Shit, how do I start apologising?
I'M SORRY.
I know I haven't updated since forever, but so many bad things happened in real life and they got in the way, because I couldn't focus on writing, I was really depressed for a while. I'm alright now. But anyway, after I got better I decided to change the ending completely, and it took me a while to re-think of everything, it took time, but trust me this ending is better. Then my computer broke. Ok, long story short: Shit happened.
But at last, here's the ending!
By the way: I own nothing.
Blaine reads all the comments about his book online. They're usually saying that it was a beautiful story, but it didn't quite have a good ending. Sometimes they say that the book was terrible because all the readers were curious to know what Kurt was hiding, but in the end Blaine didn't tell them. Blaine doesn't know the ending himself, maybe that is the problem.
The book was on sale all over the country, but it definitely wasn't a best-seller. In fact, very few people knew about Teach Me How To Love, and Blaine really loves all of his readers, because they'd often send him letters, telling him that they were hoping that Kurt would come back to him. That makes him smile, but he knows it isn't possible.
It's been a year and a few months since he left. Kurt isn't coming back.
The book was published 3 months ago, and Blaine couldn't even sleep, waiting for Kurt to ring the doorbell and come back to him. But he watched the months pass by and in the end, Kurt didn't come back.
He had learnt to accept it. That didn't mean it didn't hurt every time he remembered Kurt or when he had to answer some questions that the readers asked him about his story that made him remember all those moments he had with Kurt, and he's never going to have again.
In one year he had signed a 5 year contract with the publishing company that Mike introduced him to, and now he focused on that. Writing.
His friends stopped talking about how Blaine should go try to find someone else after a while, it was completely useless.
Blaine was sitting at his desk, drinking coffee and reading a letter from a fan of Teach Me How To Love, she tells him how much she "ships" Kurt and him, and that she is starting a campaing online to help Blaine find Kurt. Blaine hears the phone ringing and sighs. It was probably Wes, or Santana, calling him to ask him to go to another party. Santana and Wes became pretty close and loved going out together, but they'd often drag Blaine along, and Blaine hated that. He even thinks about ignoring it.
"Hello?" Blaine answers.
"Um...hi." He hears a timid voice say.
He pauses, waiting for the person to go on "Can I help you?"
"Yes... Well, sorry to bother you but, are you Blaine Anderson?" The female voice says shyly.
"That's me." He replies "How can I help you?"
"I'm Ellen. Ellen Hummel, and I really need to talk to you. I was told to give you my address and, I know how crazy it seems, but the boy who asked me to do that is very dear to me, so here I am."
Blaine frowns and keeps listening to the woman, tempted to hang up but something inside him tells him that he shouldn't. She tells him her address. It's in a little town called Lima. Blaine knows the place, he used to live 2 hours from there and he'd even been there before. He isn't sure if he should actually listen to that woman, but writes down the address anyway.
"He told me to tell you to come to this address. You don't need to be afraid. I know it won't mean anything because you don't know me, but I give you my word that I mean no harm to you. I'm actually trying to help." The woman, Ellen, says calmly and firmly. "He told me that all the answers you are looking for are here."
Blaine is more than confused and intrigued, he bites his lip, he didn't know what to say. He wants to know who "he" is. He doesn't want to believe that he could be who he thinks he is. He gulps and when he is ready to start asking the questions he wants the answers to, in he other end he hears a voice that doesn't belong to the woman he was talking to, speaking a little far from the phone.
"Who is it?"
He thinks he's gone mad, he can't even breathe because he reconizes that voice, but it isn't possible. It couldn't be him. But he knows what he heard, he could never forget the voice of the love of his life. Kurt was there! It was him, Blaine was sure. His mind was racing and his heart was beating fast. That voice was Kurt's it had to be.
"Please, come quick." Ellen says finally and ends the call.
"No! Wait!" Blaine yells. But it's too late.
He closes his eyes and tries to even his breathing. Did that voice really belong to Kurt? It had to be. If that call had happened last year he'd ignore the fact that he heard Kurt's voice. There was a time when he heard Kurt's voice everywhere. He definitely thought he'd gone crazy. But that stopped happening a long time ago.
He opens his eyes again and decides: There is only one way to know if that voice was really Kurt's.
Blaine Anderson was going to Ohio.
"I know what I heard, Santana!"
"You thought you heard." The latina woman replies. "Blaine, you can't just go to this address. You have no idea who this person is."
"But I heard his voice, Santana." He protests "And even if I'm wrong, I won't rest until I find out if that voice really isn't his."
Santana sighs and sits down on the couch. She knew it was useless to argue with Blaine sometimes. Especially if it was something regarding Kurt. She shooks her head "I don't agree with this."
"Santana..." Blaine says sitting right next to her and grabbing her hand "Nothing bad is going to happen to me, I promise." He smiles, wanting to convince her. "I need to find him."
"You know that. I want you to find him, I really do." She starts "But this is crazy. Just ask Wes, he'll agree with me."
"I already told him, and he said I should go." Blaine speaks, and Santana gasps at him. "I know..."
"But he wouldn't!"
"Oh, but he did." Blaine grins "And look, it's been a week since that woman called, I've spent all this time wondering if I should go, and I've come to the decision that I can't not go. I keep wondering if that voice belongs to Kurt and I'm going crazy here. I need to go. I'll be back before you miss me." He pouts and adds "You know I'll go anyway, but it'd mean a lot to me if you agreed to this."
Santana rolls her eyes and shakes her head again "It's your life, Blanderson. Go."
"Yes!"
Blaine booked the first flight he could find to Lima. He landed in Lima's airport, desperately tried to get a cab that would take him to the address as soon as possible.
He is now standing in front of a house, carrying nothing but a small bag, he brought a few changes of clothes, because he is also going to visit his parents - they insisted since they found out he was coming to Ohio - and his book.
It wasn't a very big house, but it looked very cozy. His heart beat is speeding up as he steps towards the door. Blaine takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes. Slowly he lifts his hand and knocks gently. He waits, and waits. Maybe no one's home...
He hears someone unlocking the door and his breath hitches, and he feels his hands starting to sweat. Then the door opens.
"Sorry it took so long... My aunt is in the shower and I was-..."
Blaine's knees almost gave in. It was him.
It was Kurt.
He found Kurt. He feels the air being punched out of his lungs at the sight of the beautiful Kurt, and can't decide if he wants to smile or cry. So he does both.
While Kurt stands there, doesn't even know what to do. He steps a little forward, coming closer to Blaine and touches his shoulder. "Are- are you okay?" He asks in a small, worried voice.
Blaine can't find words to answer Kurt, he wants to say 'Of course I am okay, love. I finally found you!' He wants more than anything to launch forward and kiss him. But he can't move. He fights with himself to calm down, to at least talk to Kurt. Who looks a little scared, but adorable as always.
Kurt looks exactly like Blaine remembers. Every detail. Except his hair, it's shorter. His clothes are different. He has the same style but the clothes look new. Kurt's skin is less pale now, for some reason. But Blaine can't stop looking at Kurt's eyes. They look worried, but it was a different kind of worried that Kurt would look when he was in New York one year ago. They are still so beautiful and piercing. Blaine missed them so much. He reaches out and cups Kurt's cheek, feeling the soft skin of his face again and caressing it slowly with his thumb.
Then suddenly Kurt pulled back, scared and stepped away from Blaine.
"Kurt?" Blaine frowned.
"I'm sorry. I don't know who you are."
Kurt steps back once more. The man in front of him is staring at him with such painful eyes, and he feels so sorry for him.
"It's- it's me." The man says weakly. "Kurt, you- you d-don't remember me?"
Kurt shakes his head slowly. "No, I'm sorry."
The curly haired man lets out a broken gasp that turns into a sob and drops his bag. Kurt decides that he needs to do something, and takes the man's bag and gently grabs the man's arm and leading him inside of the house into the living room. "Aunt Ellen!" He calls "Come quick!"
Ellen rushes down the stairs, used to have Kurt calling for her, but it's been a while since he doesn't do that anymore, so she worries.
She sees a man in her living room with Kurt that she doesn't recognize, and he looks like he's been crying just about now. "Who is this man, dear?"
Kurt frowns "I was hoping you'd know." He turns to look at the man. Who is staring at the ground, numb. He stopped crying, that's good.
The man looks up to the woman and she reconizes him, he's seen pictures before. "Oh. Oh my god." she gasps. "You should've told me you were coming." She rushes to his side.
"I..."
"Kurt, dear. Can you please excuse us?" Ellen asks, softly. "I need to explain everything to him..." she said quietly to Kurt.
Kurt doesn't protest, he rushes to the stairs and heads to his room, closing the door behind him and leaning against it. He could now finally let out a breath he'd been holding in the living room. Because Blaine had finally found him.
Blaine doesn't even hear what Kurt and the woman are saying. All he knows is that Kurt didn't remember him, and he felt like he was dying. He's pretty sure his heart stopped beating when Kurt said he didn't know who Blaine was. Did Blaine mean nothing to him?
"Sit down, dear." The woman with dark brown hair and blue eyes that looked a little like Kurt's says. "I'm Ellen. The woman you talked to on the phone."
Blaine sits down as the woman says, looks up and nods.
"Are you okay? Do you want anything? A glass of water? It'll make you feel better." She offered worridly.
Blaine just shook his head. "I-I'm okay." He says in a weak voice.
She waits a few seconds before she can go on. "I need to explain you what happened. I own it to my nephew."
"But- Kurt was here just now. He let it pretty clear that he doesn't remember me. I understand. I'll be leaving soon... I'm sorry I bothered you and- and Kurt." He said, his voice still small. His throat still feels tight, he can't wait to get away from this house so he can cry.
"It's not what you think, Blaine." She says quickly. "Kurt doesn't remember anyone."
Blaine frowns and looks up at the woman again. "What?"
"He told me that I could trust you, and that you don't know much about him." She says.
Blaine's mind was racing "You need to start explaining because right now, nothing makes sense anymore." He says distressed.
"Okay, okay. Calm down." She says and gently touches his shoulder. "You need to be calm before I start telling you everything."
Blaine takes a deep calming breath, and Ellen waits until his shoulders aren't so tense under her touch before she can go on.
"I don't even know where to start." She takes a deep breath, and decides to start already. "When Kurt was eight his mother died. Of cancer. It hurt him so much. His father used to bring him here, thinking it'd distract him to be in a different house, but all he could do all day was cry." She told Blaine, who was looking at her with curious eyes. "When he was in his senior year of high school, his dad found out that he had cancer too. He died two years ago."
"Oh my god." Blaine says surprised. "That's really recent."
"Yes. Well, when that happened he was devastated. His father was the person he loved the most in this world. He was 19 when they found out about his father's cancer, and Kurt let go of his dream to take care of Burt, his father. He was suppose to go to New York and study musical theatre, but the college he wanted turned him down and everything with his father happened, so he let it go. Stayed in Lima."
"But... When I met him, he said he lived in New York."Blaine said, confused.
"I know, dear. I'm getting there"
Blaine nodded and Ellen went on "After his dad passed away. Kurt came to live with me. He spent weeks and weeks crying alone in his bedroom. He'd often complain that he had a headache. After two months of complaining, I decided to get that checked out. Kurt had a tumor."
Blaine's eyes widened. "Kurt-... Oh my god."
"It was benign. It didn't matter to Kurt. He was sure he was going to die. He was so devastated with Burt's death, and the college turning him down and then finding out he had a tumor. He simply gave up. Didn't talk to the few friends he had anymore, didn't go out of the house. Missed doctor's appointments and chemo. I insisted for him to go, he needed a surgery. Eventually he did, the tumor was still benign, only that it was a very complicated surgery, and where the tumor was could affect his memory."
Blaine shuts his eyes, shaking his head. "I get where you're going with this." He whispers, standing up not wanting just to sit there anymore.
"Well, they said he'd have to wait a few more months for the surgery, there was a big chance of him dying during the surgery too. So that's when he decided to go. New York, his dream city." She says, smiling sadly. "He had so many big dreams."
"Don't talk like he's dead." Blaine mutters.
Ellen looks up at him, then back down. "He didn't want to meet anyone. He was always dreaming of finding the love of his life. But, when he found out about everything..." She trails off. " I guess you could say that the Kurt Hummel we knew... died."
"Kurt, this Kurt, he doesn't remember anything?" Blaine questions.
"Oh, well he does. He went to New York, spent two months there, God knows where he stayed. I sent him money and everything, for food and medicine. One week he got really bad, he had to come back here and was in hospital all week and half of the next one. He managed to convince me to go back to NYC. I could never say no to him."
Blaine smiles a little despite his sadness.
"When he came back for the surgery about a month later, he was crying. He wouldn't stop crying. I thought it was because he was afraid of it. But he told me he met someone, and he promised himself he wouldn't hurt anyone." Ellen says and suddenly feeling like crying. "He saw himself as someone who could only bring sadness to anyone who'd get close to him."
"He was trying to push me away." Blaine mutters. "I- I never thought it was because of that."
"He was miserable because he hurt you. That's what he said to me. He told me about a writer, who promised him he wouldn't give up on his dream. Kurt gave me your number and told me to call you, if he survived the surgery. I had to wait and call 'Blaine D. Anderson' after his book was published. That was the only condition."
Blaine feels the tears coming back. "Kurt wanted me to keep my promise." He whispers, mostly to himself.
"I guess he did. He told me to call you, explain everything. He spent the night working on some things, never showed me what. I saw him writing something, though. Three days later the surgery came."
"I guess I already know the end of that." Blaine says, wiping his eyes.
"He lost 4 years of memories. Maybe a bit more." Ellen clarifies. "Worst of all was when he asked where his dad was. He had to live my brother's death all over again."
Blaine sits back on the couch. Putting his head in his hands. "Oh, my god." He whispers.
He doesn't want to believe this all had happened to Kurt. He doesn't want to believe Kurt lost 4 years of his life. He lost so many things. Any memory of Blaine in Kurt's life was gone. Ellen didn't say anything for a while, just letting Blaine process everything.
"Do you want to go talk to him?" Her voice made Blaine snap out of his thoughs and he looked at her.
"Who, Kurt? He doesn't remember me. He must think I'm crazy."
"Don't you underestimate Kurt Hummel. You should go talk to him. That's what he wanted after all. He said 'Take Blaine to meet the new me. I need to meet him again.'"
Blaine bites his lip. Should he go see Kurt again? It hurt so much seeing Kurt and knowing Kurt had no idea who he was. But how could he just leave?
"Where is he?"
Ellen takes Blaine to the door to Kurt's room. She goes back downstairs when they reach there though. Leaving Blaine alone to think. If he wants to leave, he's free to do it, if he wants to talk to Kurt, all he has to do is knock the door.
Blaine sniffs quietly, rubbing his eyes again. He stares at the door that separates Kurt from him for a long time, before slowly lifting his hand, and knocking it softly.
The door is opened slowly by Kurt. "Hi." Kurt says timidly.
"Hello, Kurt." Blaine says very quietly.
They both stare at each other for a long time. Not daring to speak. Blaine doesn't even know what to say. He spent months thinking of what he'd say to Kurt if he ever found him, and now that he did, he was speechless.
"I'm sorry, I-..." Blaine starts, turning away. "I have to go. I'm sorry to bother you." He couldn't deal with this right now. Kurt doesn't know who he is. Blaine needs to think, needs to process everything. He starts walking when Kurt's voice stops him.
"You're Blaine, aren't you?"
Blaine stops, he decides to turn around and look at Kurt again. Maybe Kurt... "Do you-..."
"I don't remember you." Kurt says, walking close to him. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise, Kurt." Blaine smiles sadly. "It's not your fault." He bites his lip, and keeps silent for a second. "I know you have no idea who I am, but... I'm really glad you're okay."
"As okay as someone who just lost 4 years of their life can be." Kurt chuckles slightly. Blaine missed that sound, and can't help but smile a little. "But... you're wrong. I know who you are."
Blaine furrows his eyebrows. "Can you come with me?" Kurt asks, taking Blaine's hand. Blaine looks at Kurt's hand holding his, and then nods.
Kurt smiles sweetly at him, and leads him to his bedroom. Blaine looks around, it was a beautifully decorated room. It was so obvious that that was Kurt's space. That Kurt had decorated every single detail himself. He doesn't even need to ask. "Your room is beautiful."
"Thank you." Kurt grins. "I decorated it myself."
Blaine nods and smiles a little. "How do you know who I am, Kurt?" He decides to ask.
Kurt sighs and walks to his desk, taking a paper. "Kurt told me. I told myself, I mean." He shows Blaine a long letter. "He wrote about you. A lot of things."
Blaine reaches out for the letter but Kurt pulls it back. "This is private."
"Sorry." Blaine apologises.
"It's fine. He wrote it for me and-... I wrote it for me. Sorry, after all this time I still can't see us as the same person. But anyway, I told myself not to show you." Kurt explains sitting grabbing his laptop from his desk and sitting next to Blaine.
Blaine looks at Kurt, he seems different, but at the same time he was the same. "Is the Kurt I met, not the Kurt you are?" He asks, a little afraid of the answer.
"People say we're different in some aspects. But we're the same person." Kurt looks down, he isn't even sure if he was the same person. He feels like he is. His aunt tells him that he is different than he was before, because he was happier. The Kurt she knew before the surgery, didn't believe he could be happy.
"Kurt, what did you say in the letter? I just... I need to know."
"I'm sorry. " Kurt shakes his head. "All I can say is, the way I wrote about you, was clear to me that... I trusted you with all my heart. And you were probably the most important person in my life."
'Were' Blaine thinks. Kurt smiles at him. "I told myself all about what happened, all about you. He basically told me everything that was in his mind. I told myself what was in my mind." He corrected. "He didn't tell me what happened in New York, he just told me about you." He opens his laptop. "I left something for you too, Blaine."
Kurt finds a video. "It's for you. He- I told myself in the letter that I wasn't supposed to see it, only if you found me."
"How did you know I was Blaine?" Blaine looks up at him.
"I had a feeling. And besides, the way you were crying told me I meant a lot to you, and not many people care about me like that." He says looking at the laptop screen. "I didn't know what you looked like." Kurt looks at Blaine's features, Blaine is so beautiful. Exactly like he told himself in the letter. "I said that I shouldn't see what you look like, only if you found me." And now Kurt understands why. "Are you ready?" Kurt asks, about to press play.
Blaine swallows thickly, closes his eyes and nods, opening them up again.
The video starts and Kurt seems to be adjusting the camera. Blaine smiles at the screen. He was so exactly like when Blaine had last seen him. Blaine feels like crying already.
In the video Kurt sits back on his chair. He was in his room.
"Hi, Blaine." Kurt starts, smiling slightly. "I really, really hope you watch this one day. If you're watching me, it means you found me. And I'm alive, but don't know who you are. Because if I end up alive and with my memory, I'll run back to New York and find you." He chuckles. "I don't even know what to say to you. Just that I hope you forgive me, for hiding everything from you. I hope you understand my reasons. If you don't, all I can say is that I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to go through all that; it'd kill you inside. I' rather see you cry over a broken heart than because of my death. I have big chances of not surviving my surgery in two days. And I gotta say, I want to call you right now, and tell you everything. Ask you to come here, and just be with me. But I can't do that to you. I know I've hurt you but..." He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "I went to New York, because I'd never been there, and I wanted to pretend that I'd be there forever, just for two months. I was walking around the streets when I found... you. You were sitting alone, and looked so upset, I thought you were adorable, and I couldn't not talk to you. I thought you wouldn't want to talk to me and would send me away pretty quickly, but when you didn't and started talking about being a writer, and you with your kicked puppy eyes telling me your dream was dead. I wanted to be around you forever. Just like that... Anyway, those two weeks when I told you I'd call you but didn't. I was in Ohio, it got worse. My tumor. I spent a few days wondering if I should call you. I know you were dangerous to be around, because I'd end up feeling things I shouldn't. I called you because I wanted to find your story, a story with a happy ending, exactly as you wanted. Then I disappeared again, when you said you loved me. Mostly, I wanted to forget you... I wanted you to forget me, actually. But then you called me, and you were so drunk, Blaine." He laughs. "I wish you could remember that. Well, I'm sure you wish I could remember you... I hope I remember you." He pauses, looking at the camera, like he could see Blaine looking right back at him. "You must understand why I told myself in the letter I wrote, that I shouldn't go look for you. You promised me not to give up, Blaine. That's all I want. I can't give you what you want without you keeping your promise. At least this one." He smiles a little. "I love you, Blaine." Kurt says, his eyes starting to water, just like Blaine's. "I lied because I couldn't... I couldn't say that I love you, and just leave you the next minute. I do love you, so much, Blaine." He stops talking and starts crying, the video is cut, and he's not crying anymore, but his eyes are puffy and red. "I know I promised to try to never lie to you, but I had to, Blaine. I can't spend my life with you. If you ever meet me again, you'll probably find someone who isn't exactly me anymore. I don't know who I'm going to become, I don't know what will happen... I'm so scared. I never said anything to anyone, but I'm scared. All I can hope, is that I'll live after the surgery. You'll find me, I know you will. And I love you so much."He paused, closing his eyes for a few seconds, then opening again. "I hope I can still remember how I feel about you. I hope I can still feel the same way I felt when I was around you. You made me feel like maybe everything would be okay in the end. Maybe I'll be happy one day. You gave me hope, Blaine. You made want to fight to continue. If I survive the surgery, I'll have to keep up with chemo for about two months, if I heard right. Which means I'll look like a mess. I told my aunt not to go look for you if I'm still bald, which will most likely happen. But I hope I look pretty after I'm recovered." "Baby, you'd still look so beautiful." Blaine says, like Kurt could hear him. "I'd want to see you no matter what. You'd look perfect no matter what." "So..." Kurt sighs in the video, looking around, like he's looking for something he can say just for the excuse of not finishing the video. "I'm sure it'll be nice to meet you again." He gives the camera a teary smile. "This time I will not hide things from you. Just ask, and I'll tell you. I love you, Blaine. And if I'm alive after that surgery. I want to be with you again. I'm sure you can make me fall in love with you again. Falling for you is not a hard thing to do." He winks and smiles. "Goodbye, love." And the screen goes blank.
Blaine was still crying. He couldn't stop, Kurt slowly moves his arms around Blaine, holding him. Blaine falls into his embrace. He opened his mouth to speak, but he didn't know what to say.
Kurt soothed him, with nice words that everything would be okay.
"You're still so beautiful." Blaine whispers.
Kurt whispers back. "I still feel the same way I felt when I was around you."
Blaine pulls back to look at Kurt's eyes. "How can you know is the same way?"
"I just do." Kurt mutters. "I feel hope."
Blaine asked for a minute alone, and he actually meant that he wanted to go, sit outside the house or something like that, but Kurt stood up and left the room, smiling a little to him as he closed the door. Blaine re-watched the video. Three times.
Kurt came back after thirty minutes or so, saying that he still needed to do one more thing. He sat down on the bed and told Blaine about his entire life, as far as he could remember, and all what his aunt told him about the four years he couldn't.
Kurt started telling all he remembered about his childhood. His mother's death. Growing up and realising he was gay. Going to Carmel High, where he didn't have many friends. Or friends at all. Coming out to his father. Carmel's glee club not wanting him. Having friends abandoning him because he was gay. Being bullied. His father's heart attack. His father's recovery. Now he didn't know about anything else, but his aunt told him he was rejected at NYADA, the college he wanted. His father found out about his cancer. Then Kurt gave up on New York. His father died. Kurt's tumor. And that was it. He spend hours telling every single detail he could remember, and Blaine couldn't get enough of hearing Kurt's story.
"Now, what exactly happened in New York, that I don't know. I didn't write it down, and aunt Ellen doesn't know all about it." Kurt finishes.
Blaine smiles. "You're lucky then." He grabs his bag and takes his book out of it. "Here." He gives the book to Kurt. "Take that as a gift, a few weeks of your life are written down right there."
"God, that's a beautiful cover. I- is that me?" Kurt grins, his eyes sparkling as he looked at the cover of the book.
"Yes, it is." Blaine tells him. "Spoiler alert, that's the painting I promised you." He smiles, happy to finally show Kurt the painting, he's been waiting to do that for so long.
Kurt doesn't really understand, but still grins, immediatly opening the book. "You-... you wrote about me? About us?"
"I did. I wrote a story without a happy ending after all." Blaine smiles sadly.
"It's not the ending yet." Kurt looks up at him. "You could always write the sequel."
Blaine plans to stay in Ohio for several days at his parent's house. He decided to stay until Kurt finished the book. Meanwhile they would always meet up and talk about everything. Mostly about the book.
Blaine looks at Kurt as he talks about the book while they were sitting at Kurt's favorite coffee shop and drinking their coffees. He was still so in love with Kurt. He was almost the exact same person he met in New York. Only this one seemed to be more open, and full of hope. Blaine liked it.
"I'd love to meet Santana."
"She'd love to meet you too. Again." Blaine smiles. "Though she'd probably slap you for leaving me."
Kurt looks down. "I'm sorry."
"Hey." Blaine takes his hand, squeezing it. "It's okay. I understand what you did. And you shouldn't apologise for something you don't even remember doing."
Kurt nods and goes back to talking about the book. As excitedly as he did when he was back in New York and the book wasn't even finished yet. Blaine just stares at him with a fond smile as Kurt speaks. They keep talking until Kurt gives Blaine a ride to his parents' house.
"I think we should talk about you." Blaine says suddenly. They were in Kurt's room, Blaine was visiting him. Kurt was sitting on the bed reading, while Blaine was sitting on the floor, trying to not get bored.
"We already did." Kurt furrows his eyebrows. "I told you everything about my life."
"No..." Blaine stands up and sits next to Kurt. "I want to know about you. How you've been right now."
"What do you mean?" Kurt questions, closing the book.
"How are you, Kurt? What did the doctor say about your memory loss? What are your plans for the future? What's your favorite type of cheese?" Blaine asks all at once. "I want to know everything about you. The Kurt you are right now."
"Oh." Kurt shifts on the bed, looking right at Blaine's eyes. "That's sweet of you." He smiles, Blaine just shrugs with a smile. "Well, I'm good, you know. It was very hard for me at first. Suddenly I was 21 years old, my dad had died, and I had just came out of a surgery to remove a tumor. But in one year, you start getting used to it. I'm not completely, but I'm trying. The doctor said there was a big chance the memory loss would happen if I survived, and it won't come back. Though I've been remembering very small bits of those years I lost sometimes, but never something special. The doctor says it's normal, and it's going to happen for a while, but not everything will come back. As for my plans... I don't have any, not yet. I still feel so lost." He sighs. "Oh, and my favorite type of cheese is riccota. It's low in fat."
Blaine grins. "You haven't changed a bit." He doesn't really think, but he leans forward and kisses Kurt's cheek.
Kurt blushes a bright shade of red, but smiles.
"I remembered 'As Long As You're Mine'."
Blaine hears Kurt's voice in the middle of the night on the phone, he had been sleeping and he's not sure he heard right. "W-what?"
"I remembered, Blaine. I was reading and- and it got to the part where we entered the theatre, but before I read about us singing 'As Long As You're Mine.' I remembered it. Just a tiny bit." Kurt explains breathlessly. He sounds like he can't even believe that was possible. "I didn't know it was going to happen. I thought I was imagining, but when I turned the page and we started singing I knew I had remembered it."
"Kurt, oh my god! I'm so happy. That's so great!" Blaine grins, fully awake now. "I wish I could hug you right now."
"You can."
"What? What do you mean?"
"I'm right outside your house. I- I really needed to see you, can I come in?" Kurt says and Blaine looks outside his bedroom window to find Kurt's car there.
He rushes down the stairs to open the door for Kurt. "Come in." He says ending the call, and Kurt opens his car door, running towards Blaine's house. "Thank you. I'm sorry for coming in the middle of the night like this." Kurt steps inside and Blaine pulls him into a hug. "It's alright, Kurt. I can't believe you drove two hours just to see me, but I'm actually so happy you're here. " There would never be a day when Blaine wouldn't want to see Kurt.
Kurt hugs back tightly with a sweet smile. "Everything looked so beautiful. I remember the stage, the blue seats." Kurt whispers.
Blaine pulls back from the hug and leads him to his bedroom. "Come on, let's go to my room. Before my parents wake up."
When they get there, Kurt sits on his bed, still smiling widely. "That was the best memory I've ever gotten back."
Blaine chuckles and moves to sit beside him. "I tried my best writing that part. I remember I couldn't take my eyes off you."
Kurt smile drops a little. Blaine thought he had said something wrong, but Kurt sighs and says. "I wish I could remember everything."
"Me too." Blaine whispers. "Do you think the book might help?"
"No... I don't know, the doctor said it won't come back." Kurt looks down, sighing.
"Let's just be happy that you remembered a bit right now." Blaine smiles, not wanting to see Kurt unhappy. Kurt looks up again and grins. Success.
"You have a beautiful voice." Blaine says then, making Kurt blush slightly.
"Thank you. But um, I don't know. Not many people seem to agree with you." Kurt speaks, remembering when Carmel's glee club rejected him, saying his voice was 'too girly'. He found the old NYADA letter one day, it didn't tell him the reason he had been rejected, but he thinks it was because of the same reason.
"Are you crazy?" Blaine widens his eyes. "Anyone who doesn't agree with me is insane. Your voice is like... an angel."
Kurt blushes even more, smiling bashfully. "I don't remember your voice, though."
"Well, that's no problem. I can sing for you right now." Blaine grins and stands up. "You sit right there, Kurt Hummel, and watch." He steps back.
"So, what are you singing?" Kurt grins, sitting indian style.
Blaine smirks and grabs his iPod, finding the song he needs. He turns on his charm, presses play and starts singing.
I can dim the lights
And sing you songs full of sad things
We can do the tango just for two
I can serenade and gently play
On your heart strings
Be your valentino just for you
Kurt almost tells Blaine his voice is the most amazing sound he's ever heard, but he doesn't want to interrupt.
Ooh love ooh lover boy
What're doing tonight hey boy?
Set my alarm turn on my charm
That's because I'm a good old fashioned lover boy
Blaine dances around the room, then dances his way to the bed, and takes Kurt's hand, lightly kissing the back of it
Ooh let me feel your heartbeat
Grow faster faster
Ooh can you feel my love heat
Come on and sit on my hot seat of love
And tell me how do you feel right after all
I'd like for you and I to go romancing
Say the word your wish is my command
Blaine winks and steps away from the bed, dacing again.
Ooh love ooh lover boy
What're doing tonight, hey boy?
Write my letter feel much better
And use my fancy patter on the telephone
When I'm not with you
Think of you always I miss you
Kurt decides to join then. "I miss those long hot summer nights."
Blaine grins at him and quickly says. "I missed your voice." And goes on.
When I'm not with you
Think of me always I love you love you
Hey boy where did you get it from?
Hey boy where did you go?
I learned my passion
In the good old fashioned school of lover boys
Blaine climbs in the first furniture he found and dramatically pretends to be playing guitar while Kurt giggles.
Dining at the ritz we'll meet at nine precisely
I will pay the bill you taste the wine
Driving back in style in my saloon will do quite nicely
Just take me back to yours that will be fine
Blaine climbs on the bed, sitting right next to Kurt and taking his hand again.
Ooh love ooh lover boy
What're you doing tonight hey boy?
Ev'rything's all right just hold on tight
That's because I'm a good old fashioned lover boy
Kurt cheers. "That was amazing, Blaine! God, your voice is perfect, I could listen to it all day and never get enough!"
"Aw, thank you." Blaine blushes.
They stay quiet for a while, just smiling at each other. Another songs starts, some romantic song by The Beatles that none of them can really bother remembering the name. Kurt notices Blaine was still holding his hand. "Anyway..." Kurt clears his throat and chuckles nervously. "I-... I think I better go. I woke you up, and told you I was right outside your house, and didn't even know if you wanted to see me."
"I always want to see you."
"Oh. Well..." Kurt blushes. "I should go anyway." He stands up.
Blaine tugs his hand a little. "Wait." He mutters. "Don't go."
Kurt looks at him, smiles timidly, and sits back down.
Blaine really doesn't want Kurt to go. He didn't want Kurt driving that late at night for two hours. "Would you like to sleep here?" He asks. "We'd share my bed, but if it makes you uncomfortable I can take you to the guest room."
Kurt's response was to lie down and pull Blaine with him. They were lying face to face. Blaine wondered if Kurt was uncomfortable, but the other man had a small and shy smile on his lips. Blaine moved away to turn the lights off. "The music is still playing." Kurt whispers.
"Oh. Yes. I can turn it off-" Kurt tugs him back when he moves to get up.
"It's fine." Kurt whispers.
They stay quiet, still not paying attention to the song. It was dark, but they were both looking at each other's direction.
"I love you."
Blaine hears a whisper in the middle of the night. He was about to finally close his eyes and try to sleep when he hears it. His eyes snap open and he quickly sits up.
"Oh my god, I thought you were sleeping." Kurt says as he sits up too, his voice sounds a little scared. "I'm sorry, I-..."
Blaine turns the lights on. Kurt is staring at him, his eyes are guarded and worried. Like he thinks Blaine is about to kick him out of the house. Blaine climbs out of the bed, to turn off the music.
"I'm sor-"
"Do you mean it?"
Kurt swallows, still looking at Blaine and nods. "I do." He mutters. "I'm sorry I said that out loud, I thought you were asleep."
"Kurt..." Blaine starts, he didn't even notice his eyes filling up with tears. "You have no idea how long I've waited to hear that."
Kurt gets out of the bed and walks close to Blaine, taking his hand and squeezing. He smiles softly at Blaine, and Blaine can't help but smile back through his tears. Kurt brushes the tears away, and keeps his hand on Blaine's cheek. Blaine has barely had time to register what happens before Kurt's mouth presses against his own. Blaine lets out a noise of surprise. He missed these soft lips against his so much. Kurt's hands come up to grip the material of Blaine's t-shirt, gently pulling him closer as Blaine drops his hands to grip Kurt's waist. The kiss is so slow and careful, like they have all the time in the world. Kurt pulls back, and Blaine opens his eyes, keeping they fixed on Kurt's lips.
"I love you too." Blaine smiles, looking up at Kurt's eyes again, happy to see them sparkling with hope, which made Blaine smile even wider.
They stayed like that all night. Just lying on the bed, looking at each other and kissing each other deeply every now and then. Until eventually Kurt fell asleep, followed by Blaine a few minutes after.
The next morning they greet each other with soft smiles and a good morning kiss. They know they have to talk about everything. There are many things to discuss. Right now neither of them could care.
Blaine comes to visit Kurt. Two days after they kissed. They still haven't discussed anything, and they haven't kissed each other since then, but they were comfortable around each other. Kurt and Blaine spent those two days just being with each other, not talking about anything serious, and not kissing each other again. Not that they didn't want to. Blaine had been visiting some friends he had that lived in Lima when he decided to visit Kurt. Ellen lets him in, saying that Kurt was in his room, probably reading.
"Hey, you." Blaine says, opening the door to find Kurt sitting on his bed, blushing for some reason.
Kurt closes the book quickly, like Blaine caught him doing something wrong. "H-Hi."
Blaine furrows his eyebrow, walking closer to Kurt. "Are you okay?"
"What? I'm fine." Kurt says, way too quickly.
Blaine chuckles and crawls on the bed, sitting beside Kurt. "Come on, what is it? I can see that something's wrong."
Kurt blushes harder, deciding whether or not ask Blaine about it. "I was- I was reading. And... well, this last chapter, we-... I mean." Kurt sighs frustrated. He couldn't find the right words. "Am I not a virgin anymore?" He blurts out.
"Oh." Blaine remembers. "N-no. I'm sorry I forgot about that, I should've told you."
"You... wrote that. Oh god, Blaine!" Kurt says incredulous, he isn't sure if he is shocked that Blaine published about him losing his virginity or the fact that he wasn't a virgin anymore.
Blaine bites his lip. "I- This is... really awkward."
Kurt nods, looking away. "Why would you write that and put it in your book in the first place?"
"I'm sorry!" Blaine sighs. "Look, first of all, I wanted to tell our story exactly as it happened. I asked myself several times if I really should publish that, and decided that yes. Plus, it was to... please the readers." He blushes.
Kurt shakes his head. "Please the readers? Blaine, everytime I look at someone at the street I'll be wondering if they read about my first time. People know!"
"No, it's not like that." Blaine soothes. "All they know in that book is your first name. Some people even doubt that you exist." He chuckles a little. "And it's not like my book is a best-seller."
Kurt nods reluctantly. "So, I'm... not a virgin."
Blaine thinks for a second. "I think that's up to you to decide. I mean, we've had sex." That makes Kurt blush like a tomato, and Blaine thinks it's adorable. "But you don't remember it. You don't know what it's like. I guess you can say you are a virgin. I don't know."
"But at the end of the day, I've had sex." Kurt chews his bottom lip, wondering.
Blaine shrugs, this is really up to Kurt to decide.
"This is so messed up."
The next day, Blaine shows up at Kurt's house again. Not that he has anywhere better to go. It was nice just being with Kurt. He was sitting on the couch, watching TV while Kurt read. His aunt had gone out, to do some grocery shopping.
Neither Blaine or Kurt dared to bring the subject that they loved each other and they needed to discuss what happens next. Blaine would have to go back to New York eventually. Kurt wouldn't go, he couldn't go, not yet. He was still getting used to his life. Blaine wonders if Kurt even wants the same things as before. They both want to know what they are right now.
It's a lot to talk about, and while they should definitely talk about that, it was too much to think about right now.
Blaine is quietly looking at the screen, when he heards a small sob. His head snaps at Kurt, and he sees him crying. "Kurt, what's wrong?"
Kurt shakes his head and rubs his eyes. "It's nothing, I-... I just can't believe I- That is so unfair." He breaks down and Blaine runs to hold him.
"It's okay. It's okay now, baby." Blaine says softly, he hadn't meant to say 'baby' but it just came out. Kurt grips Blaine, clinging onto him.
"Why did all this have to happen with me? And you? Look what I did to you, I lied to you that I didn't love you. I don't remember any of that, but Blaine I told myself in that letter how much it hurt me. Reading your version of it, how much it hurt you... makes my heart break even more." Kurt cries, and Blaine just holds him close.
"I know it's unfair. I know. But you're okay now. You and I are going to be okay." Blaine caresses his hair, hearing the other man sobbing in his arms. "Don't cry. It's okay now, it's over. When you met me before you were scared, you thought you were going to die. Now you're here, full of hope and happiness... and I've never loved you more." He pulls back to meet Kurt's teary eyes. "You're so brave. You've always been. I was hurt, yes, but now I see what you really intended. You lied, you made yourself hurt, feeling alone right before your surgery, and why? To make sure you wouldn't hurt me."
"I ended up hurting you anyway!"
"Kurt..." Blaine starts softly. "Don't blame yourself for that. You don't know what it was like for you when you did that. You're the same person, but you're not the same Kurt. You know that, don't you?"
Kurt nods slowly. Wiping his tears away and standing up. "I'm about to finish the book, I kinda don't want to."
"I thought the same when I was writing it." Blaine smiles a little.
Kurt nods again. "Well, I'm going to sleep for a bit, and when I wake up, I'll finish it."
"You want me to go?"
"No, just... please stay, I want you here when I'm done with it." Kurt says, turning to leave to his room.
"Okay."
When Kurt gets to his room he cries again. He wishes all those bad things hadn't happened to him, even if he doesn't remember. He hugs his pillow and sobs into it, until eventually he falls asleep.
When he wakes up, the first he does is grab his book again. He spends a few minutes just looking at the cover. It's so beautiful, Blaine already told him that that was the painting that he had bought for him, Blaine had specifically told Quinn how he'd want the painting.
Kurt read the last pages of the book, and went downstairs, to find Blaine standing while looking at old pictures on the wall. They were all old family pictures, his aunt loved to keep pictures like that.
"I finished it."
Blaine turns his head to Kurt, quickly. "Oh, I didn't know you were there."
Kurt walks close to Blaine to look at the picture he was looking at. "That's my dad." He points to one where a man is holding a little Kurt in his arms and they were both smiling, which made Blaine smile too.
"I really wish I could've met him." Blaine says, then turns to look back at Kurt. "You finished the book?"
Kurt bites his lip and nods. "I think we need to talk."
Blaine takes his hand and leads him to the couch, turning the TV off.
Kurt sighs nervously, not knowing where to start. "I-... um."
"So, what happens next?" Blaine asks, deciding to start.
"I don't know..." Kurt says honestly. "I mean, I know that I love you, and that I want to be with you."
"I love you too." Blaine smiles. "But there are so many things to discuss."
"No, there aren't, Blaine." Kurt squeezes his hand. "You fought for me for so long. Don't put barriers ahead of us now."
"I'm not, Kurt. But I'll have to go to New York soon, you have to stay here, at least for now."
"I don't, Blaine. I know I should be scared to go and should be here at least for a while, but I want to go. New York is where I belong, Blaine, I know that. I may have lost four years of my life, and the Kurt I was might have lost hope, but that is my dream. I'm re-applying to NYADA, and I'm going to start a brand new life in New York. That's what's best for me, I need to let my old life go. And I've always been searching for my soulmate, Blaine. I promised myself when I was younger, that once I found the love of my life, the man who'd make me feel like I'm living a dream, I'd do anything for him, and never let him go. I had to let you go once, but not this time."
"Kurt, I..." Blaine grins, his heart speeds up, feeling the hope for a future with Kurt rising. "I just don't want to rush things, I don't want to push you. I do want to be with you. I want to take you to New York with me. I want to grow old with you, I want to have a bunch a kids with you, I want writes books with you as my inspiration. Watch you become a succesful actor, that I know you will be. You are my soulmate too, Kurt. I want to make you happy, and make you forget all the bad things that's happened in your life."
"Then let's just go." Kurt grins.
"Are- are you sure?" Blaine asks, smiling.
"I'm sure."
Kurt waits for his aunt to come back home and tells her everything. She's reluctant at first, but she agrees on letting him go, like she said once, she couldn't say no to her nephew.
Blaine and Kurt spend the day packing. They'd be leaving to New York in two days, by car. Kurt had a lot of clothes and so they spent a lot of time carefully putting them in bags. Ellen told Blaine that when Kurt found out he was sick, he donated all his clothes to charity, only keeping a few, because they were his favorite ones. But after the surgery, Kurt bought new ones and filled his closet all over again.
Kurt and his aunt spend their last days living together, always cuddling and Kurt asking her to always call him and come visit him as often as possible. "Can she come visit us, Blaine?" Kurt asks, "Of course, Kurt. My house will be yours too once we get to New York." Blaine answers smiling. One day Kurt was sleeping in his room, and Ellen talked to Blaine about Kurt. How Blaine was supposed to treat him, that as soon as they got to New York they were supposed to go find a new doctor for him, and most importantly: Blaine must never break Kurt's heart. Blaine assured her that he would take care of Kurt, and make him the happiest man in the world. Ellen pulled him into a hug, thanking him for everything, and saying she believed they were going to be very happy together.
They get to New York at the end of the week. Kurt can't stop pointing at things outside the window and making Blaine giggle at his enthusiasm. They spend all day unpacking and Blaine shows around his apartment, showing him where everything was. When he's done showing everything he asks. "Do you like our apartment?" Kurt responds to it, by grinning and kissing him senseless.
The next day, Blaine takes Kurt everywhere he can in one day, showing him the city and Kurt has this beautiful grin stuck on his face. After that he takes Kurt to meet Santana and everybody else. At night, even though they're both tired, Blaine takes Kurt to see 'Wicked'. Kurt starts crying when 'As Long As You're Mine' comes, causing Blaine to cry too.
Their third night in New York is when their second first time happened. They hadn't planned it, they spent all day reading everything Blaine had written about Kurt. He promised to show Kurt his favorite one later; it was in their room, Blaine kept it there along with Kurt's 'goodbye' note. At night, Blaine cooked Kurt dinner, and before they went to sleep, they were siitting on the bed and Blaine showed Kurt what he wrote. Kurt had the very same expression he had when he got out of the bathroom that day, after reading it. Blaine kissed him softly, and Kurt pulled Blaine to lie down with him. After minutes of just placing gentle and slow kisses on each other, Blaine feels Kurt's hand timidly running down his body, and he heard Kurt whispering that he wanted to go all the way.
Kurt got into NYADA - with a little bit of Rachel's help, who introduced him to the right people when they were at a party - and was very succesful in his career. And Blaine D. Anderson wrote many books, and they always talked about love. Also they were always inspired and dedicated to the love of his life, Kurt Hummel.
The (actual) end.
Well, that's it.
I really hope you liked it! They had a happy ending after all. Thank you all for reading it. Sorry again for taking so long to update, but real life really got in the way. Bye! xx
Song used:
Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy - By Queen
