A/N: Thanks to those of you that took the time to review. I'm glad you're sticking this out with me. Some of you were a little confused by the last chapter. I hope this one clears things up a bit.
Special thanks to: EtheHunter and her fresh eyes and awesome suggestions. She's more than deserve. Also, she's now a published author. WOW! Check out her profile for details on how to buy her book.
Disclaimer: Not mine, cuz I'm not Charlaine Harris.
Previously...
"You gotta go," I blurted as I scooted off the bed, as far away from him as I could get. "I'm sorry, but you gotta go." He couldn't know. He just couldn't, and I felt so bad because it wasn't his fault. The fault was my own.
"What's going on?" Eric asked, finally looking concerned.
I grabbed his pants, tossing them at him as I headed toward the bathroom. "I'm going to be sick. You should go. I'm sorry. I'll call you later, but you gotta go now."
I closed the door behind me, shutting him out completely. I felt so horrible, so damn awful, but I couldn't help my reaction. I'd only thought I was better. I was so wrong. I covered my face with my hands, muffling my cries as I listened to Eric.
He muttered a few words quietly, but I couldn't make out what he was saying. Then the door to my bedroom squeaked open and clicked shut. I crept out of the bathroom then and walked to the window, watching until I saw him get it his car and drive away.
My face was still wet with tears, but I grabbed an oversized shirt from my dresser and left the house, taking off as fast as my feet would carry me as soon as I hit the trees.
SPOV
I ran and ran and ran some more, not stopping until I'd reached the end of the deck that extended over my fishing lake. It had also been, at certain times in my life, a secluded retreat where I could gather my thoughts.
Despite the fact I'd grabbed them as I ran out the door, I hadn't taken the time to put on my rubber boots. I dropped them to the deck, ignoring the slight sting in my feet as the wood rattled beneath them.
I felt like such a fool, such a total and complete idiot. I'd thought things were better, but I'd been so wrong. I hadn't thought of him in years, but I could feel the scars just as fresh and painful as they'd been in the beginning.
"So stupid," I sniffled into the moonlit night, angrily wiping at the tears as they fell down my face.
Why couldn't I move passed it like I wanted to? Why did it have to come back now? Why with Eric? God, he must think I'm some sort of nut. I choked on a sob as I finally allowed myself to feel it all.
The pain and torment, the sick, gut-churning feeling that came with the memory of my late uncle; the weak, shriveling sensation that accompanied that. I hated it, and I hated how it always came back to haunt me, control me in some way.
It was so minor, I always thought. So many people had much more traumatic experiences, and they'd dealt with them with a strength I couldn't seem to find in myself. Why was I weaker than everyone else? Why couldn't I let the past stay where it was? It wasn't like I was raped. Technically.
I just hated it. I hated it all. The series of reactions and feelings I went through that never seemed to change. The nausea, the fear that felt like it shook me to my bones, the utter helplessness and finally the anger.
Though the anger was always my favorite part; it signaled it was almost over. Besides, anger I could deal with.
Tears rolled down my cheeks, stinging slightly when I felt them drip on my cut feet. I didn't want to know what they looked like so I kept my eyes unfocused, gazing out into the distance.
I stared at the moon, and the lake, and the moon as it reflected on the lake, feeling the rage heat my skin and warm my cheeks. The wind blew in with a gust as I let it all go. The scream that came from my mouth was half cry, half growl.
It didn't matter there. No one was ever out there to hear me. So I screamed, and expelled the last of every fear, every insecurity, all my fury in one long burst.
When I'd finished, when I could scream no more, I took a deep cleansing breath. No matter how many times I'd rationalized it, I always felt a little filthy.
It was one of the reasons I came to the lake. I'd cleansed my soul, but I still needed to wash it all away from my skin.
When I took off out of the house, I'd only grabbed the shirt, my panties and boots, which were on the deck beside my feet. I wiped the last of my tears away and gripped the hem of my shirt, ripped it over my head and then tossed it on top of the boots.
The air was still a little cool in the evenings, so I knew the water would be too. But I didn't care. I stepped forward and prepared to dive.
"What are you doing, woman?" A booming voice sounded in the silent night, directly behind me.
I didn't manage to complete the graceful dive I'd planned. Instead, I tumbled face first into the cool, placid water, a scream drowning on my lips.
I surfaced with a tiny shiver from the shock of the water, gasping for breath. "Cheese and rice, Clancy! Do you have to scare the shit out of me all the time? What the hell are you doing out here? Other than giving me a heart attack."
I sniffled and wiped at my eyes, hoping they weren't too puffy.
"Why the hell are you in that water? There are snakes in that water," Clancy hollered, ignoring my question as he walked closer.
God, I hoped he couldn't tell I'd been crying. I swallowed hard as I kept myself afloat, while still making sure I was concealed in the water. I was naked, for goodness sake, and he was hounding me about snakes!
"Don't tell me you're scared of snakes, Clancy. Manly man that you are."
He snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. I knew a defensive pose when I saw one; it made me smirk a little. "I'm not scared of snakes. Don't mean I'm gonna go swimming with them either. Especially in the dark. Get out of the water, you crazy girl."
He extended a hand and leaned out over the edge. No freaking way. I swam out further, dipping under water to create more of a distance faster.
I pushed the hair out of my face as I surfaced. "It's a little cool for the snakes to be out right now," I said, still treading water. Clancy looked like he was ready to strangle me and scrubbed a hand over his face. "Besides, I want to swim for a bit. You could join me."
I hoped he didn't though. I kind of hoped he would leave without asking me anything. He had to have been close enough to hear me scream, as loud as I'd been. I just wanted to be left alone, despite the fact that he'd managed to distract me from my depressing thoughts.
"You're an idiot," Clancy grumbled. "And you're drunk. Get out of the water before you make yourself sick."
It was my turn to snort. I swam in small circles, enjoying the feel of the cool water washing away things I'd rather avoid. "I'm not that drunk," I lied. "And I'm not getting out until you leave. My clothes are on the deck," I said, in case he hadn't noticed.
Clancy looked down at my pile. Well, my shirt and boots anyway. Then he ran a hand through his hair, which was a little wild. "The fuck are you doing skinny dipping at two in the morning, crazy girl?" he muttered, though it seemed it was mostly to himself.
I shrugged, not going to answer anyway. He could think I was crazy all he wanted. Besides, I kind of was. I swam in lazy circles, the buzz in my head making me almost numb to the cold. "Why are you out here, Clancy?" I asked, watching the ripples from my fingers as they trailed across the water.
"Just had to wind down after work," he said with a shrug. He'd changed clothes, unfortunately, but the gym shorts and wife-beater were a good look for him too. "I thought I heard someone scream. Did you scream? What happened?"
Well, shit. "Nothing. I saw a spider," I lied and began swimming back toward the deck. Obviously he wasn't going to leave, so it was probably best that I get back home. Especially since he'd started in on the questions.
He huffed, not looking like he believed me for a second. "Swims with the snakes, but screams like she's being murdered over a spider. I doubt that," he cocked an eyebrow at me, waiting for a different answer I suspected.
"It was on my leg. It just startled me is all," I defended. His eyebrow only rose further, damn near disappearing under his shag of hair. "Whatever. Believe what you want to. I'm getting out," I snapped. "Turn around unless you want an eye full."
I grabbed ahold of the deck, lifting myself up and onto it. Clancy spun around so fast it was comical. I chuckled.
"I'm decent," I said once I had on my shirt. I eyed my boots, and then my feet as I sat on the cool deck.
I was suddenly so tired. My feet ached, covered in tiny scrapes and scratches. No doubt there'd be a few bruises in the morning, too. I wrapped my arms around my knees, pulling them tightly to my chest and then laying my head down on top of them.
"Cold?" Clancy asked from over my shoulder. I heard his heavy steps as he walked over to stand beside me. I nodded, but didn't lift my head, afraid he'd see I was once again fighting back tears. "Why are you crying?"
Stupid. "I'm not," I whispered, keeping my eyes closed. When I opened them for a second, the world spun, so I kept them shut.
"Bullshit. What did that bastard do to you?"
I snorted, ignoring the fact he was sitting down next to me. The heat from his body felt wonderful though, and I'm pretty sure I leaned a little closer. "What do you care?"
Clancy's voice vibrated the deck, low and fierce. "Did he hurt you? Sookie, I swear to God –"
"He didn't do anything to me," I defended quickly, finally noticing the veins popping in Clancy's forehead. "Why would you even think that?" I asked, curious.
Clancy looked away, though it was obvious in the set of his jaw he didn't much care for Eric. I wondered why. I also wondered why Clancy seemed to be so bothered by the fact he might've hurt me. Then I wondered why that gave me flutters in my belly.
"I just know his type," Clancy finally gritted out.
"His type? What type is that? Man? Most of you're the same," I said, half joking.
Clancy's expression went from fierce to something I didn't even know how to define. It was serious and furious and so severe, I drew back an inch and wished I could swallow my words.
"All men are not the same, little girl. Not even close," he growled.
I nodded, not knowing what else to say, because I knew it was the truth. I knew not all men were the same, but sometimes I couldn't help but to connect them all on some level.
It was silent for a moment, and I thought I might pass out. Probably would have if it weren't for the shivers. I curled up tighter around my legs, letting my eyes roam out into the starlit sky.
"Just be careful with him, is all I'm saying," Clancy said in a low voice. I tilted my head to look at him, but he was staring off somewhere in the distance, his profile highlighted by the moon.
"Fair enough," I chattered. Clancy's head turned my direction, and I quickly looked away.
"You're cold. Let's get you home," he grunted as he stood, extending a hand to help me. I winced when I was upright, and of course he noticed. "What happened to your feet?"
I shrugged. "I forgot to put my shoes on." My voice was quiet and slurred and my legs felt wobbly. I hoped I made it home.
I frowned at the swaying deck below me and took a careful step forward. Then the whole world tilted, and I was in Clancy's arms. "Forgot, my ass," he grumbled, or at least I think he did. He was so warm. "You didn't drink that whole drink, did you?"
I steadied myself as he held onto me and tried to take a step back. He caught me again. "And then some," I murmured.
"Damn you, stupid girl," he muttered and swooped down to heft me over his shoulder. I giggled as I bounced, my wet hair swinging and sticking to my face.
The fact that I was ass over elbows over Clancy's shoulder in nothing but a t-shirt and panties hardly seemed to matter at the time. Then I think I might have groped his ass a little, but I'm not sure. Something about being upside down screws with your equilibrium, especially when you're shit-faced, which is probably why I passed out.
I woke up warm and cozy with the sun in my eyes. I squinted against the light, rolling around in the most comfortable sheets known to man. The room was unfamiliar, but, my God, the sheets were divine. I snuggled in closer, wrapping them tighter around me before reality settled in and I bolted upright.
"Shit," I whispered, remembering most of what had happened the night before, though it was a bit hazy. "Shit. Shit. Shit."
I looked around, sighing in relief when I realized Clancy wasn't in the bed with me. Boy, would that have been a mistake. I threw the heavenly sheets back and slung my feet over the edge of the bed, wincing as my sores hit the carpet.
As I went to check my feet, I was surprised to see a flannel shirt draped in a haphazard way over me. Seeing my oversized t-shirt, stained with dirt and little specks of blood, kept me from having a panic attack. I didn't know if I could handle knowing Clancy had undressed and then redressed me.
Then I saw my feet, and I actually smiled when I noticed he had cleaned them. My left foot even had a bandage on it. How... sweet.
I wanted to be nosy and snoop, but I restrained myself and went in search of my caretaker.
I'd never seen the inside of his house before, but from what I could tell as I walked down the narrow hall, it was well-maintained. Only one bedroom from what I could see, but it was as tidy as the rest of the house. With the exception of a few tools and clothes lying around, there wasn't much out of place.
Or much decorating it for that matter.
I frowned as I entered the living area, not so much as a picture on the wall. I don't know what I'd been expecting. A huge dump, full of beer cans, pictures of half-naked chicks sprawled across motorcycles maybe? Anything but the perfect, if yet scarcely, furnished home.
Clancy was on the couch, his feet dangling over the end. The TV was on, so of course, I thought he was awake.
"Nice place you've got here," I called, only to squeak back when he vaulted off the couch like something had scared the shit out of him. Oh, it was probably me. "Sorry. Sorry," I whispered, holding my hands over my mouth so I wouldn't laugh. "I thought you were up."
Clancy's hair was standing up every which way with random pieces plastered flat to the side of his head. His eyes were wide and wild, if a bit unfocused. And his face was creased along his cheek and jaw in the same pattern etched on the couch.
It was completely adorable, but also so very funny. I didn't really fare well with holding in my giggles. They bubbled up and out of my mouth in short hiccups that made Clancy glare harder.
He snatched his shirt from the back of the couch, yanking it on as I tried to calm myself. I didn't stare, exactly, but I didn't exactly not stare. Clancy had the kind of skin – smooth and tone and tan – that just made you look, so it wasn't really my fault.
It was just part of human nature.
I finally settled down to where I could breathe again when I realized my hair probably looked a thousand times worse than his. I reached up to finger-comb it, frowning when I hit a huge tangle. Yuck.
Clancy walked passed me on his way to the kitchen, and I reached out to stop him with a hand on his forearm. He stared at it for a moment, as if maybe he was thinking about flicking it away, before lifting his eyes to mine.
"Thank you," I said seriously. "For last night. For taking care of me. You didn't have to, so, thank you."
He gave me a penetrating stare that had me fidgeting. I let go of his arm, letting my hand fall to my side. His gaze softened a bit, and then hardened to the familiar mask of indifference I was so used to seeing on him.
"Don't think I did it for you," he said stiffly. "Your Gran would've had my hide if I'd left you passed out drunk on her porch."
I shrugged, figuring I'd seen the last of nice Clancy, even though I didn't technically remember it. "All the same. You didn't have to wash and bandage my feet or let me sleep in your bed," I shrugged again and turned my back to him. "I won't forget that. So, thanks."
I heard his feet shuffle on the floor, and he mumbled something under his breath that I couldn't quite understand before sighing heavily. "Want some coffee?" he grumbled.
I smiled though he couldn't see it, and shook my head. "No. I should go home." I grabbed my boots, which were sitting by the front door and slipped them on carefully. Then I turned to smile at Clancy one last time. "Thanks again. I'll see ya."
He nodded slightly, opened his mouth as if to say something and closed it again. "Yep," he grunted finally and waved before heading back toward the kitchen.
I let myself out and walked back through the woods, hoping for all I was worth, my Gran wasn't waiting on the porch for me when I made it home.
Of course I'm not that lucky.
A/N: I hope that this chapter helped to clarify a few things. I know this is a sensitive subject, and I promise to do my best to handle it with the utmost care and sensitivity.
Also, Jan of Arc and Blakes Boogie have this fantastic idea to do a Secret Santa fic exchange. It's not a contest, but a story exchange for anyone who wants to participate. I think it's a fantastic idea, and if you want more details please check out their profile.
It's Sookie's Secret Santa, and all you have to do is type that in your search engine. It's the only one, and I can't think of anyone else whose ever done something like this. It's going to be a blast so go check out their profile.
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