We're back to square one.

It's been weeks since I've written goodbye on that chalkboard. We were like before. I do my own thing, brooding and thinking about cutting my wrists which, I never do not because of my promise to Tate, but because it's pointless, and he's watching me from my bedroom window. The only difference is, now, he only watches me until Emma pulls him out of the window to do God knows what. I never go in the house anymore. One, because I don't like seeing them together and two, I don't want all the pity the other ghosts have to offer me. So now every day, I stay in a tent, or at least, what is supposed to be a tent, until I've attempted to assemble the shit myself. I've arranged extension cords so I could use my laptop outside the hell of the house I live in.

It's already dark out. I have made a ritual every night to sit at the farthest place the house would let me. I see the same people, the same cars pass the street, on their way home from work. One night a teenage boy, stopped in front of me. He was holding a red rose. He put it down at the ground on my side and left. He does this everyday. It surprised me, how he could see me even though I'm sure I was invisible to others. I just thought that maybe he was a medium like Billie Dean. So now, I only come outside when I'm sure he had already walked by, but the rose was still there, on the place I used to sit.

I come out of my tent to do the usual, and sure enough, the flower was there. I plucked the petals and thought about what would have happened if I hadn't committed suicide and turned out to be one of those normal people who lived boring, monotonous, pretentious lives. Though the thought makes me squirm. I thought about what I had going on in this place. Truth is I have nothing. I have no one. Not anymore.

"You know, you could kick her out of the house if you wanted to." Rebecca sat down at my side.

"What?" I didn't know who she was talking about. I want to kick everyone's ass out of this place. No one deserves this torture.

"Emma." She said. She was staring at the house across the street. You could see their shadows on the curtains. The couple were fighting and throwing stuff at each other, like my mom and dad before, when everything was crazy. "She's not like you guys. She can leave anytime she wants."

"Why are you telling me that now?" I asked, my eyes never leaving the couple.

"'Cause I don't think the house is helping her." We watched as the man ducked a flying vase.

"Helping her on what?" I really didn't care. I was more interested on the fight going on across the street.

"Realizing that this world is still a shitty place and that even though her dad's already in prison, or already died in prison it doesn't mean that there are no more people who do the same disgusting things." She paused for air. "The house was supposed to make her realize that she needs to move on, to cross over. She was supposed to see that nothing had changed. Then and now."

"Why isn't she stuck? Like us?" I asked her.

"She didn't die in a place like this, and believe me, there are other places like this house, though not as crowded. There wasn't much negative air to hold her back, except for the fact that she got raped and killed in that place."

"It must be fun, crossing over." I stared at nothing. My eyes were distant. I was thinking what it must be like, to rest, to really, truly rest.

"It is." She nodded her head excitedly. "It's like entering a dream, where the deepest desires of your hearts are fulfilled and you will finally be at peace." We sat there silently for a moment. I guess we were both thinking about the other side.

"Thanks for the heads up. At least now I know that there's a chance that I won't be stuck with her forever, but why did Hayden say that her soul was tied to this house?"

"You're seriously asking that question?" She asked, irritated. "Because she's a bitch, that's why." I laughed. Just then, she froze for a minute.

"He's here." She stood up. "I better leave you two alone." She smiled, winked at me then left. I was confused. I don't see any one.

"It's me." Tate suddenly appears at my side, where Rebecca sat. He was facing me and he was hiding something on his back.

"Why are you here?" I said, my tone angry. My walls went up.

"Who is that guy? The one that's been leaving the roses." He said.

"None of your business." I looked away. I didn't want to see that look on Tate's face. The one that made him look vulnerable. I know that he's not.

"Okay. How are you? Do you get cold in your tent at night? I could give you some blankets you know." It's like he wants me to stay away. I hated it. I hated him.

"Go-"

"No Violet!" He shouted. It brought me back to that time when he wanted me to commit suicide... Like Romeo and Juliet. I shut my mouth. Not really knowing what to say. It scared me when he got mad like that. I actually think that he might hurt me. He took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. I just want to talk to you." He clenched his jaw.

"So talk."

"Why Violet?" He said, pulling himself together. "Why are you so scared to be with me?"

"What the fuck are you talking about? You're the one that chose that girl! This is all your fault!" I think I was getting red in the face. He's more fucked up than I thought.

"You didn't even ask me why Violet! You didn't even ask me why I did it! You were so sure that I would really choose her over you!"

"'Cause you did choose her over me!"

"I only said that 'cause she needed my help! And of all the things she'd done for me in high school, she deserved my help."

"What? You paid her back in sexual favors?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

"No! We don't.. do it." His voice turned into a whisper. "You wouldn't understand."

"You think I'm that stupid?" I scoffed.

"She stopped me then. I was so ready to kill. She was always there to stop me. Until she wasn't." He lowered his head. His hair was covering his eyes but I can see that darkness loomed over them.

"Well I'm sorry if I can't put up with all your bullshit like she did." I crossed my arms.

"I used to get these urges.. to kill. To see blood coming out of their bodies. To clean them. i would try to supress it every time, but it just kept coming back stonger, until couldn't fight it anymore. Until I drowned in those visions, making me want them to come to life." He looked up at me. " I hurt her you know. She was always in the way. One day, I was so lost I didn't know that I hurt her. She still has the scar." He paused for air. "She helps me get through the each day then."

"Congratulations. You could now be together forever." I said.

"I don't think I'm explaining myself right." He laughed. "It's you I want Violet."

"Doesn't look like it." But he didn't listen to what I say. He continued speaking.

"While she stopped me from killing, you took out my need to kill." He said. He held my hand. "She made life seem bearable, you made my life worthwhile." He let go of my hand all of a sudden. "But you're scared of me. I scared you away from me."

"I'm not scared of anything."

"You're afraid to be with a monster, but you can't resist it. You're attracted to the darkness and I'm the darkness. You can't help yourself. You want to, but you don't want to. When we sleep in your bed, the first thing you do in the morning is to get out of my arms, sit on the farthest edge of the bed and put your arms around yourself like you're ashamed of what you've done. I'm not blind Violet. Especially when it comes to you."

"I know." I said barely a whisper.

"I love you Violet." He took my hand again in his. "Forever." He caressed my scars with his thumb. "I want to be selfish. I do. I want you to be mine. I want you to be happy with me," He smiled, but he was crying. "but I don't want you to live in fear.. and if I'm what you're afraid of.. I have to let you go.. even if it means not having to see the light, your light ever again." A tear fell down my eye.

"I'm always yours Violet." He kissed me on the cheek. "Always." He handed me his toy truck. It had nine roses with notes tied to them. Eight were black and one was bright red.

"This talk didn't end up the way I planned, but here." He smiled with tears on his face and disappeared. I took one black rose with the note that has '1' written on it. I flipped the note and written was the letter 'I'. I arranged all the flowers with the red plastic one on the last. The notes read:

"I WILL LOVE YOU UNTIL THE LAST ONE DIES"

Just then, I've never felt more pain.