I do not own TYR

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Lou

I could not believe that I would open up like that to Jimmy and Buck. I have never let anyone see me so weak and vulnerable. There was just something about those two men that has me wanting to share everything with them, but at the same time scared to tell them anything.

I am so confused.

I would find myself day dreaming of them both. The way their rough fingers touched the skin on my back, and the emotion they have both felt in front of me, has my head spinning.

I don't know where and when my feelings have changed, but I know that they have changed. I wasn't even sure I knew what the feelings were. I have never felt anything for a man, other than hate and revulsion. Well apart from Teaspoon and the boys, but even then I couldn't tell you what the feeling was.

I was sure it was love or maybe it was security. Whatever it was I knew in my heart that they were different and that was why I always thought of them as family.

Though now I find myself going through my day to day routine, excited at the possibility that I would see Jimmy or Buck throughout the day, and when I did, one look into their eyes had my stomach in butterflies.

The feelings I had for either of them wasn't like the feelings I had for the other boys.

Was this love? Did I love Buck and Jimmy?

I have never known love like that.

I mean I'm sure that I have felt love in the past. I loved my Mother, my sister and my brother, not that I remember it, but I know I love the idea of them.

This was different. This was a deeper love, an exciting love. If that is what it is?

I am so confused.

Are you even allowed to love two people at the same time? Would one of them ever feel like that for me? The whole thing is kind of scaring me.

"Hey Darlin'" A voice called out, pulling me from my inner ramblings.

I was nearly at the saloon to start my shift. I looked around me to see who had said that, and if it was meant for me. It was not a voice I recognised and as I scanned some faces around me I did not see anyone, until a man winked and smiled at me.

It took me a second to recognise him as the man who attacked Danielle. I chose to ignore him and continued towards the bar, picking my pace up slightly.

"It would do you good to talk to me little miss,"

"And why is that?" I asked, scolding myself on the inside for giving into him so easily.

"Been what...five, six, years since you seen your Daddy. You've been hiding real good, hate to spoil all that now."

This man knows my father? Was he one of his men? Is that how he recognised me? All these questions raced through my head as the guy took the opportunity to step closer to me.

"Step back," I warned, taking a step back myself.

"I aint going to hurt you missy," he paused as he took a look around, "Well not here anyway," he sneered as he rounded me again.

I quickly looked in the direction of Teaspoon's office knowing that the boys were there. I instantly saw Cody and Jimmy walking in the other direction, towards Tompkins store.

"JIMMY," I yelled out as loud as I could, and waving my hand, hoping he would see me. He and Cody spun around with huge smiles on their faces, but as soon as Jimmy saw I was not alone his smile dropped and they started making their way over here.

"You stupid bitch," My visitor hissed in my ear as he turned and ran off in the opposite direction. I was relieved he was gone and that Jimmy and Cody had been in the right place at the right time.

"You alright?" Jimmy asked as he grabbed both my forearms in his hands and studied my face.

"He was the man that attacked Danielle." I told him and Cody, not liking the look of panic on Jimmy's face.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes I'm sure Jimmy."

"What did he want to talk to you about?" Cody asked.

"I don't know. I didn't give him a chance to tell me." I lied.

"You're lying," Jimmy stated coolly. Making my face flush in embarrassment.

"What did he want?" he asked forcefully.

I looked at Cody hoping he was going to be the good guy, and help me out a bit, but he just looked as interested as Jimmy did in the answer.

Sighing in defeat I said, "He knows my father." I told them as I became real interested in my shoes.

"You're Father?" Cody questioned, to which I just nodded.

"You're not going to work," Jimmy snapped like his word was final.

"Yes I am Jimmy. You can't expect me to put my life on hold."

"I can and you will. Did you not see the damage he did to Danielle? I don't want it happening to you."

"It won't, Hank will make sure of it."

"He must have wanted something," Jimmy pushed,

"Who Hank?" I asked knowing that is not who he was talking about.

"The man Lou, did he give you any clue to why he was here." He asked.

"No not really." Jimmy gave me an odd look. "I'm telling you the truth Jimmy. All he said is that he knew my father and that I had done a great job at hiding all these years."

"Anything else?"

"He said that if I didn't talk to him he would let my father know where I was."

"And that is a bad thing?" Cody asked, not knowing my past.

Both Jimmy and I nodded yes.

"He must have known me back then, but I don't remember him."

"Louise are you coming to work or not?" Hank yelled out from the doorway of the saloon.

"Not," Jimmy yelled back before I yelled out that I was coming.

"Lou you can't, I mean what if he comes back?"

"I will be fine at work Jimmy, but maybe you could meet me after work and walk me home."

"Alright, but we will be at Teaspoons, if you need us." I nodded and started walking towards the Saloon, "And Honey," Jimmy called out to which I turned "Your father's name?" I shook my head and started back to the salon.

I did not want to get into this right now, and the thought of any of the boys getting caught up in my father's world scared the shit out of me. But at the same time Jimmy would be pissed if I didn't tell him, and I hated the feeling that he was angry at me.

"Boggs," was all I called out, knowing Cody and Jimmy would have heard me.

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All shift I was watching the door, praying that every time it swung open that vile man did not walk through it.

"You waiting for someone?" Danielle asked from behind me.

"I hope not," I told her. "Danielle that man that attacked you, did he mention me or why he was in town?"

Danielle paled slightly making me worry even more.

"Did the Marshal not tell you?" She asked, sounding shocked that I didn't know.

"Ah no," I answered just as shocked that Teaspoon would keep things from me. "What didn't he tell me?" I asked with a whole lot of apprehension.

"That man, Davie, or Davies, I can't quite recall, he ah...he ah..."

"Just tell me Danielle,"

"Maybe you should sit down,"

"No I'm fine, please Danielle I need to know, no matter how grim the details."

"He wouldn't call me by my name he told me that I was to answer to yours. And when we...you know...in the throws of it, he wanted me in positions that he couldn't see my face just my hair. Kept saying it was just as brown as yours, and just as pretty. He was not rough, not at first but when I asked what his deal was with you, that's when he started being rough and started hitting me."

I did not say anymore to her, hell what could I say to that?

"Hank I'm finishing up early," I called out as I ran to Teaspoons office. I felt tears falling from my eyes but they were angry tears, and nothing else. I was so wild with him from keeping that from me, that I didn't see the boys until I was standing in front of Teaspoon.

"OUT!" I roared to everyone. No one made a move so I screamed again. "OUT, I WANT EVERYONE OUT." This time they made a move, but Teaspoon knew that I was after him and stayed put.

I could see Jimmy and Buck hadn't made an effort to leave, so I rounded on them too. "Leave." I told them calmly. "Please, just leave." I could see that I had hurt them, but they left all the same.

I turned to face Teaspoon. Most of the anger had left me, but not quite enough.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he had the nerve to look as though he didn't know what I was on about.

"Dave or Davies, whatever his fucking name is, why didn't you tell me?"

"Danielle told you?"

"Only because I asked her to, she was surprised I didn't already know."

"Lou I didn't want to scare you?"

"Scare me Teaspoon, scare me. The only thing that scares me is the unknown."

"I'm sorry Lou. I just didn't want you to worry. I made a call and I stand by it." I knew he thought he was doing the right thing. And as I took in his protective stance, I knew I couldn't hold it against him.

"Do I need to know anything else?" I asked a bit calmer, but nowhere calm enough to be in a good mood.

"Did you know your father is a gun runner?"

"Of course I know." I said as I stormed out of his office and past the boys.

"Where are you going?" Kid asked

"Home," was all I said as I stormed off towards the station.

Ike ran up beside me, "I'll walk you home," he signed. I nodded, not sure if I should speak in case I take my anger out on him.

"Ike, do you think big cities are like this? I mean are the men so protective and so frustrating there?"

Ike just shrugged to my stupid question.

"Surely women don't have the same dramas we women of the west do." I told him as we continued to walk home.

I quickly stripped out of my dress and jumped into my bed. It was still early evening but I was tired and emotionally drained.

"Ike you can come in now," I called as I snuggled under the blankets, shutting myself off from the world.

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The next morning I awoke to all the boys and Teaspoon dressed and at the table while Rachel served up breakfast. I sighed catching her eye, to which she flicked me a wink. I smiled at my friend making a mental note that she and I need to have a huge talk soon.

I got out of bed, not caring about my state of undress, these men have all seen me in my nightgown, and I wanted to have a bath this morning so I was not dressing first to get undress later.

I sat down at the table next to Cody and in front of Buck. I could feel Cody's eyes on me, well on my chest anyway.

"They are just boobs Cody, and don't the rest of you just sit there pretending you all don't know already." I snapped as I got up from the table and grabbed my robe.

"Lou I haven't told them. What Danielle told me did not leave that room." I looked to Teaspoon thankful for one thing, then I thought of the look Jimmy had given me when I had mentioned that Davies was the one who attacked Danielle, and the fact that Teaspoon had spoken to Jimmy that same night.

"Are you sure Teaspoon, Jimmy seems to know something." I asked accusingly, I did not want anyone knowing about that sick man.

"Jimmy knows the basics Lou." I watched as Jimmy swung his head in Teaspoons direction. He obviously thought he knew it all. "Honey surely you can see why I worried," Teaspoon told be ignoring the cold looks he was getting from Jimmy.

"I can Teaspoon, but it was my worry to share, please don't keep anything from me."

"So are you going to tell us what was said?" Cody asked slopping into his breakfast.

"NO," Teaspoon and I said in unison.

"It aint important," Teaspoon started to which I looked up at Buck to see he was looking at me. "But what you do need to know is that Davies works, or worked for Lou's father."

"Her father being a notorious gun runner," Noah added,

"Yes, her father being a gun runner. Please Lou for my sanity you cannot be alone, for a minute while you aren't here."

"You don't need to watch me Teaspoon. Hank and his men are at work, and I always seem to be with one of you at every other time of the day, hell I never get time alone." I joked knowing that I really didn't mind any of their attention.

"There isn't going to be many of us around this week Teaspoon." Kid told Teaspoon. Teaspoon looked like he had no clue to what Kid was on a bout.

"Noah and I are taking Rachel to see her cousin. And you offered up Ike to help the Sheriff and Deputy from Still Water to escort their prisoner to Seneca. And Jesse has run off with Frank again."

"That's right, I forgot that was happening." Teaspoon said still with his eyes on me.

"I could move into the saloon..." I started,

"NO," everyone else said in the room, even Rachel.

"Why not? That way I can work and then..."

"No," They repeated a lot calmer then last time.

"Ok, my goodness, I was only trying to help. I mean it is not like this doesn't include me."

"Jimmy and Buck will stay with you during the day or when you're at work, Cody and I will look out for you at night."

"Teaspoon I really think you're being dramatic over this, I mean he hasn't tried anything."

"Maybe so, but I would rather be safe than sorry."

We finished breakfast, and then I headed to the main house with Rachel to take my bath and catch up with her.

We may live yards from each other but it felt like we never saw one another. I shared with her what Danielle told me.

"What do you think he wants?" she shuddered in disgust.

"I have no idea Rachel. He obviously remembers me from when I was with my father, but there were so many men back then that worked for him, I don't think I would remember what anyone looked like now."

"I know you hate the idea of the boys watching over you, but you didn't see how miserable they all were when you were missing. Let them fuss Louise, let them try and make up for not being able to do what they didn't do back then."

"What was that?"

"Protect you, save you."

"There was no way they could have Rachel, they shouldn't feel bad about that."

"But they do love. They constantly worry about you, especially Teaspoon. He thinks of you as his daughter, let him in, let him be that for you."

"Rachel I have never thought about that before. I don't have a very good track record in the father department." And it was true I hadn't thought of Teaspoon like that. Yes I thought of him as family, but never did I put him and father together.

"I can only imagine Louise. But Teaspoon is a good man, a gentle man and he wants to be there for you."

Rachel and I seemed to talk the day away as she prepared for her trip. I kind of wished I could go with her. Things were too intense around here.

As we talked I really wanted to blurt out what I was feeling for Buck and Jimmy, but I was embarrassed. Would she think that I was disgusting loving two men? I didn't want her to look at me any different than what she did now, so I kept quiet.

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Three days had been and gone, and thankfully have done so without a hitch. I had hoped that Davies saw that I had plenty of people around me for him to even dream about doing anything. But did that mean that he would inform my father where I was?

"Lou?" Jimmy asked, half laughing in amusement.

"What?"

"I have been calling your name for the last minute, where were you right now?" He asked, with Buck standing next to him.

"I was just thinking," I told them as I closed the door on Lightning's stall.

We all headed out of the barn, finished for the day.

"So what's the plan for cooking tonight? Buck asked as we started to make our way back to the bunkhouse.

"I could cook something." I suggested causing Jimmy and Buck to fall over themselves with other options.

"Well why don't we go out for a meal, I mean we never do that." We could meet Teaspoon and Cody at the restaurant, Jimmy suggested as he opened the door to the bunkhouse, revealing four men going through all of our things.

"What in the hell are you doing in here?" Jimmy yelled catching the men of guard.

Buck tried pushing me behind him but it was too late the four men charged us.

I quickly grabbed the lamp from the table and threw it hard towards the one who was advancing on me.

I could hear Jimmy and Buck going toe to toe with the other men, but I didn't dare look or take my eye off the one who was coming at me.

I was concerned for the boys as they were outnumbered, and I knew it was because of me that this was happening. Davies must have told my father I was here.

The man advanced on me again but this time I used the table trying to dodge and play with him, stalling, until one of the boys could help me.

In the corner of my eye I saw Buck being thrown to the corner of the room, and that is all it took. My concern for him once again over shadowed my concern for me.

My capturer had me from behind. I squirmed and kicked my way free, but just as I was taking advantage of my new found freedom I was knocked in the head from the side, and my legs were kicked out from under me.

"Don't you fucken' touch her," Jimmy roared.

A kick to my stomach had me crying out in pain, I swear his boots were made from lead. Buck jumped on the one who had just kicked me and I scrambled the best I could towards the table. My stomach was hurting and my vision was still adjusting from the knock to me head.

I slid under the table trying to hide underneath it, but hands on my ankles had me being pulled out from under it. "LET ME GO," I screamed as I tried to kick him where I could. "LET ME GO!" I was starting to stress, thinking that we were all done for.

"LOU," I heard one of my boys yell, but my mind was in fight mode that I couldn't make out who it was.

The one that had me dragged me along the floor, I tried grabbing a hold of things to use as leverage, but he would stomp on my hand, making me release my hold.

I saw Jimmy being knocked down and was repeatedly being kicked and punched. "JIMMY," I screamed in pain, as I watched him being beaten. His eyes turned to me, which was a bad thing as they were not on the one who was attacking him.

"NO, STOP YOUR HURTING HIM," I yelled as my capturer started pulling me up.

Buck was somewhere close, I could hear him, but I couldn't see him.

The man that had me placed me on my knees and grabbed my chin, "You look like your mother," was all he said as he punched me not once but twice in the face.

Blood clouded my vision as the man picked me up and started to the door with me. I tried looking over his shoulder but I could not see anything and what scared me the most was I could not hear anything either.

Were they dead? Had they killed Jimmy and Buck.

"Why can't I hear you?" I slurred out, losing myself to darkness.

The door was thrown open, and two gun shots were fired.

I was thrown to the ground, hearing Cody and Teaspoon's voices.

I looked beside me relieved to see Jimmy moving slightly, but Buck was so still, it scared me.

"Buck," I whimpered as darkness over took me.