Maybe Today Will Bring a Different Tomorrow
A Thor: The Dark World Fanfiction
Chapter 7/12
As a youth, Loki had been subjected to various night horrors after retiring for the day. More often then not he had awoken with screams and sobs, unable to recall those things that frightened him and incapable of returning to sleep. When he was still considered too young to be separated from his mother, Frigga would come into the nursery that was connected to her own chambers when his distress awoke her. As the evening would progress she would distract him with a story, cradling him in her lap and hugging him to her breast with the protective aroma of roses swirling about the pair. When a nightmare would prove to be more horrible then usual, she would commence in teaching him little magic tricks. Illusions were his joy and he still remembered the first projection he had ever created.
A golden butterfly for his mother, matching her tresses and sparkling like sunlight on water. He still recalled her stunning smile at his fleeting gift, treasuring it within her heart. In that moment he forgot his loneliness, his incapability to prove himself to his father and was left with the warmth of the maternal bond he ever shared with Frigga. He had been content.
Of course, the illusion had faded quickly and it had taken much time and practice to make himself able to control his abilities and maintain the image. But as he grew he was taken from the comfort of his mother and placed within his own chambers, starting his life of independent solitude and silenced longing. He had been forced to accept it because of society, whether he wished it or not. Not longer did he and his mother make magic when the stars had twinkled in the twilight evenings.
Now, his heart gone cold with terror and his blood freezing within his veins, he found himself only wishing for the sight before his eyes to be one of his meager creations from his childhood, a wisp of magic that would surely flee.
But the detail, the utter and blatant truth of what had just occurred before him was enough for him to rationalize and know that his fears no longer held such a primitive nature. Now he was left with nothing but his trembling heart, clinging to his mother who he now could no longer see.
Before his peers and combatants Loki would never admit it, but his blood ran cold at the mere thought of perpetual blackness. The Void had sucked him within in with hungry claws and invisible but wicked intent when he fell from Thor upon the bridge. There had been no life, no voices, nothing that he could touch and confirm to be real. There had been magical swirls of color at times as he passed a world by, but when they drifted out of sight, he was left to the pitch darkness of space. The beauty was lost to him in the desire to feel again, the burning ache to
And he had learned to fear it through it's emptiness.
Was he truly worth so little in existence that he had deserved that bitter nothingness? As a young child he had been viciously subjected to cruel mockery by those he called-or devoutly hoped to call-friends. No matter how desperately hard he tried to make himself seem more likable to his peers, he was met with laughter at his efforts and was sneered at for the attempt. Odin did little to prevent the treatment he received and soon Loki stopped asking for assistance. As an innocent child, he had simply thought it his own failure to be normal and he had simply applied himself to stop crying and try harder.
But when Loki became old enough to understand the beautiful role of man and woman and perhaps try to find a girl for himself, he found himself once again met by scorn. By then he had passed his early teenage years and was nearly immune to the taunting of his fellows and Thor's companions, since such was the way of youth. But when the first maid that caught his eye insulted him cruelly and without hesitation of his rank, he knew something was truly, truly not right. When no one noticed him leave in silent tears from the feast, when no one came after him to see if he was well, when no one even noticed his absence, Loki knew that there had to be something about him that was not quite correct.
Even Frigga had not looked into his disappearance.
And so Loki had stuck to the shadows, knowing himself to be unwelcome and even unwanted in the presence of others. He had always been in the dark then. From childhood to the blankness of his eyes now as he resided in this elven cell, he had never had any light, any legacy that he could call his own.
Thanos had been the monster lurking in the corner of his blackened existence, snatching him up and tormenting him with pain and his insecurities, his utter starvation for acceptance that had been denied him for so long, a wish that would never be granted because of what he was.
Now he was lost in the dark, clinging to the only person he left to love him despite everything. He made no move as she gently moved her dainty fingers through his hair, trying to sooth him after the past few hours of terror-filled hallucinations of manipulated memories. His pale cheeks were covered in crusted salt from the tears that had run free in his vivid nightmare and his body lay in shock from the confused link between body and brain. What he thought he was suffering was not there, yet he could not help as react as if it had, for it seemed true to him. Now his nervous system lay raw and his eyes seemed to have quite suddenly decided to shut down. But right now he could not bring himself to worry over it and he wanted nothing more then to sleep.
To have a dreamless slumber for once...if only once...he would give anything...
"Loki?"
His battered body jumped at the sudden voice, his fingers clenching tightly around the cloth of his mother's clothing like a newborn, turning his sightless eyes towards the sound.
The scent of roses tumbled down over his face and the fallen prince inhaled the smell quickly, relishing in the proof that his mother was still present.
"Are you alright, my child?" He flinched lightly as two soft fingers brushed over his cheek in a gentle manner, as if he was made of glass and she did not wish to break him.
Loki made no response, merely letting out a contented sigh and leaning into her touch. He would have purred had he been a little black kitten, for his bones felt delicate enough for him to be so. An abused kitten, but a kitten nonetheless.
"Loki?" Frigga questioned again, her voice laden with aching worry. "My son, please say something, are you well?"
The dark-haired disgrace smiled, reaching up blindly to take her hand into his own and reassure her that he was well enough. She had witnessed him lose himself in the insanity of the liquefied spell, she had seen him curl in on himself and cry out with misery that no on should ever experience and now she needed to see him alright, or at least functioning.
"Mother." He stated simply, not even bothering to try to convince her that she was otherwise.
Not that it mattered now. She knew what had been done to him and she understood his reluctance to allow her near his heart. He could no longer hide from her understanding and decided that he did not care to, relishing in her company and motherly affection with a greedy hunger. What he had desperately tried to hide was discovered and his efforts had been made futile.
"Oh my child, my baby..." The Queen's voice trailed off and cracked, a sob catching her breath in her throat. Loki felt something warm splash onto his hand. She was weeping for him. "Why did you not tell me of Thanos' hold? I could have done something to aid you in your suffering. Your father-"
"Had already decided upon me, sweet Mother." Loki spoke quietly, but what he knew to be the truth. "He would have me condemned to a prison of much more strict precautions even now if I were to return. He cares not for my words, only my ensnarement. I am no longer his son and he is no longer my father. This is his wish."
Frigga instantly protested, her voice firm against his own.
"He did not know of your suffering Loki. He did not know of what Thanos had done. For the past four hours I have watched you writhe upon the ground in false agony awakened from your memories as I could do nothing but watch in horror. He must accept my word based on what I have seen."
"And what of the crimes I committed before my fall, Mother?" Loki sighed tiredly, closing his sightless eyes in weariness. "I was under no influence or threat of punishment then, I am a traitor..."
"You are no such thing! The things you did were well within your right as King!"
Loki raised a inquisitive brow, fondly enjoying her tone of violent disagreement.
"I let Jotuns into the vault. Such an act is that of treason. If for no other crime, Odin will see me locked away for betraying him so." The blind prisoner smiled bitterly at the thought of his adoptive father. "Well, until he can use me in some fashion to ensure peace with the Jotuns." He paused, thinking. "Or perhaps he simply plans to sell me off. I would be quite a 'useful' magician when in bondage."
Frigga's grip on her youngest son tightened about him, instinctively pulling him closer to her bosom as if to protect him from further harm since he was already hurting so much now. Asgard had failed him once and she would die before she let that happen once more.
"I will never permit such deeds to become act, Loki." Her voice was unshaken and determined, just a the Queen of Asgard's should be. "If Odin seeks to rip my son from me once more he will find himself short of a wife as well."
For a moment the disgraced prince remained silent, unable to speak against his Mother's fervent tone and bared heart. He loved her too much to inform her that it did not matter what she said to the Allfather, no action she could take would ever make Loki a son to him again. After so many long years of trying to please his father, the dark magician had been cast away and no longer felt the overwhelming desire to please that man. He wanted nothing from him, not even the name that held him tied to his Mother.
He did not wish to be an Odinson and that would mean losing the only person in existence who he truly never desired to be without.
Loki was faced with a choice. Even if he managed to escape with Frigga by his side he would be forced to decide between her and his very own freedom, knowing that Odin would never receive him into his home as one of his own again. To remain the outcast son of a King who cared nothing for him and keep Frigga close, or to flee, avoiding bounty hunters and those who would use him for their own gain without any person to turn to when his heart bled for company and affection.
Gently pushing away from the Queen and straining himself into a sitting position, Loki blinked through blind eyes, his body trembling from the exhausting experience he had relieved merely an hour ago. He heaved a sigh and brought his hand up to wave before his dulled emerald orbs with the hope of catching some movement, his mother steadying his quaking form with gentle hands. No light refraction occurred and his retina sent no confirmation of what he knew to be there to his brain to be visualized.
Blind. Completely blind.
What had that manipulated flashback cost him?
Thanos bending over him as he squirmed helplessly on the grimy floor of his prison, screams ripping from his throat as the titan tore viciously through his mind. His heartbeat thrummed loudly in his ears, mixed with the croaking laughter of the Chitauri as they gathered about to watch the master play with the fallen prince...the frost giant runt with no hope of escape...a weak monster...
"Mother." Loki whispered, his thoughts running frantically about in his head. He groped about for her hand, clutching it desperately when she place it in his own with care. "Mother, what am I?"
My child...the Tesseract whispered promise of a parent's care and the solitude from the titan's cruel claws. His body was no longer his to control, but he was hidden away from the pain that ever followed in his days of endless capture. He fled, too weary to fight, the task impossible for any under such strain...and the Tesseract...shrouded him in a soft blue light, imprisoning him with the tender movements of a mother...it had called him child...mimicked Frigga...
"You are Loki." Came the reassuring reply, no hesitation gripping it's fingers into the words. "You are both of Asgard and Jotunheim, of fire and ice and you are my baby. Never think less then this. Your sight will return in time, Loki. Sleep for now. I will be here."
Loki's grip on her hand tightened, his breathing speeding up as he felt his body's weak state betraying him, still in shock. Pain would be coming soon, this he knew from what Malekith had said. And then...
"I'm dying." He choked the words out with a mixture of a soft sob and a laugh, his eyes shifting to where he knew his mother to be. "So many times I begged for death to take me, so many times..."
Growing up, when he found no comfort given by any person, Loki had wondered that if he were to die, would any miss him? As he had floated meaninglessly in the void Loki had wished for anything to happen, hoping death would take him from his useless existence. With Thanos begging to die had been a daily routine, both forced and completely sincere. His being locked within the Tessaract's power had been cased safely away, but he had not been content. Beneath Asgard he had languished in his cell, hated and wondering if Odin would suddenly change his mind and sentence him to death. It would have brought him relief then...
But now, tucked near his Mother he found himself suddenly frightened by the idea of dying with her so close, of leaving her behind. He was used to pain, to the agony that would doubtlessly come, but this would be a cruel way to leave this world, with Frigga in vigil. He had just gotten her and now she knew the truth...to suddenly die...
"I-I can't...Mother!" Loki panicked, his blind eyes stinging. "Escape! You have to get out! Y-You can't be here..."
"Loki, I'm not going anywhere." The Queen stated kindly, but with a stern tone as she pulled her son into an embrace. He buried his face in her shoulder, breath hitching and skin hot. "I just got you back and I will not lose you again, you hear?"
The worn figure wound his arms about his Mother, inhaling the breeze of flowers and brushing his hand over the strands of hair that fell down her back. He lifted his lips to her shoulder, looking blankly into the darkness and just holding on as if she would disappear forever. She returned the gesture with the same amount of fervency and desperation that he gave, her heart probably breaking at his sudden collapse of sanity and the fear that he would perish.
Tears were shed between them, one sobbing for who he was and the other weeping for all he could have been. This was not the Loki who spit insults and kept others away with snarls and hate just so he could protect them. This was the Loki who yearned to be accepted and wanted. His shields had fallen during his traumatic reliving of memories. His wit was now fear, he cunning now a confused heap, his proud determination was now nothing but uncertainty and insecurity.
He fell into a troubled slumber within the sorrowing Queen's arms and she cradled herself over him, sure to keep this precious vulnerability to herself, knowing that Malekith would be arriving again for her child. She would keep safe Loki's dignity to the foe and when the time came for him to face all that he feared...
She would watch him tear his enemies to shreds with the bitter justice they so deserved for tormenting her baby.
And now we've seen Loki bared before his Mother. Will Loki choose to remain an Odinson to stay near Frigga or will he flee? What do you think? Next scene we'll be seeing Malekith again! For some reason this chapter FELT longer but didn't turn out to be...odd, hm? Sorry for any mistakes in this chapter (I'm currently sick and DID edit but probably missed a lot because I feel like a blob). Thanks to all the kind and wonderful reviews! I'm glad this story didn't die in my absence! Also, if you haven't already, there are polls up on my profile for this story, please vote.
please read and review!
-Ireland Ranger-
