Pre Story Notes:

What kind of toll does a situation take on you? In terms of physical AND mental drain... A human being does not perform at One Hundred Percent capacity One Hundred Percent of the time. As the day wears on, your feet become sore from standing, your body becomes fatigued. Your brain loses some of its edge, impairing your judgement. Your temperament becomes more and more hostile.

It may seem obvious, but thinking about the toll of a trial on the body is not as clearly explored as you'd think. Most people just talk about being tired and yawning. But what goes on, UNDER the hood of the human with the drooping eyelids? How crappy is the situation to a person trying to keep up with the Epic as their body literally starts to fail around them.

From here, we continue.


Why am I not surprised?

That's the question that I was asking myself as I stared groggily back at the angry face of six-time martial arts champion Junpei Ryuzouji.

It goes something like this:

I was finally getting a nap after managing to somehow prevent Motoko from killing me… Not to mention herself... And just when it seemed I was able to drop off in the grass, the incessant beeping of Washu's 'Crab-tooth' woke me up. I know Washu would be prone to checking up on me, but she had the worst timing EVER.

I thought I'd simply slept on the grass until past nightfall, but was obviously not the case when I didn't have the panoramic view of Kanagawa in front of me. Once I realized that, it only took a moment to figure out what happened.

God not again.

Invariably, I would have come to the conclusion that I was probably lying in the bed of some female, again. And that my life was about to get complicated, AGAIN.

To my credit, I would have been right if I had enough time to think that much. But the beeping of the 'Crab-tooth' was loud enough to wake me, tired as I was.

That means it was loud enough to wake everyone else.

To her Credit, Airi Komayama made absolutely no show of emotion as I not so silently cursed my latest plight. Acting skills indeed…

About four seconds later, there was a USP40 pointing at my head, from my opposite side as Ritsuko Inou realized I wasn't supposed to be there.

And then came Junpei. Six feet tall, and all the physique of the martial artist he was. The guy was built like a tank. Which was easy to compare because Mike' the T-74 was a dozen feet away.

Acting as a self proclaimed bodyguard for Airi; he pretty much just loomed over me, looking quite displeased, before plucking me up off the ground by my shirt.

Yeah, I once again stood about a snowflake's chance in hell. That body enhancement Washu offered was beginning to look REALLY good now. If only to make me impervious to Karate chops and heal drops.

Junpei growled as he studied my features. Tired as I was, I still realized quite clearly what he was probably about to ask me.

"Who the hell do you think you are to be anywhere NEAR Airi like that?"

More or less…

"Especially when I haven't even gotten to sleep that close to her yet…"

That too…

Some synapse somewhere decided to take advantage of my fatigue and misfired. When you're being held up by a guy almost a foot taller than you, who's built like a killing machine, you don't say stupid things if you can help it.

"And you probably never will…"

Yeah, that definitely wasn't the most intelligent thing to say to a guy who could wring me out like a dirty rag. But it was the first thing that popped into my head.

Junpei simply growled louder. Believe it or not, despite his predisposition towards getting into fights, he had a lot of restraint. The fact that he didn't drop kick me right there when he flattened tougher guys for less was my basis for that line of thinking.

Still, after getting my free snark, I guess it was time to let my mind spool up enough to keep my mouth from overriding my ass.

The entire time, the 'crab-tooth' continued to go off. Beeping over and over again as Washu was no doubt, waiting patiently for me to get around to answering.

It wasn't long before I was patted down, frisked like some kind of felon for any weapons I had. In short order, Ritsuko relieved me of the ceremonial knife I had confiscated from Motoko, and the 'crab-tooth'.

All in all, It was just a matter of seconds before I was efficiently rendered a non-threat. At least in their eyes.

Why am I not surprised?

Celcia, who I noted was stuck looking like a Panda, was the first one to notice the obvious.

"Something doesn't feel right about him." She began. "His aura is different."

Woo! Sorceress is on the ball! Give the transformed elf a cookie.

"Maybe he's a DEMON," Junpei seemed to grin. "I could exorcise him if you want."

NO! Bad Junpei! No biscuit!

"Junpei," Airi began. "Put him down."

"You sure that's a good idea?" The fighter asked.

"I don't think he is, or ever was a threat," Airi continued. I suspect that she'd evaluated me the moment she saw the look on my face.

"Oh… Okay," Junpei responded. "If you say so…" Then he dropped me. Flat out dropped me… If I hadn't been paying attention, I would have landed on my ass. I guess I could have come out worse. But now I was faced with having to turn yet another situation around. But first, I really needed to answer that call. Washu might be about to have kittens on the other end.

"Ritsuko," I addressed the redhead, pointing at the Crab-Tooth as she examined. "I need that."

The high-school girl looked totally shocked when I addressed her by name.

"How do you-" she began.

"Later," I interrupted. Airi was studying me closely now. "I need to take that call."

The girl seemed to be at a loss, and just looked at Airi for guidance. Airi nodded, betraying no emotion.

"Beedeedeedeep-beedeedeedeep!"

"Click-FZZZT!"

"I'm alive."

"What took you so long to answer?" Washu asked.

"Complications," I muttered. "I think from now on, if I jump, I should call you, instead of the other way around."

"Oh dear," Washu paused. "I guess I see how that could be a problem."

"Yeah," I yawned, then shook it off. "Last thing I need is the multi-dimensional equivalent to a cell phone going off should I wake up some place like Black Lagoon."

"Never heard of it," Washu commented. "So what's your status?"

"Those Who Hunt Elves," I commented directly, earning an eyebrow from Airi, and Ritsuko. "It's a character driven comedy adventure."

"Comedy?" Washu asked. "There might be a pattern, but I'd need more data to confirm. But you're certain it's comedy…"

"Yeah," I confirmed. "Lots of slapstick humor, which makes me nervous."

"Why so?" the scientist replied.

"The slapstick is physical violence," I continued. "Based on what I experienced in the last world, the physical violence is quite real. The problem is, everyone that belongs is immune to it… But I don't think I am."

There was a pause on the line, during which I took a glance at Airi, who was humoring me with a smile and a light nod. Junpei just looked confused. But what do you expect from a guy with an IQ of eighty-six?

"Eat when you can then," the scientist said at length. "The nanomachines won't be purged from your system for a few weeks, but you'll need to be prepared in case you take injury. And keep your head down. A wash tub out of nowhere landing on your head might not be good for you."

"I already had the whole 'keep your head down' thing in mind Washu," I responded. "I watched a massive chain reaction unfold in front of me. Which reminds me…"

"Yes?" Washu asked.

"I told you so."

"What?" I could almost see the scientist blink.

"Haruka spoke English," I elaborated. "Think about it."

"…"

"Oh," she answered at length. "I guess that didn't look so good."

"Well, I got lucky," I commented idly. "She decided to play along."

"Oh good!" Washu almost cackled. "I guess that takes care of that… How about your current situation? Do you need me to talk to anyone?"

"No," I glanced at the group now giving me their full attention. "I think I can handle this situation for once. Those Who Hunt Elves are pretty familiar with the whole 'people from another world' mechanism."

"Then I guess I'll get back to tracing," Washu commented solemnly. "I almost had you pinned down when you jumped. Nice version of Earth in Love Hina too."

"Have fun with that," I shook my head. Scientists... Do they ever so enjoy doing, science things.

"We sure do," Washu cackled.

Get out of my head!

"I'm out," she finished. And the line clicked off.

Replacing the 'crab-tooth' where it belonged, I turned to Airi, the defacto leader of Those Who Hunt Elves.

"I'm sure you get the idea," I commented.

"So you're trapped in another world too," the actress asked.

"Not so much as trapped as bouncing around at random," I corrected. "And it's only been for the past few days or so. I think you've been stuck here longer, right?"

Airi nodded. It was Panda-Celcia who spoke up next. Dammit, talking animals, try to keep a straight face. She's technically an Elf with a transformation pinned in place, but still…

"What I would like to know, is how you know so much about us…" she stated.

Wouldn't that be the question of the day? Well, weird story that…

"It's a bit of a story," I commented, trying to look at Celcia without actually looking. If I started staring now, I'd probably annoy her.

"We have plenty of time," Airi probably saw it and redirected my attention.

So an hour later, in the pre-dawn light, I found myself sitting in front of a merry little campfire, giving Those Who Hunt Elves the full story of my situation. And much as I wanted to keep my cards to my chest, their situation, and how I knew it. I seemed to be doing a lot of explaining myself lately. But then, It was like getting reset just when things were starting to swing my way. Like some cosmic joke that was determined to see how many different ways I could weasel my way out of a bind.

Airi seemed to take the revelation okay. If you call asking me where her royalties in all this were as taking it okay. I could only shrug before I realized that the actress had actually cracked a joke, and the straight face had been the act.

Ritsuko, seemed to be totally aghast, and had gotten slightly paranoid that we were being watched, pulling out night-vision goggles to check around us.

Junpei seemed to enjoy the concept.

"Well, it looks like you're one of us now!" he smiled, slapping me on the back. "Maybe I misjudged you a little. Hang with us, and we'll all get home to Japan!"

Er, I think he missed a few important points. Namely, most of them... I saw Celcia roll her eyes in the corner of my vision.

"Besides," he continued under his breath to me as he returned Motoko's knife to my posession. "I've been hanging around these ladies for months. It's nice to have another guy to talk to after all this time. They just don't understand me sometimes."

Technically, I think it's the other way around…

We were interrupted by the sound of my stomach growling. I don't think I could keep track of time correctly, but the only thing I'd eaten in what I think was the last, eight (?) Hours were bananas.

I don't think I could turn down a meal out of politeness at this point. Plus Washu had warned me to eat when I could. If they offered, I was taking it.

"I guess it is time for breakfast," Airi commented. "We've got a long day ahead of us."

"Yeah," Junpei seemed to almost bounce with enthusiasm at the idea of food. Much as I thought it was odd to describe a six-foot tall fighter as 'bouncing'. "I'll need to be fueled up and ready to move if we're going to strip that elf today."

The Team, as I guess you could call them, broke out the campfire cooking gear and quickly began a strategy session as they prepared this world's bizarre twist of canned beans and hotdogs. As I recall, the world they were in was a twisted cross between a Fantasy Adventure, and their home. So weird hybrids were everywhere. One example was the Gasoline Fruit they were using to run the T-74 until the cat spirit Mike' infested it.

From what I gathered of the session… There was a rich elf in a town about six miles from here. Here being, somewhere in the middle of nowhere. The problem was that with the rumors of the Elf Hunters in the area, she'd become paranoid and surrounded herself with a small legion of bodyguards and armed mercenaries.

A direct approach would be met with far too much resistance and she'd probably get away before the team could catch up. However, an Airi style sneaky approach would leave them high and dry once they'd achieved the objective.

So the planning went something like this.

Junpei and Airi would pay a visit to the paranoid elf lady as an esteemed entrepreneur and her menacing bodyguard. Airi would get them invited in for tea or some other trivial matter. Celcia would then use her magic to start a diversionary commotion and draw the guards off. The elf would get stripped, and then Junpei would smash his way through a pre-determined escape route with Airi in tow. Ritsuko would remain up on a nearby hill as over watch, and occupy any reinforcements to prevent Junpei from getting overwhelmed during the escape.

Junpei seemed a little determined to give me something to do, and wanted to include me in the planning session. Yeah, sometimes he'd get like that. Once he got an idea, it stuck. I guess he really was enjoying the chance to have another guy in on the team for all the macho buddy kind of stuff he'd probably missed out on for so long.

But very soon I proved to be a disappointment. I wasn't a fighter; I was nowhere near that kind of build. I wasn't particularly strong, or fast, or magical. In fact, down there I was more likely to be a liability. I had no special talent that could benefit the team. They pretty much had all their bases covered.

For lack of any better options, I simply volunteered to help Ritsuko with over watch. An extra pair of eyes couldn't hurt.

Once the plan was decided, Junpei stood up, looking absolutely pumped. He was ready to find another spell fragment. Still, something was nagging me about this plan. It seemed perfect for them, but I have an uncanny eye for odd, out of place details.

If only I could put my finger on it. Something that bugged me as I voiced my opinion around another yawn. If only I was a little less tired, I'd figure it out. Junpei simply shrugged it off, commenting that I was worrying too much.

"What could possibly go wrong?" he had asked.

I snapped a cold look at him so fast, even he froze as he caught on.

He had to ask THAT question. Every time a person asked that, in every form of fiction, something went wrong. To his question I simply gave him a very flat, deadpan response.

"No plan survives contact with the enemy."

"We'll be careful then," Airi interrupted before the oversized oaf could respond. She obviously saw the seriousness in my tone. "A little caution won't hurt."

With that matter settled, they quickly doused the campfire. Five minutes later, I was riding on a cat-spirit infested main battle tank. How cool was that?