Hello Everyone.

I'm going to try and do a chapter every other day as the story is basically finished now in draft form.

I own nothing. The BBC and Toby Whitehouse own Being Human, although the BBC have proved by cancelling the show that this is a privilege they don't deserve anymore! (okay mini rant over)

Thanks for the reviews!


Alex waited until Hal had gone upstairs, before she let out her breath. She looked at Tom who had just sat down hard on the sofa, 'I'm going to go to my old room.' She murmured at his slumped frame.

She was up the stairs so fast she half-thought she'd rent-a-ghosted. She paused as she walked passed Hal's bedroom door – theirs technically now that they'd moved in the double bed. The room was empty, the shower turned itself on in the bathroom. She had been so angry at Hal before, so fired up and indignant, but now that she was on her own, the fire died and she felt cold.

She went down the corridor to her old room but didn't go in. She wanted to be somewhere else. She looked above her. Somewhere quiet.

The attic was empty; the remnants of little baby Eve's cradle had been put against the wall leaving behind a bare space surrounded by clutter. There was a big moth-eaten sofa to one side and this is where Alex sat.

She stared into nothing from her seat, her head trying to form calm thoughts. Her heart was beating numbly in her ears, she kept seeing Hal's bloody face hidden behind the handkerchief, revealing scraped and bruised knuckles, and that stare, that deep stare that had chilled her.

Those eyes. The eyes that said 'I can see you Alex, you're not a ghost anymore; you're not untouchable. I can touch; I can break; I could crush.'She was breathing fast now, too fast, her heart was beating so loudly her whole body was moving to the rhythm.

And that look. That look had reminded her that Hal wasn't even Hal anymore. He was part of that murderer who had casually kicked the dead bodies in the street, who had gleefully repainted that bar in blood like it was fucking Changing Rooms.

He could do that to her.

He had done it before when he was human; he'd just admitted it. He'd killed people his entire life, it was no big deal to him. He was in fights now – had he killed people? He'd said no, but was he telling the truth? He was drawn to the violence – what next; she drops a cup and he breaks her arm? She could die at any time and this time, the Men with Sticks and Ropes could take her for good.

Alex dragging her knees up to her chin scrunching her eyes shut and gritting her teeth. She saw them everywhere. She'd had no fear of death when she was alive before, then she was dead and nothing could kill her again, nothing could even make her feel pain. But now everything could; anything that before had seemed innocent and safe; she could fall down the stairs and end up in a wheelchair. She could cross the road and get hit by a car. She could slip in the street and break her neck. She could brush passed a random stranger who'd flash black eyes and teeth; then it would be too late.

She was sobbing. She couldn't take it. Everywhere she could die. Everything was a potential fatal weapon. Christ, she could be walking into a pub and have her throat ripped out by another Hal-alike recruiting an army.

She couldn't stand it. She couldn't fight it, not death. And everything meant death now, even the man she thought she was falling in love with.

'Alex?'

Tom. Alex gave a heaving sigh and angrily brushed away the tears.

Tom was outside, gently knocking on the door. He looked so miserable and worried when he came in. Worried for her?

'You alright Alex? Don be getting yerself upset. It aint that bad.' He said, Alex turned to look at him, hunched over herself.

'Not that bad?' Alex shook her head in frustration, 'Weren't you down there Tom? Didja not hear him? Our Hal is gone, all we have now is a psychopathic ex-vampire who gets himself off beating the crap outta total strangers and he wants us to be thankful because he says he hasnay killing any of em yet!' She let out a small howl as the horror and hopelessness filled her.

Tom's eyebrows nitted tightly together. 'Tha's not what e said Alex.' He said coming forward. 'What Hal said, bout killin' people and that from before. He's just havin trouble correctin 'imself.' Alex blinked, 'That's what this fightin things about, it's what he did back then when he were human. I aint excusing nowt, but, Hal's got allot to get use ta. He needs to remember who he were first, then he can start building imself up into the new man he's gonna be, ya know. He wants to get better, he promised us.'

He came closer and looked into her eyes, fixing her gaze. 'You're choosin to see only the bad, but he's trying to find the good, an maybe he's got a little lost, sos we've gotta help im.'

Alex sniffed and looked at Tom, really looked at him, into his big eyes. After a moment she gave a small laugh. 'You know what Tom,' she said, 'Sometimes I forget just how wonderful you are.'

'Alright calm down.' Said Tom with an awkward shuffle. 'don't start getting all mushy on me.'

Alex smiled, 'No, I'm serious Tom. Thank you, for being you.'

'We just gotta watch im that's all.' He said. 'We need ta make sure he don't get carried away. Not tha he will.' He added hastily. 'But it can't be easy, five hundred years n all that, doing the same thing.'

Alex nodded. She knew this. 'But the lying Tom.' She said, another wave of hopelessness threatening to come again. 'He lied to us before when he was drinking blood, and none of us knew. He's so good how do you know he didn't just make all that stuff about a horrific life up? It's not like we could Google him.' she paused her eyes drifting away and down. 'Do you think he was gonna kill those men tonight?'

Tom thought for a second, then shook his head. 'I don think so Alex. If he were he woulda told us. He said a lot tonight, he coulda lied bout his life but he didn't, he couldn't told us anythin, if he were gonna lie don you think he woulda made himself out ta be a victim, but he didn't, it were honest? That were hard ferrim, we both saw that. He can't fake that.'

Alex looked at Tom, she wanted to believe him. 'But he's so good at seeming normal. It's been months and I thought everything was fine.' God she hated how whiney she had become. She was asking Tom for advice into the working of the man she was supposed to have an intimate relationship with.

'Ah know.' Said Tom as he came over and sat down. 'He seemed alright to me both, I guess he didn't want us ta worry.'

She let out a groan in frustration. 'Ah, what a fuckin joke!' she threw her hands up and lay then over her eyes. 'And here I was thinking he was the adjusted one.' She muttered. 'Just shows, I may have lived, died and then come alive again but I'm still totally fucked in the head when it comes to men.' She gave a small laugh, 'Christ you'd think dying woulda taught me.'

'You're not thinking of breakin up with im are ya?' said Tom.

'I don't know Tom.' Alex said, wrapping her arms around her legs again. 'I'm getting tired of having to ask if he's killed anyone lately. I just want to find a simple guy who doesn't have a violent, murdering, sociopathic life history.' She half smiled. 'Guess that rules out internet dating.'

Tom nodded not really knowing what she meant.

'He just needs structure. Like trainin' wheels or with a goldfish, ya can't just put em into a bowl a water straight for the bag, they can't handle it. You have ta introduce em slowly. First in a bag, then let em out.'

Alex looked at him. 'I think we all need that.' Alex said finally.


The morning after, everyone congregated back around the table again. Hal's hands spread out on the surface equal distance apart, he stared at the table, as still as a statue. He was waiting for the blow.

Tom looked at Alex, her eyes red and dark circles under her eyes. No one had slept well that night.

'First Hal, we, that is Alex and I want to say,' Began Tom, taking out a piece of lined notebook paper that he had written on. 'That we appreciate that what you told us yesterday was both difficult, painful and disconcerting for you to say.'

Hal looked up, his eyes dead above dark circles and a blotchy face. He waited.

Alex waited, not taking her eyes off Hal.

'And we acknowledge that you aint that same Hal that we knew.' Tom paused reading. 'But you must also acknowledge to the fullest of your capacity that what you there said doesn't construct the trust between us that was once torn asunder. '

Hal's raised an eyebrow eyeing Tom's script. Chris, he hoped Tom hadn't spent the whole night looking through the dictionary. Tom continued, 'That trust was exacerbated through a multitude of unfortunate occasions-'

'Like when you started sneaking blood from Tom's girl thigh,' Alex glared. Tom looked down fingering his paper, 'and then went on your regressive bender at the bar.' She continued, not giving him time to finish. Hal's eye twitched. 'And now you say that what you did there is just a larger 'liberated' version of the shit you pulled from when you were human?' She leaned forward, jamming her finger on the table, 'Do you expect us to say 'okay' and just accept that this is the new you? Because let me tell you, I'm not gonna start pre-ordering body-bags for the casualties of your next walkabout!'

Tom sat open mouthed, he looked down at his notes, took a beat then folded it up and put it away. 'Erm,' he looked between the two of them. 'Well I were gonna…' He indicated further down the paper, then shrugged. 'Yeah.' He concluded.

There was a pause. One, two, three, four, five…

'As I said,' Hal replied in a low, careful voice as he closed his eyes in concentration, 'the only experience I have of being human first hand occurred a long time ago in a very different world to now. As a grounding it is far from tangible, but it's all I have to start from.' He took a slow breath and looked up. 'I've witnessed life around me, I've watched it but I've not allowed myself to participate fully. I either believed myself so far above it, or it above me that I…' Hal faltered, then gathered himself to try again. 'I've seen every aspect of human nature and I admit; I acted the part.' He looked up at Alex, she looked back at him, both knew what behavior he meant. 'But I don't want to be an actor, I want it to be real.'

'So what do you want?' Said Alex trying, and failing to keep the hostility from her tone. 'No more bullshitting and saying what you think we want to hear. Don't start lying again.'

Hal took a breath. raised his chin and looked them both straight in the eye, 'I want you two to stop expecting the good Hal to come back.' Alex tried to hide a shuddered at the coldness in that look. 'I am sorry that both of you miss him and want him back, but he's not here. Neither of them are. I'm not about to go out and gas the local primary school, but neither will I start indexing the larder or cleaning the fridge twice a day again.' Hal paused, he need to keep himself calm.

'I care for you, both of you, and I want to stop having to hide who I am and pretend I'm someone else. I'm tired of it. I am finding it hard to locate my place in a world that I never dreamed I would be part of again. And it will be impossible for me to do that while pretending to be someone who is not here anymore.' Hal emphasized the last words firmly. He licked his lips, he was getting worked up again. 'I do know though, that without you, that task will be infinitely harder, perhaps even completely unattainable.' He looked at them, his eyes soft. 'You are the one link to my old life that I want to take with me through this. If you'll let me.' He searched their eyes, he could see they were bending, 'And I need your help.' He whispered.

Alex nodded. Tom let out a breath.

'We'll be there mate' he said, reaching forward and grabbing his shoulder with a squeeze. Hal flinched and pulled away. 'Oh sorry. Forgot you got clobbered there.'

'It's nothing time won't heal.' Hal said with a shadow of a smile.

They stood and Alex gave Hal a tentative hug. As she pulled away she studied his dented face, 'You were lucky it wasn't' worse Hal,' Alex took a breath. 'I don't want to see you like this again. You're not immortal now, give thugs a chance and they'll do this and more.'

Hal smiled and looked at Tom. 'I'll make sure this doesn't happen again.' He promised. 'Tom can help me there, can't you?'

Tom frowned, he looked at Alex who seemed to brighten and he smiled. 'Err, yeah I guess can.'

'Good.' Alex responded, and part of her actually did feel better, maybe now they can start again. She attempted a smile and touched Hal's face gently, he smiled back.

'Now I think it'll be better if I get some makeup over that nose for now. Don't want the guest thinkin' they're signing up to Fight Club do we?'

Hal looked at her blankly but smiled, his shoulders relaxing.


So is everything okay now? Really?

A few of you may be getting bored of the long monologues, I'm gonna be incorporating a little action, but this story is all about the internal struggle, so thought processes are a necessity. I hope am giving justice to these ultimately complex characters.

See you in two days!