A/N: So I've been reading ahead in the comics a bit, just because I thought it'd be great to incorporate scenes from both series, even though this story is based primarily on the TV series. Two things came out of this: One, I found some great material for expanding the plot of this story, which is always good stuff. Secondly, I learned that if they actually air some of the stuff in the comics that are coming up in the show, then shit is about to hit the fan. xD Seriously. Especially in Carl's life.
But enough of my dabbles into other research. The point of all that is, you have a lot to look forward to, both in the TV show and here in this story! ^.^ On with the chapter! Complete with a much needed change of scenery.
Two days came and went.
As Rick had planned, we were able to pack up and leave the neighborhood. It hadn't taken us long to load the van Michonne, Carl, and I had brought back from our run a few days back and with that we were on the road. Carl had been right when he said that we'd be heading for Hershel's farm. Rick had mentioned that Hershel had moved a large number of supply crates into his cellar just prior to their group being forced off the property by a massive herd of walkers. He and Carl both agreed that, unless the farm had been looted since, which was still a very real possibility, the supplies should still be there. Despite this game plan, Rick hadn't said where we were going after, but neither I nor Carl pressed him about it. We were both pretty wrapped up in our own situation.
Two days its been.
Two days since Carl had agreed to be my boyfriend. That was a funny word, "boyfriend". I still tripped up whenever I tried to say it, which Carl find much more amusing than he should've. Both of us agreed that Rick might not be as supportive to our decision and so we agreed, for the time being, to keep it between ourselves. I had still yet to tell him that Michonne was keen to what was going on, but she was a good sport, and didn't let on that she knew, around either Rick nor Carl. Either way, I was pleased and happier than I had been since the initial outbreak. Carl and I were riding in the back seat of the van, Michonne was driving, and Rick was sitting quietly in the passenger seat. The ride was unusually quiet. Both Rick and Carl seemed to have something on their mind, but neither would speak on exactly what it was. I was used to Michonne's silence on most things by now, so her silence didn't bother me as much as the other two's. I let it go, though, figuring that if it was something important, Carl would eventually fill me in one way or another.
The drive to the farm lasted a little over an hour and by the time we had finally pulled up to the gates, I had been in and out of a light sleep. Carl shook me awake when we finally came to a halt. Climbing out of the vehicle, I got my first look at the property I'd heard so much about:
In the distance was a magnificent old farm house, surrounded by torn down fences, and a windmill who's blades had long stopped rotating. Over to the left of the house, and a bit further in the distance, I could see the burnt out shell of what was once a very large barn. Carl had mentioned in bits and pieces what had happened here, so I was aware of the barn fire. Next to the barn was the abandoned husk of an old motor-home. If I remember correctly, from Carl's stories, it once belonged to Dale. Rick and Michonne broke my concentration, however, as they approached from behind me, Carl trailing shortly behind them.
"We'll split up into two teams." he announced, surveying the horizon himself. "Michonne and I will search the house for Hershel's supplies. Carl, you and Tanner go see if you can find the weapons Dale kept in the RV. There has to be a few left."
Carl and I nodded and wasted no time bounding off in the direction of the barn.
We slowed down after traveling that way for a short distance, and once we were out of earshot from Rick and Michonne, Carl started talking again. He pointed towards a large expanse of grass out beyond some of the fences towards the treeline:
"That's where I shot Shane." he declared, a solemn tone to his voice. Clearly having to shoot one of his father figures still haunted the young Grimes.
I glanced over to the hilltop. Clearly there was something else Carl wanted to say, but whatever it was, he was holding it back. Whether for my sake or for his, I couldn't be sure, so I decided to take the initiative and find out:
"Would you like to go pay your respects?" I ask him, trying to keep my tone low and soothing.
He glanced up at me and thought for a second, then nodded.
So that's what we did, taking off in the direction of the field. In the distance, I could see Rick and Michonne nearing the house. They weren't paying attention to us, so I figured we'd be able to visit the site of Shane's death without anyone disturbing us. Hershel's property was much more immense than I originally gave it credit. It took us a good five minutes to cross the large, overgrown front lawn, to the spot on the hill Carl had originally indicated. Of course, I don't think either of us actually expected for there to be anything left of Shane for Carl to see. It had been nearly a year since they had been at the farm and what decay hadn't taken, the walkers had finished off. Even so, Carl seemed to remember the exact spot it had happened at and crouched down when he reached it.
"We never even got a chance to bury him." Carl suddenly said, his voice still low and solemn. "The herd moved in right after it happened."
I didn't have a response, so I simply listened. I've learned that sometimes, merely being there to listen, rather than offer your own insight, is often the best form of comfort. Carl knew I was there if he needed me, and that was all that really mattered at this point.
####
((Carl's P.o.V.))
Seeing the place where I shot Shane after he had reanimated was bringing back every nightmare I'd had since that night.
There was no evidence of his death. No remnants of his body, no blood stains in the grass, not even the tattered remains of his clothing. But I knew. I knew this is where he had fallen when I'd shot him. My first real kill. I had thought going back to the farm would bring back good memories. Memories of when Dale and Andrea had been alive. Shane and Mom. Back when we still had hope Sophia was alive and just waiting to be found. I was so sure I was going to find her and bring her back safely and now...
My eyes open and drift over to the burnt out barn. That's where we found her. She'd been right under our noses the entire time. My mind flashed further back as my gaze drifted over the mount of rocks underneath one of the tree's close to the barn. Where both Sophia and Dale were buried. Even though Shane had tried to reassure me that it wasn't my fault, I still blamed myself for Dale's demise. If I hadn't been stupid in taunting that walker, he might've lived. Might have still been here. If he had survived the prison that is..
The weight of all the deaths that had happened here, all the sorrow that pulsated from this place was almost too much to bare. I blinked back tears, trying to remain strong. I hated crying in front of anyone, but especially Tanner. I wanted him to see me as tough and strong, not weak and whiny. But I should've known better, because in an instant he was there. His hand reached out and clasped a hold of mine, entwining our fingers in a tight lock. He didn't say anything, but the gesture was enough of a response. One I greatly appreciated.
"Come on," I said finally, wiping the remnant tears from my eyes with my free arm. "We need to get to the RV."
He nods, standing to his feet along with me. We walk the entire way to the barn like that; hand-in-hand. I had a pretty clear view of the house, so I knew neither Dad nor Michonne could see us. I was happy that we didn't have to worry about secrecy for the time being. Only two days in and it was already tedious to hide the way I really felt. But I knew it was necessary for the time being.
As we reach the barn, Tanner releases my hand, and unsheathes his sword. He must've seen something I hadn't, and sure enough, a single burnt walker comes lumbering out from the wreckage. It's body was so mangled and burned that I wondered how it could've possibly managed to survive all these months since the fire, but then again, walkers were incredibly resilient. Tanner made quick work of it, however, slicing its head completely in two, seemingly without exerting himself too much.
"What kind of weapons are we looking for?" he asks as he hoists himself up into the RV, me following closely behind him.
"Some pistols. Maybe a rifle." I reply. "Dale kept most of the group's weapons stashed in here. Not everyone had theirs when the farm was attacked. I guess Dad thinks there still might be some here."
We both step carefully over some of the burnt corpses littering the floor of the RV. Tanner reached a small cabinet towards the back and opened it up. Sure enough, there was the bag Dale used to carry our guns. He immediately began to sift through the bag, pulling out a small, black pistol and a larger rifle.
"Only two." he says, stuffing them back in the bag and zipping it up. "But there are some left over boxes of ammo in here too. That's gotta count for something."
I nod in agreement.
"Let's head over to the house then. See if we can give your dad and Michonne a hand."
He begins to move passed me for the exit of the RV, but I stop him before he's entirely out, grabbing his wrist gently. He stops and turns back, looking at me expectantly.
"Thanks, Tanner." I say somewhat shyly. "For coming with me to the hill and all."
He smiles and quickly takes a step up, affectionately removing my hat from the top of my head and planting a gentle kiss on my forehead before placing it back. And then he bounds back out of the RV with me chasing after him.
####
((Tanner's P.o.V.))
It took another good several minutes for us to make it across the lawn.
Rick and Michonne were exiting the front door as we approached, two bags each, clearly full of loot. The fact that Hershel's farm hadn't been looted since its original abandonment sort of surprised me, but I wasn't about to question it. We had definitely increased our supplies. I came astride Rick as he trotted down the wooden steps of Hershel's patio and began the march back towards the van. Carl was trailing behind, but only by a little. I think he was still in somewhat of a daze from having been back at the farm. Rick suddenly pulled ahead of me, leaving me behind with Michonne, and Carl trailing further behind us.
"So, how's he faring?" Michonne suddenly asked me, keeping her voice low so that neither Grimes could hear her.
"About the same as Rick." I reply equally silent. "He asked to go out to where he shot Shane. There are a lot of painful memories for both of them, it seems."
She nodded, "Hershel's death probably has something to do with it too. Its not easy to revisit the places the people you loved perished, but its even harder to return to someone's home and know you can't bring them along with you. Especially when it was someone as important to them as Hershel."
I nodded myself. It was sound logic.
"Did you ever talk to him after our little chat the other day?" she pressed on, now grinning slyly at me.
I glanced back to make sure Carl wasn't listening in, and he wasn't, still a ways behind us. I then returned my attention to Michonne and gave her a shy nod.
"And?"
"And... we came to an agreement." was the only answer I could come with that didn't ignite embarrassment all over again.
She chuckles lightly, "Just tell me the truth. You two shacked it up."
My eyes nearly explode out of their sockets, "We did not!" I bellow in embarrassment, only realizing that I had screamed that once it was too late.
As if they had heard a gunshot, Carl and Rick's heads both snapped up, with Rick turning to see behind him. Both of their expressions were questioning, glaring into me and probably thinking I had lost my mind. Despite this Michonne continues grinning, and eventually, we continue walking, with both Rick and Carl shaking their heads in unison. I could hear Carl chuckling somewhat behind me.
He wouldn't be laughing if he had heard what she just said. I think to myself.
"So?" she continues, and I curse the fact that she can't let the matter drop. "What agreement did you come to then?"
"We're..." I pause, picking my words carefully. "...together."
"Ah," she replies, grin returning. "Well, I was almost right. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me."
Not if this keeps up, I retort sarcastically to myself.
We reach the car shortly thereafter and finally the four of us are within earshot of each other, so Michonne drops her awkward questioning. I quietly hand Rick the bag I had retrieved from Dale's RV and he tosses it into the van with the supplies he and Michonne had gathered from the house. He then retrieves a map and summons Michonne to follow him around the front of the van, wanting to plan out their next destination. So, Carl and I wandered off into the yard to be on our own. Unfortunately for me, Carl wasn't about to let my earlier outburst drop, and questioned me about it the moment we reached a safe distance from the adults.
"So, what were you and Michonne going on about?" he asks, craning and eyebrow at me.
"She wanted to know how you were feeling..." I try to dodge my outburst. "About being back at the farm and all."
He's not convinced.
"Then why did you scream that?"
I finally face him fully and notice that he is genuinely intrigued by this. I could lie to him and keep the fact that Michonne knows about us a secret, but I wasn't about to start lying to him, not now. Especially not with that cute, inquisitive expression on his face. I inhale a large breath, in anticipation, and then exhale in a large sigh.
"She thinks we're shacking it up." I reply, embarrassed to have to even repeat that phrase.
Carl's expression only seems to express more confusion, which is hilarious to me at first, until it dawns on me: Carl has no idea what I'm talking about. Suddenly, the pieces are coming together in my head. Carl is almost two years younger than me. Almost. That would mean that he was still quite young when the world went to shit. It was a good possibility he had never heard that type of slang used around him before, and therefore, had no clue what it meant. That only made the situation twice as embarrassing for me, because now I was going to have to explain it.
"Sex, Carl."
His face instantly turns from its normal, pasty white coloration to redder than a cherry. Its cute, hilarious, and mortifying all at the same time.
At least he knows what sex is, I gripe to myself.
"Does that mean she knows?!" he suddenly blurts out, face now nearing a purple color.
I just nod my head. I can't blame him for his reaction. I'm just as mortified by all of this as he is.
He goes quiet for a few moments, staring at his boots rather than at me. I suddenly find myself hoping he's not mad about this development. He had wanted to keep our relationship quiet for the time being, but I couldn't help what Michonne knew. Even if I had said nothing to her at all, she would've figured it out. She's just that damn perceptive. But, as it turns out, Carl isn't mad at all. Instead he has a question that, for all intents and purposes, nearly caused me to faint:
"Can guys actually do that with each other?"
I wish I could've had a mirror at that precise moment. I know the look on my face must've been absolutely priceless. But Carl's tone is serious, so I try to regain my composure quickly.
"Yeah, dude." I reply, trying to sound collected. "The method is a bit different, but the mechanics are mostly the same."
"But... how?"
Dammit, does everyone want to test the limits of my modesty today?!
"Its kinda complicated, Carl." I finally say, dodging the question. "What has you interested about it? Surely your dad has taught you about sex."
"Of course he has." Carl snaps. "Its how you make babies."
"Not if you are a dude..." I mutter under my breath.
"But guys can't have babies." Carl continues. His innocence on the matter is almost cute. The kid who can take a life without a second thought only knows the basics of sex. Its so ironic to me, that its almost painful to listen to. "So why would they have sex?"
"Because sex isn't just something you do to make babies." I blurt out, instantly regretting that I had. But the words are out, so I decide to finish the thought. Carl would only ask me again later if I didn't, so it'd be better to get it out now. "Sex is something you share with someone you love. It's supposed to feel really good and is a way of expressing your love for the other person. Hence the term 'making love'. You've heard that, right?"
He nods.
Well at least he's heard that one.
Now he's looking at me, silently but observantly. And no matter what I do to keep my eyes ahead and in the clouds, I cannot drive out the thought that his eyes are drilling holes into the side of my face. Finally, I relent and turn back towards him.
"Something else you want to know?"
"Just one thing."
"What's that?"
"You love me."
"Yes."
Oh god.
"And I love you."
"Sounds about right."
I know where this is going.
"Does that mean we're going to have sex?"
Whelp, somebody find me a shovel, because I have to start digging my grave.
"Not necessarily." I reply, and if I could high-five myself for the amazing level of nonchalance in that response, I would've. "Its a really special thing to share your body with another person. You have to be absolutely sure its what you want, and keep in mind that its a mutual thing. Its not something I'd ever force on you, hence why I've never brought it up. I love you. That's enough for me."
At first, I think that's enough to satisfy his questions, but Carl is always asking a million questions. The kid craves knowledge, and so, he continues on:
"Wow. You sure know a lot about it. Does that mean you have-"
I cut him off right there, "No. I've never had sex." I turn to him, my gaze suddenly more serious than before. "Maybe its just because I'm old fashion, but I wanted to wait for the right person. Someone I really cared about. Really loved. And before you... I'd never been in love."
This makes him smile from ear to ear, which, in a way makes me happy too. To finally admit that he's my first love. I shove my hands into my pocket and try to push back the feelings of embarrassment that are beginning to surface again. I notice him look behind us, obviously to see if his dad or Michonne are looking, because as soon as he's sure they're not, he slips his arms around me and hugs me hard.
"I feel the same."
####
Hours pass.
We're back on the road. Neither Rick nor Michonne have breathed a word since we were summoned back to the van. Not even to tell us where we were going. Not that I'd ever complain. As I've said, I don't care where we go, so long as Carl is with me. Carl, on the other hand, being my exact opposite when it comes to patience, decides to make it his personal mission to find out where we're going.
"So, Dad." he begins. "Were are we headed?"
Rick is driving this time, so he doesn't turn around, but, to my surprise, he does answer:
"I want to go back to King County. Check on Morgan. See if we can't find anymore useful weapons where he's at."
I knew that King County was the name of Carl's hometown, and Carl had mentioned Morgan once when explaining where he had been prior to the neighborhood we met in. So I wasn't entirely clueless. Night fast approaches, and we are quickly presented with a new problem to deal with. This van's headlights have long since shorted out. Realizing that we can't continue in completely blackness, Rick pulls the car to the side of the road and we all pile out. The moon is already beginning to rise in the sky.
"We don't have enough light to make it to King County." Michonne points out.
Rick nods in agreement, "We'll camp out here for the night. Sleep in the car. Each of us can take turns taking watch."
"I'll go first." I volunteer.
"You sure?" Rick asks.
"Yeah, its no problem." I reply. "I'm a night owl as it is."
"Alright, then here are the shifts." Rick continues. "Tanner is on first watch. Carl will take over for him, then I'll take over, and then Michonne. Since there are four of us, we'll each keep watch for two hours. That will put the final watch ending at dawn."
We all nod our agreement.
"Let's get some rest then." Rick finishes, climbing back in the car. Michonne follows him, getting back into her seat, but Carl lingers.
"Goodnight." he says, smiling softly at me.
"Goodnight." I reply, returning his smile.
He reluctantly climbs back into the back seat, where we had been sitting. I sorely regret that I can't give him a kiss goodnight, but I'm planning to rectify that the moment my shift is up and he comes to replace me. Retrieving a flashlight from the trunk, as well as a small packet of chips, I climb onto the top of the car, sprawl out and gaze off into the sky.
It takes a good hour for things to become pitch black. At this point, my flashlight is on, my swords sitting on either side of me. Its a peaceful night, and with the world no longer bathed in light pollution from the major cities, the Milky Way is spread out before me like the masterpiece of a famous painter. I sigh to myself and smile. My life has become really good since I had met Carl, and through him, Michonne and Rick. Its odd, but in a way, I'm happier than I ever was in the world prior to this. Odd that it takes the world ending to bring true happiness into my life.
Suddenly, there is a rustling to my right, causing me to snap upwards, aiming the beam of my light towards the treeline.
I could've sworn I heard-
A sharp pain shoots through the back of my skull as something very hard is shoved into it.
"Don't move." Its a man's voice.
And that's when I make the horrifying realization that the object jabbed into the back of my skull is the barrel of a gun...
A/N: Cliffhanger! I know. Its a terrible thing for me to do to you all, but I promise the next chapter will make it all worth it. No spoilers though! In other news, tonight's episode was a masterpiece. Loved Michonne and Carl's growing friendship. It was quite nice to watch.
I'll answer reviews and comments in the next chapter, so enjoy the read and see you for the next one, which should be much, much longer!
P.S: In case you guys didn't pick it up in this chapter, with all the references, I will be writing the smut in after all. So, look forward to that. hahaha
