When I killed Veruca, her blood spurt all over my face and body. And no matter how many times I washed myself, I could never be clean again. I would always have her blood on my hands.
But Veruca deserved to die. Toby didn't. Toby deserved a happy life far away from demons like us. With a real family, a family who cared about him more than anything else in this world.
Me and Nellie were his only family, his mother and sister. And none of us stopped Sweeney from slitting his throat. We let him down.
Nothing's gonna harm you, darling
Not while I'm around…
Sweeney laid down next to me in our bed. Would I ever be able to hold his hands again, knowing that Toby's blood was on them?
"Ruby? How are you?"
"Horrible."
He sighted. "I had to do it, you know that. There was…"
"What if it had been me?" I interrupted him sharply. "Would you have killed me as well? If I suddenly got tired of this life filled of pain and death and decided to go to the law?"
"You would never do that, Ruby."
Of course he was right. No matter how many people he killed, I would always love him. He was my everything. And the thought of losing him was enough to make my want to cry.
I sighted. "No, of course I wouldn't. But what if?"
He fell silent for a moment. Then he looked straight into my eyes and said: "Then I would let you do that. I would rather die than hurt you, precious."
I hugged him tight, sobbing into his chest.
"Sweeney… I really hate the Judge and all those people who did horrible things to you. You're such a wonderful and caring person and you really don't deserve all this pain…"
"Neither do you. You're my everything, Ruby."
Meeting that many Weasleys at the platform somewhat made me expect that me and Sweeney were invited to some big family dinner. I honestly wasn't sure if I would have coped meeting all the six siblings of Rose's father, including their spouses and children, so I was relieved when it turned out to be only the closest family of Rose's. Not even her uncle, the famous Harry Potter, was there; just her parents and brother.
When Mrs. Weasley gave me another hug, it was almost too much for me. She was so sweet, so pure, so innocent and so… normal. She was a loving mother who had never killed anyone, never watched any of her children being killed.
"I'm really sorry about what happened to your brother, Ruby." She said and I nodded, trying to hold my tears back. I had been crying more than enough already.
And though I'll think of you, I guess
Until the day I die
I think I miss you less and less
As every day goes by…
"How is his mother?"
Horrible, Mr. Weasley. Sweeney and I have always had each other, we're bound together by our tragical life stories and the family members we have lost, but poor Nellie has never had anyone at all. Except for Toby, who she had to keep lying to. And watch having his throat slit.
"She will manage. She is strong."
The whole concept of family dinner was totally new to me. When I lived with my parents, me and mother always ate quickly before my father returned home from the pub and started to beat one of us. And in my new family we had hardly ever spent any time together, we had lived our separate lives. Me and Sweeney upstairs and Nellie and… her son… downstairs. It hurt too much to think his name.
That was why it made me fascinated to see how the Weasley family sat down around a table and talked to each other about politics, Quidditch and the future of Hogwarts while eating. I was suddenly filled with a painful longing that I couldn't really put my finger on. It took me a while to realize that I was longing for a proper family and a normal life. And that I could probably never have any of it.
Keeping conversations alive wasn't exactly what either me or Sweeney did best, so the Weasleys did the talking.
"How are you doing in school, Ruby? It's soon time for your OWL, right?"
"We don't take the OWL until next year, Mum." Rose pointed out.
"Well, you have to start practicing in time. Which is your favorite subject, Ruby?"
To be honest I didn't exactly have any favorite subject, but I felt that it wasn't the best thing to say. So I thought for a while and picked a subject I actually used to enjoy:
"I like Care of Magical Creatures."
"Oh, that is a nice subject!"
"As long as you don't have to feed flobberworms, right Hermione?" Mr. Weasley laughed and his wife grimaced.
"No, I'm happy to get rid of the flobberworms. But I will never forget that beautiful unicorn…"
"Yeah, the stupid one who hated boys."
"It didn't! If you would just have…"
Rose had finished her dinner and turned to me.
"Do you want to see me room?" I nodded and we went upstairs, leaving poor Sweeney to listen to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's argumentation about that unicorn.
Rose's room was cosy, colourful and covered with bookcases.
"I love to read." she smiled. "When I was a child, I would rather spend time with a good book than with other kids. Mum says I'm just like her." She laughed softly. "I don't have two best friends like she did, though. I mean, the other Gryffindors in my form are nice, but I spend most of my time at Hogwarts with Albus and Roxanne and that's what I've been doing since we were children. I'm pretty tired of them. That's why I'm really happy that you are here now; you are not like them at all. You're sweet, sensitive and a great listener."
I blushed. I had never been talking to another girl in this way before, like a normal teenager. All the nice things she said made me nervous, so I changed the subject:
"How many cousins do you have?"
"Oh, far too many. My father has one sister, the mother of James, Albus and Lily, and five brothers whereof three have families. The second oldest brother, Charlie, never got married. And the twin brother of Roxanne's father, who her brother is named after, died in the war against Lord Voldemort. Let's see: it's James, Albus and Lily..." she started to count on her fingers, "... Fred and Roxy, Victoire, Dominique and Louis, and then Molly and Lucy. Ten."
Lucy. Like Sweeney's lost wife. But probably with red hair, instead of yellow.
"God, Ruby, I'm so stupid! Here I am, talking about all my cousins, and you have just lost your brother! It must be terrible!"
Toby. Gone. I will never talk to him anymore, never even see him. Gone, forever.
As the whole meaning of death once again sunk into me, I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I sobbed like the frightened little child I still was inside. Rose hugged me, held me until I stopped crying in a way no one but Sweeney had done before.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
I'm dying to. But Rose, my sweet Rose, you're so pure and innocent. I'm not sure I could bear to tell you such a horrible story as mine.
"Rose, I've... I've never had a friend like you before. I wish I could tell you the truth, but... It's a horrible story. I've been through horrible things, and done something horrible... You would be terrified if I told you. You wouldn't be my friend if you knew the truth about me..."
"Oh Rose, I'm sure I would. Anyone can do something horrible. And there aren't many things that terrify me. Ever since I was a little girl, I've heard the stories about Lord Voldemort and the big war and everyone who die, over and over again. I think I know some of them by heart, like the story about how Uncle George's twin brother died."
The last time I told a Hogwarts girl my story, it cost her her life. And that was before the murder I committed myself, and that one I had to witness. If Sweeney gets to know that I've told another girl...
No, Sweeney would never hurt Rose. Ever.
"It's a long story. If I tell you in small steps, one part each, and when it becomes too much you tell me to stop?" Not everything at the same time, with a razor against her throat. Never like Veruca.
Rose nodded. "Whatever you're going to tell me, Ruby, I promise it won't affect our friendship."
Well, where do I start?
With the barber and his wife. I started to sing:
"There was a barber and his wife
And she was beautiful
A foolish barber and his wife, she was his reason and his life
And she was beautiful
And she was virtuous
And he was...
Naive
There was another man who saw, that she was beautiful
A pious vulture of the law
Who, with a gesture of his claw
Removed the barber from his plate
Then, there was nothing but to wait
And she would fall
So soft, so young, so lost
And oh so beautiful...
That barber was Sweeney, though his name was Benjamin Barker back then. " I described the living hell Sweeney had been through for fifteen years in Australia, the pain when he finally came back to find that his wife was dead and his daughter taken away from him, and how he began to plan his revenge. Everything was well that long. Rose said exactly the right thing:
"Oh, poor man. No wonder he has that darkness in his eyes."
I also told her about Nellie, who was waiting for him with his razors. Then, there was this hard part.
"You know... when you go through such things, it affects you. Sweeney is driven by revenge and poisoned by hate against the whole world and all of the mankind; you can see the darkness in his eyes..."
Continue, Ruby. She is not like Veruca at all. She is a real friend.
I took a deep breath. And then, I said it:
"He kills people, Rose. You know, he still works as a barber, and when he gets a costumer who no one would miss... he kills them. It's his revenge on the whole human race. "
Rose didn't look terrified at all. She just nodded silently to confirm that she was still listening, so I decided to go all the way:
"Mrs. Lovett, or Nellie as I have started to call her now, still makes pies as well. But the prize of meat is really high, and with all the corps from Sweeney's costumers... Well, they got the idea to cooperate..."
"Uuugh. I'm honestly glad I've never gone for a meat pie at your place. What do they taste like, just because I'm curious?"
"I've never tried, since I know what is inside..."
"Well, I don't blame you." She shuddered. "Continue, please."
"You haven't had enough yet?"
"No." She actually smiled. "The meat pie part was a bit grouse, I have to admit, but the rest is not worse than many other things I've heard."
I told her my own story. My mother, my father, Mr. Corlett and how Sweeney saved me from him. Rose hugged me. She had tears in her eyes.
"Oh, Ruby. I had no idea... I'm... I'm so sorry."
I could stop here. While she stills hugs me, feels sorry for me, understands me and Sweeney. It would be so easy to continue being a victim in her embrace, someone who deserves a loving hug...
"I wish this was it, but it isn't. It gets worse..."
"You killed Veruca Paige, didn't you?"
Just like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And maybe, it was. Suddenly I heard myself that day on the train, when I talked to Rose for the very first time:
So I knew Veruca for four years without telling her anything about myself, but this Christmas she kind of forced me to tell her everything. And she didn't accept me and my family, so she turned her back against me.
I nodded silently. "There was no other way. She told Felicity, she could have told the whole school any day. The punishment for murder in the muggle world is hanging. I did it to protect Sweeney, because I love him..."
Rose didn't push me away, just held my tighter and stroked my hair.
"And your brother?"
I couldn't hold my tears back any longer. I sobbed in her embrace like a little child.
"He diii...dn't know a-anything, he was just an i-innocent and sweet little b-boy. But there was no o-other way, Sweeney is so f-filled with hate that he c-can't see any other w-way..."
"Hush, hush..."
"Don't you t-think me and S-Sweeney are demons?"
She sighted. "No dear, I do not. The things you have been through, both of you, could make anyone commit murder. Besides, you did it for love. To protect your adoptive father and soul mate." She sighted again. "It's such a cruel world, isn't it? Poor Mr. Todd. What happened to his daughter, by the way? Pretty Johanna with the yellow hair?"
"Judge Turpin is still her guardian, as far as I know."
It was as painful for Sweeney to talk about his wife and daughter as it was for me to talk about my mother. Only during the darkest of nights, when none of us could sleep because of our nightmares, we talked about our families. I told Sweeney about the songs mother used to sing when I couldn't sleep, the soft hands that stroked my forehead and her beautiful smile. And then Sweeney told me about Lucy, his angel, and little Johanna with hair as yellow as gold. Little Johanna who was now a young woman, who Sweeney would never see again...
"Turpin, is that his name?"
"Yes. Why?"
"My cousin, Louis in Ravenclaw, has a friend named Edmund Turpin."
