Awakening 2.0
Awareness came slowly, like awakening from a very deep sleep Sarah groggily clawed into reality. She could smell nature and felt a light breeze as it danced gently along her arms. She was somewhere outside. The scent of greens, grass and tree bark and the trickling of water somewhere nearby tickled at her senses.
Where was she? What the hell had happened? Her head felt very weird, a little bit large and fuzzy, tender like the feeling that follows a migraine. She opened her eyes as gradually as she could, expecting those to be extra sensitive as well, though was relieved when they were not. They seemed to be ok, even as she glimpsed the bright sunlight glistening on the stream just down the hill.
It was a beautiful day.
It looked like the park, her park, which was surprising. She'd almost expected to see some part of the Labyrinth again. There was no storm in sight.
Sitting up gingerly Sarah felt better than she expected. Whatever had happened, at least it hadn't killed her, which had been the most terrifying possibility. A little head rush passed quickly, and her hand went to her forehead. That automatic gesture for checking yourself over. Ingrained from childhood when parents check on the health of their child. As usual Sarah feared for her health, physically and mentally just like all the other times she'd had a confrontation with him.
But it didn't have the desired effect, something wasn't quite right. Her head was weird, felt a bit off somehow. Whatever mindfuck J had played this time was a doozy. She was vaguely aware of that spark of anger igniting once more. Burning away at her from the inside.
Breathe Sarah, remember the breathing techniques, don't let him do this to you.
Was that it? Had she got so wound up it had triggered a panic attack? Maybe collapsed? But what about now, what was going on?
Why did her head, face too feel weird, like they didn't even belong to her?
And then she saw it.
She held out her arms and stared at their size in horror. She slowly turned her hands around for a different perspective. Desperately hoping for a rational explanation as she gave them a further inspection.
They looked tiny.
She blinked slowly a couple of times hoping to clear the image her eyes were surely misrepresenting. If only they were wrong now. But they were never playing tricks. How many times had she been told her eyesight was perfect?
Damn him.
Had he done something even worse this time, was she an effing Borrower now or what?!
She gave no more thought to the fact that she continued to cast him as the villain, the evil to her effortless protagonist.
And then she looked down, and Sarah knew the truth very suddenly, so clearly it was almost painful. She felt hot tears prickling behind the vision. Her heart hammered, and her stomach clenched, a vague nausea rising fast.
No, not exactly a small person.
She stood up though immediately leaned against the tree; its beautiful age-old sinews lending her the support she desperately needed both morally and physically. She had loved this tree from childhood.
It was the dress that gave it all away. Gut-wrenchingly obvious now, there was really no mistaking it.
She knew.
Sarah was wearing a cornflower blue and white Victorian style floral patterned dress and pinafore. Her mother had brought it home from a fancy period costume shop in London.
It had been her favourite when she was eight-years-old.
"No."
It was a half whispered half breathed prayer to no one.
"No, no."
Shaking her head furiously, but it was in vain.
And there it was, the small childish voice issuing from her throat and sounding all kinds of wrong. It was simply the truth spoken aloud, made real. But the young voice sounded sad, it sounded awful.
This couldn't be real. A dream maybe, a horrible terrible dream.
But Sarah, surely if this was a dream you would be playing, doing something other than talking to yourself in the park in a precarious state of mind? The traitorous voice echoed in her mind. You would be playing.
Oh whatever, it's nothing but a silly nightmare then.
She closed her eyes hoping to end the wretched vision. But her senses were now in overdrive.
The smell of the grass, the chirp of the birds, the dappled warmth of the sunlight filtered through the leaves above her to rest on her brow. And then the breeze shifted them, and the light danced around again.
It would have been a beautiful day.
Opening her eyes changed nothing.
It was beautiful, and it was staggering.
The colours were back, she could see them all.
How the hell had this happened?
J, her mind whispered automatically. It was an easy assumption. She so often blamed him for injustices, downfalls, the general greyness and all her bad days.
But something niggled. His face came back to her then, from those last few moments. He had looked almost afraid. But what did the mighty Goblin King have to fear?
She didn't know.
He didn't know.
And maybe that was it. It wasn't him, and he hadn't known. And then there were those three words…
She remembered that strange feeling, how the atmosphere had crackled with that weird energy.
And her head and waking up now.
Words from that troublesome red book seemed to pop into her mind's eye.
"What no one knew…was that the King of the Goblins had fallen in love with the girl…
…and he had given her certain powers."
A cold laugh burst from her mouth, a horrible sound to hear from a child.
The whole ridiculous tale was nothing but a joke.
Sarah sat down with an undignified thump just under the tree. That had also been a favourite. She seethed anew and began pulling at the grass in a rough antagonised way, great handfuls over and over.
Where was J now?
As usual she was careful to restrict the use of his name lest it summon him. A new fear rose, it was her park, she knew this place, where was he? Or anyone? It was quite deserted of people.
How was she going to explain any of this to her family?
She held her head in her hands and to begin with she didn't hear anything. But then a very faint noise, then a voice, it was light, pretty. Sarah knew that voice.
And then the source of said voice appeared, walking around the far shrubbery border and Sarah worked hard to restrain her raw emotional reaction.
"Oh, there you are poppet, you didn't answer." The woman smiled, relieved to have found her, and Sarah found herself staring into a face she knew so well, but one that had not known her at all in recent years.
Her mother smiled again.
"Are you having fun?"
Sarah tried to say something, but nothing came out. She managed a small nod instead.
What the hell was going on?
The beginnings of a new realisation were breaking forth. It wasn't just her?
"Are you ok sweetheart?" Her mom asked anew, but this time Sarah couldn't control herself. She flung herself into her mother's arms and held her tight.
The cynic in her own head told her this woman was no mother to her and hadn't been for a long time. But when confronted with this kind faced younger incarnation, so far removed from the real thing, Sarah just couldn't stop herself.
"You ready to go home sweetie?" She asked, starting to stand up, brushing the barely visible grass off her skirt.
Sarah shook her head, no matter who she was or how lovely she seemed, Sarah wasn't yet able to commit to going anywhere with the woman in front of her.
She needed time to think, and then a small flutter of something just above them caught in the edge of her peripheral vision.
Oh, good grief, already? Well that answered her earlier question.
She supposed there was no avoiding it, and if she wanted answers, he just might be able to provide them.
"No, I'm ok…Mom. Just a few more minutes."
"Ok if you're sure,"
She watched as Linda gave her a slightly thoughtful look and a small smile and wandered back to wherever she had been on the other side of the park.
Sarah twisted in her position and peered upwards into the expanse of the tree. From the branches above her a familiar looking owl was watching her with sharp intensity.
She supposed that it was time to face the music.
"You might as well come down you know, she's gone, and we need to talk…"
Sarah heard her childish voice again and it was an uncomfortable sensation. When she considered that it was connected to her mind which was still operating under the control of her twenty-one-year-old self it just seemed disturbing and wrong.
There was a flurry of movement, white wings were spread wide before her, and then gone in the next moment. Once more she was presented with the Goblin King. He was in his more recognisable attire, from tight breeches and shining amulet, to wild hair and eyes full of intensity and meaning. He stood before her surveying her with all the resignation of a tolerant elder.
Such intense scrutiny was too hard to deal with and Sarah looked down, knowing that she was feeling guilt for the first time in a while; and rightly so.
He pursed his lips and found himself feeling more sorry and sympathetic than angry and aggrieved. But he still couldn't resist his predictable pose, his hands-on hips, this time whispering,
"Well, well, well, what have we here?"
Her eyes shot up to search his for the retribution she was expecting, but there was nothing there like the fury she had predicted.
His expression was almost kind, they were almost relaxed, his features the softest she had ever seen them. Most of all he looked a bit sad.
Despite all that she was unable to restrain herself from opening her side of the conversation with a sharp,
"You just can't help yourself, can you? Go on, how about a step further, say I told you so."
She said this quietly which was somewhat at odds with the antagonism of her words. An errant tear ran down her cheek and fell onto the pretty fabric of her dress. She looked away again, not able to bear eye-contact.
Jareth for his part felt torn in two. He wanted nothing more than to comfort Sarah but was as aware as ever of his last attempt to do so and the reaction that it had brought from her. He settled for a quiet chuckle which seemed to shock her further,
"You were always a spirited child, even when faced with significant odds. And no, I will not. You appear to be doing a grand enough job there for both of us. I gather you have realised what has happened?"
She nodded slowly,
"It's a little hard to miss it." She replied tartly. She sounded like such a rude and naughty child.
She just couldn't let go of her residual hostile feelings towards him. She'd have to work on that. She sighed, suddenly exhausted and depressed. She was just beginning to realise the implications of losing a lifetime.
He could see that she was experiencing some understandable inner turmoil and since he didn't want to cause further resentment, he kept his responses neutral.
"Indeed," He said softly, crouching down to her level at the base of the great oak.
This time she did not shy away when he looked directly into her eyes. They held no mirth, no animosity and no judgement. It was quite a startling revelation.
"So," She began, hesitant to put a voice to some of the questions running wild through her head.
"Do you know exactly what, when, we are? Have we…gone back in time?"
She barely whispered the last part. She wasn't sure if the confirmation was better or worse than some other explanation.
"Yes Sarah," He barely breathed this, "You are right,"
She drew in a sharp breath, though she had already known the answer.
"Did…how did this happen?" Her voice began to waver again.
"I think you already know, I assure you that it was not anything to do with me."
"I'm not sure if that's reassuring or not, at least I know where I stand where you are concerned,"
At this is seemed to grumble to himself and look away,
"Do you?"
He let the question hang open-ended in the air and she chose to ignore it. He had a brilliant way of complicating matters.
"Was it me? How could I do this?"
He gave her a pointed look.
"You gave me powers." This time there was accusation in her tone.
Fair enough.
"Ah as to that, my involvement was indirect. I gifted you with a little something a long time ago. I have no idea when it increased so exponentially or how you did what you did today, or not today…"
This play on words momentarily amused him, but then his eyes turned serious again.
"It was a monumental bit of magic." He told her.
"But how could it be? I didn't mean to do anything!" She exclaimed again.
"And I thought you knew better than to make wishes, so I don't understand."
"Obviously neither do I, or I do; the anger, and you, it was always too much. It was like it came alive," She admitted, feeling uncomfortable, it felt like an intimate revelation.
"Yes, it did,"
"And it brought us…here. It took everyone back?"
He tipped his head to the side,
"We have simply moved on to a different point, technically no one else has moved back, not exactly, except us, in a way,"
He shrugged in a way that said none of this was precise, nothing exact, it just was.
"And they, don't remember? My Mom just then, she was just how she used to be…?"
She trailed off, her eyes lingering in the direction of her mother's apparition.
"No, they won't remember anything because they haven't lived it yet, only those beings with certain abilities will know what has happened, even fewer will know why which is just as well. I don't doubt there will be consequences."
Sarah was startled and a little worried by this. Oh hell. She shivered as much from the anxiety as the gust of wind now blowing around them.
And then another thing began to stare her in the face, it took a few more moments before she could find the words. He seemed content to wait. Who knew he was this patient?
"So, tell me, we're here in this precise moment because…?" She prodded.
He gave her a quizzical look then, it was almost comical.
"Obviously because you wished us here,"
"To a time before we met?"
Ahh there it was, he'd been anxious about the rising force of this particular subject.
"Yes dearest,"
"Why didn't it take us back to that bratty teenager?" She cocked her head then, the comical puzzled expression on her childish face would have been very amusing in other circumstances.
"You do not remember?" He made a show of sighing and looking disappointed.
Sarah searched her memories for any sign that she'd met Jareth earlier than she had previously thought but came up empty. That was until the flutter of his wispy blonde locks waved in the breeze, it reminded her of his snowy wings and then she found it. Her mouth fell open.
"Not the owl?" She asked, disbelief clear on her face.
He laughed out loud, she did too.
"No way it, you were there all the time! Shouldn't you have been carrying out your Kingly duties? Why the hell would you want to keep a little girl company?"
He was surprised that her voice held very little animosity.
"Isn't that a good question?"
Sarah raised a small eyebrow, he would have to do better than that.
"You watched me, why?"
When he answered he sounded like he was far away, imagining somewhere else, another life.
"Because you were you Sarah. It was your fanciful nature. Your belief was like a beacon of light in a grey, industrialised and increasingly technology driven world. You also had the book which I hadn't seen for decades. It comes and goes as it pleases, or as it pleases the Labyrinth, and presents itself to those it deems appropriate. It makes its way into their hands in any number of different ways. You were happy then, and I, a lonely and somewhat discordant creature was fascinated just to see you act, play and believe in us. Belief has always helped fuel our power."
"Our power? The fae?" Sarah asked, finally able to ask the question directly, she had wondered for years.
"Yes, we are fae," He glanced at her and away again, "You have probably read more truth about us than fiction. Our realms were much closer once, the portals were open, trade and people moved between them easily. There are many stories, legends, because we existed here just as your ancestors did. Some of them are more palatable than others."
He made a face at this, as if something had left a disagreeable taste in his mouth,
"But every world has a history that many wish it did not, that is how we learn. Sometimes."
Sarah nodded, slowly digesting this information, gazing towards the thickly wooded area, just to their right, marvelling at the colours, the smells, the way the heavily laden boughs and leaves swayed and danced as the wind moved around them.
"Trying to get my head around this whole mess is going to give me a sore head for a week. That and working out how to act like I'm a normal eight-year-old for goodness sake." She said, he nodded, she carried on, "but my head feels so normal. It doesn't hurt, and I can see, really see. It's amazing,"
Another tear escaped, but this time it was full of joy.
"I definitely took it for granted before."
She smiled, feeling sheepish,
"I wouldn't have chosen to be here again, but if I'm going to have to find ways to appreciate being eight again… Friggin eight years old Jareth!"
"Mind your language dear," He admonished gently, smiling though, because this was Sarah in control.
"Ha! That was toned down for my own delicate baby ears."
But her ever mercurial temperament was still at work here.
"This is crazy, I mean, I thought I knew what crazy was but noooooo this is absolutely insane."
"I understand," He replied nodding.
That's when the cracks began to show, and she began to spiral again.
"How could you possibly understand what this feels like? Has someone pressed rewind on your life so that you now resemble a child? What is thirteen years between fae? Like a drop in the ocean I imagine?! Ridiculous!"
She shook her head, her temper rising again, unbidden.
"Calm yourself Sarah, try deep breaths. I think we need to work on your anger and control before you do something else you don't mean to do,"
She shook her head, in way of denial, ignoring the tingles that were travelling along her exposed skin again.
"Can't you do something? Anything?" Her eyes belaying her sudden desperation. "Poof, magic, crystals, whatever, and all sorted?"
He shook his head sadly,
"Unfortunately, distorting or folding time is a serious business. Besides which I believe you have locked whatever you did, I can't unlock it. No one could change it without a good deal of effort, control and power. It would take years."
She harrumphed and folded her arms. To any outsider she would look like any eight-year-old having a sulk because she did not get her own way. She tried a different angle,
"How is it that I can have powers when you had not yet given them to me, not yet anyway?"
He hummed, "Time is a difficult mistress, it isn't categorical, or linear. It flows in all directions as you've discovered. You have found your twenty-one-year-old mind melded with your younger self which was no mean feat. You did this with no small amount of power, more than I gave you I must admit."
This startled her.
"So, the answer is that you've brought it with you, in a manner of speaking."
"Are you sure?"
He reached out with his power to search her aura and nodded,
"Yes, I can see it…can't you feel something? Particularly when you get cross with me?"
Sarah looked away, unable to own the admission.
"Maybe,"
He glanced up, looking past Sarah,
"She's coming, I must go, and so must you,"
He regretted having to leave her but there was no other way. He had things to attend to in his kingdom, probably for the second time. And she had to go home and face the new reality she had created.
"Wait don't leave me here!"
Her young voice made this plea sound quite pathetic. It tugged at the hardened heart of the king.
"What if I need something? Or do something?" This time she sounded frightened as well.
He smiled despite the situation,
"If you have need of me, I am only a word away."
In another glittery second, he was gone. And Sarah was left to the mercies of a mother she didn't quite trust and a childhood she had long left behind.
This would take some serious adjustment.
That felt a long time coming! She has got herself in a pickle!
B x
