w00t!! BONUS CHAPTER!! god, it's loooooooong!! and it took long to write too ToT! i know one of you reviewers has already guessed or suggested this to me, so i'll list your name at the end. as for others of you who may've guessed: if you'd have put it in a review, you would've gotten credit. sorry! anyway on with the bonus chapter XD
Damnit still FMA and country ownership-less..
SUPER AWESOME EXTRA BONUS YOU'VE BEEN ROYED!!! CHAPTER XD
Fuery was walking calmly down the hall heading to lunch when he was grabbed and quickly dragged into the nearest broom closet. It was pitch dark inside. Once his kidnapper had removed his hand from his mouth, someone had flipped on the light switch.
Havoc, Breda, Falman, Riza, and Ed were squished in the closet as well. Breda had been the one to grab him.
"You okay, Kain?"
"Yeah. What's going on Jean?"
"Well, we think that prank-happy bastard deserves a taste of his own medicine."
"Jeez, don't grin so evilly Fullmetal.."
"Anyway, the reason we're all here is to start planning a little payback for the Colonel."
"Couldn't we have found a bigger meeting place?"
"The walls have ears, Fuery. Hughes pops up so unexpectedly around here with all his godforsaken pictures, and Roy's got ex-girlfriends still loyal to him all over central. This was the best place we could come up with."
"What about someone elses's place?"
"Al and I are in a hotel-- Mustang's probably got the maids listening at our door."
"Breda won't set foot in my apartment for fear of my dog."
"And the rest of us are in the dorms."
"Oh."
"Well now we've got to focus. I believe the First Lieutenant might have more ideas as to the Colonel's weaknesses seeing as she's known him longer."
"Yeah, please, elighten us, Riza"
"Well first, the Colonel really hates--"
By the time lunch was over, the plan was set.
~~~~~The next day~~~~~
Phase 1: Splashdown
Roy Mustang strolled casually into work,late as usual. Everyone else was already working at a calm and steady pace.
Roy closed the door, when he realized it was very quiet. Too quiet.
Before he could register what was happening, he suddenly found himself surrounded by his subordinates.
"Fire!" Riza commanded. And then everyone pulled out water pistols and began shooting ferociously at their superior.
"What the hell guys?! What the hell?!!"
The Colonel was completely soaked from head to toe. After glaring at them all he left to see if he had an extra uniform in his car.
"YES!!"
"Good job, everyone!"
"Did you see his face when we started shooting?"
"Priceless!!"
They all gave each other high fives.
Meanwhile, Roy was walking back from his car when someone called his name from across the street.
It was Edward, sitting on a bench near the fountain. Unusually, his brother was not in sight.
"Hiya, Fullmetal Shrimp."
"WE'LL JUST SEE WHO'S THE SHRIMP SO SMALL YOU CAN'T SEE HIM FLOATING IN THE WATER WITH ALL THE LITTLE GRAINS OF SAND!!"
He clapped and pressed his hands to the ground.
All of the water in the fountain suddenly rose up..
"OH SHI--"
and, like a tidal wave tsunami, crashed down on the Colonel, drenching him for the second time.
And so, having found no spare uniform in his car and fullmetal having disappeared once he got up, he sloshed back into headquarters, leaving a trail of water drips.
Upon his arrival back into his office, he found Fullmetal sitting behind his desk, playing with his gloves.
"PUT THOSE DOWN!!"
"Or what? gonna roast me without them? even if you had a spare pair in your pocket, they'd be soaked after that freak tidal wave. you must've seen it too, real advanced alchemy i'd say, must've been an awesome alchemist--"
"Nah, just a little shorty playing the water."
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING TOO SHORT TO USE ALCHEMY?!?!?!"
With that, Ed put on one of Roy's gloves and made a campfire with it in a large saucepan full of wood. He grabbed one of the long sticks and speared a marshmallow on it.
"Just what the hell are you doing Fullmetal?"
He put it over the fire. "Roasting marshmallows, you want one? Or we've got dumplings."
"Hey I'll take one of those dumplings!"
"Me too!"
"I want a marshmallow!"
Pretty soon, everyone but Roy was crouched next to the fire roasting a dumpling or marshmallow over it. Steam was practically rising off the top of his head. And he was still dripping wet because he had refused to try to warm up next to the fire.
"Hey Colonel, I found someone who was willing to loan you their uniform..."
"Excellent!" Riza handed him a pile of clothing. Roy went off to change in the bathroom.
BANG.
Roy's expression was beyond rage.
He was standing in front of them in a miniskirt.
The roasting party was trying very hard not to laugh, and it showed on their faces.
Just then the Furher happened to walk by.
"..."
"uh, I can explain, sir--"
The Furher walked away considerably faster.
At this point, nobody could contain their laughter anymore. They literally rolled on the ground laughing.
Roy looked like he was going to faint.
"Hey, I know what'll cheer you up, sir! A nice date tonight!"
"But Havoc, I didn't book one for tonight.."
"We know. So Falman and I took the liberty of setting you up on a BLIND DATE!!"
"Er.. I'm really not much in the mood--"
"Nonsense, we've put you through enough hell sir!"
"Go enjoy yourself!"
"Yeah!"
"Oh alright, I'll do it."
"YES!!" Havoc slapped five with Breda, Fuery, and Falman.
Once Roy had mercifully been given some pants, Ed and Al cleaned up the roasting party and left to catch their train.
~~~~~that night~~~~~
Phase 2: Breakdown
"So.. Is she pretty?"
"Beautiful, sir, a real cutie!"
"Rich, too."
"Yeah, loaded!"
"Hmm.."
Falman and Havoc dropped him off at the restaurant. He got a table for two in nice private little corner near the back lit by a single candle and adorned with a large rose blossom on the table.
Finally, his date had arrived. She was pretty like Havoc said, with long blonde hair and large green eyes. She was wearing an elegant yet simple pink dress.
"How do you do? I'm Roy Mustang."
"H-hello. I'm Catherine L. Armstrong."
He kissed her hand and she blushed then they sat down.
"Armstrong, huh? Any relation to Major Alex Louis Armstrong?"
"Oh yes, he's my brother. A-Aren't you also in the military?"
"Yep, Lt. Colonel Roy Mustang."
"Wow, a Colonel.."
Just then, another couple sat at the table nearest them, behind Catherine. With a shock, he realized that it was his own first lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. With an even bigger shock, he realized she was there with noneother than the second Lieutenant, Jean Havoc. Havoc, facing him, grinned and winked. Riza too turned around and gave him a curt nod. Catherine didn't notice anything.
The rest of the date went by smoothly, Roy and Catherine exchanging polite conversation, but nothing more. He talked about the military and she asked questions. However, Roy just couldn't stay focused on his date. his attention always seemed to wander, as if by a magnetic force, to the next-door table. He watched Havoc make jokes and Riza laughing. They made a toast to the military. He saw the pair discuss thier views on current events, the weather, even (Roy stiffened at the idea) marriage and long-term relationships.
Before they knew it, both tables had paid the check (both men paying of course, though Riza had argued.) and headed out. Catherine and Roy left first, as the maitre-d had informed her that her chauffer had arrived to take her home. Outside, Roy courteously asked her how she enjoyed their date.
"Oh, I had a wonderful time, thank you Colonel"
"So, would you like to do this again sometime?"
Catherine blushed and seemed to be thinking of how best to word her answer.
"Uhm, well, You're a very nice, and charming as well.."
yeaah.. aaaand..? thought Roy.
"Well, I'd like to go out with you again--"
"Wonderful! I'll pick you up at--"
"But I prefer men with a more muscular physique, like my brother. It's nothing personal, you're just not good-looking. Goodbye, Colonel Mustang."
Roy was stunned. his mouth was still hanging open as her car sped away toward the Armstrong manor.
"Woah.. pass me a camera, Riza, I believe this is a first: Roy Mustang is stunned speechless!"
Havoc proceeded to lean in front of Mustang and snap a picture.
"Perfect! That's a keeper!"
They both chuckled.
"Sir, please snap out of it. You'll catch bugs if you keep your mouth open like that."
"-ahem- You're right Lieutenant, I'm--"
Roy stared.
"What?"
"Y-you're wearing.. A MINISKIRT?!?!?!?!"
"Yes, it's actually not so bad once you getused to it.."
"You should know, Colonel"
Riza and havoc laughed.
"I'm going home."
With that, Roy left them still chortling on the curb. He stomped down the street.
"Ha, what a child! Look at him stomping home.."
"Alright Falman, phase 2.5 ready?"
"All set!" came the reply from the military radio Riza took from her purse.
Roy walked up to the door of his apartment and bent down to get the key from under his doormat. There was nothing there. He quickly lifted up the entire mat and checked. Nothing but cement. He checked the nearby shrubs and hedges. Just dirt. He walked to the curb to see if he'd dropped it on the way to put the garbage out. A car drove by and splashed him with water from a puddle. Dripping wet, he tried his pockets, desperately hoping he'd actually put them there like a sensible person. All he found was his gloves, pocketwatch, and wallet. That gave him an idea. Was he a State Alchemist? Yes. Was he admired as a great one one of the best? Yes. Was he going to be prevented from entering his own home just because he lost his key? Of course not. So With that, Roy Mustang serched for some chalk. Luckily, some children had left their sidewalk chalk on a doorstep. He hadn't performed non-flame alchemy in ages. He hoped he still remembered how to do normal alchemy. After about half an hour, he finally managed to open his door and get into his apartment. Although he had to buy a new doorknob to replace the mangled remains of his old one. He swore as he entered his apartment, then took a shower to calm down and collapsed gratefully and wearily onto his bed.
~~~~~The next day (again)~~~~~
Roy Mustangs' office was full of laughter.
"Oh my god, did you see his face when we showed up?"
"No! Even better was when Catherine rejected him!"
"And it's on film!"
"We should've gotten his alchemy attempts to get in his apartment on tape!"
"Nice driving, Falman, that was brilliant splashing him on the way back!"
"No, it really just improvising! by the way, we still have his key.."
"Ah, we can put it back later!"
"And when the furher walked by--"
"We were just right timing his usual coffee break!"
"Good idea using his own brand of alchemy for a campfire! Man, was he pissed!"
"Hell, those were good dumplings, were'd you get them Al?"
"We just pranked that bastard and all you're thinking about is food?!"
"Well good work everyone!"
"I'll say."
Everyone jumped. Lt. Colonel Roy Mustang looked like was going to pop a head vein.
"Er, um, good morning, sir!"
He said nothing, just slowly and deliberately put his hand into his pocket.
Everyone quickly scrambed to their feet.
They glimpsed the edge of alchemic circle.
They all crowded the exit.
He raised his arm.
They were all sprinting down the hall...
Schiezka was walking along with a stack of papers in her hand to deliver to Colonel Hughes when Breda, Havoc, and Falman rushed past her in a frenzy. Then, a jet of flame shot out the doors of Mustangs office.
"Colonel Hughes sir, please stop calling Colonel Mustang first thing in the morning.."
"Honestly Schiezka, I haven't done anything to him yet!"
Meanwhile, the Colonel was trying to calm down enough to plan his revenge. For the rest of the day he continued to have an angry expression on his face and nobody dared look up from their work. For once, the entire room was silent the entire day apart from shuffling of papers.
Phase Three: Revenge
The next morning, Havoc, Breda, Falman, Fuery, Hawkeye, and Ed all had bucket of water topple onto their heads as they walked into headquaters.
"YOU'VE BEEN ROYED!!!"
Shortly therafter, Roy was seen running down the corridors with an angry mob at his heels. Riza lead the way with her gun; Ed not far after her, clapping his hands together and yelling swearwords as he went; Al following his brother and shouting reproachingly; Havoc complaining about his hair and decreased chances of getting a girlfriend; Breda yelling how his head hurt; Fuery trying to keep up and persuade the pursuers to stop; Falman bringing up the rear shouting how they were going to be in so much trouble for disturbing the peace.
Like there ever is in Roy Mustang's office.
END :)
Well, that's it! I think this is the longest chapter in it! O.O Anyway, first off I'd like to thank the reviewers/favorites/alerts, starting with the reviewer who suggested the idea of a mass prank first: KAME-THE-TURTLE!! YAAY!! and all you other faithful fans/readers:
zukosfirstgirlfriend, KitaKaze, ditte-chan, Ashheart1, Almighty-Hanako-chan, little miss clueless, ramenwriter15, kame-the turtle (again) and Linn Lovedragon!! Thanks sooo much!
Anyway, I have a TON of fanfic-y stuff to do, including a collection of songfics for fma i'm working on and have to start. Open to suggestions! and also my other fic, Magical Hogwarts Randomness. Well, I've rambled on enough, so thanks for reading, please review, for this is the final chapter and really, it shows lots of appreciation!
Bye! ^ ^
~tinytokirabbit7 3
