Morning sunshine came through the window as a light rapping brought me from my slumber. The space on the bed next to me was empty. I buried my head under the blanket that Buck must have covered me with. I didn't know how much time I spent crying. How long Buck remained after I fell asleep I couldn't answer either.
Falling asleep in his arms was a stupid thing to do. Closing my eyes I could picture the dead girl my father once made me look at. Murdered, she had died in the same hotel we were staying at. Wanting to teach me an important lesson in a way I'd never forget he made me look. She had trusted a man and fell asleep on the couch while he was sitting with her. Now she lay there dead. Black and bruised, as I now was, her ripped clothing on the floor. She had been a good girl, but she had been foolish. She had been weak in trusting a man. Now she was used and dead. Her mistake cost her everything. My lesson was I should never trust any man, it made you vulnerable. Trusting someone put you at risk.
Now I was confused. I trusted Buck and fell asleep in his arms. Vulnerable, that's how I made myself. Yet he did nothing. He hadn't betrayed my trust in him. However I had trusted my father and he all but handed me to Carter. My father told me I couldn't trust any man. It never occurred to me it meant him too. If I couldn't trust my own father how could I trust anyone else?
The rapping became louder and more insistent. Jimmy's voice had an edge to it as he called my name. Rolling out of bed I responded, "I'm awake now Jimmy. I'll be dressed in a minute."
"I'll be waiting on the porch", came the gruff but obviously relieved response.
Folded neatly, my now clean shirt and skirt sat on the table next to a shawl. Moccasins sat on the floor next to my boots. Cleaned clothes, shoes I could slip on by myself, and a shawl must have been Rachel's doing. It had been so long since someone doted on me. I kind of liked it. Running my brush through my hair I thought about my actions the yesterday. Embarrassing was the word that came to mind at the moment. Priding myself on being strong and independent the weakness I shown yesterday bothered me. You only get one chance to make a first impression. What kind of impression had I made?
Briefly I looked at the fading bruises. Buttoning my high necked collared shirt I realize they didn't upset me as much as they did yesterday. Letting my hair flow free I quickly checked my guns before putting on my coat.
Stopping briefly to make the bed a thought nagged at me again. What had I forgotten? Something told me it was important. As a part of me struggled to remember, it also felt like a part of me struggled to forget. The voice in the back of my head told me not to go there. Don't try to remember. Some things are best left buried.
Now I was sure of it, something had happened right before I passed out in the barn. Try as I might, I couldn't remember what. Was it Carter? It's possible. If the boys had made it back by afternoon and he couldn't have been too far behind. Though that didn't make sense, had it been him the situation would be radically different now.
I suppose Spoony might have asked Buck not to tell me whatever it was to avoid upsetting me. I can still picture the pain etched in my grandfather's face in the barn. He had witnessed my breakdown. I saw his guilt. Guilty about what? Did Spoony feel guilty for taking my father at his word and not looking for me? Maybe it was because he felt he was not there for me or my mother. Perhaps the guilt was because he was unable to protect me from my childhood. Gambler had lied to us both. Neither of us questioned him. Yet who would've thought that someone who supposedly loved my mother would hurt her father and her child that way?
Stepping out the door I saw Jimmy pull his jacket tighter around him. It seemed as if the warm fall weather had left us. There was frost still visible and the air burned your lungs when you inhaled. I hadn't even noticed the drop in temperature last night. No, I had a warm body next to me, holding me, keeping me safe and warm.
Seeing Jimmy arch an eyebrow at me I realized a blush had probably come to my face. Embarrassed by where my thoughts had been taking me a blush had risen to my cheeks before I could stop it. Speaking quickly to avoid giving Jimmy the chance to ask I inquired, "Where's Spoony?"
"Taking care of some business," Jimmy said shrugging his shoulder towards the bunkhouse. Stepping off the porch he took his hands out of his pocket. Offering an arm to me he explained, "Rachel's waiting breakfast on us."
Hesitating for a minute I debated what to say. Honesty won out, "I don't want to go in there and face anyone."
Seeming to know what I was talking about he eased my embarrassment by laughing, "Ah, don't worry about it. Buck needed to be slapped up a little. No one else will do it. He's too nice. It's not natural, no one is that nice. Now Cody on the other hand…besides the others have had better blow ups than yours."
Having distracted me he already had me off the porch. Speaking softly while he smiled there was laughter in his tone as he pointed towards the barn. Lou had come out and was heading to the bunkhouse as he explained, "There was the time back in Sweetwater where Kid moved all of Lou's stuff. Moved her stuff out of the bunkhouse 'cause he decided she should live in the main house with Rachel. All without asking her if she wanted too. Being a bit independent and stubborn she wasn't too pleased. She let Kid know it. Boy can that girl yell. The other guys couldn't wait to tell me about it. Then there was the time I ate the last piece of pie that was supposed to be Cody's."
Grinning he said proudly, "He'd been looking forward to it all day. Knowing that and seeing his hissy fit made it the best piece of pie I've ever had."
Stepping onto the bunkhouse porch I turned to him, "Hissy fit? Really? That's the phrase you chose?"
Giving me that enchanting devilish grin as he opened the door he whispered nonchalantly, "Cody's a bit of a girl. No offense. Can you think of phase that would better fit?"
As we walked in the door the others heard the end of his sentence. Looking up Cody asked, "What are you two whispering about?"
"You", Jimmy responded laughter in his voice. Sitting down he gave me a slow wink. Cody looked more than a bit disgruntled. Laughing I took the only empty spot at the table. It happened to be next to Cody. At least Jimmy was sitting across from me. He was good for a smile if you felt down.
Rachel set a plate of eggs, ham, and potatoes in front of me. Ham was not a favorite of mine but I'd eat it. What I wouldn't eat were eggs. I really didn't like eggs. I must have wrinkled my nose because Jimmy asked, "What don't you like breakfast? "
Cody piped up, "Don't worry it'll be good. Jimmy didn't cook it."
Looking at Cody I smiled as he added visibly shuddering, "No matter what, don't let him talk you into trying his porridge. Yuck."
Lou giggled as she bowed her head trying to hide her smile. Rachel coughed to cover a laugh as Noah flashed a grin. Sounding a bit disgruntled Jimmy said, "Yeah, well at least someone cooks when Rachel's not here. I don't see you volunteering. If my cooking's so bad then you don't have to eat it, but just remember Rachel will be gone on Saturday."
"I could cook", I volunteered.
"Teaspoon's granddaughter?", Cody asked raising an eyebrow. As the others laughed Cody added, "No offense but I'd rather eat Jimmy's cooking."
"You never know", Jimmy said winking at me. Openly grinning he teased, "I bet she's good at a lot of things. I bet she's can read, play a good game of cards, and kick your ass Cody."
"That last one isn't that impressive. From what I hear some saloon girl in Lowell gave Cody a what-for and chased him out the door", Noah smile was contagious as he laughed at how uncomfortable Cody suddenly became.
Leaning forward Rachel grinned as she said, "Really? I hadn't heard this story. Sounds interesting, I'd love to…."
Cody looked very uncomfortable with a slight blush coming to his face. He couldn't quite look anyone in the eye. Suddenly Cody burst out interrupting Rachel, "Josie, why don't you ever refer to your father by his name?"
I got the feeling he was trying to change the subject. Curious about Cody's being chased out of a brothel I wanted to turn the conversation back when I heard Jimmy say, "I was wondering about the Gambler thing myself."
Shoving my eggs onto Cody's plate I considered how to answer. Beautiful, soulful eyes looked into mine. James Butler Hickok was beautiful. Handsome was a word that didn't seem to do him justice. The look on his face told me he wanted an answer. Why did I call my father 'Gambler' and not by name? I never even called him father to his face, only hey you or Gambler. Once upon a time I had called him father or daddy. My father had been a hero in my eyes. Never again would I be that naive. They had stolen that from me. Memories of the night that changed were still crystal clear to me.
Jimmy alleviated some of the tension building up in my mind and body. Staring into his eyes the corners of his mouth curled up in a half smile. Despite the circumstance, despite everything I couldn't help but notice the man and those lips. Lips some other girl was lucky enough to kiss.
Turning my thoughts away I tried to think of that night. What was wrong with me? Considering the circumstances I was allowing myself to be attracted to Buck and Jimmy? I guess those kinds of thoughts were normal for girls my age. However my circumstances didn't allow me to have that kind of luxury.
At the same time, those feelings allowed me to realize how sheltered I had been. Despite all the traveling and people I had met, I had been sheltered. Gambler kept tight control of me. Perhaps it was his nature or perhaps to keep me hidden from Spoony. Despite all the people who came into our orbit, I was isolated. I was always alone. For the first time I realized how alone and lonely I had been.
Tearing my eyes from Jimmy's I thought of that night to distract myself. The night the man who had helped bring me into this world changed from daddy to Gambler. Immersing myself in the memories of that night I acutely felt the pain. That night had been so painful. It was a different kind of pain than what I felt the night I ran from Carter. While not physical, the emotional and mental pain was almost worse. Still telling them the story couldn't hurt. In order to get over the pain and heal I had to face it. Besides, talking would help keep me distracted from the burgeoning attraction to both Jimmy and Buck. Even more so from the obvious tension in the room, tension no doubt caused by Carter's presence in town or his imminent arrival.
"There was a man, a Lakota, my mother grew up with. His name was Hunting Bear. Like my mother he was a half-blood. They had been friends all of their lives, possibly more. Hunter, as he preferred to be called, left the tribe like my mother. When the Gambler was gone Hunter would come to visit her. Staying for days or longer, I got to know him well", smiling I thought back to the soft spoken man with kind eyes. Standing over six feet tall he was 230 lbs of pure muscle. Solid, he had broad shoulders with hair as black as coal flowing past his shoulders. Dark brown, almost black eyes had looked into mine as he told me stories. Gentle as he was with me it was hard to believe he spent his life tracking outlaws.
Pulling myself back to my explanation my voice wavered a bit, "When my mother died Hunter was there, Gambler wasn't. Hunter had taken my mother and brother to give them a proper Lakota send off. He didn't want my father to bury them in the cold ground. Hunter wanted their spirits to be free, buried in the ground they'd never be. Hunter was desperate to get their bodies out of there. A part of me now wonders if the baby was actually his and not the Gamblers. I guess I'll never know."
Running my hands through my hair I nervously twirled on a curl lost in thought. It was quiet in the bunkhouse save for the crackling of the fire and the scrapping of silverware against the plates. Painfully I finished my explanation, "He told me he'd be back for me, that he'd take me to my mother's family. The night Gambler came home was the same night Hunter came back for me. My father was so angry. Angry I suppose because of my mother's death. Though he never came right out and said that. He never really said anything about it. Mostly I think he was angry at Hunter's interference. Angry because my mother and his 'son' didn't get the proper Christian burial he wanted, even though it was against her Indian beliefs."
"The two of them argued. I cried. I wanted to leave with Hunter. Missing my mama I wanted to be with her family. When my father heard me say that he became livid. So angry I was afraid. Never before, or since, have I seen him that angry. His face was red, blotchy, the veins stood out in his neck, and he yelled. Oh how he yelled. Hunter, even when they were arguing, had a calmness that made me feel safe. A calmness my mother had and one that I don't. It's something I've lacked since her death." Taking a deep breath I finished, "The Gambler gave me a tongue lashing I'll never forget. When Hunter tried to stop him, my father pulled out a gun and shot Hunter. Gambler then forbade me from ever speaking Hunter or my mother Larksong's name ever again. So I swore to myself if he wouldn't allow me to speak theirs, I'd never speak his."
Looking up I saw Spoony flanked by Kid and Buck. Since the door had opened during my story I assumed they heard most of it. Standing there Spoony seemed to be waiting for me to finish, "He tried for awhile to get me to call him by his name. Eventually he just gave up. Occasionally I will refer to him as father when speaking to others. The only thing I've ever called him to his face for the last seven years is Gambler or 'hey you'. Until I came here I hadn't spoken my mother's or Hunters' names either."
Teaspoon walked towards me, a grim look on his face. Quickly he was followed by Kid and Buck who had the same grim expression. The smell of gunpowder hung in the air around them.
My grandfather did something that caught me off guard. He placed a kiss on my forehead. I didn't know quite what to think about it. A part of me was uncomfortable at the same time it filled some of the emptiness in my heart. Raising my head my eyes met Spoony's troubled blue ones. A tired and pained expression was etched in to his face. Sadly I asked what I already knew, "You met Carter didn't you?"
Silently his eyes held my gaze for a minute. Painfully aware of the possible consequences of this meeting I turned my head unable to keep his gaze. Seemingly more impatient than me Jimmy burst out, "Well Teaspoon? What happened?"
"Carter came with a crew."
"And?", Jimmy prodded.
"He left, but he'll be back", was Spoony's soft response. His concern was evident in his eyes and tone.
Standing up Jimmy walked towards Teaspoon inquiring, "Do you think he'll come back with more hired guns?"
"No." Teaspoon paused looking uneasy, "I think he's got somethin' else in mind."
Rachel spoke up for the first time, "Why do you say that?"
"His last comment." Looking worried Teaspoon paused like he was trying to find a way to explain, "He said 'There's more than one way to skin a cat.' It made me uneasy. Wasn't so much what he said but how he said it."
Thinking a minute Teaspoon explained it using one of those comparisons as he was so fond of, "Some snakes will rattle their tail to warn you off, to scare a person. Carter rattled his tail at us like the snake he is. Now he's seen he don't intimidate us none, he's knows he's gonna have to strike. Gunfighters like we've have faced before are easier to understand. Carter's kind worries me. His kind is unpredictable. Add to that the fact he's got a lot to lose should Josie tell what she knows. Well, that makes him like a rattlesnake backed into a corner. He'll fight savagely to the death."
Kid who had been silent until this point spoke softly, "Something Josie said about him has been bothering me. Said he'd stab a man in the back if he had the chance. That tells me he's a coward. He tried comin' straight at us, to try to intimidate us. I think he wanted to test us to see if it would work. Now he knows it won't. What really bothers me is how Josie said his image is all important to him. I don't think he'll try coming right at us again, failure would embarrass him. Plus I don't think his kind really like direct confrontation. That's why he beats those weaker than him. Attacking those that can't fight back and only in places that can be hidden. As Teaspoon said, he tried to intimidate us with his rattle but that didn't work. I think he's going to try to get us to expose our backs so he can get our weak spot."
Feeling a lump in my throat I knew the kind of things Carter would do. Others around me were speaking but I was no longer listening. The voices became silent when I whispered, "United we stand, divided we fall."
Sitting down next to me Buck asked gently, "What did you say Josie?"
"It was something my father used to say to me, about him and me. Carter heard it from him and said it too. Though it was not the way Gambler did. Carter thought a group of people, a family, was a weak spot. He used it against many before. I've helplessly watched him strike down a good strong man using that philosophy", my heart ached as the memories rushed through me. Not just the images, but the smells, the feeling of his blows, and the sounds. Oh what he had done….
Standing up I walked away and leaned against the wall. Closing my eyes I explained, "He'll try to divide you. Together you're like a spider web or a net, connected and strong together. He'll separate you strand by strand, making the web weaker and weaker. He'll pick you off one by one, until you're vulnerable. That's when he'll strike. Kid's right he hates direct confrontation. Knowing Carter he'll go after one of you when you're riding. I'd guess the guys he'll shoot in the back. That way they never have a chance to fight back. It'd be easy enough to make it look like a robbery.
Feeling a little sick I turned to the others as I said, "Rachel and Lou will be at the greatest risk. He'll take one of them to use as bait. Knowing at least some of you will come after them. He'll separate you, divide you. Pulling one strand from the web at a time until there is nothing left."
Moving to stand infront of my grandfather I said, "I have to leave Rock Creek. If I'm right he already has a backup plan set in motion. I have to catch him off guard and get out of here before he can regroup. I have to protect Rachel and Lou from him and what he's capable of. "
"You're not leavin', least not now. It'll be dark soon. Besides there's some things I need to think on, like where you'd go. If you just take off how would I know where to find you? How long would you be gone? What would you do when you get there? Tomorrow mornin's soon enough. We'll figure things out then."
The room was silent for a moment. There was something in the air. Dread filled me causing me to blurt out, "Spoony, I have a bad feeling about all of this."
Placing his hands on my shoulders my grandfather said simply, "I know Josie, I do too."
