A/N: These last couple of parts, this one included, have been a little shorter than my norm but hopefully the story is still moving okay. Also, just a brief note because this habit I have with this one is going to get worse: rather than including all of one time in an update (a "meanwhile, back at the ranch.." sort of thing), I kind of go back and forth. So if where they're at ever seems awkward timewise, I'm sorry. I'm terrible at explaining.

Lastly, thank you to each and every one of you who replied. You made me feel a lot better for the last part and now I feel less gaggy about it. Plus, it's not happening again. We're moving on to bigger and better things.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the fantastic music in this chapter. Please don't sue me.

Songs Used: Make It Without You by Andrew Belle (from his The Ladder album) and S&M by Rhianna, which I love in spite of the fact that it makes me car dance like I'm working a pole. Or maybe I love it for that reason. Also, it refers to but doesn't quote the song that inspired the whole story, which is Replace Me by Andrew Belle (from the All Those Pretty Lights EP, even though I say this and the other are on the same album).


Chapter Seven: So Last Decade

Rachel raised her hand, lining her eyebrows with it to provide some sort of shade from the low early evening sun despite the sunglasses she had whipped out of her purse before she set foot outdoors. Kurt had told her the make and model of his car but she had somehow failed to find out the color and she was now realizing the egregiousness of her error. The sedan he drove was commonplace and she'd already walked toward no less than five of the wrong ones.

Finally, he stepped out of the driver's side, leaving the door open and standing just tall enough he could wave from about four cars behind where she was standing. Traffic was bearing down on him from behind and so as soon as he knew she'd spotted him, he got back into the car and waited for her approach before he got out again, ignoring honks and curses from passerby, to help her with the suitcase on wheels that was nearly as big as she was (and probably weighed just as much but he had no room to talk and he was only planning on staying through Tuesday).

Once they were settled in the car and out of O'Hare's ghastly interchange area, comfortably on the freeway and pointed vaguely in the direction of Ohio, he reached out to turn the radio down.

"Okay, Diva. You have got to explain this whole thing to me step-by-step. Because I'm missing some crucial information."

Rachel sighed. She knew the sunglasses were hiding her eyes, but it didn't matter. She was tired, she was still slightly hung over, and she was suffering not only from writer's remorse, but now had added bad-friend-who-asks-for-pity-sex remorse to the list.

"Okay, well..." she began, primly smoothing out the skirt on her sundress to spread down to her knees where it was supposed to go. "I'm not really sure where the beginning is so I'll just start with a few nights ago when he called me out of the blue to tell me he had recognized my voice singing on a television show soundtrack."

Kurt frowned. "He hadn't watched that?"

Rachel smirked and looked over at him. "No. Can you really see him watching that show anyway?"

Kurt made some hand gesture that kind of said she was right before he nodded.

She continued. "Well, it was a song I wrote a couple of years ago and the guy that recorded it liked it so much he asked for some other stuff for his album. So I gave him four or five other songs and he really liked them all. We worked together and changed a couple, and in the end I sang a duet for that one and backup for a couple others."

"I think I remember when that happened."

Rachel nodded. "Good. I think we talked about it a lot. Well, one of the things I didn't tell you at the time…even if you figured it out…" she dropped her voice down and looked at her lap. The fine pattern of white polka dots against dark blue dress made her eyes dance a little and she closed them. "Most of the songs were about Finn. But there's one in particular that…well, it has fingerprints of our relationship all over it. Private details and things that were said…"

"So Finn bought the album and now he's freaking out."

"I think so," she admitted. "But he hasn't been receptive to any of my communication, so I can't be positive."

"We've got to fix this," Kurt muttered.

"Well, I think maybe you should hear the song first," Rachel said. "And to that end, I have it either on compact disc or on my iPod."

Kurt laughed. "Honestly? A CD player is so last decade."

"Fine," she said, her voice short and a little pissy, as she retrieved her iPod and the cord needed to attach it to his radio from her large purse.

"And what's with the super-sized travel gear?" Kurt asked. "I seem to remember your last purse being small and gold."

Rachel sent him a withering glare. "If you would come to New York once a year, you would know how I'm accessorizing. Since you refuse to travel to me, you do not get to comment."

"Oh, the hell I don't!"

"Well, maybe when Finn rejects me, I'll let you take me for retail therapy."

"Rejects you?" Kurt asked slowly. "What makes you think he would… are you trying to break him and Quinn up?"

While Kurt was fumbling his way through the question, Rachel had attached her iPod and was spinning her thumb around the wheel to settle on the proper album. She clicked a couple of times.

"Waiting for an answer here and I'm not getting any younger."

Rachel looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. "I thought your new eye treatment promised exactly that."

Kurt flicked an annoyed glance her way as she finally shot her hand out for the volume on the radio. She overshot it and the noise visibly startled them both before she turned it back to a more reasonable level. Kurt listened through once and then with a flick of the wrist signaled she should play it again.

When she turned the volume down, he looked over at her as much as he could as he continued driving. "So okay, I've heard the song. What is it that Finn would've heard?"

Rachel sniffled a little bit. Remembering their shared history, hers and Finn's, was so bittersweet. She had honestly thought they would be together and things would be completely different at this point. She had never factored in that he might've actively chosen to end up where he had.

"There's Kleenex in the glove compartment," Kurt mumbled, his tone low and slow. "Please don't get snot all over my new car."

Rachel laughed a little as she followed his directions and retrieved a Kleenex even as she resisted the urge to point out that his car was over a year old and she had ridden in it before. She rested her sunglasses on her head then dried her cheeks and swiped at her nose before she spoke.

"Finn would've heard a lot of secrets being spilled very openly. And even though no one else would know what he heard, I'm guessing it didn't stop him from being angry."

"Like what?" Kurt whispered. There was a delicate balance here. He didn't want to seem too eager for the gossip—but at the same time, he totally wanted it.

Rachel sighed and decided to just be as blunt as possible. Honestly, it wasn't going to matter now, years later, was it? Besides, in Finn's eyes, she had already outed a lot of things about them. "Did you know that me and Finn had sex?"

"What?" He gasped out. "When did this happen?"

She swallowed hard and sniffled again before she remembered his proviso and the Kleenex. "More than once," she said simply.

"Okay, really? How did…I'm pretty sure no one knows about that. That's huge."

"I'm pretty sure you're right," she agreed. She sniffled. "The last time was the last time I was home. I was at your house when he came home from school to pack up before he moved into the apartment in Columbus." She exhaled a shaky breath before she continued. "I told him that I wanted him to come with me and we could figure out everything else. In the end, though, he went to start teaching and I got that part with Broadway Across America so I just left."

"That's got to be the saddest thing I've ever heard."

Rachel sighed again and pulled her iPod up a little higher so she could see what she was doing. She skipped a couple of songs, hit play, and then turned the volume up a little more without another word.

This is the starting of my greatest fear. I'm all packed up, getting out of here. Then you call and tell me not to go... that I'm the one who put the rock and roll in your life. This is the starting of a brand new day, never liked this town much anyway. I need the city like I need the rain…

As Kurt listened to the slow, slightly out of tune piano and the scratchy, soulful voice, he looked over at Rachel. Her head was turned but he could tell by her breathing that she was crying again. She had her hand to her mouth. He guided the car slowly to the side of the road and slid the gear into 'park' before he turned to take her hand.

"What happened?" He whispered, dragging his thumb over the back of her tiny hand. He would have to be an idiot (or Finn and totally blinded by his own feelings) not to see how affected she was by everything, even with years in between to dilute it all.

Her next inhale was shaky, but deep, and she turned to look at him. "He-he showed up the last night after…before I left to go to LA." She inhaled again and her voice seemed a little stronger even if the volume was lower. "That was the first time." She blinked and the standing water in her eyes slid down her cheeks in neat trails. "He asked me not to go. He told me he really loved me and he was stupid and that I was the best thing—the only thing that mattered to him."

"And you left anyway," Kurt said softly. It just…it explained so much.

"I was so scared," she said. She squeezed her eyes shut tight. "I thought I was choosing between him and the only life I wanted. I was not old enough for that choice and I don't think he meant it to sound so..so…emotionally manipulative. I'm not sure if he came over intending to..well…take my virginity."

Kurt sighed. The wheels in his head were spinning. "When did you talk to him again?"

The slow, sad song was fading in the background as she stopped to think for a second. "Not 'til after school started back up. I spent most of the summer locked in a room trying to write and…" her voice dropped. "I couldn't talk to him if I wanted to keep any of the focus I had left."

"He spent most of that summer in his room," Kurt said quietly. "He only came out when we made him or when he was working lots of crazy hours. I think he was pretty devastated and honestly? I don't think he was the same for a long, long time. If he's ever been the same."

"I know I never was," she said. "But it wasn't just the physical act. We made so many promises to each other. And it's all right there in that song. What if he never talks to me again?"

Kurt sighed before he turned to face forward and put the car in drive again. By leaving straight from the airport, they had guaranteed they wouldn't be in Lima until well after eleven p.m. They couldn't necessarily afford major stops on the way if they were going to get any sleep. Once he realized she probably wasn't going to leap from the moving vehicle (he wouldn't put it past her and her flair for the overdramatic), he eased the vehicle back out onto the road.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about there. You've made him way madder before than he probably is now. And he didn't sound angry when I talked to him." Kurt looked at her and then back to the road. She was hanging off his every word. "He sounded lost. Confused. And maybe a little bit like he did that first summer you were gone."

Rachel opened her mouth to reply, but the soft song had faded and neither of them realized how far the volume had been turned up until -

La la la come on! La la la come on!

They both startled visibly and truth be told, Kurt just about jerked the wheel and sent the car into the concrete barrier. Once the shock wore off, they laughed in unison.

Feels so good being bad … there's no way I'm turning back….

'Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it. Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me.

Rachel, for her part, was grateful to be relieved of the burden of confession and remembrance and shook off her melancholy quickly. Kurt was glad he could sing along to the vulgar lyrics and try to forget what she'd said for the time being and how screwed up he had just realized they totally were.

Well, okay, he wasn't going to forget it exactly, but he needed time to let it marinate before he would have any hope of a proper reaction. The right answer to all these questions would be absolutely crucial.

"You know, Diva…I'm not sure you could've pulled this song off in high school." He reached out and turned the volume down just enough they could comfortably talk at least.

"I'm not sure I could've pulled off this road trip in high school," she said appreciatively.

"Why did we hate each other again?" Kurt asked slowly.

"Solos," Rachel said. They glanced at each other and laughed as they simultaneously said "Finn crush."

I love the feeling you bring to me, oh, you turn me on..

Rachel couldn't help it; she had to dance to the part of the song that was playing. Kurt kind of wished he could've persuaded her to stay in Chicago for an extra night so they could've gone out. They hadn't truly been out with one another since he'd been in college in New York. Given her mastery of the naughty lyrics, he thought going out would be fun.

And if he persuaded her to go to a gay bar, which hadn't always taken a lot of work, there was at least the chance he would meet someone…and that reminded him of another conversation. He turned the music down a little more in preparation to pry details out of her.

"So, Rachel, what's up with you and Cooper?"

Rachel sighed. "Cooper is just my friend."

Kurt raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, except for my ears do not deceive me. My hearing is actually quite perfect."

She dropped her sunglasses back over her eyes, relieved the crying was probably over, even though the sky was starting to darken down for the night. "He's my gifted friend."

"Oh my God!" Kurt yelled. "Gross!"

"Well…" she said with a shrug.

"Rachel!"

"Look, he's just my friend, okay?" She shot him a wary glance, but it was hidden behind her dark sunglasses. "He was doing me a favor."

Kurt snorted. "Sounded like it. Maybe a couple of favors."

She threw something at him. He thought it might've been her used Kleenex. He wasn't thinking about it any further and she was so detailing his car in Lima if that was how this would be played.

But really, the wheels were already turning. Rachel had haltingly filled in so many blanks for him-enough that he at least had an outline and could try to make a game plan. Finn's behavior had never been exactly predictable, but their senior year of high school had been so much worse than normal. It was true that Rachel's absence was an easily recognizable factor, but the changes in him had lasted so much longer than expected. In fact, although it was true Finn was kind of guarded about his love life, they had wondered if he dated at all before he told the family he'd asked Quinn to move in with him. It was kind of good in a way because it let them mask their horror with their surprise.

So what kind of promises had they made—Finn and Rachel? And had the promises actually been broken? Or were they still just promises left dangling without a happy ending? There was no way they would've promised each other different cities, different jobs, different lives. There had to be something about being together in there, so Kurt had to assume they were still feeling the weight of those promises as though they had been broken. He could tell just by listening to Finn the other night and then listening to Rachel today that they both currently existed in some weird space. It was the place that existed in between potential and actual. Kurt wondered if he was one of just a few people who could get them out of that space and into something more real…more permanent. Maybe they'd just forgotten how to take the next step.

If there was anything he was ever good at it, it was giving a little push.