Hey! ZnK is back!
I have kinda been kicked out of school because of some issues i had with my math teacher... i might have broken his nose for accusing me of cheating in a test... so other than going to court for assault i'm just gonna keep writing!
Hurray for me!
Both got ten or more votes so i'm gonna go with my own opinion. hmm... who's it gonna be Tsume or Hana?
I've decided that Tsume is going to be added into the harem. Kiba is going to be so pissed.
Konan is out of the harem and Gyokumon might be in. Sorry guys but i feel Konan would get along better with Pein.
Gyokumon or Hana... decisions, decisions...
On with the story.
Konoha
Naruto was right now thinking that it might have been a mistake to sleep with Anko. Everywhere he looked he could see women giving him hungry looks. Appearently Anko was a gossiper. It didn't help that Obito was commenting on it every five seconds.
"Dude! Seriously! What did you do to that Anko woman? It looks like she told them you were a sex god or something." he said as he, Naruto and Itachi were walking towards the gate to meet Pein and Konan. She wanted to meet Jiraiya too.
"I don't know! I only did what i always do." Naruto said while rubbing his temples. It didn't exactly help fighting off the looks when he had his Akatsuki robe open today (The Akatsuki robes can open like trench coats).
When they arrived to the gates they saw Izumo standing guard. Needless to say, he fainted again when he saw them.
"He's still scared of us dude." said Obito in an amused tone.
They waited for another hour having fun drawing stuff on Izumos face while he was passed out. They also attached a flat edged Crotch Chomper to his crotch and waited for him to wake up. Unfortunatly Pein and Konan arrived before he did.
"Welcome Leader-sama!" Naruto exclaimed and bowed to Pein and then turned to Konan and nodded "and Konan." he said. Konan just nodded back.
"We are supposed to escort you to the Hokages tower." Itachi said with his usual monotone voice. "Hokage-sama and Jiraiya-sama is waiting for you there." he said and started walking towrds the Hokage tower with Pein, Konan, Obito and Naruto following closely.
When they arrived walked into Tsunades office they were greeted by a slackjawed Jiraiya and a smiling Hokage.
"So! I take it from Jiraiyas reaction that the two of you are Pein and Konan." Tsunade said looking at the two newcomers.
"That is correct." Pein said and turned to Jiraiya. "Long time no see, uh what did you call him Naruto?" he said and looked at Naruto.
"Ero-sennin!" Naruto exclaimed with a grin.
"Ah yes. Long time no see Ero-sennin." Pein said while looking at a now severly pissed off Jiraiya.
"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT CALLING ME THAT YOU LITTLE BRAT?!" he yelled at Naruto who was now lieing on the floor while clutching his side laughing his ass off (He seems to do that alot doesn't he?). Suddenly Naruto shot up from the floor while snapping his fingers.
"Oh yeah! I forgot about the guard." he said and took out his trusty remote. "To bad we couldn't play a game with him... oh well!" he exclaimed and pressed the button. At that moment you could hear the pained screams of Izumo getting a really rude awakening.
"That's evil dude. Triggering it before he even woke up... Why haven't we thought about that before?!" Obito asked smacking his forehead. "Stupid us."
"Well anyway. I have the papers for the alliance." Pein said and pulled out a scroll from his robes. "Here." he said and gave Tsunade the scroll which she read through before nodding.
"Everything seems to be in order." she said and signed the scroll. "The alliance between Konoha and Akatsuki is now official." she said and shook hands with Pein.
"Good." he said and turned to Jiraiya and Konan. "Now how about we go out for a drink and catch up a little?" he said. After getting a nod from both he started walking out of the office but before he walked out he turned around and looked at Naruto. "But in three days we have to get back to Ame so you can kick Hanzos ass and humiliate him with your S-ranked Crotch Chomper before killing him. We have already broken through his defences and are waiting for you." he said and walked out of the office, after getting a nod, with Konan and Jiraiya following suit.
"So this is it huh? The last battle before becoming official Konoha ninjas again." Naruto said with a sigh.
"Yeah. Feels kinda strange doesn't it?" said Obito getting a nod from the other two.
When Naruto walked out of the Hokage tower he was tackled to to ground by Anko.
"Ohayo Naru-kun!" she said in a playful voice. "Wanna come eat some dango with me?"
"As much as i'd love to Anko-chan, i can't. i gotta talk to Leader-sama about something and i need to find him." he lied in a apologetic tone. "How about i make it up to you by buying you dinner in a couple of days?"
"Alright... i'll hold you to that." Anko said getting up. "And you better pull through or i'll kill you." she said in a singsong voice making Naruto gulp (Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned... remember that). Naruto just nodded and also got up and walked away. Fast.
As he left Kurenai walked up to Anko after seeing, and hearing, what happened.
"Anko, what are you doing?" she asked in a angry voice. Anko just shrugged and said:
"Just having some fun. Why?" she asked turning to look at the red eyed jounin.
"You know how i feel about him! I don't want to hear on the streets about my best friend fucking the man i love!" Kurenai said angrily.
"The man you love? He's been in the village for a whole week and you haven't done anything. Doesn't sound like love to me." she said in a smug voice.
"Anko seriously! I can't just walk up to him and say 'Hey Naruto guess what! I'm in love with you!'. What if he doesn't feel the same way?"
"Well you're gonna have to do something. Otherwise i'm taking him." Anko said and walked away.
'Shit!' Kurenai thought and also walked away. Little did she know, Itachi was standing in the shadows eavesdropping on their converation.
'Interesting. Very interesting.' he thought and disappeared in a swirl of leaves.
Meanwhile somewhere in Konoha
Inuzuka Tsume was walking around looking for Kiba when she saw Naruto walking around aimlessly, deep in thought.
'Isn't that Naruto-kun?' she wondered as she walked up to him. She's had a crush on him ever since he saved her from a gang of missing-nin that were about of rape her while on a mission five months earlier. He used the S-rank Crotch Chomper on them all with out even playing 'The Game' with them. They died slowly.
"Hey." she said making him turned around "Wanna go grab a coffee with me?" she asked blushing alittle. 'No! Bad Tsume! You're a grown woman! Don't blush like a little schoolgirl!' she thought.
"Aren't you Kibas sister?" Naruto asked eyeing her closely.
"What? No! I'm his mother." she said.
"No way! You gotta be his sister! You don't look old enough to be his mother!" Naruto exclaimed making Tsume blush like mad.
"No i assure you. I am his mother." she said trying to stop blushing. "So do you wanna grab a coffee with me or not?" she asked making Naruto nod.
"Sure! It's not like i have anything else to do." he said flashing his foxy grin making Tsume, like pretty much every other woman he shows it to, weak in the knees.
"Great! Let's go, i know a great café just down the street!" she said and grabbed his arm and started pulling him towards the café.
Café
Naruto and Tsume were sitting and talking about various things. He told her about the Orioke no jutsu and she laughed and then he told her how he knocked out the Sandaime with it and they both laughed. And then on thing led to another and it ended up with them making out in an alley. And one thing led to another after that and they ended up in bed in the Inuzuka compound Where they spent thirteen hours having hot animalistic sex (I'm sorry to say this but i really suck at making lemon scenes so there will be no lemon scenes in this fic).
The next day; Inuzuka Compound
Naruto and Tsume woke up to a loud banging on the door.
"Mom! Are you awake?!" came the voice of Kiba as he opened the door "Nee-chan says that..." he said and looked up to find Naruto lieing with his arms around wrapped around Tsume. Needless to say (I seem to say that alot..), Kiba screamed and passed out on the spot. When she heard his screams his sister Hana came to see what he was screaming about and walked into the room.
"Kiba what's wro..." she started but didn't get any further as she too passed out from the shock.
"Hmm... what do we do about this?" Naruto asked.
"Let's just leave them alone and let's go get some breakfast." said Tsume as they got up and dressed and went to the kitchen to eat.
One hour later Naruto had kissed Tsume goodbye and was on his way back to the hotel when he spotted team 10, team 7, team 8 (Except Kiba) and team Gai standing outside the Ichiraku Ramen shop.
"Hey guys!" he asked walking up to them.
"Hey Naruto." said Kakashi in a lazy tone. "What're you doing up this early?"
"Oh nothing. Just heading back to the hotel." he said and smiled. The smile dropped however when he felt a huge amount of killer intent directed at him. When he turned around he saw Kiba and Akamaru charging him.
"Oh shit." he said and turned to the others. "I gotta go." he said and ran for it.
"Come back here you bastard!" Kiba yelled and stopped when the the others blocked his way.
"What's wrong Kiba?" asked Kurenai.
"I just found that asshole in bed with my mom!" Kiba yelled making everyone gasp.
"You what?" Kakashi asked in a amazed voice.
"You heard me! He fucked my mom!" Kiba yelled.
'That lucky bastard!' were the thoughts of Asuma, Gai and Kakashi.
"Oooh when i get my hands on him i'm gonna snap his neck!" yelled Kiba when he realized Naruto was long gone.
'Damnit! How am i supposed to tell him now?' were the thoughts of a disappointed Kurenai.
The hotel
When Naruto walked into his suite Itachi quickly appeared infront of him scaring him shitless.
"Christ! Will you stop doing that?!" Naruto yelled gripping his chest "You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack."
"I got news for you." Itachi said, not bothering to apologise.
"What kind of news?" Naruto asked sitting down on the couch trying to calm his raging heart down.
"It's about Kurenai-san." Itachi said also sitting down "I heard her and Anko-san talking and Kurenai-san said; and i quote: 'I can't just walk up to him and say 'Hey Naruto guess what! I'm in love with you!'. What if he doesn't feel the same way?'." He said looking indifferent as usual while Naruto was gaping. Her he was hearing that the woman he had a crush on when he was ten was in love with him.
"Oh that's just great! Couldn't you have said that before i had sex with Kibas mom?" he said and his eyes widened. "Oh SHIT! Kiba has probably told her by now!" he said as he buried his face into his hands. "What the fuck am i supposed to do?"
"Why do you care about it so much?" Itachi asked while looking curiously at Naruto.
"Because! It's Kurenai! The woman i had a huge crush on from when i was eight to eleven years old is in love with me." Naruto said in a depressed voice. "Why couldn't she tell me before i hooked up with Tsume?"
"You know. There is a way for you to be with both Tsume and Kurenai." Itachi said and Narutos head shot up. "Huh? How?" he asked frantically.
"Well... seeing as you are the last of your clan. The clan resurrection law states that you must have a harem of 4 wives minimum." Itachi explained simply. "But that law won't work until you're an official Konoha ninja."
"DUDE!! THAT'S AWESOME!!" Naruto yelled and jumped off the couch and started pumping his fists into the air. "Polygami!" he chanted over and over again and Itachi sweatdropped and disappeared in a swirl of leaves.
"What's up with you?" said Obito as he walked into the room with Sasuke.
"I'm gonna marry multiple women!" Naruto shouted while countinuing to chant "Polygami!"
"Awesome!" exclaimed Obito "Hey i thought of a great new prank A-ranked prank!" with that said Naruto stopped what he was doing and turned around.
"Ooooh? And what might that be?" he asked excitedly.
"It's basicaly the paint and stink bomb but with drywall nails thrown into the mix." Obito said with a wicked smile.
"Have you got a prototype?"
"Yup!" exclaimed Obito and held out a red fist sized ball. "This baby is packed with goodies. Paint, vomit, crap and drywall nails." he said.
"Then why don't we go test it out?" asked Naruto and they both ran out Konoha in search of some worthless missing-nin. They found one. The results were not pretty. The D-ranked missing-nin was running around in a clearing in the forest screaming in agony as his body was covered in orange paint, crap, vomit and drywall nails. the killed him shortly after to end his misery. Poor bastard.
Well... that's all for now. I gotta go to court and i wanna release this as soon as possible.
Next chapter Naruto fights Hanzo and confronts Kurenai.
vote if you want Hana or Gyokumon in the harem.
Well i gotta go!
R&R
ZnK signing out
