Then, yet again, I was kicked me from my pedestal. We were riding home. Bell was asleep in my arms, her head resting against my chest as Grim trotted quickly down the road. Suddenly, he stumbled and began to fall. I kicked out of the stirrups and jumped off of his back with Belle clasped in my arms. Grim landed with a great thud on his side. I looked down at the frightened Belle, "Are you alright?" I asked. She nodded weakly. I let her go and went to my faithful horse's side. I unhitched him from the broken cart and checked him for injuries. There were none, thank the Lord, though he'd thrown a shoe. "We're too far from St. Elswick to turn back tonight. We'll camp here for tonight and take care of this in the mess in the morning."
We made a fire and, using our cloaks as blankets, we laid down on the ground and tried to get some sleep. "I wish you'd tell me you real name, Beast." Belle said against my neck. "Why does it matter? That isn't my real name anymore. I told you, that man's dead." I grumbled, my eyes shifting to the fire. "Please" she begged, batting her eyelashes. "…Eric…Eric was my name." I rasped, flinching as the name left my lips. I cold deny her nothing. She beamed at me, her eyes shining as bright as stars in the dark night. "That's a beautiful name,…Eric." I scowled though she couldn't tell through the mask. "Don't call me that." I groaned. She shifted in my arms, drawing closer. "Fine, I've become too used to calling you Beast, anyway. Anything else would sound strange. I suppose you'll always be my Beast." she whispered. I tightened my hold on her and closed my eyes. For the first time in a long time, I slipped into a dreamless sleep.
Sometime during the night, Belle slipped out of my arms. I awoke in a panic, afraid that she was making a run for it. But she was still there when I jolted upright, screaming her name. Blush. "It's okay, Beast. I'm only going to … take care of some business." she said, motioning towards the bushes. I laid back down and closed my eyes again only to hear her scream a moment later. At the sound, I sprung to my feet. Two men in grey cloaks appeared from the darkness. One, dragging Belle along with a knife pressed to her throat.
"Evening, Sir" the one with the knife greeted. "I'm Miles and this is my brother, Oscar," he motioned towards his laughing companion. Oscar and Miles smiled wolfishly, their teeth an expanse of rotting nubs. We'll be taking all of your goods and whatever you have on you. Cooperate and no harm will come to your woman." I reached to my belt and tossed a bag with barely five coins in it to the youngest highwayman. "There, that's all I have left. Take it, take whatever you want. Just don't hurt the girl." I pleaded, cursing myself for not bringing my sword. Oscar counted the money with a displeased expression. "This all you have?" He asked me. I nodded, "Spent all my money buying supplies." Oscar turned to his brother and, grinning, looked over Belle's body. "What a pretty dress! I bet it would fetch a pretty penny." "Don't you dare!" I hissed. "Behave yourself, Dog!" Miles taunted, pressing the knife against Belle's neck. Belle yelped and a trickle of blood rand down to the collar of her dress. "Watch him while I help the lady with her dress." Miles ordered his brother with a chuckle. "How come you get to have all the fun?" Oscar whined, unsheathing his sword. Miles turned his dirty head and grinned at me, "Don't worry, you'll have your turn." he laughed, disappearing into the pitch black woods. With the eldest highwayman out of sight and Bell in imminent danger, I focused on my guard. I needed to work swiftly.
Despite the seriousness of the situation, I found myself laughing to the point of tears. "What's so funny?" asked the shaken boy, his sword quivering in his grip. "Your brother's a fool for leaving one man to guard someone like me." "W-what do you mean?" he stuttered. I ripped off my mask. "D-demon!" Oscar shouted, dropping his sword. Pity, it was his only means of survival. He clambered off into the woods and ran in the direction his brother had gone. I picked up the sword and went after him. I grinned at his panicked, staggering form. The idiot would lead me right to them. As I chased him further into the woods, Belle's cries for help became louder and louder. Oscar ran to a ring of elm trees where Miles and Belle were struggling with each other. "Miles! He's…he's a d-" His screams were cut short my his own sword as I sliced him from crown to belly from behind. His corpse crumbled to my feet in a heap of flesh and gore. "What the devil!" cried Miles, crawling along the ground for his sword. Belle got up and ran behind a tree. I stepped over Oscar's body and proceeded towards my second victim. Seeing his own demise coming, he caught Belle again and held her in front of himself like a human shield. "Not another step!" Miles bellowed in a desperate tone, "or I'll slit her pretty throat!" My eyes rested on Belle's pale face. Her cheeks were tear stained and leaves were stuck in her hair. She was so frightened and looking to me for help. I tossed Oscar's bloody sword to the middle of the tree ring. "That's enough, Miles. Let her go and I'll spare your life. No more blood needs to be spilt tonight." Miles and I stared at each other, anticipating the next move.
He pushed Belle roughly towards me, causing her to stumble. I caught her in my arms. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" I asked her, wiping her wet cheeks with my shirt. She stared right through me, her eyes wide and unblinking. "You…you killed him." I hugged her tightly. I could feel her body trembling violently with shock and fear. "Watch out!" she screamed, shoving me to the ground. A dagger flew at her and imbedded itself in her stomach. She wavered and with a rattle of breath, collapsed. "NO!" I screamed. My eyes shot to Miles who stood with arm still extended after throwing his weapon. I ran at him, roaring in pain. I grabbed his throat and lifted him off the ground then, glaring into his face with so much hate I couldn't see straight, I tightened my grip until I heard his neck snap. I released his body and watched him crumple onto the grass. Still I burned, I grabbed a large rock and bashed Miles' head in over and over and over until the tears became overwhelming. I crawled, blood drenched and weeping , to her side. Her breath sounded ragged and weak. Blood pooled beneath her and trickled down the corner of her mouth. Despair crept its way into my soul. More tears came. I cradled her head in my arms and wept into her hair. "Please don't go." I moaned, "Don't leave me alone."
That's when I felt His presence. I looked up and saw Him there. Death stood as still as a statue, forever silent. Red eyes glowed from the darkness of his cloak. Black feathered wings rose from his back. His right hand was covered in in grey flesh while the other was only bone. He held his sharp scythe in the fleshy hand and extended his bony one towards us. "You can't have her!" I screamed at him. "I won't let you take her from me!" I could feel the tears evaporating on my hot skin. Death said nothing. He pointed the scythe's sharp edge at her. "I'll fight you! I swear it! With every breath I'll fight you!" And just as quickly as he appeared, Death vanished. Just like that, all my strength left me and I slumped over her, crying again.
