As you can see I managed to create the sixth chapter to this story. I'm not happy with it. I think you waited for something else, but that was the only thing that I could come up with... Please, forgive me!
Okay, enough of my silly complaints. Go ahead and read the chapter and then tell me what you think! And thank you so much for reviewing! I love reviews. XD

Disclaimer: Not mine. Takanaga-sensei's.

Warnings: Poor Senpai....


Chapter 6

Souichi knew from the start that speaking with Morinaga would be hard, but he never thought it would be that hard. He knew Morinaga could be unpleasant and sharp. He had had some glimpses of it in the past. Normally his kouhai was nice and smiling, but when serious, Souichi knew he could be even more of a devil than he himself was. Now he had the full course of that side of Morinaga. Not the thing he wanted right now and it made the whole situation a lot harder to deal with. Morinaga discouraged and intimidated him. It was really hard to speak under his watchful, taxing and cold eyes. His face was expressionless, not what Souichi was used to. It was as if Morinaga was a complete stranger. Souichi wanted to see the old Morinaga, the one he yearned for these last, lonesome days. Hearing from Morinaga that the time they had spent together was a mistake, hearing Morinaga say that he wasn't worth it, made his heart break. 'Is he really thinking that way or is he only saying it to chase me off?' Souichi couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Two hot and salty trails were now visible on his cheeks and he cursed himself for crying, for losing his composure. It would be a hell of a lot more difficult now to think rationally and speak calmly in the way he had intended to from the start.

The next difficult thing to do was to convince Morinaga to hear him out. His kouhai didn't want to listen. He came all the way here to Fukuoka and thought that Morinaga would appreciate it and let him speak, but Morinaga didn't let him speak. He was chasing him off without mercy. It hurt so much. It was so hard to remain calm while feeling so much remorse and pain. Morinaga's words were still ringing in his ears, not letting him concentrate on his task. Morinaga stood there and watched him. He didn't make any move to come closer. In the past when he would see Souichi in tears he would come and hug him, try to calm him down, make his tears stop flowing. Souichi needed it so much but he couldn't possibly ask Morinaga to comfort him, not now, not in these circumstances.

He didn't know how long he had been fighting with himself before he calmed down a bit. Souichi wasn't a person who would declare defeat, but the truth was he didn't have much hope left. In his eyes Morinaga really didn't want to have anything to do with him. He tried to accept it. He knew it could happen. That was one of the possibilities that he had thought about. The worst of them, the most unwelcomed but still possible, he had taken into consideration during the days he had searched for Morinaga.

He was so grateful to Morinaga's brother because the man had called him and told him Morinaga was in his house in Fukuoka. It wasn't easy to convince the man to tell him what he knew. First, he had wanted to hear from Souichi what had happened, and after telling him a shortened version of the whole story, the other had simply told him the address and hung up. Souichi hadn't hesitated. He had taken the chance knowing it would be his last chance to get Morinaga back. 'No! I won't give up! I won't!'

"If… if I… even if I have to beg you... I will! Hear me out, Morinaga…please…" Souichi was stunned that he said those words. He wouldn't humiliate himself like that if it wasn't for Morinaga. It was damn hard saying those words, but they had come out of his mouth. Now he couldn't do anything more. If Morinaga wouldn't hear him out now, then he wouldn't know what to do next. 'Please, please, please… Morinaga please hear me out! I…'

"I'm listening… speak," Morinaga said. Souichi didn't quite believe his own ears. Had Morinaga really said those words? Wasn't it only Souichi's imagination? He wanted to hear those words so badly that he was sure he had made it up, and in reality Morinaga had told him to scram. He looked at his kouhai with disbelief all over his face. What he saw made him realize that he wasn't nuts. Morinaga was looking at him with slight curiosity, so Souichi thought that he maybe didn't imagine Morinaga letting him speak. Although he had permission to speak his mind was blank, totally not ready for forming comprehensive thoughts nevermind voicing them out. He needed time to adjust to the current situation he was in, but Morinaga didn't leave him time at all.

"I won't wait forever, Senpai. You have something to tell me, right? Spill it out. Now." Morinaga's voice matched his appearance, cold and unaffected. It pained Souichi so much to see Morinaga like this. He wanted the usually cheerful and happily smiling fellow he had met five years ago, the one that made him so furious at times and that confessed his feelings to him eventually. Now it was his turn to make a confession and he thought he better make it a good one before Morinaga changed his mind.

Souichi saw that Morinaga's patience was running low and that his kouhai was about to speak again. He surely had nothing good to say to him, so Souichi started to speak.

"First I should apologize… I know I did wrong… I should have told you on the first day that I came back from Canada what happened there… I didn't… and I'm sorry about it."

"Shouldn't you be sorry because of what happened there and not because you didn't tell me?"

"Yes… and I am sorry about that too. That… It happened… I didn't want it to happen! I never intended to sleep with anybody else beside you… No!" Souichi saw the face Morinaga just made and he said quickly, "Really, Morinaga believe me! I… shit! That night… we went drinking and… I drank too much." Souichi was blushing. He was so embarrassed to tell this to Morinaga, but there was no other way. He continued, "She… was there… and… I… Morinaga I really don't know how I ended up in her bed, but I did and I'm really sorry about that. I know I hurt you… I didn't mean to I didn't want to, I… am so sorry."

Morinaga didn't say anything at first. Souichi knew he needed to apologize and tell what happened in reality and he did. Now it was up to Morinaga to make the next move, to believe and forgive.

"Why didn't you tell me on the phone? Why didn't you want to speak with me?" Morinaga had some questions and Souichi was eager to answer them. He had to even if he didn't want to.

"I… I… " Souichi felt that the tears were ready to spill. He couldn't end the sentence, couldn't even properly start it.

"You what?" Morinaga had no mercy with him. He wanted to know. He had the right to understand the whole situation. Souichi was the one who created the whole mess, so he should be the only one feeling the consequences. Instead Morinaga was hurt badly on his account and now Souichi needed to explain everything, even things that he didn't want to touch on or think about.

"I felt guilty." Now he cried openly. It wouldn't be the first time Morinaga had seen him in tears. If it was him then it was okay. Souichi wouldn't stand anybody else seeing him so crushed. He knew Morinaga wouldn't use him, he would treasure him. 'Why didn't I treasure him?!'

"And you want me to believe that?" Morinaga had his doubts. Souichi was desperate again. He thought that after explaining everything to Morinaga the man would say that everything would be okay and go home with him. Morinaga heard him out, but hadn't done anything that would mean he wanted to come back.

"But it's the truth! I couldn't talk to you because I knew I would start crying and… we both know you wouldn't be able to do anything. You would only worry. I didn't want you to and I didn't want you to be hurt. I… " Souichi knew his explanations were poor, but his mind wouldn't work the way Souichi wanted it to work.

"Why didn't you tell me when you came back?" Another question that needed an answer. Souichi was tired, both emotionally and physically, but until Morinaga said that he would come back, he wouldn't back down and would answer all his questions.

"I didn't say anything when I came back because I thought I would never see Naomi again. Since I didn't want to have anything to do with her I thought I wouldn't meet her again, and I didn't want to make you feel miserable and all."

"How kind of you," Morinaga said bitterly. Souichi felt like the worst of people. 'How can he do this to me?'

"I'm sorry. I never thought she would actually come here to mess things up." Naomi really had made a mess, although he was responsible for it as well.

"Yes, she came and opened my eyes to many things," said his kouhai. Souichi didn't understand what Morinaga was talking about. If he didn't understand him, he could say something that would make Morinaga angry. Souichi wanted to avoid that by all means.

"What do you mean?"

Morinaga didn't reply to his question. Instead he said, "You met with her afterwards. She told me you're her boyfriend and that you were a cute and loving couple in Canada…," he accused Souichi.

"That's not true! Don't believe her, Morinaga! She's lying! I was trying my best to avoid her! I even told her I don't want to have any kind of relationship with her! I told her that that night was a mistake and won't ever repeat itself and it didn't! Trust me on this! It was only that one time that I screwed her and afterwards there were no dates, no kissing, no hugging, no being a couple, especially not a loving couple! I tried to avoid her, really, but she was so persistent! You can't imagine what a woman can do if she wants something, and apparently she wanted me. We weren't a couple! That is only her sick imagination."

"Why would she lie?" Morinaga was unaffected by Souichi's explanations. It looked like he didn't believe Souichi was telling the truth.

"I don't know, but please don't believe her!" 'How can I make him believe in me again?'

"Then what should I believe? In you?!" asked Morinaga. It was as if he could read Souichi's thoughts.

"Yes," Souichi answered shortly and with so much sincerity that he thought Morinaga would hear it. Morinaga only looked at him with anger and asked,

"Why didn't you shake her off in the lab? Why did you let her kiss you?!" It looked like this behavior of Souichi's bothered Morinaga really badly.

"I was too stunned at her appearing out of nowhere, and to add to it, with you at her side, to do anything, to even think! I know I should have done something. If you had stayed there a little longer you would have seen that I did shake Naomi off." Souichi hoped this would be enough for Morinaga.

"Senpai, you… you never used my first name when calling me. Why her?!" Another problem he must deal with.

"Everybody calls her that! I can't remember her last name. I only heard it once, if ever. She doesn't use it." He knew how it sounded. That wasn't the best explanation, but it was the truth.

"And you really think I can believe you?!" Morinaga didn't sound convinced at all.

"Yes, you can! I… I'm…" His voice faded away. Souichi was not used to verbalizing what he felt, and even now he couldn't bring himself to tell Morinaga how important the other was to him. He gathered his courage and wanted to speak again, but Morinaga spoke first.

"You didn't convince me you are worth my trust, Senpai." Morinaga's words made him freeze. All blood flew from his face and he started to breathe quicker, sensing what would come next. 'No! I'm not giving up! Not now!'

"Then what do you want me to do so that you would believe me? To make you return with me?" If explanations didn't work then maybe this would.

"You want me back?" Morinaga was surprised. It looked like he didn't think Souichi was here for that purpose. 'Why would I be here if not for that! What an idiot!'

"Yes! More that anything else in the word! So please… you must believe me Mori... Tetsuhiro." The last word was merely a whisper, but audible for Morinaga. Souichi's face became red. That was the first time he used Morinaga's first name. He would have preferred for it to happen in other circumstances with more intimacy between them, but since that wasn't possible he had to try without any kind of romance.

"I don't want to get hurt, Senpai. I think I have had enough of the suffering you put me through." Morinaga didn't use Souichi's first name. He had counted on that when his kouhai heard his own name from Souichi's lips that he would use his name as well. He felt disappointed and sad. Although, the tone of his voice had changed. It wasn't so cold. It was filled with emotions and reminded Souichi of Morinaga's usual way of speaking.

"I didn't want to. Never did I want to make you suffer. I'm not a monster. I'm… just a stupid guy who isn't able to recognize his own feelings. I…" Souichi hoped he was making it through Morinaga's defenses, but without lowering his own he couldn't make it there fully. He needed to tell Morinaga how he was feeling about him. Although he wasn't sure of himself, this matter couldn't remain the way it was up until now so he forced himself to speak.

"You what? I want to hear it!" Yes, Morinaga wanted to hear it from Souichi.

"How can you be so cruel?! Here I am doing everything I can so that you would return to my side and you're torturing me!" Souichi couldn't take it anymore. Whatever he wanted to say couldn't make it through his mouth. Instead he became angry at Morinaga for the agony he felt inside.

"I think it's fair. You tortured me for five long years and now after only a few days you act as if you can't take it anymore." Morinaga had a point there. Souichi knew he hadn't behaved like he should. There was no turning back now. All Souichi could do now was make up for his past mistakes.

"I'm not that strong." Souichi was struck by what he just heard. Morinaga was having his revenge. It was somehow hurtful for him now to find out that Morinaga could be like this. He never really cared to know Morinaga better and now he regretted it.

"Do you think I am?!" Morinaga was mad. Souichi didn't blame him. He sure dragged Morinaga through hell.

"You're stronger than me, stronger than anybody I know." Souichi had to say it. He always thought of Morinaga as being the strongest man Souichi knew. He thought Morinaga deserved better. "And I can promise you I won't…"

"I don't want a promise you can't keep."

"What do you want then?!" Souichi was frustrated as hell. Emotional exhaustion was getting the better of him.

"If I come back, I want us to be official. I won't lie to people or hide that we're together. Do you understand Senpai? Can you give me that promise?" Morinaga spoke and Souichi stared at him, his eyes going wider with every spoken word.

"Will… Will you come back if…" Souichi knew there was still hope. Although the price was high, it was worth it.

"Listen… I will, but when I will see that you are not able to hold your word I will leave you instantly and for good. You understand?" Morinaga somehow looked as if he couldn't believe Souichi would ever agree to this term.

Souichi nodded. He knew what Morinaga wanted from him and why he wanted it, and if he really wanted Morinaga to return he had to make that promise. It would prove how much he, Souichi, wanted Morinaga back, and that it wouldn't be only because of guilt. Only if he had feelings for Morinaga, and only if he thought they would stay together forever, would he promise Morinaga that. He was sure Morinaga had thought something like that when he asked Souichi to make that promise. Souichi smiled bitterly, but then with a serious and determined look in his eyes, looked at Morinaga, then went closer to him and stopped in front of his kouhai, his lover.

"I promise."


Note: Here you have it. Now I'm waiting for your judgement... and reviews. XDD Thanks for putting up with me and reading this!