Author's Note: Hi, I'm back from a seven week absence. I received your reviews and I will try to follow them all up. Thank you so much for your comments. I also would like to announce that this fiction will be completed by the mid of October.
Yes, the ending will be coming and we will say good bye to this fictions and greet new fictions that my head can't stop plotting with. So look forward to the ending. But now, let's get on with the chapter.
Chapter 7: Trying to Recover the Past
Allen's eyes opened slightly as he heard pants of passion and desperate need in the little tiny enclosed space known as the janitor's closet. Allen's teeth clenched tightly together before his eyes widened and a desperate gasp escaped his supposedly secured lips at the sudden jolt of pleasure that coursed through his body.
The hand that was touching his body massaged his body which was shaking with need for release while the other was circling around his lips. Allen was glad that he was facing the person with his back as he had never felt so embarrassed in his whole life. He had done it so many times with Lavi before but over such a stupid reason was just childish in Allen's mind.
Allen's tears of embarrassment and shame trickled down his snow white skin as he bit down on his lower lips. He didn't want to make anymore sounds. His actions were already making him feel like a slut already. He tried to pull himself away from the other's body but was soon pulled back. Allen didn't put up much of a fight as well, in his current state.
"Allen……" Lavi's low and husky voice whispered into his ears as Allen's shut his eyes to block it out. No, Allen thought. Just keep quiet. It was already bad enough to be in such a state and worse, in front of the guy that was partly causing it. It was the first time Allen wished so hard for Lavi to shut up or just disappear.
"It's nothing to be embarrassed about Allen……" Lavi's voice, calmly whispered into his ear before Allen felt a warm wet organ lick his earlobe. Allen bit even harder on his lower lip, tasting the metallic liquid that escaped from the wound he had created.
"After all, it was me who got Allen to reach a state like this." Allen's eyes flew open and his mouth allowed a surprised gasp out as his erection was gripped harder. Allen was on the verged of crying now. It was too humiliating. It started when Lavi's foster grandfather started to send female after female to the school to see Lavi.
This was roughly after Lavi and Allen had first done the deed. Allen would act like a butler, in his own opinion. Not that he wanted too, but since the girls would just butt in during lunch period and send Allen off to "fetch" food items or something which they usually don't even touch since they're too busy trying to get Lavi's attention.
Allen couldn't help but feel misplaced in the situation. He was not a clingy person. He already told himself countless of times that Lavi would one day get married. Lavi would one day leave him. Allen knew. Allen remembered.
"Don't you dare forget, Allen," Lavi's voice, no longer calm was now filled with something that sounded like a command. Allen covered his face with face, unable to face the humiliation and embarrassment as he came. "I'm the person who will make you come to this state. I'm the one who will bring this you out even when you don't want it."
Allen's hands lowered and he slowly opened his eyes to see Lavi's hand in front of him, soaked in his own semen. Allen trembled at the sight. It was the proof of what kind of person he had become. The proof that he had sunk this low.
"You're mine."
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Allen's eyes flew open as he shot up from his arms that rested on the bed. Allen panted heavily as he looked around the dark room. He was in a private hospital room. He could hear the beeping sound of the heart monitor as he turned towards the person that was sleeping soundly on the bed. Allen sighed in relief before he stood to smooth Kanda's hair.
Kanda unconsciously tilted his head towards Allen's hand, causing Allen to purse his lips. He kissed Kanda's forehead lovingly before he walked out of the room to the bathroom.
Allen let the tap run and he splashed water at his face, several times. Without drying off his face or turning off the tap, he looked up at the mirror slowly. One word to describe him was horrible in Allen's opinion. Though, he looked normal apart from the scar, he couldn't help but remember the scene of him in that dream.
"That was no dream." Allen's fist clenched as he whispered disgustedly as he drowned his hearing in the sound of the rushing water from the tap. Allen's glared heatedly at his reflection. That was another memory. A memory that was crucial to him and something he wished would have stayed hidden in him forever.
The memory that reminded him what a whore he was.
Allen blamed his youth and naivety. He believed that whenever he felt that whenever he felt guilty or sad, anything that involved Lavi, could be solve if he felt Lavi was there. If he had Lavi's warmth. He would have done anything to be with the red head, even though he kept denying having a relationship with him, but by the time he realized that it was a stupid child like thinking, his body had already gotten used to it.
"So I turned myself into a whore." Allen half smiled mockingly at himself in the mirror as he squirted water at the mirror. The reason why he was always getting aroused in depressing situations was due to his stupidity. He must as well start acting in porn movies for all he cared. He would earn big bucks for being in such a disgusting state at the "right" time.
Wait, Allen's eyes flew open. If this memory was only revealed at this point in time, didn't that meant there were other memories that were still left uncovered? Come to think of it, the only things Allen could remember were the incidents that revolved around Lavi's death. Grade school, junior high and even most of high school was still a blur. Maybe the only way to get out of this mess was to remember, know what situation he was in and face it.
"If that means Yu will be alright," Allen whispered to himself before he turned the tap off and quickly walked out of the room. The mirror that had fogged a little then wiped itself to reveal Lavi's face as he looked out the way Allen had exited. He smiled a little before a chuckle escaped out of him.
"He's still the same as ever."
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Allen was in his living room, his reading glasses out and a pen in hand as he read his 1st year junior high school journal. His living room was currently a mess. It was crowded by past school yearbooks, journals and even newspaper cuttings Klaud had kept of him.
Past years school test papers were even brought out and laid scattered on the floor as Allen worked. Photo albums were either opened or had tags on them while certificates were doing a nice job, keeping the other couches covered.
Allen had made calls to the orphanage as well to give him as much information about himself and even Lavi. When asked, he just replied that he wanted to learn more about his past. Anita, being his mother hen back then, couldn't help but give him even embarrassing information of his childhood, which Allen couldn't help but wished that they remained hidden.
"Lavi's real name was Lanz Vincent, son to Christopher Vincent and Maria Sonata, the leading richest business family at the time. Once Lavi's parents passed on, the other family members made grabs at the money, before dumping Lavi in the orphanage." Allen mumbled as he wrote it down in his notes after reading a newspaper article on the Vincents death and Lavi's records from the orphanage.
Allen's writing hand stopped once he had finished writing and he stared at the words he had just written.
"Lavi didn't open up to anyone but you."
Allen remembered what Anita said before he let out a sigh and took off his glasses before he pinched the bridge of his nose. Yes, he was the one who loved Lavi. Yes, he was the ungrateful bastard who moved on to love Kanda.
"Don't let these things get to you. There are important things at stake. Exams, think examinations." Allen muttered before he placed his reading glasses back on and drew in a deep breath before he continued down Lavi's records. Before he had actually wanted to decline taking Lavi's records, however, a nagging voice in his head told him, maybe, just maybe, Lavi's records had the answer to everything.
Allen started looking down the family tree of Vincents. Names of famous actors and actresses to famous doctors and computer engineers came up on the list, causing Allen to raise an eyebrow. Lavi, what kind of person is he to be related to these kind of people and not do a thing when he was already holding enough power to cripple them all? Allen scanned down the list further when a certain family name came out that caught his attention.
"Bookman?" Allen's eyebrows rose impossibly high before he double checked the adoption details with the family tree. Sure enough, Bookman was related to Lavi. Bookman was Lavi's mother's uncle.
"So Lavi wasn't just randomly picked out from a bunch of smart kids in the orphanage," Allen muttered as he continued the research. The research was starting to show Lavi's past more clearly. The reason why he was adopted. The reason why his fosters parents didn't want to look at him for a while after adoption. They weren't ashamed that they couldn't make a child; they were ashamed of what they had done to Lavi.
Knowing Lavi, he would have already known about this. Allen got up and stretched. He let out a sigh and looked up at the living room clock. Two o'clock, afternoon. That would be another one hour till he meets Kanda. Allen sighed and stood up. Though the research was starting to make some progress, Kanda was still someone he wanted to see no matter what. And he didn't want Kanda to know what he was doing.
"Kanda Yuu is the reason why I am dead." Lavi's words rang in Allen's mind as he walked out of the house, bringing a change of clothing for Kanda and some homemade soup. Why was it Kanda that Lavi pinpointed as his murderer? Kanda was nowhere near Lavi aside from outside his room around the time of his suicide. Also, right after Allen left Lavi, Kanda just accompanied him throughout.
Or maybe Allen was going about it all wrong?
At that, Allen stopped walking. What if the cause was not something that happened on that day? It could be like an incubating virus in the body. The problem was already there but it was unnoticeable and by the time you realize it, it was already beyond your control.
"But that means I have to see people who are related to Lavi and Kanda. And that means……" Allen thought for a while. His eyes then closed in annoyance and he groaned out miserably.
"Oh crap." Allen blurted out loudly, causing some passer-bys to look at him while others laughed. Yeah, it really suited his situation very well.
"Hey, the doctor said you shouldn't be up and about." Allen scolded Kanda who was standing by the window, looking bored out of his mind. Kanda snorted before allowing Allen to lead him back to his bed reluctantly.
"It's freaking boring in here. And what was worse what that I had a tube stuck up in me!!" Kanda complained as he sat on the bed, Allen following him shortly.
"A tube? That means you couldn't walk. So what did you do to it?" Allen wondered as he took out the cover of the soup container and poured some of the soup in it.
"I took it out."
"You're not supposed to take it out, love."
"Then how am I supposed to pee?"
"You pee into the tube, silly."
"What?! Even babies have a bigger space to pee then that!!"
"That's because you pee into a bag, babies pee into a diaper. That is unless you want me to ask the nurses to replace the bag with diapers. How adorable will you be, baby?" Allen smirked while Kanda scowled at him furiously. Allen then passed Kanda the soup. "Drink up now. I want you to get better fast."
"Idiot, you know I can recover faster than the norm."
"But I still worry for you, Kanda." Allen said as he held Kanda's hand while he slowly drank the soup. Kanda's eye contact didn't flatter even as he drank the soup. Allen couldn't help but blush at the emotions in Kanda's eyes. Allen quickly diverted his eyes to his knees before Kanda finished his soup.
"Moyashi," Kanda said as he placed the soup container cover on his lap and looked forward. Allen slowly looked up at Kanda. Kanda had a serious and worried look on his face. Something that Allen had never seen once out of all the years he had known him.
"Yu, can you tell me everything you remember of me and Lavi?" Allen asked, in a soft voice. It was so soft that Allen almost assumed that he sounded as if he was talking to himself if Kanda had not turned to look at him. Allen had expected Kanda to look shock or surprise. However, Kanda's expression seemed to be one of anticipation. Allen blinked when Kanda sighed a little before he rubbed his neck, as if thinking over what he was about to say.
"You guys……were perfect together." Allen's eyes widened at Kanda's words. Was this the same person who would rather eat himself then to say a compliment to others? Allen was about to tease when the expression Kanda had on stopped him. Kanda looked serious and also, guilty.
Why? Allen couldn't help but thought. He couldn't have anything to do with Lavi's suicide, could he? Allen mentally shook himself. Don't jump into conclusion, wait till everything is out then make your opinion. Kanda chewed the side of his mouth before he continued. His tone weighed with so much guilt and depression that Allen almost wanted him to stop, but he had to know everything.
"Lavi always talked about you. Wondering whether you were doing fine, wondering whether you were enjoying yourself in school, and other stuff. I met Lavi the day he was adopted. My family wanted to meet the new heir as soon as possible. My first impression of him then was cold. He didn't smile, laugh or scowl. He didn't mix around either. He would sit by the balcony while the others discussed about business. During those times that my family visited, I decided to have a chat, for the family's sake. It was then that I saw, Lavi wasn't looking out in space like everybody thought he was. He was looking at a picture of a little kid whom had snow white hair and an unusual scar on his left eye. It was always like this until Bookman got enough of his behavior and had Lavi attend lessons for being a gentleman in society. But he still brought along your photo.
When you got adopted and arrived into the neighborhood that was the first time I have ever seen Lavi so alive. He acted like……a rabbit. He was practically jumping all over the place. He started smiling a lot and began to open up to people.
Due to his lessons, seeing you wasn't going to be easy. He practically snuck out of his house and snuck into yours. He would sneak back into the mansion just in time, drinking some chicken essence that helped keep you awake before rushing of to class.
You only made yourself known during Junior High. Do you remember? I was at Lavi's house delivering a message when the doorbell rang. It was the holidays, his family was away on a business trip and Lavi sent the servants home for some particular reason. I went to open the door to see a nervous and worried Moyashi looking around as if someone would jump at him anytime. Well, you did get jumped, by Lavi. When you were in Lavi's arms, you looked embarrassed but you looked so relieved as if he was the safest person to be with. My thoughts then was, wow, so perfect.
I believed the real start for the two of you was the day of the junior high school national examination results. I went to his house the day after that, to see a Lavi that was all pink at the cheeks and grinning like an idiot. He seriously looked high back then.
Then that's when you guys started a secret relationship. However, you kept declining Lavi's offer to go steady. Lavi was also starting to get pressure from Bookman for a future wife. The rest is just a blur to me till the time Lavi died."
Kanda turned and looked at the white bed sheets beneath them as Allen reviewed what was told to him. Something was off. Why did Kanda get blurred out at the near ending? Was there something that he was hiding from Allen? Was that the thing that killed Lavi?
"Yu, please look at me." Allen pleaded Kanda as he took hold of Kanda's hands and squeezed them. Kanda just glanced at him sideways but Allen was happy, at least Kanda still responded to him. "Ever since that day I lost my memories, you were with me and helped me throughout everything. You listened to me, no matter how stupid or insane it was and the best part of all was that you still believe in me even with those. I want to be like that with you too. But I can't help but feel you're hiding something from me. Why was 'the rest is just a blur' at the last part?"
Allen braced himself. If Kanda was going to say something shocking, he'll take it. If Kanda said it was really 'just a blur', Allen would leave it. He needed to get rid of this feeling was all he wanted. He watched as Kanda squeezed his eyes hard as if contemplating a huge decision. Allen gasped softly when he felt Kanda's hand in his pulled away before it held onto his again as if his life depended on it.
"I was in love with you while you were having a relationship with Lavi." Kanda whispered out painfully before he clenched his teeth hard together. "Since Lavi always had to deal with the girls Bookman sent him, you were always alone. The other students avoided you because of your appearance and some bullied you. I would always help you out of them and we would talk. You would talk about Lavi and your worries while I listened.
I…I…I then started to feel something for you. I would start thinking stuff like if only I could take you or wishing that you would shut up about Lavi. During that time, I had never ever wanted something so badly. I was really glad that you were alone and even though we fight a lot, you would look for me to talk about your problems. But when I realized it, I felt disgusted, that I actually wanted Lavi to gone so much.
The worst act that I ever did was the night of a prom. Lavi was again surrounded by girls. By that time, I was trying my best to be his friend again and helping him with the girls. I was with you too many times that Lavi started to joke about us being a couple. I was scared. I didn't want anything to change but I still wanted you.
He then told me to entertain you before he went to you after the letting down sessions for the girls. I was reluctant but I didn't want him to suspect something. When I saw you, you were drunk. Apparently, some students thought it would be funny to spike your drink. So I brought you to the bathroom."
"I remembered that," Allen's eyes widen in remembrance. Kanda finally turned to look at him, face filled with guilt. Allen's face soon started to turn to one of pure surprise. "It was blurry but I remembered being silly and getting freshened up. I couldn't control myself and I was feeling lonely and out of place. So I……kissed you."
Allen looked directly back at Kanda as he softened his eyes.
"And you kissed back."
"You're not yourself and yet I took advantage of it. When we managed to stop, Lavi walked in. He acted as if I was helping you up or something. But he already knew at that moment that he couldn't trust me with you anymore. Since that incident, he would personally see to you and instead of a polite turn down, he gave the girls a cold shoulder." Kanda bitterly said as his hand held onto Allen's hand even tighter.
Allen shook his head gently and hugged Kanda. He could feel the tension in Kanda went up for a while before he slowly accepted Allen's hug. Allen leaned towards Kanda's ear and kissed it.
"No matter what, don't think that it's always your fault something went wrong, Yu. We're both in it together. So stop blaming yourself anymore." Allen soothed as he rubbed his hands up and down Kanda's back. Allen smiled in relief when he felt the weight of Kanda's head on his shoulders and his arms around Allen's body. It was at this moment Allen wished he had fallen for Kanda before Lavi.
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Allen was currently back home, in his bathtub, deep in thought. The warm water did wonders for him as it helped relief some of his stress. Right after getting Kanda comfortable with the tube, which took a good two hours, Allen came back home again, doing research on his part of the past.
He was abandoned, no records of real parents and was looked after by Anita. Lavi was there for only three months before Allen came. Lavi took interest in Allen as he was the only one younger than him at the time and he started to look after Allen. Allen believed that was when the entire thing started. The 'little' spark you feel for the other.
Lavi was adopted first before Mana Walker adopted him. From his past journals, he was bullied and teased by many in the neighborhood for his birth defects but Lavi was always there acting as the white knight for him. Allen shut his eyes as feelings of guilt welled up in him. He shook his head hard before splashing water at his face. He made his choice. He had his reasons. He was not going to repeat this over and over again.
When Allen opened his eyes, he yelled out in surprise. On the surface of the water, there was someone behind him. He turned to see no one was there. Allen started to inhale deeply, calming himself down. He looked around the bathroom, water splashing out of the tub but he couldn't care less! He could feel that there was someone with him but there was no one around.
Was it due to stress that he was seeing things?
His back was against the wall, he made a grab for a towel to wrap him with. As he did, he continued to look around. He was getting more and more scared, as he felt the presence getting closer and closer to him. When he finally felt the towel, he roughly took hold of it. However, it was weird.
Why the towel not coming off and his fingers were can pass through some part of it?
Allen turned and screamed. His hands did not grab onto a towel, it was a bunch of long silky black hair, coming from a head that was protruding out of the bathroom wall near the towels. Allen fell out of the tub as quickly as he could. He stared in horror as the head, still in the same position of the wall, started to life its head very slowly. Allen didn't want to see it; he immediately scrambled out of the bathroom and ran, not caring about his nudity. He just didn't want to be in the same room as that!
As he ran, he could feel it coming. He turned to see some of the black silky hair peeking out of the bathroom door. Due to this, Allen didn't see the staircase in front of him. He turned in time to see himself getting closer and closer to the ground as he tumbled down the first flight of stairs.
He groaned in pain but stopped when he heard the creaking sound of the steps. He looked up at the mirror that was hung on the war. A woman, head down with her hair covering her features was taking steps down the stairs. As soon as both her feet were on the same step, she began a new step. Her black night gown that reached her knees swayed at every step she took.
When he turned towards the stairs, he yelped when the girl's head was right in front of him. Allen scrambled up against the wall painfully as the girl kept going closer and closer to him. The girl was now in between Allen's legs and her hair covered face was a millimeter away from Allen's face.
Allen's breath hitched when the hair the surrounded her face slowly started to part like curtains to reveal a very pale white face with lips dried and white while her eyes were closed. She was beautiful yet very familiar to Allen. However, Allen couldn't put a finger on where he had seen her face before.
Just as he thought, her eyes flew open, revealing blood shot eyes. Before Allen had a time to react, she pulled his face forward and she slowly leaned towards his ears.
"Help me……" the girl pleaded in a voice filled with fear and desperation. That was when something in Allen clicked. He remembered her now. The beautiful Chinese female who was Kanda's friend and Lavi's supposed wife.
"….Le…." The girl slowly moved back. "……Lenalee Lee….." Allen whispered in shock at how much the girl had changed from his memory. However, he didn't get to observe more, for she disappeared as soon as Allen completed her name.
Allen let out a shuddered breathy as he brought a hand to his face. Was he imagining this? But when she pulled him forward, it felt so real!! Just before when Allen had time to recover, a plop sound was heard, causing Allen to turn scared eyes towards the direction of the sound.
Kanda's jacket had dropped off the rags and onto the floor. Allen stared at the jacket for a moment before he stood up slowly. He then walked down the remaining steps of the staircase and walked towards the fallen jacket with caution.
Staring down at the jacket, Allen kicked it a little, as if something was hidden beneath. Allen gasped when he felt himself kick something hard, tiny, but hard. Allen swallowed nervously before he kneeled down. He hesitantly felt around the jacket. Allen raised an eyebrow when he felt the object in Kanda's jacket pocket. Allen pulled the item out quickly.
It was a ring box.
Allen's eyebrows rose. What did it mean? He then opened the box to reveal a beautiful ring. Allen took it out and examined it in awe. He was amazed at the designs and how beautifully done it was. It was then he caught sight of the names engraved into the ring.
"Lavi.Allen"
Allen's eyes widened at the names. He stared at it for a while before he placed it back in the box. He placed a gentle kiss on the ring before he closed it and placed it into his pocket.
"Lavi……" Allen whispered softly. He then looked around the house again. He was alone now, fortunately. It was already ten at night. Allen stretched a little before he realized his state of nudity and his soreness from the fall. Allen sighed with annoyance before he walked towards the laundry room, rubbing his sore back.
On the mirror that hung on the wall, it reflected someone watching Allen. As he watched in silence, he unconsciously touched his ring finger on his left hand.
"Five more days, just five more days." Lavi whispered, before he brought his left ring finger to his lips and kissed it.
Author's Note: Sorry the chapter ended shorter then the rest. But if I don't end the chapter here now, I can't begin the next chapter. I gave you a hint on roughly how many more chapters they are left. This chapter had answered a few questions I guess.
Just to let you know, I will be doing a prequel of this fiction. However, the genre would be different and it could be read as a totally different story. A break from horror and stuff.
So look forward to it and read and review, thank you!
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