Chapter 7! As promised, to make up for the lackluster (well, lackluster for me is still 90% better than the other schlock on this website, but I digress) Chapter 6, this one might be the longest published chapter I've posted to date. So, enjoy it! (And don't get used to these long chapters! Please, I beg of you!)

Also, this is a very loud chapter. The main characters like to YELL. :D


BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.

"I HATE MONDAYS," Tong shouted into his pillow, reaching over and trying to smash his alarm clock—instead of hitting his alarm clock, his hand hit the glass of water he'd left on his desk from the night before, and knocked it over, successfully shorting out his cell phone.

The alarm clock, of course, still worked, and continued to BEEP loudly.

"ARRRRRGH," Tong growled through gritted teeth, sitting up and pushing his hair from his face—"what the—! !"

Ning came bursting through Tong's door. "Sorry it took me so—what the fuck?" he asked, staring at the foot of Tong's bed.

"GET THEM OUT OF HERE!" Tong shrieked, "I thought that fucking thing was DEAD!"

"Nah, he rose from the dead, or somethin'!" said Ning, watching Terry and Hassle the Hoff copulate with some morbid curiosity, "awww, we're gonna have a bunch o' baby spiders!"

"GET THEM OUT OF HERE!" Tong shrieked again.

"Why's Tong screaming!" Ce asked excitedly, charging into Tong's room, naked except for his Hobbes-print boxers (think Hobbes of Calvin and Hobbes), "is he getting raped agai—TERRY!"

"Oh, god," said Ning, groaning, "Ce, go put some freaking clothes on!"

"TERRRRRRRY!" wailed Ce, looking close to tears, "you're alive, baby!"

"Terry will like you a lot more if you don't cockblock him!" said Ning, rolling his eyes, "go away!"

"TERRY'S A GIRL!" Ce shot back, "and you just want to be alone with Tong when you're both scantily clad and the room has all this sex in it!"

"Hey, YOU TWO are the gay ones here, not me!" Tong said defensively.

"That's not true, check the fanfictions, more fangirls ship Gan Ning/Ling Tong than Sun Ce/Gan Ning or Sun Ce/Ling Tong!" Ce shot back.

"Why do I get topped by YOU!" demanded Ning, "I don't get topped by anyone!"

"Then you need to read that one story, what's it called—"

"WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP! And why do I get topped by BOTH OF YOU! Gross!" whined Tong. "WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS, THIS IS DISGUSTING! I never thought I'd find something as disgusting as the spiders screwing on my bed but this sure tops it!"

"Just like I top both of you!" said Ce cheerfully.

"Would you stop being proud of that!" demanded Ning.

"I still don't understand why I don't top anyone!" Tong complained.

"It's a manliness thing, you're the least manly of all of us," said Ce dismissively.

"And you're more manly than I am!" squawked Ning.

"I think in the case of extreme manliness it goes in height order," said Ce, "or something? I dunno, Shang Xiang hid her yaoi mangas after she caught me reading them—"

"You read yaoi mangas?" asked Tong, rolling his eyes.

"It was like a car wreck, dude, I couldn't stop staring!" said Ce defensively.

"Suuuuuure," said Ning.

Ce opened his mouth to reply, but was distracted by the cuteness of the tarantula sex—"where's the camera! Oh, that's so cuuuuute, Terry's topping Hassle the Hoff!"

"Oh, god," said Tong, groaning and looking disgusted, "this is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!"

"Apparently someone hasn't looked in the mirror!" commented Ning dryly. Tong shot him a dirty look.

"Camera!" said Ce brightly, deleting the memory off Tong's digital camera and recording—"aww, they're so cute!"

"More like something out of Tarantulas Gone Wild," Ning said, making a face.

Tong groaned and flopped back on his bed, not even bothering to scream like a girl and dive out the window like he'd originally wanted to. Not freaking worth it.


"Why do those idiots have to make so much damned noise!" demanded Chao, scowling over breakfast. His breakfast of justice was being interrupted by the idiots above them.

"Murphy's, I guess?" said Yun, flipping through the newspaper. "I am quite sick of all the yelling…"

"Stupid Gan Ning," seethed Chao, "well, he'll get it when he's not allowed inside Justiceapalooza!" He jumped up and grabbed a Swiffer, and proceeded to jab the handle up into the ceiling—"QUIET UP THERE!"

"Somehow I think he'll cope just fine," answered Yun, sipping at his orange juice, "yuck, Chao, you bought pulp! I hate pulp!"

"Think of the pulp as if it was a man without justice!" growled Chao, setting the Swiffer back down and resuming his breakfast of justice.

"Ew!" said Yun, looking disgusted. "Not your best justice analogy, Chao."

"Alright, that was lame," Chao said after a moment, "hey, I don't mind the pulp, you're the crying baby here!"

"Don't call me a crying baby because I don't like slimy globs of crap in my juice!" complained Yun.

"Pulp-free is more expensive!" Chao argued, "that 10 cents we spend to keep your juice pulp-free is 10 cents that can go towards JUSTICE!"

"And helping people," said Yun brightly.

"Whatever," said Chao, pouring himself a bowl of Cheerios—contrary to popular belief, Cheerios were the breakfast of champions, as far as Chao was concerned (and they were cheaper than Wheaties)—"speaking of which, I don't know if it was you or Yun Lu who sent my 'Super Chao' costume to Salvation Army, but I wasn't planning on wearing itto Justiceapalooza!"

"Oh, good," said Yun, breathing a sigh of relief. "Chao, I'm sorry, but wearing elastics in this heat is going to cook you like a sausage in a pressure cooker. Think of the greater good here."

Chao glared at him. "That suit was made with spandex! And spandex is the outfit of JUSTICE!"

Yun groaned. Chao had always taken justice a bit seriously. Cue montage music.

Chao in traffic: "I RAN THAT RED LIGHT IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE!"

Chao in the grocery store: "I PURCHASED THIS ITEM IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE!"

Chao beating some nefarious evil-doer up: "I FIGHT IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE!"

Chao having sex: "I MADE IT SWEET IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE!" (to which the girl had said something in outrage and stomped out of the room.)


Anyway, yeah.

Chao scowled. "Justiceapalooza will be the greatest event this school has ever seen!" he said proudly.

"Yay," said Yun, "I'll be glad to have a part in it, I guess~ what about Xing Cai, Chao? She's always tried to thwart your plans!"

"And I her," answered Chao, "I've got her covered, even though justice knows we'll be able to smell her a mile away."

"You know, I've been meaning to comment on that," said Yun, "for a hippie, she doesn't smell all that bad…"

"Her lackey Ping smells bad enough for two people, then," said Chao, making a face.


Xing Cai and Ping weren't far away, actually—Xing Cai was making herself busy tearing down all the Justiceapalooza signs, while Ping followed meekly behind, attempting to talk her out of it but losing his resolve immediately.

"These had better be printed on recycled paper!" growled Xing Cai, "stupid Chao!"

"Are you planning an anti-rally to compete with Chao's, Xing Cai?" asked Ping.

"I'm thinking about it, but even I might have trouble throwing a protest together in two days," admitted Xing Cai. (Justiceapalooza was scheduled for Wednesday, a day Chao proudly referred to as 'The Day of Justice!')

"I'm sure you can do it!" said Ping, stars in his eyes, "you're amazing, Xing Cai! Like the way you saved that tree!"

Xing Cai looked outside the conveniently placed window out at the mournfully empty patch of dirt where the FU pine had been. "I didn't save the tree!"

"No, but you preserved it for a lot longer than anyone else ever would've!" said Ping.

Xing Cai brightened at that. "That's true. Alrighty then Ping, let's go think us a way to crash that rally!"

"Yay!" cheered Ping, "and while Chao weeps, I'll confess my love for you and we'll run off hand-in-hand to go save something else!"

"What was that?" Xing Cai asked.

"NOTHING!" Ping squawked.

Xing Cai frowned. "All this—man-made material is affecting your brain, Ping!" she said, looking worried, "I think it's time for an organic chemical bath!"

"Not again!" whined Ping.


"We've got a problem on our hands, Ning," said Ce, watching the footage on Ning's laptop with some worry.

"What now?" Ning asked, groaning.

"We don't have enough bad stuff!" whined Ce, "we're never gonna be able to publish 'The Misfortune of Tong' without any misfortunes!"

"The guy's a walking misfortune," said Ning, rolling his eyes, "we'll think of something!"


Tong scowled in fury as a car drove through a puddle and splashed him. "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE! IT'S NOT EVEN RAINING!" he squawked. "And why's it smell like Coke!"


"That got 'im," smirked Keiji, tossing his empty Big Gulp in the back seat of his truck.

"You're terrible," said Okuni, frowning.

Keiji glared at her. "Would you quit bein' all sweet on him, Okuni! I'm sitting right here! I'm your boyfriend!

Keiji scowled. "Hey, I promised I'd stick with you if you stuck with me!"

"I am!" protested Okuni, "Keiji, why are you so angry at me? I would never do anything to betray your trust, darling!"

"Uh huh," said Keiji, looking disbelieving, "I don't ever wanna catch you with any other guy again!"

"I've never once cheated on you, Keiji!" said Okuni, frowning, "the only times I've ever dated anyone else is when we're broken up, and may I remind you, you get jealous and break up with me!"

"Well as long's you don't ever look at any other guy it's fine with me," said Keiji, taking a right turn, "where were we goin', again?"

Okuni pressed her lips together angrily. "Stop the car," she said finally.

"S' a truck," said Keiji, missing the point.

"Keiji, I don't care what it is, stop the vehicle!" Okuni said firmly.

Keiji did, hitting the brakes abruptly (the kid behind them on the moped screamed, hit the brakes and had to steer himself into the bushes to avoid hitting the truck in front of him). "What!" he asked.

Okuni waited for the truck to come to a complete stop before opening the door and hopping out. "Goodbye, Keiji," she said, and walked away dramatically.

"What!" Keiji said, "Okuni! Baby, what the hell!"

He scowled as he leaned over to close the door. She'd be back~

Keiji watched Okuni stomp off—well, stomp off and still be walking as gracefully as Okuni did, more accurately—and scowled. Women!

Who needs 'em? I'll find another girl'll who'll be twice as great as Okuni is—was! Yeah! Screw girls!

screw girls… he made a big frowny face before replacing it with a much more familiar scowl. Well, time to take his fury out on people he didn't like~

Hey, stupid, said the nagging voice in his head, she dumped you because you were being a jerk!

Yeah, to Tong, who barely counts as a human being! Keiji argued back.

…true, but still! Okuni won't come back to you until you prove to her you're not a lowlife piece of scum who picks on people for the fun of it!

So I should pick on people who're bein' mean too? Like, be a superhero'n all that? Do I gotta wear the stupid lookin' spandex too?

(Somewhere in the sewing club, Chao sneezed)

No, you—do I have to do all of the thinking! Do something charitable! She's always collecting donations for charity-gather up a lot of money and donate it to her cause and she'll /throw/ herself at you!

And then she'll bone me, right?

…Interesting way of putting it, but yes, I suppose!

Yeah! I'll go rack up some cash for her whatever-it-is and then she'll let me touch her rack! Good idea, voice in my head!

Keiji grinned. Doing good things instead of mean things? He wasn't mean, so to speak, he just liked reminding people he was the boss around here, not to mention gettin' into scraps was fun, but… well, maybe being nice'd be fun? Worth a shot, at least—

He was so overcome with the warm fuzzy feelings inside thinking of the rewards of doing something good that he forgot to drive. Not forgetting how to drive, no, he was forgetting to operate the motor vehicle he was currently operating.

"HEY YOU IMBECILE!" shouted 16-year-old genius prodigy child Masamune Date, "watch where you're going, you overgrown buffoon!"

Keiji glanced over at Masamune—temptation too strong to resist!

"You freak! Where'd you and your overgrown pituitary gland get your drivers' license, off the back of a cereal box!"

DON'T DO IT, KEIJI!

"Gee, if I'd known it was 'National Idiots Swerve All Over the Road and Hit Pedestrians" day, I'd have worn my florescent jumpsuit!"

I can't not do it! Look at him, all short'n'pathetic lookin', n' LOUD, n' just askin' for it!

"You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities!"

DON'T DO IT, KEIJI! Think about Okuni!

"There aren't any witnesses here! I can just as easy hold my back and file a lawsuit against you to teach you what happens when you drive recklessly! How's giving every penny you'll ever make in your useless life to me sound, huh! You gonna listen to me now!"

what Okuni don't know won't hurt me!

And with that, Keiji firmly shoved all indecision from his head, put his truck in park, and leapt out, grabbing the still-squawking Masamune and hauling him off towards one of the Florida University palms (which were not inhabited by any hippies; Xing Cai was not a fan of palm trees, after getting palm frans in places she didn't know existed until she sat in a palm tree for a week).

"HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING? You imbecile! You're not worthy of laying a hand on me! Put me down immediately or you'll suffer my wrath!" Masamune was shouting, "I may look small and portable but I am a man!"

"Whatever," said Keiji, and hurtled Masamune up into the palm tree, where his belt loop caught on a branch; Masamune started crying, shaking his fists.

"I'll get you for this! One day you will all work for me!" Masamune wailed. "I will own you all, ya hear me!"

"Look, everyone, I planted a Date tree!" Keiji laughed.

Xing Cai frowned. "That's not what I meant by 'expand your global footprint!'" she huffed to Ping.

Ping smiled guilelessly. "He's huge, he makes a really big footprint!"

Xing Cai facepalmed. Lackeys.


"I bought the tape offa Goemon for eight bucks," said Ce, replaying the moment when Tong pinwheeled and got knocked over by the CR-V—"which is eight bucks more than I wanted to spend!"

"Cry about it," said Ning, making a face, "man, just gimme the camera and I'll take it to work, ever since I became the new lifeguard over there he's not gettin' any action at all~"

"Yow," said Ce, "well, that might be a good thing, I thought Shang Xiang was gonna kill 'im after he like, hit on some lifeguard chick in front of her, now I don't have t'listen to her whine about it!" He grinned brightly.

"Yeah, anyway," said Ning, making a face, Tong's crazed relationship with Shang Xiang not one of his concerns at the moment, "I dunno, hire some gay guy to grope the shit out of him?"

"Eww," said Ce, "I don't wanna watch that— hey, what about that one guy who lives down the hall, Zhang He?"

"EVEN BETTER, he'd do it for free!" said Ning, grinning—"man, I am too good at these genius ideas!"

"You didn't even think of it!" complained Ce, "I did!"

"Yeah, but it was my idea to jump your idea and take it for a ride," said Ning, "in your face!"

"A-HA!" shouted Tong from inside his room, and he came storming out into the living room, his black and red HP laptop in hand—and he dropped it. "SHIT!"

"See what I mean about walking misfortune?" Ning said to Ce.

"Shut up, it has the HP Protectsmart Hard Drive Protection," grumbled Tong, "it helps protect against data loss due to sudden drops and bumps!"

"Thank you, Mr. HP Salesman Guy," said Ce, "what're you—OH GOD PENIS!"

"I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING NOT RIGHT ABOUT YOU!" shouted Ning, looking disgusted at the display of Tong's laptop.

Sadly, the display was penis-covered. Or at least the browser window was.

Tong rolled his eyes. "I checked the official source," he said smugly, "! (1) And it says, and I quote—"in a true yaoi relationship the TALLEST character always tops, regardless of manly stature!" And, if we look around the room here—we have Ce coming in at 6 feet tall, Ning coming in at a measly 5 feet 11 inches—"

"I'm taller than Ce is!" Ning shouted.

"Only counting the overcompensating hair," said Tong.

"Yeah," said Ce, "how's the weather down there, shorty?"

Ning gritted his teeth furiously.

"And since I'm standing tall at six-two, I think that goes to say I TOP BOTH OF YOU!" said Tong, crossing his arms over his chest proudly. "HA!"

"Yeah, that's the kind of medical thesis that'll get you through medical school!" said Ce.

"That's some accomplishment there, Tong, in a hypothetical situation when me Ce and you are all flaming homosexuals, you'll top both of us," said Ning, making a face, "now get lost! We're planning ways to do bad things to you!"

"FINE!" huffed Tong, "sit there and simmer over your—bottom positions!" And he stomped back to his room.

"What's Tong yelling about?" asked Shang Xiang, letting herself right in as always.

"Would you stop bargin' in here!" asked Ning, "what if I was naked or something!"

"Well, if you and Ce were for some reason naked together on the couch I'm sure I'd find something to say," said Shang Xiang, smirking from ear to ear.

Ning sighed.

Shang Xiang grinned. "Where'd Tong go?" she asked, "I just heard him whining, he has to be around here somewhere~"

"I'm in here," shouted Tong, "and I refuse to go out there and associate with those idiots!"

"We can hear you," called Ce.

"That's the point, asshole!"

Shang Xiang rolled her eyes, walking down the hallway and grinning at her best friend. "Can I borrow your laptop?" she asked.

"Sure, why?" asked Tong, sitting up from where he was lying on his bed, playing Harvest Moon 64 (hey, Harvest Moon 64 was a man's game!). "Don't you have that million-dollar Macbook or whatever?"

"Xiao read somewhere on the Internet that Apple products float, and she didn't want to try it out with her laptop," said Shang Xiang dryly. "And sadly Mac has no spill warranty."

"Make her buy a new one!" said Tong, scowling, "Ning breaks something of mine twice a week but at least he's able to fix it."

"Yeah, I told her she was buying me a new one," said Shang Xiang, rolling her eyes, "and I don't care how she does it!"


Xiao had only seen this on TV, sadly. She hiked up the hem of her skirt, stuck her leg out, and wiggled her hips from side to side a bit. "Who wants to have sex with me for money!"


"Hope she doesn't get too creative," said Tong, rolling his eyes.

"As long as I get my new Macbook I don't care," said Shang Xiang, "and my entire digital yaoi collection got trashed too, after I caught Ce reading 'em I had to keep 'em on my laptop instead!"

"That's interesting," said Tong, making a face, a bit more interested in the well-being of his turnips than Shang Xiang's yaoi fixation. "I will never understand what's so hot about two guys going at it."

"That's because you have a penis," said Shang Xiang, as if that was the answer to everything. "Anyway, laptop, please?"

"Sure," said Tong, "don't let Xiao near it?"

"Gotcha," said Shang Xiang, laughing—"hey, what's that big burly dude doing on your farm, Tong?"

"What? NO, NO, NO, GO AWAY, BUYER, ARRGH!" shouted Tong at the TV, "stupid—arrrghh! The Flower Festival is tomorrow and I'm not going to have enough money for seeds ARRRRRGGHHHHH!" (2)

He apparently realized Shang Xiang was giving him a rather peculiar look and made a face at her. "Don't judge me!"


Late Tuesday night, Shang Xiang finally got to work on that stupid paper she was supposed to type up. She opened Tong's laptop (after she was done sniffing it—what, Tong smelled good!) and her innocent naïve eyes (yeah, right) were subjected to all the penis that decorated .

"What… the… fuck," she said, staring.

"Here's your stupid money!" complained Xiao, walking in and dropping a handful of $100 bills on Shang Xiang's lap—"whoa, is that porn! GIVE!"

"It's not my porn, it's Tong's!" whined Shang Xiang—"oh, crap!"

"Tong likes penis porn?" asked Xiao, "well, I can't say I'm surprised, really~"

"Hey! Shut up!" said Shang Xiang, scowling, "he's not gay!"

Xiao just shrugged. "If you say so! And there's your dumb money, I am no longer your indentured servant!"

"I'm surprised you even know what that is!" Shang Xiang shot back, still scowling. Stupid Xiao!


"Good morning, friends!" said Ce cheerfully, "hey, guys, what say we all head down to—"

It was Wednesday—a day ending in 'y'—so either Ning or Tong had found something to argue about. Today's argument was whether or not Ning was allowed to keep beer in the apartment, something Tong liked to vehemently argue that 'NO, he was not allowed, keep it out of the fucking fridge!'. Which he was currently doing now.

However, Ning felt so strongly in opposition here he had done something truly disgusting—yet admirable—to prove his point. He read. The FU Residential Community guidelines. These guidelines were printed up and posted in the back of every student planner, given out for free at orientation, but to Ning's surprise, these little books actually had room to write assignments and dates and stuff down. Not that he'd ever noticed.

Anyway, Ce watched—annoyed at being ignored—as Ning shoved the planner in Tong's face, and the argument began.

"Why am I being subjected with words at 7:30AM?" Tong demanded.

"Read it, bucko," said Ning smugly, "page 156, Section 2, Housing Policies! First section!"

"I thought you said the second section," said Tong, squinting, "hold it still, will you, I can't read it!"

"Oh." Ning let Tong snatch the planner and waited a few seconds for him to finish reading.

"What about it?" said Tong.

Ning groaned—he had to do all the smart stuff himself, didn't he! "AHEM," he said loudly, causing Tong to jump. "'Residents 21 and older may possess and consume alcohol only within the strict confines of their room or apartment. Residents who are 21 or older may possess and/or consume alcohol in the presence of their underage roommate!' IN YOUR FACE!"

"Fucking hell," whined Tong, "well—I don't fucking care! As your roommate you owe me the respect to honor my wishes! And I don't want that shit in here!"

Ning scowled, and flipped back a few pages in the planner again—"SECTION—oh, fuck it, I'll just read it—'Start talking with your roommate from the beginning about guidelines and expectations for communicating and living with each other'! You never said anything about me not having booze when we started living together!"

"So what! I didn't think to bring it up! It didn't say I can't change my mind about living conditions later on!" said Tong, scowling, "and give me that—" he flipped another page back—"OH, LOOK, A SENTENCE YOU FORGOT TO READ! 'No drinking and/or open containers are allowed by anyone when underage guests are present in the student room/apartment'! IN YOUR FACE, Shang Xiang's not legal so if she's at this party you can't have any alcohol!"

"THEN SHANG XIANG MUST BE DESTROYED!" yelled Ning, getting a bit carried away.

"Hey!" said Ce, scowling.

Ning caught himself—"right, screw that," he said. Then his face twisted up in another scowl and he snatched the planner right back, flipping pages so savagely they threatened to rip down the middle—"'EXPECT THAT OTHERS WILL RESPECT YOU AND YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS!' I'm a human being, you piece of shit, and I'm not getting any respect!"

"Like hell!" shouted Tong, "what about the time I let you use my iPod and you flushed it down the toilet!"

"I wanted to see if it would float!" Ning said defensively, "I hear Apple stuff floats! And if you hadn't left that bar of soap on the floor I never woulda slipped and hit the toilet flusher thingy and flushed it!"

"THAT'S NO EXCUSE FOR FLUSHING MY iPOD DOWN THE TOILET! IT EXPLODED AND THE PLUMBER HAD TO SNAKE THE DRAIN! IT KILLED EVERYONE ON OUR FLOOR'S TOILET! PEOPLE STILL TELL ME I NEED TO EAT LESS LAXATIVES!" Tong shouted.

"WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU THREW MY BOOZE OUT THE WINDOW! THAT'S MY PERSONAL PROPERTY AND I CAN HAVE YOU ARRESTED AND THROWN IN A RAPE JAIL FOR THAT!" Ning yelled.

Ce winced. Threats of rape jails were Tong's greatest fear, Ning was kicking low here.

The color drained from Tong's face—"You wouldn't!"

"Try me!" said Ning, smirking, "and you'd be someone's bitch, you know you would!"

"Shut up!" whined Tong.

"Train, every night!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Choo choo! Choo choo in Tongy's poo-poo!"

"SHUT UUUUUUUUUP!"

"I came to see if you guys wanted to go to Justiceapalooza, but I can see you're busy having an episode," said Ce, making a face, "well, whatever, I'll just get Shang Xiang to come with me instead~"


Shang Xiang was her brother's sister; meaning, if there was going to be free food, she was most definitely going to be there without much coaxing necessary. And so the two Sun siblings (well, two out of three, considering the middle Sun, Quan, had gone elsewhere to college—he wanted to get an education, and make something out of himself—geek!) waited for the gates to the arena to open.

As expected, about ninety-one percent of the campus had shown up. And it was loud, noisy, chaotic, and someone bumped into Shang Xiang again, and she was about to kill someone. Again.

"Don't kill someone!" begged Ce, trying to restrain her, "sheesh Shang Xiang you're so violent!"

"Runs in our family!" said Shang Xiang, frowning, "what the hell is going on, how am I gonna get my free food!"

"I guess we gotta wait until they let us inside," said Ce, scratching his head.

"So why didn't Ning and Tong want to come? Free food is like Ning's middle name," pointed out Shang Xiang.

"Eh, they were busy filming an episode of the Real Housewives of Florida University," said Ce, rolling his eyes.

"It is Wednesday," said Shang Xiang, shaking her head.

"More like a day that ends in 'y'—I wonder when Taylor Swift is getting here!" Ce said excitedly.

"Taylor Swift?" asked Shang Xiang, "what's she got to do with anything?"

"Chao knows her, or something," said Ce, "talked her into coming—lucky bastard!"

"Since when are you a Taylor Swift fan?" Shang Xiang asked curiously. She knew Ning was—bastard had a Taylor Swift poster hidden underneath one of his many Megan Fox ones—but she'd never taken her brother for a fanboy.

"I'm like her biggest fan!" said Ce defensively.

"Since when?" asked Shang Xiang.

"Since I looked into her blue eyes and she sang to me about how our song was the slam of screen doors," said Ce dreamily—"and then the damn screen saver came up and ruined the moment. But it was magic, I'm tellin' ya!"

"Does Da know about this magic?" Shang Xiang asked, rolling her eyes.

"She doesn't care, she's a Joe Jonas fangirl," said Ce, rolling his eyes, "I told 'er they were dating and I swear she wanted a foursome, or something."

"Oh, eww, Kevin's so much cuter," said Shang Xiang, wrinkling her nose. "Well, I guess she's not 40-something like Paula Abdul is, right?"

"I guess—hey, finally, the line's moving!" said Ce cheerfully, "let's go let's go!"


"FELLOW STUDENTS! WE ARE THE FUTURE OF OUR GENERATION!" Chao was shouting into the megaphone, over the deafening cheers of the students surrounding the stage, and the blasting rock music behind him.

"We have to rise up, and take responsibility! Only by working hard and raising the expectations of our age group, will we be successful!" Chao continued shouting.

"Wow," Ce commented. "What's he talking about?"

"I dunno, but he's got a megaphone!" Shang Xiang replied.

"We have been generalized, and dismissed as lazy good-for-nothings by the power-holders of our society!" Chao shouted. With his spiky blonde hair, ridiculously handsome features, sweaty muscular arms, and unbeatable charisma, Chao was definitely born to lead a rebellion.

"We have to stomp out the freeloaders who take advantage of the fruit of our nation's labor! Who are they to breed like rabbits, while we—THE HARDWORKING—have to support their folly! They just sit on their asses watching their government-supplied TiVOs, while WE work our asses off in college to get an education! We don't have to support them! SCREW THEM!" Chao shouted, beginning to lose track of his noble views, and going off on an angry rant.

Yun and Yun Lu exchanged glances. Not their usual 'how I wish I could ditch this and go make out with you but oh shit you don't know I like you' expressions, but instead, another popular 'Oh boy, Chao's lost his mind, are you going to tase him or should I' expression instead.

Luckily for Chao, nobody knew what the hell he was talking about anyway, so once he added in swear words, everyone begun to catch on.

"I think I understand now!" Ce said excitedly, to Shang Xiang. "YEAH! YEAH! WOOHOO!"

"I do too! YEAH!" Shang Xiang cheered. "YEAH!"

Chao looked around, pleasantly surprised. He thought a "stop being lazy and start providing for yourselves, don't expect the government to pay for all your expenses, you lazy motherfuckers" speech wouldn't go over too well with a college audience, but then again, people were sheep. Add the promise of free food, Taylor Swift, and a megaphone to the mix, and mob psychology had a field day.

"There's no justice in working your ass off your whole life, and half your paycheck going to people who refuse to work! IS THERE!" Chao shouted. "I don't get a free check in the mail! DO YOU!"

"NO!" everyone screamed back.

"How many of us are going to receive free benefits from the government! We've got people jumping in front of cars so they can sue the driver and use them as a meal ticket! IS THAT FAIR!"

"NO!" everyone shouted.

"AND WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT!" Chao bellowed.

"ATTACK SOMETHING!" everyone shouted back, "YEAAAAAAAAH!"

"THAT's how you lead a rebellion!" Chao said triumphantly, turning towards Yun and Yun Lu. "Wouldn't Dad be proud, Yun Lu?"

Yun Lu nodded, her curly blonde hair bouncing as she did. "Uh huh! Chao, you're gonna be a great criminal prosecutor someday!"

Chao beamed. "You know just what to say, Yun Lu—all right, Taylor Swift is supposed to show up in fifteen minutes—go put your sunglasses on and get your dress!"

"Chao, please, don't make me do this?" whined Yun Lu, "Nobody's going to believe I'm Taylor Swift!"

"It's the same thing as when Santa Claus has like three hundred lackeys to dress up like him and appear in public malls, people'll understand," said Chao quickly.

"Or when the president comes to speak at your school and you know he's one of those government-funded androids," Yun added.

Yun Lu groaned. Man it sucked being the only smart one—

"Hey, what's that?" Yun asked, pointing. Chao and Yun Lu turned to see the crowd parting, as Xing Cai and Ping waded through the angry crowds.

"What the hell does that crazy hippie girl want?" Chao growled. "Didn't I specifically say NOT to let them in!"

"Don't worry about it, Chao," said Yun, "They're probably just going to yell at you because your microphone isn't eco-friendly—"

"Has all that peroxide bleached your brain, Chao!" Xing Cai shouted, climbing up on Chao's stage, turning towards the crowd.

"What peroxide! This is my natural hair!" Chao shouted. "And if I WAS going to use a peroxide, I'd use the least eco-friendly peroxide available!"

"OOOOOH," everyone yelled.

Xing Cai looked like she was seething. "All the hot air coming from your mouth is causing the hole in the ozone layer, you jerk! Instead of using your stupid rallies and your ridiculous charisma to incite rebellion in people and make them want to act like animals, why don't you use that for something productive!"

"Like what, global warming?" mocked Chao, "Global warming's a politically-funded myth and we all know it!"

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" shouted Xing Cai.

"If you're so eco-friendly why're you driving that Ford F-150! Shouldn't you be driving your dinky Prius, or whatever it's called!"

"I don't own a Prius, Daddy said he won't buy me a car that can't run over a grown man!" Xing Cai said angrily, "it's for self-defense purposes!"

"Why don't you just tell the attacker about global warming, I'm sure he'll run away screaming for mercy!"

"Or I suppose I could just channel you and tell him about the evils of government corruption!"

"What are you doing here anyway, shouldn't you be at Whole Foods!"

"Why don't you shove that microphone up your ass, you big-business supporting—"

Chao grabbed Xing Cai and kissed her. Ping's jaw dropped. Yun and Yun Lu exchanged glances, before sneaking off stage to do god-knows-what.

"Didn't see that coming," Shang Xiang commented.

"Boo! Where's Taylor Swift!" Ce shouted.

"Hey guys," Ning said, coming up behind Ce, "so much for Chao's security, I just got a shitload of free food—"

"That's bull, you're here for Taylor Swift too!" Shang Xiang accused.

Ning made a face. "Don't judge me!" He looked onstage and made a face (Chao had pushed Xing Cai onto the ground and they were making out on the stage floor). "Ew! Can't they do that somewhere else?"

"You're telling me!" Ce complained. "Screw this, Taylor Swift's not coming, is she?"

"So much for brother-sister day," Shang Xiang grumbled.

Ce grinned. "Hey, that doesn't mean we can't do something else! Let's… uh… let's go to Adventure World!" He seized his sister's arm and dragged her off.

"Hey, where do you two think you're going! Get back here!" Ning complained. "Oh fine! Screw you guys!"

He started making his way through the crowd; apparently Chao and Xing Cai's sudden interruption had disrupted the whole rally. Then again it didn't look like anyone had any idea what the rally was about anyway.

"OW! Watch it, kid!" Ning grumbled, grabbing the kid's shoulder. "Hey, I know you! You're that crazy hippie chick's assistant, aren't you?"

Ping promptly burst into tears. "I was!" he howled. "Before she got her head turned by that… that stupid pretty boy right-wing nutcase and forgot I existed!"

Ning groaned. Me and my big mouth. "Get over her! There's other fish in the sea!"

"I can't just forget about her! I've done everything I could to embrace her lifestyle!" Ping wailed. "Do you know how long I've been wearing organic underwear! I can't maintain an erection for longer than three minutes anymore!"

"Well at the rate you're going, that's three minutes longer than you're gonna need," Ning chuckled. Ping's face fell even further.

Ning groaned.


After a couple long boring days in which nothing worthy of the author/narration's storytelling time and effort occurred, it was finally Saturday, the day of the giant party Ning and Ce were throwing.

After a lot of long, boring pre-party preparations were made—as in, Ning dumped the room-temperature beers (ice was extra) on the kitchen counter, left out a package of red Rolo cups, and sat back to admire his handiwork for a good minute and a half.

"What about food?" asked Ce, tilting his head.

"Pizza rolls," said Ning easily, going through the fridge, and plopping a frozen bag on the counter.

"Shouldn't we… cook them?" Ce questioned.

"Nah, waste of time, they taste alright once they're defrosted," said Ning. "Shit, is that people? Are people here already? Dammit! ALRIGHT ALL OF YOU, HAVE YOUR FIVE DOLLARS AT THE READY!"

"It's just me," whined Shang Xiang, "do I still have to pay!"

"Yes," said Ning, opening the door—"Shang Xiang what the hell are you wearing?"

"What?" asked Shang Xiang, looking down at the halter top and shorts she had on. "I look like how I always do!"

"You don't look anywhere near slutty enough to scare the hell outta Ce," said Ning, shaking his head, "go change!"

"NO!" shouted Ce, shoving Ning out of the way—"maaan, don't you have like a trench coat you can wear!"

"NO," said Shang Xiang, scowling—"where's Tong?"

"Hello, Shang Xiang, welcome inside, make yourself at home, I'm fine, thanks for asking," said Ning, rolling his eyes. "Sarcasm aside I have no idea~"

"He's in his room playing farmer again," said Ce, chuckling. "I bought him that as a joke!"

"I thought you bought it for him to apologize for putting the hognose snakes in his bed," said Ning thoughtfully.

"Uh uh, I bought him Kirby 64 to make up for that," said Ce, "and besides, didn't you put those snakes in his bed?"

"Uh uh, I put the anaconda in his—"

"WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP ALREADY! I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE!" Tong shouted, having already joined the conversation.


About an hour later, people were already either grumbling about the price of beer, waiting in line for the bathroom, or, in Okuni's case, looking for someone to rebound with. And she had a pretty darn solid idea who.

Tong, on the other hand, was this close to digging that rifle his father gave him out from under his bed. He forgot why he hated parties. It wasn't that he hated parties; he liked them just fine when he wasn't living in the apartment that was hosting it. Instead, he was looking for anything that looked stolen (and he'd already barricaded his bedroom door shut and his imported hair products in the bathroom were now padlocked).

"TOOOOONG~" chirped Okuni, skipping up to him, linking her arm with his.

"Oh, god," said Tong, "well, if it isn't the girl who taught me the importance of carrying a hip flask!"

"Can I have a word with you?" Okuni asked, batting her eyelashes.

"Sure," said Tong, sighing.

"Wonderful!" said Okuni brightly, beginning to tug him in the direction of his room (all the dorms had the same layout, if you've been in one you've been in all of them).

"WHOAAAAAAA," said Tong, firmly planting his feet on the ground, "we can talk right here, lady!"

"No, I don't believe we can," said Okuni, and dragged him off.


"Ow," complained Dun.

"You walked into the wall again?" Yuan asked.

Dun scowled and sucker-punched his brother across the face. "No," he growled, "you tripped me, you bastard!"

"I'm not a bastard! Your mother is my mother, you son-of-a-bitch!"

"Well, that'd make you a pretty hefty son-of-a-bitch too, brother!"

"FIGHT!" shouted Kunoichi loudly.

"Don't fight!" protested Yukimura weakly, looking quite out of place.

"OI WHO CHANGED THE MUSIC," bellowed Ning, scowling as he stormed back into the living room—

"This music is terrible!" said Chao, scowling as Taylor Swift's typical valley-girl country ballads started playing. "Who likes Journey anymore? What is this, 1985?"

"SPRINGSTEEN, MADONNA, WAITING FOR NIRVANA THERE WAS U2, AND BLONDIE, AND MUSIC STILL ON MTV—I'll stop," said Ce, seeing Da glaring at him.

"Good," said Da, "nobody likes Simple Plan either!"

"That's not Simple Plan, that's Bowling for Soup!" said Ce.

"Keep it up and someone's not getting any tonight!" Da hissed.

"Nobody likes Taylor Swift either!" grumbled Ning, "well, alright, she's cute and adorable and her songs make everyone feel all warm'n'fuzzy inside, but this is my party and I like Journey! So shaddap!"

"Booooooo," everyone shouted.

"Don't boo me! My party! My beer!"

"We paid you for it!"

"That sounds like more your problem than it is mine!"

"What the hell are you doing here anyway!" demanded Ning, glaring at Chao.

"Oh, like your porcupine head wasn't tramping around Justiceapalooza!" Chao demanded.

"Porcupine head! Takes one to know one!" Ning squawked, furious.

"My hair does this naturally!"

"So does mine!"

(If Tong wasn't currently molesting the hell out of Okuni, he probably would've coughed something about the approximate five pounds of hair products (that didn't belong to him, of course) underneath the bathroom sink.)

"Well shut up anyway! My money's just as green as anyone else's!" said Chao firmly, "what are you going to do, throw me out?"

"I would, but—ARRGHH!" Ning shook his fists wordlessly and stormed out of the room.

"Cheers!" said Chao, and everyone cheered, rockin' out to Taylor Swift.


While Ning was attempting damage control outside (and Ce was encouraging the damage in need of controlling), a couple guys in the kitchen were already trying to cause trouble inside.

Well, not cause trouble. More like score with drunk girls at a party.

"Alright, fine," said the second guy, "go and—that chick. Betcha ten bucks you can't get her shirt."

"Ten bucks?" asked the first guy, "well, alright~" He grabbed a cup and tapped Shang Xiang of all people on her shoulder.

"Hello?" said Shang Xiang, tilting her head, "do I know you?"

"No," said the guy, grinning, "but that's a shame, gorgeous, what say we fix that?"

"Ew," said Shang Xiang, making a face, "you can keep your crap pickup lines, I've got a two big brothers and my tougher one's at this very party but I don't need his help to kick your ass!"

The guy groaned. Shang Xiang made a face at the cup he was holding. "What's that, beer? Oh, I get it, jerkoff, you come over here with some shit-tastic pickup line and think you get enough beer in my stomach I'll find some part of you attractive and sleep with you! I don't think so!"

"Fine, fine," said the guy, rolling his eyes, "whatever, I'm sorry for hitting on you!"

"Well, I'm not sorry for hitting you!" said Shang Xiang, scowling.

"You didn't hit me," said the guy, looking confused—and right as Shang Xiang's face split in an evil grin, he groaned—crap.

Shang Xiang punched him in the stomach and scowled at him as he bent over in pain—"jerk!" she huffed, stomping back out to the living room, grabbing a cup off the table. Kickin' douchebag ass made her thirsty!

She scowled and set her cup down, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Oh, look who it is," said Ji, making a face, "gross, who let you in here?"

"I could say the same to you, you low-rent bitch!" said Shang Xiang, "my best friends are throwing this party, what the hell are you doing here?"

"You mean that moron with the hair?" asked Ji, looking bored.

"He's not a moron! Well, he is, but only I can call him that," said Shang Xiang defensively—"what are you doing here anyway!"

"Would you be quiet already," sighed Ji, "to be honest, five dollars for as much alcohol as I can handle sounded pretty good. Pi and I had another argument."

"Whoops don't care," said Shang Xiang, rolling her eyes.

"Oh for the love of—can't you see I'm trying to extend the olive branch here?" Ji complained, "I need a woman!"

"Oh, ew," said Shang Xiang, her eyes getting rather wide, "uhhh, don't know how to tell you this but I don't swing that way!"

"I DIDN'T MEAN LIKE THAT!" squawked Ji, outraged, "I meant—to talk to!"

"Why should I pretend to give two tenths of a crap about your dumb boyfriend dumping you?" demanded Shang Xiang, "I don't care!"

"Oh, everything's just perfect with you, isn't it!" demanded Ji, setting down her cup, "you and your dumb boyfriend never fight at all, do you!"

"He's not my boyfriend!" grumbled Shang Xiang, "and we fight all the time!"

"Then you obviously wish he was your boyfriend, it's written all over your face," said Ji, rolling her eyes, picking her cup back up. "You want my advice, stay in it for the sex. Pi and I've never been friends and that's probably why our relationship isn't working out."

"So—you're saying I just have sex with him!" demanded Shang Xiang, "like hell! Maybe if you two had something common other than being mean you'd get along a little better!"

"Maybe," said Ji snootily, "oh, I should've known you'd be no help at all!" She stomped off, bumping past Da Qiao, and taking a sip of her drink—ew, that was weird, didn't taste like beer anymore—well, maybe that meant she was finally drunk. Yay.

"Shang Xiang, have you seen Ce?" Da asked, sighing, "he ran off!"

"No," said Shang Xiang, "but I did see that bitch Ji! Have you seen Tong?"

"I did a little while ago, but he disappeared," Da admitted, "keep your eyes open and I'll do the same?"

"Deal," said Shang Xiang, gulping at her drink, and impulsively spitting it out—all over Da's blouse.

"Shang Xiang!" squawked Da, "what is it!"

"My drink tastes funny!" complained Shang Xiang—"gross!"

"Then throw it away and get another one!" said Da, rolling her eyes, "don't spit it all over me! What am I supposed to wear!"

Shang Xiang looked as three girls ran by dressed in nothing but their bras and short little skirts, predictably being chased by Magoichi. "Ladies, come baaaack!" he was calling.

"Dry off with a paper towel?" she suggested.

"Arrgh," said Da, "if I didn't love you like my sister I'd kill you for this!"

"Sorrrrry," said Shang Xiang, "at least it's not a white shirt?"

Da made a face. "I'm going to go look for Ce again," she sighed, "oh, I hope he's not on the roof!"

"See ya," said Shang Xiang, taking another gulp from her drink—hey, actually, it wasn't so bad. She remembered Ce told her something—something about not drinking out of the Rolos? Whatever those were. This was a cup. Was Rolos Spanish for cans, maybe? Well, whatever~

Actually, this was really good! She drained her cup and wandered back into the kitchen for another—yay, there was a lot more! She grabbed another cup, draining it in a moment and crushing the cup in her hand—oooh, there was a name on the cup! Ro-lo… Who's Rolo and why does he have his name on the cups?

She shrugged and dropped the cup in the trash, reaching for another cup. Rolo, serves you right for not being here to defend your cups in person!


"OKUNI," said Tong for the hundredth time, "get off!"

"No!" said Okuni, smirking down predatorily at him, from where she had him tied to his bed frame—"why can't we recapture what we once had, Tong? You're so much gentler, kinder than Keiji is—"

"Because we never had anything! You raped me!" whined Tong, struggling.

"It wasn't rape!" said Okuni, looking horrified, "it was surprise sex you didn't know you wanted, Tong, and you certainly enjoyed it~"

"I'm not going to have sex with you! No way! Because if I do the minute you get back together with Keiji—and don't give me that look you and I both know you'll be back on in a week!—you're gonna rat me out and he's going to bluster his way over here and I'm gonna have to kick his badly quaffed ass back to his dorm where he belongs!" Tong said furiously, squirming about, his squirming not doing much to change Okuni's mind. Sadly she liked it when her captives struggled~

"Tong, are you familiar with the mating habits of the preying mantis?" asked Okuni sweetly, her hands pushing his shirt up and her fingers tracing his chest muscles.

"Yeah, don't they, like, lay their eggs upside down, or something?" Tong asked, squirming still, "and can you not do that, I'm ticklish!"

"No," said Okuni, sighing—"well, no to the incorrect fact of nature and no to touching you~ the preying mantis is one of several types of living organisms that, after copulation, devours the heads of their mates!"

"Thanks for the National Geographic side tip," grumbled Tong, "what's this got to do with me, exactly?"

Okuni sighed—for someone with both a brain and sexual experience, Tong really was quite dim—"tell Keiji and I will channel my inner preying mantis," she told Tong simply, "Tong, I don't understand your resistance, I can quite obviously tell you want to have sex with me~"

She smiled, brightly, having a sudden genius idea. She dropped the handcuff key down between her breasts. "If you can get the key, you're free~" she told him.

Tong stared at Okuni's breasts—the only way he could think to get that key out was quite simply shoving his face into her bosoms and extracting the key himself—well, all's fair in love and war, he figured, and shoved his face between her breasts.

"Ohhhh, TONG," moaned Okuni loudly, and Tong turned a bright shade of fuchsia matching Okuni's lingerie—key, key, key—oh, god—he could reach it if he burrowed a bit further, maybe—

"TOOOOOOONG," moaned Okuni, writhing around on top of him, obviously exaggerating a bit—at best, he was motor boating her—and yeah, actually, this wasn't bad—no! Dammit, Tong, get the fucking key and free yourself!

"Got it," he said, his voice muffled.

Okuni stopped moaning in exaggerated porn-star style long enough to sigh. "Really?" she whined, "and to think I just won't be happy until you throw me down and have your way with me~"

"Uncuff me," Tong ordered, and Okuni sighed, before unbuttoning her blouse and leaning over him to uncuff him, still straddling his hips. Tong groaned as he got a face full of her boobs again—oh, fuck it. Quite literally, actually.

He waited until the cuffs were off, and rubbed his wrists for a moment long enough for Okuni to sit back—and he tackled her.

"I knew you'd come around!" she said cheerfully, before tangling her fingers in his hair and kissing him.


"There you are!" said Shang Xiang excitedly, skipping over to the guy from before—he recognized her immediately and groaned.

"What do you want," he asked, making a face.

"What don't I want?" asked Shang Xiang brightly, "I look good, I feel good and I'm wearing a smile that says 'Shang Xiang, you're a winner'!" She grinned.

Actually, her smile said 'I look good, I feel good, and I'm drunk off my ass', but that sadly made her an easy target for this creep. Ahem.

"Oh, so you're name's Shang Xiang?" asked the guy, grinning over her head at his buddy—yup, eight bucks in the house—"my name's Steve~"

"That's a silly name!" said Shang Xiang, giggling, "I like my name better~"

"I do too," said Steve, trying not to roll his eyes—"so, you like dancing?"

"I love dancing!" said Shang Xiang, "but we can skip through all the boring stuff, if you want~" She waggled her eyebrows.

Steve's eyes got very wide—sweet, he was getting laid too! Best eight bucks he ever made—"Well, if you say so," he said, leering, and stepped closer, pulling her in and kissing her—

"EW!" shrieked Shang Xiang, shoving him off her, "gross, I never said you could kiss me! YUCK!"

Steve blinked a few times in disbelief—"then what the fuck was with that—'skip through all the boring stuff'!" he demanded.

"I meant have a sensible intelligent conversation, you dolt, who cares if I like dancing or not? You jerk!" said Shang Xiang angrily, "I didn't mean come over here and put your slimy tongue down my throat!"

"I BARELY EVEN KISSED YOU!" said Steve, outraged.

"I don't care what you did! There's only one guy in this entire world who's allowed to kiss me and he's somewhere at this party and I can't find him anywhere!" whined Shang Xiang, "have you seen him? His name's Tong!"

"No, I haven't," said Steve, rolling his eyes—"can I go now?"

"Oh, I get it, I'm good enough for you to eyefuck and basically grope right in my best friends' kitchen but when I talk to you it's like a roaring buzzing sound in your ears! Thanks a lot, jerkazoid!" huffed Shang Xiang, crossing her arms over her chest, "sheesh!"

GREAT, she was the same drunk as she was sober, Steve thought with a groan, "fine, fine," he said, "peace offering, then?" He held out the Coke he hadn't opened yet.

"GIVE!" said Shang Xiang greedily, grabbing it, before eying it suspiciously—"hey, this isn't spiked, is it!"

"It's closed," said Steve dryly, and thought quickly—"hey, I'll trade you another Coke for your shirt~"

"Okay!" said Shang Xiang, untying the straps of her halter top and pulling it over her head, giggling a bit—"wooooo! Is it hot in here or is it just me!"

"It's you," answered Steve, a bit fixated on her breasts as he grinned over her head at his buddy—sweeeeeeeet~

"What was I saying? Oh, right, I've heard about bartenders spiking drinks before when the guy pays enough money—creeps, the only guys who use date rape shit are the guys who can't get laid at all 'cause they're ugly or something! I almost date raped Tong, once, I was about to, he was all unconscious and everything but I figured it wasn't morally right so I just let him sleep~" Shang Xiang took a gulp from her coke. "This is good~"

Steve decided to inch away very slowly, in hopes she wouldn't see him going. Pi, on the other hand, was watching the whole thing and trying not to roll his eyes too much. At the loudmouth's remark about getting eyefucked, he did have to admit—hey, sleeping with his sister would be a great way to piss off that idiot Sun, not to mention she did have a pretty good body for a Sun

"Shang Xiang," said Pi, sliding over towards her, "have a bit too much to drink, I assume?"

"Eww, first I have to deal with your crackwhore girlfriend and now you!" demanded Shang Xiang (Steve taking advantage of her distraction to escape).

"Hey, where are you going! Can't you see I'm trying to have an intelligent conversation with this guy! Go away! STEVE, COME BACK!" Shang Xiang shoved past Pi, chasing after Steve, and Pi grabbed her arm.

"Don't go," he said, "stay here, with me~"

"Ew," said Shang Xiang, making a face, "I think I'd rather bone Steve!"

Steve's eyebrows shot up—no, no, no, run away! Not worth it!

"Back off bucko or I'm gonna open a can of Sun Family whoopass on your dumb ass," Shang Xiang threatened, tugging at her arm—"eww, stop looking at me like that!"

"I'll look at you as I please," said Pi swiftly, "after all, your choice of attire doesn't give me much reason to look elsewhere~"

"Eww, don't be gross!" whined Shang Xiang, covering her chest with her arm—"and what do you want, isn't your girlfriend going to freak out?"

"She doesn't care," said Pi dismissively, "not since she got her head turned by some dark-haired pretty boy outside, at least—


"You're so handsome," cooed Ji, running her fingers down Yun's chest, brushing her nose against his, "so much more attractive than that loser ex-boyfriend I ever had~"

"Wah?" Yun offered as a rebuttal, wide-eyed, blushing and nervous as he always got around pretty girls intent on having their way with him.

"Now the question is, my dorm or yours?" Ji continued, and right before Yun could reply—

"GET AWAY FROM HIM, YOU DIRTY WHORE!" shouted a girl voice, and Ji looked up just in time to see a size 6 platform sandal clock her in the face.

"ARRGH!" Ji gasped, staggering backwards (tottering a bit on her own platform heels), "y—arrgghhh!"

"Yun Lu!" said Yun, brightening.

Yun Lu shook her blonde hair from her face long enough to set her green eyes in a growl—"I'm a juggernaut of justice just like my big brother! And he's too busy making out with whatserface now so I have to pick up his slack!" she shouted, brandishing her perfectly manicured fist at Ji, her bracelets jingling, "now you either fight me in the name of justice or prepare to be destroyed!"

Sure, Yun Lu was a true advocate for justice, but hey, that chick had her hands all over Yun and that just wasn't going to happen. If she had to endure painfully awkward sexual tension with Yun so did everyone, dammit!

…wait, that came out wrong—POW.

"OW!" Yun Lu shouted, her mental monologue of justice interrupted by Ji punching her in the face and then hauling ass, "THERE'S NO JUSTICE IN RETREATING!"

"Oh, shut the hell up!" Ji shouted.

"Are you alright!" Yun asked immediately, crossing over to Yun Lu and tilting her face up—"Yun Lu, you're not hurt, are you?"

"I'm fine," Yun Lu managed, aware her cheeks were bright red—Yun was holding her jaw and tilting her face up to check for any nosebleeds, obviously, but—yow he was close, and—

"Y-Yun?" she asked, softly—"am… am I gonna live?"

Yun was oddly quiet for a moment, and Yun Lu soon realized why—he leaned down, and kissed her. And right as Yun Lu's face turned back to the shade it was originally, and she grabbed a fistful of his shirt to kiss him back, Yun pulled back.

"What?" Yun Lu asked, brushing some of her wavy blonde hair from her eyes. "Yun, what is it?"

Yun took a step back, almost looking horrified—Yun Lu barely had her mouth open to ask 'WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU'—that look of part horror, part nausea was not a look one wants to see on the face of the guy they just made out with, after all—before Yun turned.

And ran.

No, not ran, sprinted.

And it wasn't sprinting like you're about to win the grand prize, it was sprinting because that giant man with spikes growing out of his head is out for your virgin blood sprinting.

In other words, there was nowhere Zhao Yun would've rather been than standing out here kissing Ma Yun Lu.

Shit.

Yun Lu rapped her knuckles on her forehead. Well, hey, she didn't do anything, stupid Yun kissed her.

She had two options, here; one, go back to her dorm room and cry, cry, cry, or two, throw her honor and morals out the window and go get drunk and make out with some jerk until she felt better.

Booze, here I come.


Yes, I like drunk Sun Shang Xiang better than I like sober Sun Shang Xiang. XD

(1) Uh, I made that URL up, but, uh, I would not doubt its existence.

(2) In Harvest Moon 64, the buyer (exactly as it sounds) comes to your farm to pay you for all the crops/animal products/random sellable stuff you've put in your shipping bin. He comes without fail at 5:00PM, rain or shine. Whatever you put in the shipping bin from 5:01PM after goes to the payment for the next day. And this is the only way you can make money in the game, aside from selling your animals (which you can't do on a festival day anyway). The Flower Festival is a festival where you can purchase flower seeds for your farm. And Tong is pissed that he has to wait a whole nother year for his Pink Cat Mint seeds. :D

(3) I was going to replace Taylor with Carrie (Underwood), but I figured Taylor's got songs that are easier to make fun of. "Our song is the slam of screen doors"? What the heck does that even mean? XD And no, this is NOT a sympathy to Taylor after the VMAs thing—sure Kanye's a jackass but I had this whole section planned out months in advance. Actually, I had that written before I even decided to publish this story. XD SO THERE!

And holy crap, I think is the longest chapter I've written for this story so far. Makes up for the lackluster Chapter 7, methinks. And if it doesn't, feel free to drop me a review telling me what you thought of the chapter and/or what you think I should do! (Note: I might not/probably won't use your suggestion, but you never know! ;D)

See ya for Chapter 8!