It was a slow morning at the campsite. Hershel's family members wandered about doing their chores just as Zoey and the rest of group wandered around doing the same. Never getting in each others way and never making small talk with each other. It was as they were opposing teams and conversation was taboo.
Zoey was feeling better than the previous day and was about to set out to help cook or wash up when she heard stirrings from Daryl's tent. She inconspicuously watched through the tent's mesh window and saw him start on a direct path toward the stables. Obviously he thought he was better, himself, but Zoey knew he wasn't. His gait was awkward and it was noticeable that just walking caused him at least some amount of pain. It was brief, but when he exited the tent and straightened himself up from his previously hunched position Zoey saw the look of pain in his face - the way he winced and the way his features tightened - and she even swore she heard a hiss escape his clenched teeth despite his efforts to cover up the sound with a deep breath.
She never would have thought she was one for actually stalking but curiosity at what he thought he would be doing in such a state hung over her like a dark cloud. She waited and watched him go in to the stable before she set out to follow him. On her way over she made sure no one else saw her either. She didn't feel like answering any questions about why she was following Daryl and she didn't want anyone to get a hold of her before she could get over to him.
She snuck around to the side of the stable that faced away from their campsite so that if anyone happened to glance over they wouldn't see her making a fool of herself and spying on a temperamental redneck. As she stood there, pressed against the wooden wall, she felt both silly and like a spy in some overdramatic movie from the 1950's. Once she thought about it the latter was silly as well. No spy actually acted like that, she was sure. Still she took a quick peak into the stable and watched as he attempted to get out a saddle. Did he actually think he was capable of riding a horse? He still had stitches and just the effort of saddling the horse would surely tear them. She admired his determination, though. She knew he was the one putting the most effort into finding Sophia. She wondered how much the others even cared anymore. It seemed like no one but Daryl and Carol were actually hopeful. She had to admit to herself that she thought the game was over, too. She always had a nasty habit of never even acknowledging a "bright side".
She figured she should stop being useless and tell Daryl to realize that he was in no shape to go back into the woods yet. She remembered the way he looked when she found him crawling out of the ravine. She felt a small pang in her heart. She didn't want that to happen to him again. And why was he going back to that very same horse? She shook her head in disbelief and was about to go up to him, though she was sure she was the last person he wanted to see right now, when she heard soft footsteps enter the stable from the other side.
It was Carol. As soon as she saw what Daryl was attempting she began to talk him out of it. Zoey had to hand it to her - Carol was becoming a voice of reason for Daryl. She also felt a little grateful now that the task of telling Daryl to stop was lifted off her shoulders. However, what Carol had said next made Zoey feel like she received a slap to the face.
"We don't know if we're going to find her, Daryl. We don't. I don't." she said.
Zoey couldn't believe it. Hearing that the girls own mother had given up hope somehow made the entire situation more real than it was. Zoey may have had her negativity about it, but hearing Carol has lost hope too was painful.
"What?" Daryl asked. He was shocked and angry.
"Can't lose you too." Carol replied and Zoey heard the upset in her voice that made her own heart break a little.
Zoey peaked around the corner and watched as Daryl turned away from Carol in anger and pushed over the horse's saddle that he had put so much effort in to getting on that stand. Just the effort of pushing it over caused sharp pain to flood his side as his stitched pulled and almost tore. Carol went to help him but he refused to have anything to do with her and pushed her away. As he left her and the stable Zoey heard him mutter, "Stupid bitch."
Carol was left stunned in the middle of the stable. Words like that had not been spoken to her since her husband was killed, but they stirred the memories and hurt her. Zoey was hurt by them as well, even though she knew they weren't aimed at her. She hadn't heard him be so cruel since before they got to the CDC, she thought he was changing now that Merle wasn't around. Hearing him say such a thing to Carol, the one person he seemed to actually give a damn about, reminded her that while he may have changed a bit he was still the angry redneck she had met weeks ago. He was still the same guy who had followed his brothers every order, and mimicked his every thought until that very brother left him and the group.
She heard what happened in the city. That Merle had been handcuffed to the roof of a building by Rick, and that by the time Daryl made them all go back to save him he was already gone, having cut his own hand off to save himself. She knew he would have come back if he wanted to, if he had thought the group was worth it. But she knew they weren't. She remembered what he had said to her the day he forced himself on her: "You mean no more to me than cow shit." Apparently he felt that way about everyone else as well, his own brother included.
She slid down the side of the stable and began to cry. How was it possible that what was supposed to be a vacation to visit family could turn into a nightmare? She had no idea where she was other than "in Georgia", she hardly knew these people (and making friends was never a skill of hers) and now she was undeniably pregnant with the baby of a racist asshole who raped her, and the only person she had begun to care about was that very man's brother who was beginning to slip back into his shadow even without him even being there.
Carol must have heard her sniffling because she had come around the corner suddenly which caused Zoey to give a small start. Her cover was blown, and she couldn't even think of a lie to cover it up. She had it with the lying, she didn't want to bear this burden herself anymore.
Carol sat down next to her with her own face stained with silent tears. The two of them sat there in silence for a few moments before Carol reached out and grabbed Zoey's hand.
"What's the matter?" she asked. Zoey was shocked that Carol even cared about her feelings when she had just been verbally abused by Daryl, the one person she seemed to really care about other than her own daughter.
"I'm so sorry." was all Zoey could choke out at the moment.
"About what sweetie?" Carol asked.
"About everything. About Sophia, about Daryl, about what an ass I've been. I haven't been doing anything lately and I've been lying about being sick to be alone, and it's just all so much!" Zoey cried.
"Don't worry about Daryl, I know he doesn't mean it. He's hurt. And I know I must seem like a bad mother right now, but understand that it just hurts so much. I have to be honest about it, I can't live in denial forever." she said.
"But, you don't know!" Zoey shouted.
"Shh." Carol whispered. "It's complicated, if you had a child you'd understand how hard being a parent through all this is."
Zoey felt angry at this. She already thought about what kind of a life a baby would have in this world. In her sudden anger she formed a fist with her free hand and slammed it into the dirt as she gave a strangled cry.
"But that's it!" she practically yelled. "That's just it!"
"Calm down, we don't need to get the others here." Carol said, and Zoey knew she was right, but she was just so upset that it was hard for her to remember to keep quiet.
"I'm fucking pregnant!" she yelled as softly as she could so that Carol could hear the anger in her voice but so that no passerby could hear.
Carol went wide-eyed. "But...how?" She never saw Zoey go off alone with any of the guys and she didn't seem to have established any relationship with any of them that would even remotely hint to having a sexual relationship with them. "Was it from before you found us?" she asked since that was the only explanation she could think of, that it must have happened before the walkers took over.
"It's Merle's." Zoey sobbed. "He raped me that first day. The damn baby is his and I don't want it!"
Carol had no words for her. All she could do was wrap her arms around Zoey and comfort her until she regained her composure.
