I'm already there
Chapter seven
Dean walked through the church doors, and down the aisle towards the front row, sitting down beside Jessica who was sitting there crying quietly; he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. Dean had no idea how he had made it through the visitation; he just knew the funeral itself was going to be hard as hell. His heart broke even more as he looked towards the front of the building. He hated seeing the box that contained his little brother. This isn't right Dean thought we shouldn't even be here right now, Sam should be getting married to Jess and having a litter of kids, not getting buried. Why did he choose to play hero, when he could still be just a person and still be alive.
"I miss him so much already, Dean" Jessica said softly from beside him. "It doesn't even seem real."
"I know what you mean" Dean said wishing he could go to a bar and get blasted out of his mind. Words couldn't describe how badly he was hurting. His heart felt like it had been completely destroyed, there was nothing but an empty space beating in his chest.
John and Bobby walked in from where they had been outside for the past few minutes talking. They walked towards the front of the church, and stood in front of Sam's flag draped casket.
"I know I haven't said it even nearly enough" John said softly talking to the box that contained his little boy. "But I am so proud of you, I always have been. I wish it didn't take you dying for me to be able to say it, I suppose that will always be something I regret. I trained you to survive against supernatural monsters; little did I know it would be a human monster to end your life. What you did for your teammates, I should have known it would be something you would do, you are the most unselfish son a father could ask for, and you gave so much without anyone ever asking. It makes a father extremely proud to have a son like you, I love you so very much, I just wish I could have been able to tell you before it came down to this." John felt tears prick his eyes, even as he remembered the toddler that would cry out for both Dean and John when he would have a nightmare. Never had he wished more now than ever, that he had been a better father, that he could have given both Sam and Dean the things they had truly needed, instead of focusing on his own vengeance.
Bobby placed his hand on John's shoulder and squeezed gently. He knew his old friend was filled with guilt and grief for the son that had the whole world going for him. He felt it himself; he had always loved those two boys like they really were his nephews. It hurt that Bobby had outlived the youngest Winchester because life wasn't supposed to work like that, the old were supposed to die before the young. Bobby walked with John to the front row on the opposite as Pastor Jim Shepard, approached the pulpit. Two minutes later a song started playing.
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
All beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh and weightless maybe
I'll find some peace tonight.
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You were pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here.
Tears filled Jessica's eyes, as she realized just how true it was, Sam was truly now in the arms of an angel. She longed to be the one holding him. Before now she had never really given any thought to having to live without Sam. Now she was facing a future bereft of Sam and she was going to be raising their child alone. Soft cries turned to sob the longer the song played. Dean pulled her close. He hated hearing the young woman grieving for his brother, cause if there was any way to do it, Dean would have traded places with Sam in an instant. Sam deserved everything life had to offer.
Once the song ended, Pastor Jim stood up and walked to the pulpit.
"Greater love has no man than this that he lay down his life for a friend." Jim said quietly "Sam demonstrated this verse perfectly by the actions he took to save his teammates." He took a deep breath, he hadn't been surprised when he heard that Sam had saved his team's life, but he was incredibly sad that his life had ended.
"I've known Sam's family for years so it doesn't surprise me that he gave his life for his friends," Jim said glancing over at the flag covered casket. "I remember a young man who from the time he could read was eager to learn. He was one of the brightest kids I ever knew, and he loved to play pranks, I recall a time he dyed his brother's hair, purple. He loved to have fun but in all seriousness he loved people. He would always whatever he could to help someone out, no matter how far he had to go out of his way to do it."
Dean smiled as he remembered the prank; he had put itching powder in the kid's clothes, when h was twelve. Leave it to Sam to find a creative way to pay him back. It hurt knowing he would never have that chance again. He was still all for going to Iraq and killing the murdering son of a bitch. Only his family was keeping him here, his father, and Jessica needed him.
Finally came the last call to pay their respects, and Dean stood with Jessica on his arm. He walked with her to the front, stopped in front of the casket. He reached out and touched the flag.
"Man, it's too soon to have to say goodbye" Dean said quietly "you didn't deserve this, and I would gladly trade places with you in a heartbeat. Even with what we done for years you somehow retained certain innocence about you. I'll never forget the way you always had my back, and would always say I told you so after a particularly bad hunt, I wish I had been there to have your back," Dean finished as a tear dropped down his face. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop it, I couldn't even be there to keep you safe, how many times have you had my back in the past?"
John felt bad for Dean upon hearing the words coming from his mouth. Dean would blame himself, even though Dean knew full well, he couldn't have changed anything; somehow John knew Sam wouldn't have changed the outcome of things. Another thing he knew his family would be grieving for years after this, nothing would ever be the same for the Winchesters.
Jessica stared at the flag draped coffin entrapping her lover. She wished she knew the words to say to end Sam's family grief but at the same time she wanted hers to end too.
"I wish I could have told you this before you left, but I didn't find out until after you had left, but you were going to be a father, I'm having your baby, and you're not here for me to actually be able to tell." Jessica broke down sobbing, and fell to her knees as her grief became too strong for her to handle. Dean having been standing there beside her turned and stared at her, when she made her announcement. The news made him feel even worse, then he already did, he wished even more that he could take Sam's place.
Okay so there are one maybe two chapters left, let me know what you think. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Liz
