And unto you the reader comes chapter seven of Naruto Game of the Year Edition

MHX gets up clearing blood from his face stumbles forward.

Normal speech "Your a tough one Nazi boy because I'm an idiot."

Thoughts/normal writing 'Yeah because I can turn the law back on.'

Greater being/game writing "Shite" Hitler exclaimed with sigh.

Techniques: Law reactivation A bright light flashes and Hitler becomes a cockroach then is stomped by the Monty Python foot.

Well that's that now to give Murphy his eyes back.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Wave Arc Part One that is Given the Half Assed Title
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Whoo! That was impressive, even for me!" Naruto smirked as he lay down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. "I took down a Jounin without throwing a single punch or using a single Jutsu. That's gonna be brag-worthy for YEARS." Black words flashed in front of his face. "Really? Upgrades, now?"

Boss fight completed! 'Kakashi: pass team seven'! The words scrawled. Trap skill: +4! Agility: +2! Experience gained: 343! Naruto blinked as the enhancements slammed into his frame.

"Hello, that's new. Experience?"

Level up! Level 4! A chibi figure of Naruto formed in the air, dancing a happy dance in the air.

Stats gained:

Strength: +8!

Intelligence: +5!

Chakra: +11!

Control: +5!

Bonus: Agility: +5!

Bonus: Charisma: +4!

Bonus: Endurance: +5!

Naruto winced as the mass of enhancements slammed once again into him. "Oh, wow. That one actually stung a bit. So, it's really like a video game, where the main character levels up. I'm not quite sure what to make of that. I just wish I knew the logic behind all the leveling stuff." He shrugged. "But oh well! Anything that makes me stronger is okay in my book!" he went to lie down onto his bed and go to sleep…

Before waking right up again and running into the kitchen, reaching into the freezer for ice. "Dear god, that fishing line hurt like hell! Man, my fingers are gonna hurt forever after that!!"

'Then why'd you use it? Use your regular ninja wire, or whatever the hell it's called.'Naruto shook his head.

"Uh-uh. Couple problems with that. One, ninja wire is metal, so it'd shine in the sun. Kakashi would've been able to spot that, and my traps would be nullified. Two, ninja wire is primarily made to cut stuff, and I'd rather have my hand in one piece, thank you very much. I still need it."

'Oh? Need it for BIG, IMPORTANT things, hmm?'Kyuubi leered. Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Not like that, you perv. How am I supposed to do Jutsu sans a hand?"

'What do you mean, perv? I said nothing of the sort, YOU filled in the blank!' Kyuubi cackled. Naruto rolled his eyes again.

"You'd like me to think that, wouldn't you? Three, ninja wire is slightly grooved, so that people can't just wriggle out of it. Fishing line, however, isn't. Therefore, if Kakashi gets too out of range for one of my traps, I just slip it off and go find another that I've set up somewhere!" Naruto smirked. "Besides, fishing line is cheap. Do you see how expensive it is for a foot of ninja wire? I'd break my already fragile bank trying to get supplies!"

'Whatever.'And Kyuubi fell silent. Naruto hissed as the cold ice touched his reddened skin.

"Damn! That stings!"


"Alpha team, are you in position?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Hn."

"I'm in position. Sir, I can take the shot now! I can take out the target!!"

"Negative! Do not take the shot! Our target's skittish, if it thinks that you're-"

"ALRIGHT, CHUMS, LET'S DO THIS!!!! NARUTOOOOO UZUMAAAAAAKIIIIIII!!!!" Kakashi ripped off his headset and leaped forward.

"God dammit, Naruto!!"

"HOLD STILL, YOU DAMN CAT!!!" the blonde screamed as Tora the cat writhed and clawed at his face. "AAAAAAH!!! NOT THE FACE NOT THE FACE!!!!" Kakashi sighed.

"Ribbon on the left ear?"

"Yes, sensei!" Sakura replied, staring at the spectacle with amusement. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Okay, then. 'Capture missing pet Tora' completed."


"Tora-chan!! I'm so glad you came home!! Mommy's been so worried about you!!" the fire daimyo's wife cooed as she (in Naruto's eyes) tried to strangle her returned cat. Tora merely yowled like it was on fire.

"That's it, come on… squeeeeeeeze… just a little tighter…" Naruto growled, making choking motions in the air. Sakura watched with horrified fascination. Sasuke just didn't care.

"Congratulations, team seven. Your mission is complete. Your next mission is to help an elderly couple refloor their home, pick potato plants…"

CRASH!!! "TORA-CHAN!!!"

"… and capture the daimyo's wife's cat." He finished. Naruto screamed.

"HELL NO!!!" he made an X motion in the air. "If I have to hunt down that damn cat one more time, someone's gonna lose an eye! Dammit, old man! Give us something bigger to do! Protecting a beautiful princess, killing an enemy lord, SOMETHING better than picking potatoes for old people!!!" the Hokage, as well as the rest of the people in the room, widened their eyes.

"Idiot!! You're just rookies!" Iruka shouted. "You've got to do the menial stuff and work your way up the ranks!" Naruto shook his head.

"We've done four straight weeks of this illegal immigrant jobs crap, so dammit, I want something bigger! A C-rank at least! Something that involves NOT having a cat tearing my face off!!" Sarutobi chuckled softly.

"Tora is still that feisty, eh?"

"Hell yes!! The thing hates me, and the feeling's mutual!!" Naruto glared at the door, as if expecting the demon cat to come barreling in to attack. The third Hokage sighed.

"Very well. Since I know how bad Tora is…" Naruto looked at him incredulously. "That thing's grandmother was just as much a pain in the ass as it was. I should know, I've got the scars to prove it."

"It runs in the family…?" Naruto whispered.

"I'm willing to give team seven a C-rank mission." Sakura and Naruto whooped. Sasuke smirked. Kakashi sighed.

'I am SO going to get yelled at for this later…'

"So what is it!? Assassination!? Espionage?!" he cried out, although he already had a good idea what it was going to be.

"Protection detail. I'll introduce the client right now." The door slid open, and Tazuna wobbled in, a half-empty beer bottle hanging from his grip.

"These runts are going to protect me?" he slurred. Naruto rolled his eyes.

"A drunk old man...? Oh well, you have to start small, I guess."

"You're one to talk about starting small, runt." Tazuna leered. Naruto twitched. "Are you sure these kids are ninja?"

"Oh, I'm pretty sure we're ninja." Naruto smirked. A kunai settled against the bridge-builder's Adam's apple. The clone grinned.

"Because if I wasn't being on the clock right now, you would be one head shorter for insulting us." The clone whispered in his ear. 'I wouldn't actually do it, but he doesn't know that.' Tazuna turned as pale as a sheet as all of the room's inhabitants flinched.

'When did he…!?' Sakura gasped.

'I didn't see him do any seals…!' Sasuke glared.

'Yeah, I'm DEFINITELY getting yelled at for this later…' Kakashi groaned inwardly. the Bunshin dropped to the ground and walked out the door as the original walked away whistling.

'Looks like they don't realize that hand seals can be discreet.' Naruto smirked. 'For ninjas, we seem to be doing a lot of non-ninja stuff. What's with that, anyways?' he shrugged as he walked off whistling, towards the ramen restaurant he held so near and dear.


"Alright, people, let's move it!! Bandits love sitting targets, keep moving, keep watching, keep protecting!!" Naruto cheered as he strolled energetically out of the city gates. Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Why are you so energetic, anyway…?" Naruto grinned.

"Because! It's our first C-rank! Why WOULDN'T I be excited? Besides, I've heard from quite a few people that the countryside in wave in quite beautiful during this time of year! Ain't that right, old man?" Tazuna nodded.

"That's right. But how the heck do you know that? Ga… gaining access to that information, you must know someone who's been there! But nobody's left wave country for a long time!" Tazuna verbally tripped as he vainly tried to cover his slip. Naruto, however, caught it instantly.

"Oh, I have a few friends who have been there." Kakashi's eyes narrowed.

'Bullshit. I can count the number of people who will even talk to him halfway-decently on one hand, much less be a friend to him. And none of them, save maybe the Hokage, would have the power to go to wave. What are you hiding, Naruto?' Naruto punched forward, comically peering around in search for 'bandits'. His real target, however, was much more real.

'Alright, I'm not letting those mist bastards get a jump on me again! Where were they hiding before? Something that stands out, something that doesn't fit… a tree that doesn't grow here, an animal that doesn't exist, foliage that's the wrong- THERE!!' he smirked in triumph as he stared at the puddle on the side of the road. 'Found you!! Why the hell is there a puddle when it hasn't rained in days!? It's GOTTA be them!!' he slowed his pace down until he was shoulder to shoulder with his sensei. "You see them?" Kakashi blinked, before eye-smiling.

"Oh, you spotted them? Good work, Naruto! I would've thought Sasuke would be the one to catch that." Naruto has to rapidly repress the urge to sock Kakashi in the face.

"Do we expose them?"

"No, we let them be. We have to figure out what they're after." Naruto shrugged.

"Isn't that a bit dangerous to do, seeing as how you've got an elderly civilian and three fresh-out-of-the-academy Genin? Someone could get seriously hurt." Kakashi patted him on the back.

"Well, you were able to fight me to a draw, weren't you? You can easily handle them with the other's help." Naruto grinned, in order to hide the rapidly growing blush of embarrassment.

"Okay, then!"

"Make sure the others don't get hurt." And the Jounin was promptly ripped to shreds. Naruto reacted immediately by whipping out two kunai to block the Demon Brother's gauntlets.

"One down." The eldest rasped through his air tank. Naruto grimaced as he leaped away.

"Sasuke!! Watch out for their gauntlets! They're poisoned!" Sasuke blinked and nodded. "Then get in here and HELP!!" Sasuke whipped out a pair of shuriken and leaped into the air, using Naruto's back as a springboard. With a vicious flick of the wrist, the chain was stuck to the tree, completely immobile. With a grunt of displeasure, the two brothers snapped the chain away from their claws. The Uchiha drew a pair of kunai, and, holding them in a reverse-grip, charged the eldest brother. Naruto grinned and settled into an odd fighting stance. Sakura blinked.

"Huh? I've never seen a stance like that before…" Naruto grinned.

"Let's get wild!!" with that, he charged. He quickly leaped into the air and rapidly kicked at the assassin's head. When he ducked under, he whirled around mid-air and punted him in the back. With a garbled cry, he slammed into the dirt. Naruto gave him three aerial kicks in rapid succession to his head to insure his unconsciousness before dropping to the ground. Naruto smirked. "Too easy. You holding up there, Sasuke?"

"Kinda busy right now!!" the boy ground out as he leaped out from a lunge from the demon brother.

"Want some help?"

"I can handle this on my own!!" he growled as he chucked one of his two kunai at his face. The assassin merely ducked to the side and swiped at his face.

"You know, you COULD use Jutsu." Naruto suggested as he pulled the spiked chain out of the tree, wrapping it tightly. 'This chain could be useful later. I'll hang on to it. Besides, if I have it, then nobody else does.' Sasuke's eyes widened, before flipping through three seals.

"Katon! Goukyaku no Jutsu!" Sasuke blew a giant fireball directly into the face of the surprised Demon Brother. Without any time to dodge, he took the fireball directly to the face. With an agonized scream, he collapsed to the ground, skin flaking off from his face. Sasuke breathed a sigh of relief. "Did we win?"

"Yeah. I finished my guy a bit before you did."

"Thanks. For the advice, I mean."

"No problem!"

"Well! I'm surprised! I thought I would have to step in at least once!" Kakashi announced as he dropped from the canopy. "But you guys handled them well on your own! I'm proud of you two." Naruto and Sasuke laughed and smirked triumphantly, respectively. "And Sakura?" Sakura stiffened. "Good job guarding Tazuna. One of the assassins could have slipped through and gone for the client." Sakura relaxed.

"Thank you, sensei!" Naruto rolled his eyes.

'Bullshit. She was scared stiff, and he knows it. Then again, I shouldn't be the one to point fingers, since I was exactly the same way.' Naruto felt himself grow surprised at his critical analysis of Sakura. 'Hmm… gonna have to think about that once the mission is done.' Kakashi turned to the incapacitated brothers. Or, more specifically, their scratched out headbands.

"Of course, this just confirms my suspicions. These two are missing-nin."

"More specifically, mist missing-nin." Naruto interrupted, stuffing the now pocket-sized chain into a breast pocket. "And no missing-nin out there is stupid enough to attack passerby right next to any village even remotely friendly with mist. Therefore, these guys had a paycheck, and they had a target." Kakashi sweat-dropped.

"Oi, oi, oi. I don't remember handing the reins over to you…" He turned to Tazuna, who was visibly nervous. "But he has a point. Tazuna…" The bridge builder gulped audibly. "You have a lot of explaining to do."


"Man! This fog is thick as pea soup!" Naruto exclaimed as he waved a hand in the 'pea-soup' fog experimentally. "I can barely see the hand in front of my face!"

"Quiet! Are you trying to draw attention to us!?" the rower hissed. "Why do you think we're not using the motor, huh?" Naruto frowned and sat back down in the cramped boat.

"Fine." He pouted. Inwardly, though, his mind was in turmoil. 'Zabuza… and Haku… what am I supposed to do about them? They're trying to kill us, but they're good people… what do I do? Do I let things go like they did before, or do I try and save them somehow…?' with a jerk and a bump, the boat docked against the pier. Team 7 plus Tazuna stepped onto the ground.

"You take super good care of yourself, alright? Don't let Gato's men find you!" The bridge builder told the ferryman. He nodded and began rowing away to the other side. Naruto twirled a kunai in his hand absently, taking point as they walked into the forest.

"Alright guys, we know there are ninjas now. More likely than not, they're going to send some of their big guns at us next. Right now, paranoia is your friend. You hear something, you see something move, you chuck something pointy at it. If we're lucky, it'll be a false alarm. If not, well, let's hope you have good aim." Naruto declared.

"While I don't exactly agree with throwing stuff at random shadows, Naruto is right." Kakashi nodded. "Those ninja were roughly equivalent to Chuunin rank. They'll probably send a Jounin against us next. When that happens, I want you three to stay out of that fight." Naruto scowled, but said nothing. He had seen and participated in their (his?) last brawl with the swordsman, and it was a fight for his life, one he only barely survived.

'Kakashi's probably right. If we started to fight him right off the get-go, we'd get our asses kicked. Of course, Kakashi gets himself captured last time, so… yeah.' Naruto dropped back to Sasuke's side, a nagging question on his lips.

"Hey, Sasuke." The Uchiha turned to him. "I've had this question bugging me for a long time." 'Try 'since the beginning of the damn academy,' long time!' "Why aren't you an arrogant asshole?" 'Or at least, not as much as last time?' Sasuke's eyebrow twitched wildly. 'Hmm… bad phrasing. Let's try again!' "I mean, you've got the whole village pandering to your every need, you've got fangirls chasing you down the streets…" both boys shuddered at that. "You've gotten everything handed to you on a silver platter! Nine times out of ten, that generally also includes a stick up your ass!" Sasuke looked up at the sky and sighed.

"A silver platter, huh…?" he murmured. "Maybe. But then, I remember that he had everything handed to him as well…" Naruto nodded, instantly knowing what he was talking about. "I swore to myself, I would kill him. I would have my revenge for what he did to my family. My sister and I… we are the only Uchiha left." Naruto nodded again.

"You will do anything to not become like him." Sasuke nodded.

"Yeah. I will have the power to defeat him… but not his way. I will find him, and kill him, my own way." Sasuke then smirked, breaking the solemn occasion. "Besides, if I had ever started acting like an asshole, Metsuki probably would beat the crap out of me." Naruto laughed.

"Hahaha! That sounds like something she would do! Hahaha!" Sasuke looked at him strangely.

"How do you know what she would do?" Naruto grinned.

"Are you kidding? We've been friends since I could practically walk! We've got a history, your sister and I! She was actually over at my house when…" Naruto trailed off. "Uhh… when…" 'Crap. Open mouth, insert foot.' Sasuke, however, understood completely as his eyes widened.

"Holy… you're THAT Naruto!" Naruto blinked before snorting.

"Wait, you're saying there's a DIFFERENT Naruto!? Please, introduce me! I want to share all of the weird-ass name stories!" Sasuke slapped a palm to his forehead.

"How did I not realize it? She talks about you all the time! 'I wonder what Naruto would think of this dress,' or, 'Naruto would've thought that joke was funny,' or, 'I wonder where Naruto is now?' Naruto, Naruto, Naruto! She won't shut up about you!" Naruto chuckled nervously, twiddling his fingers.

"Eheheheh… is that a fact…?" he asked with a nervous sweat drop. Kakashi, who had good enough hearing to listen in on the whole conversation, giggled perversely as his mind took the fascination in his student in a distinctly gutter-like direction.

"Yeah! It ticked me off so much! She practically worships you, you know that? You saved her life."

"Never would've guessed that, the way she punted me through a wall." Sasuke involuntarily snorted.

"She punted you THROUGH a wall? Not into, but THROUGH?" Naruto nodded.

"Pretty much, it left me in the hospital for-" his ear twitched, and with a rapid flick, tossed a kunai into the bushes. When he leaped in and yanked out a snow-white rabbit, Sakura nearly punched his skull in. Naruto merely dodged the blow. "Now, tell me, Kakashi. What's wrong with this picture?" Kakashi's eyes widened.

"The fur…!" Naruto nodded.

"They're here." Kakashi whipped his head towards the trees, and Naruto leaped. "HIT THE DECK!!!" he shouted as he tackled his fellow Genin to the ground, Kakashi doing the same for Tazuna. Not a moment too soon, either, as a massive zanbato swooped through the air and slammed blade-first into an opposite tree. Kakashi got up and glared at Zabuza, who was standing atop his head-cleaver.

"Momochi Zabuza."

"Well, well! No wonder the demon brothers were defeated." Zabuza mused. "Sharingan Kakashi… it's an honor." Sasuke stiffened. "Sorry, but the old man's mine." Kakashi reached a hand for his forehead protector.

"Surround and protect Tazuna." He stated. "But first…" he pulled it up all the way, revealing his eye. "Fight me, Zabuza."

"Oh! I get to see the fabled Sharingan already. I'm flattered." Zabuza grinned behind his wrappings. "The man who has copied over one-thousand Jutsu… Sharingan Kakashi. Not even you will get in my way. I will kill the old man, whether you like or not!" he kicked off the trunk and ripped out the zanbato, quickly extending his hands into a half-seal atop the water. "Hidden mist…" and Zabuza disappeared into the summoned fog bank. Kakashi slowly pulled out a kunai.

"Be careful. When he was still working for mist, Momochi Zabuza was known as a master of silent killing. You don't even notice he's there until you're already dead… and it's not like I can use my Sharingan perfectly, so be extra careful."

"Stop trying to freak us out, sensei. He's doing a good enough job of it by himself." Naruto mumbled as he pulled out a kunai. While he wasn't freaking out and scared shitless like his teammates, he wasn't yet blasé enough about the idea of dying to let his guard down. 'Survival instincts an' all probably never go away. Hurts like hell every time I die, too.'

"Eight choices." Zabuza intoned ominously from the mist. "Liver, lungs, larynx, jugular, kidney, spine, brain, and heart. Which one do you want stabbed?" Naruto twitched.

"Gah! I can't stand doing nothing! This is going to drive me batty!" Naruto drummed his fingers against his leg as he watched Kakashi flare his chakra, banishing the mist from whence it came. He absently noted Sasuke reaching a trembling hand towards his kunai pouch. "Sasuke." The Uchiha twitched and shiftily turned to Naruto, who was grinning. "It's okay. We got this guy!" against his wishes, the Uchiha cracked a smile.

"I wonder about that." And Zabuza was there, inside the pack. Kakashi whirled around and lunged at the Jounin, plunging a kunai into his chest. Zabuza's eyes widened… as water trickled down the hilt of the knife. Another Zabuza formed out of the mist, head-cleaver poised to strike.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!!!!" Sakura screamed. The Jounin whirled around as the blade sliced him in two… before melting away into vapor as well. Zabuza's eyes widened.

"What!?" he mouthed. Naruto smirked.

"Surprised? I'm not. It takes more than a lone missing-nin to take out the infamous copy-nin Kakashi." A kunai settled at the man's temple.

"Don't move!" Kakashi growled. "It's over!" Zabuza stiffened. And then he relaxed.

"Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hm…" he chuckled. " 'It's over', you say? Why, it's only just beginning." The man melted again, as yet ANOTHER Zabuza formed from the mist.

"What!? That was a clone too?!" Kakashi exclaimed. Naruto growled exasperatedly.

"Dammit, going exactly the same!! I can't stand it!!" he flicked out a kunai. "Pause!" he exclaimed.

And the world froze. Zabuza in mid-swing, Kakashi's shocked stare, Sakura, Sasuke and Tazuna's grimaces of horror. Naruto walked over to the missing-nin and walked around, thinking. "Alright, then. Let's see what we can do. Can't touch people, so I can't spin Zabuza around or move Kakashi-sensei out of the way… then, what do we do?" he tapped his chin. "I can't touch people, anything else is fair game… how can I help…" the proverbial light-bulb went off. "That's it! That would work!! But… COULD it work?" he pulled out a spool of fishing line from his pocket, carefully threading it through the hole in his sword. "SUCCESS!!"

'The hell are you doing, brat?'the Kyuubi decided to speak up.

"Stopping Zabuza for a bit. This will DEFINITELY not hold him for more than a few seconds, since this is a temporary stopper and he's a Jounin besides, but in battle, a few seconds is really all you need. Besides, He's got a big freaking hole in his sword, why not use it?" With those final words, he quickly tied it off at the sword and looped the line around a nearby tree. He smirked at his ingenuity. "Unpause!"

Zabuza started to swing again… before being yanked backwards, tumbling ass over teakettle as the fishing line took effect. "What the hell!?!?" Kakashi's visible eye widened.

"Wha…?" Naruto grinned and gave his teacher a thumbs-up.

"See, Kakashi! I can be useful too!" Sakura and Sasuke's eyes widened dramatically.

'What!? Fast!'

'I… I didn't even see him move… that power… I…' Sasuke quickly squashed that train of thoughts. The Jounin quickly pinned the mist-nin to the ground before directing his attention to the blonde Genin.

"Naruto…" he growled, glaring death at his pupil. "Didn't I say to stay with Tazuna…!?" the blonde quickly realized the danger he was in and wilted.

"I… I wanted to help… I stopped him, didn't I…? Without an annoying battle, too…" Kakashi glared more, before flipping rapidly into a happy smile.

"Well, in that case, good work!!" the four remainders face-vaulted. The Cyclops ninja thrust a kunai painfully into Zabuza's throat. "I'm sure mist will be quite happy with us when we return one of their biggest traitors."

"We already are." Another voice stated as three senbon shot into the man's throat, killing him instantly. A hunter-nin, who Naruto recognized as Haku's alias, leaped out of the tree. "Thank you for your assistance. I had been tracking him all day. Your Genin are quite skilled." Naruto showed no expression as tumultuous emotions pummeled his brain.

'He's alive! He's alive again! We should try and save him! We should make sure that he doesn't die again!' his idealistic, beautiful self shouted.

'He's tried to kill us, and he's rescuing someone who also tried to kill us. He's very important to us, but we need to take him out for the mission.' A newer, more hardened self, the side of him that had taken the psychological brunt of dying over, and over, and over, declared without any emotion.

'But he's a precious person! He's a friend!'

'We are Shinobi. We do not have friends.'

'We are PEOPLE!! We NEED friends!' So conflicted was Naruto that he never noticed as the choice was taken out of his hands. Kakashi thanked the hunter-nin for his trouble, and Haku disappeared in a flash, carrying the body with him. Kakashi sighed and pulled his headband back down.

"Well, I suppose that's that. Tazuna, what direction is your house?" the bridge builder blinked and pointed further out.

"That way." Kakashi nodded.

"Alright, then. Let's move out, team." Sakura and Sasuke nodded and flanked Tazuna as he walked away. The Jounin walked up to Naruto, who was still grinning. "And Naruto…"

"Yeah, sensei?"

"Don't think I haven't forgotten what you did. If I was a hard-ass, that would a count of insubordination and treason. I could get you court-martialed back home." Naruto stiffened, the grin instantly gone.

"But…! We beat him for now! Doesn't the end justify-"

"'For now'? What do you mean, 'For now'?" Kakashi glared. Naruto paled.

"Oh, fuck. Did I say that out loud?" He was instantly pinned against a tree, dangling from his throat by Kakashi. "Sensei… can't… breathe!!"

"What are you hiding?" Kakashi stared at him, any humor he had ever had now gone. "From day one, you've had secrets, and I've respected that, since most ninja have skeletons in their own closet. You were able to take me out in the test, you were able to spot the brothers, you said things that didn't add up… but now, the buck stops here. Who are you working for?"

"S-sensei…"

"WHO?" Naruto's throat restricted again. "How do you know that?"

"N-nobody…" Naruto hissed.

"Liar."

"I'm not… lying…" Naruto felt his head growing fuzzy.

'Idiot fleshbag.'Kyuubi growled. All at once, a blast of Killing intent forced Kakashi away from him, and Naruto dropped to the ground. Naruto was instantly pissed. "Dammit, fuzz-butt! I had it under control!! I didn't need your mangy ass interfering!"

'Hardly. That man was about to snap you in two. Besides, I just gave you an excuse. You should be thanking me.'Naruto blinked.

"Excuse?"

"Naruto…" Kakashi said slowly. "What was that?"

"Oh, fuzz-butt decided to be a pain in the ass again." Naruto said automatically, before a hand shot to his mouth. "Uh, I mean…"

"You can talk with the fox?" Kakashi said, drawing a kunai. Naruto backed up against the tree.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let's not jump to conclusions, here!"

'Say everything that I say, and you may just live through this.'Naruto blinked, before his eyes widened in recognition.

"I, uh, yes, I can talk with the great Kyuubi-sa- fuzz-butt…" 'The hell are you trying to make me say, bastard!?', "but most of the time, we just shout at each other." Kakashi slowly pocketed the kunai. "B-but, when he's feeling generous, he teaches me a few things."

"Such as…?"

"Places that he's been/terrorized, techniques he knows when he feels like transforming into one of us humans, shows me where people are hiding when they're about to jump me, stuff that keeps me, and by extension him, alive, that sort of thing." Kakashi relaxed.

"I… see." Naruto chuckled nervously.

"So… you're not going to try and kill me again?" Kakashi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I'm… sorry about that, Naruto. I'm feeling just a little paranoid after those two. Something about it doesn't make sense, and it's got me on a hair trigger. I apologize for taking it out on you." Naruto waved it off.

"Ah, no big. It's not the first time somebody's tried to kill me." Kakashi winced. Naruto smirked. 'Point for me! That ought to keep him from questioning me in the future.' "But you're right, something's strange. That guy was a hunter-nin, right? Aren't they supposed to burn the body on site or something?" Kakashi's eyes widened. 'You're welcome, Kakashi.'

"That's…!" Kakashi cursed. "Damn! You're right. That hunter-nin took Zabuza instead of destroying him! We've got to get back with the others!" Naruto looked in the direction they had gone and squawked.

"Yikes! They're already out of sight! Let's go!"


"WHAAAAT!?!?" Sakura shrieked. "But I thought that guy killed Zabuza!!" Kakashi shook his head.

"No. he only made it look like he was dead. Something Naruto said made me realize that something didn't add up." Sasuke mouthed something suspiciously similar to 'teacher's pet' at Naruto. Naruto just flipped him off. "Hunter-nin are supposed to dispose of missing-nin bodies on site, so that nobody can get the secrets of their village that the ninja may have. That ninja didn't do that, he took the body. And the weapons he used himself are strange, as well."

"Senbon…" Sasuke muttered, before his eyes widened. "Then…!"

"Right. If we put two and two together…"

"Then we get a not-so-dead Zabuza." Naruto finished. Sakura whipped her head back and forth between all the male ninja, trying to understand how they knew all this and she didn't.

"Whaaat!?!? But we saw that guy kill Zabuza!!"

"Naw, he just made it LOOK like he killed Zabuza. Those needles, they hardly ever kill anybody if they don't hit anything important." Naruto stated, fiddling with his headband. Kakashi nodded.

"Right. Hunter-nin are trained to know the human body intimately, so putting someone in a momentary death is probably easy for them." He held up his fingers. "One, he carried off the body of the much heavier Zabuza, two, he used a weapon that has a low probability of killing someone…"

"And three, he showed up at the exact instant that Kakashi was going to kill him. If he wanted to, he could just let Kakashi off him and then pick up what's left. It would be a lot easier on his part." Naruto finished. Kakashi blinked.

"I hadn't thought of that one. Good job, Naruto." Naruto beamed. "Put those three together, and it's very likely that he there not to kill Zabuza, but to help him. We can't ignore the possibility that he will come after us again."

"Aren't you reading into this too much? I mean, hunter-nin are supposed to kill missing-nin." Tazuna retorted.

"We only thought he was a hunter-nin because he had a mask like hunter-nin have. That's sort of like saying I'm the Hokage just because I wear a big tricked-out hat." Naruto added. "Though that hat is the best part of the job…"

"Ignoring that…" Kakashi mumbled. "With all of the suspicions pointing at this, we will prepare before it's too late. That's a Shinobi rule. Besides, with all the money Gato has, we have no idea of knowing if he hasn't bought any more ninja to send against us." Naruto cracked his neck.

"So let's get training! I'd rather not die, thank you very much!" He smirked. "If I could take him out, then he can't be that difficult!" 'Even though I did sort of cheat…' Kakashi eye-smiled.

"That's the spirit! Everybody, head outside."

"But sensei, what if he comes after us while we're training?" Sakura asked. Naruto snorted.

"Are you kidding me? You think someone can just die and nothing will happen? His body is screwed up the wazoo! It'll take at LEAST a week for him to recover!" 'MAN! It's good to be the intelligent one for a change! I feel so empowered!' Kakashi nodded.

"That's right. We have one week's grace time, at the very least." Naruto pumped the air.

"RIGHT THEN!! Let's go kick ass and take names!!"

"Why?" said a voice at the door. Everybody there turned to stare at Inari, who was standing there.

"Inari!!" tsunami smiled and hugged her child.

"Hey, mom…" he mumbled. He turned to point at team Kakashi. "Mom… they're going to die." Naruto had to keep himself from socking Inari in the face.

"I don't know who you think you are, kid… but we're ninja. We're not going to die to some fat-ass pile of lard that can't even do his own dirty work." He ground out. "I'm Uzumaki fucking Naruto, and I'm the next Hokage, dammit! If you think the hero is gonna die to some half-ass mob boss, then you've got another thing coming!"

"Pfft. What are you, stupid? There's no such thing as heroes!" Inari scoffed. Naruto, and more importantly his fist, was an inch from the boy's face. Inari flinched.

"Say one more word, brat, and next time I won't hold myself back." Sakura blinked.

"Naruto!!! Stop picking on little kids!!" the blonde laughed and turned to her.

"Ehehehehe… sorry, Sakura. This kid pissed me off too much." Inari scowled and turned away, running up the stairs of their home. "He reminds me a bit too much of what I could have been…"


Naruto stared up at the ceiling of the team's makeshift bedroom. 'Video game… why am I in one? And more importantly… who created it?' A spiral suddenly appeared in front of his face, scaring the crap out of him. "Wha!?" he quietly hissed. Big black letters, which Naruto couldn't read in the darkness, appeared. Then, almost if they realized their mistake, they transformed into bright white letters.

Mini-boss defeated! 'Missing-nin Zabuza'! Chakra control: + 1! Strength: +2! Experience gained: 53! The enhancements slammed into Naruto, who grinned silently. Achievement completed! 'Conscious Kakashi! Prize awarded: Save Point! Here Naruto frowned.

"Okay… don't know that one. And this is supposed to be…?"

Secret unlocked! 'Wave country' save point! A spiral appeared on the floorboards beside his sleeping mat. Naruto blinked.

"Huh. New save point. Cool." He whispered as he tapped the spiral. A transparent Naruto appeared and gave the Jinchuuriki a thumbs-up.

Progress saved! When you die, you will return here without losing your progress! Naruto didn't bother reading through his achievements as he rolled over, fast asleep.

'I'll think about the video game later… though I wonder why I got so little experience for Zabuza when I got so much for Kakashi…'


"Alright. Today we're going to start our training." Kakashi stated, leaning against a tree. "But first… tell me what chakra is." Naruto frowned and tapped his chin.

"That… was… the stuff that makes freaky shit happen for ninjas."

"Not exactly how I would've phrased it, but go on."

"Umm… it's… uh, a combo of… physical and spiritual energies!!" he finished with a grin. 'Can't believe I remembered all the technical crap, too! DAMN, I'm good!' "So, what, we learn new Jutsu?" Kakashi shook his head.

"No, we learn how to better control our chakra. Chakra control is very important in the ninja world. If you don't have enough, Jutsus will take far more chakra than they should to work, or they just plain won't work at all. You've got to learn how to control it, through very intense training." Naruto rolled his eyes.

"What training, sensei?" Sakura asked. Kakashi pointed upwards.

"Tree climbing!" Naruto scoffed.

"Man! I thought you were gonna do something interesting!" Kakashi blinked.

"Come again?"

"I already know how to do tree climbing!"

"The ninja way?"

"YES, the ninja way!" Naruto shouted exasperatedly. "'He' taught me that!" Kakashi flinched and turned away. 'MAN! I love this excuse of mine! You can get all kinds of crap past the radar! You're actually useful for once, fuzz-butt!'

'Quiet, fleshbag.'

"I… see." Kakashi coughed. "In that case, why don't you show the others?" Naruto nodded and charged up the tree, reaching the top of the tree in a matter of seconds. Sakura gasped, Sasuke scowled, and Kakashi's brows knitted together.

"DAMN, I'm good!" Naruto cheered from the top of the tree, swaying back and forth precariously in the wind.

"That's enough, Naruto. You can come down now." Naruto leaped out of the tree and landed directly in front of Sakura, scaring the bajeezes out of her.

"So, what'd you think, Sakura!" her fist smashed down on his head.

"IDIOT!! I could have been hit right then!!"

"Owowowowow…" he moaned. "Meanie…"

"Well… that's the gist of the exercise. You two, mark your progress with a kunai. Try and get to the top of the tree." The two nodded and ran at the trees. "Naruto… come with me." The blonde nodded and followed after his teacher. Once they were a far enough distance away, Kakashi stopped. "Well, Naruto, to be honest, I have no idea how you're doing it."

"Huh?"

"When you were running up the tree, you were using so much chakra that I could practically feel it from that far away. You should have rocketed away with the first step." Naruto blinked.

"What?"

"Frankly, what you did was just impossible. You have some of the worst control I've ever seen, yet you're able to do that on your first try. It shouldn't work." Naruto cocked his head to the side.

"So… what? What do we do?" Kakashi kneaded his forehead.

"Well, I guess I could set you on another chakra exercise. Water walking's out, you'd be too far away for us to help if anything happened to you, and even if Zabuza is down and out for the moment, who knows if Gato has any other mist ninja with him." He tapped his chin. "Aha! I have one!" he plucked a leaf from a nearby low-hanging tree. "Levitate this leaf."

"Huh?"

"Like this." And the leaf slowly rose off the top of his palm, hovering a quarter of an inch above his hand. Naruto's eyes widened.

"Cool!"

"That's not all." A sudden wind blew up, gusting the two in their place. Yet when the wind died, Naruto was shocked to see that the leaf had not so much as budged from its hovering spot. "In this exercise, not only do you have to levitate the leaf at a manageable level, you also have to make sudden adjustments against the wind. It translates into battle as well. Enemies never, ever hold still for their opponent to finish their technique. If you have to dodge, the flow is disrupted, and all that hard work is wasted. Theoretically, if you can master this technique, then you can keep performing Jutsu when attacked by surprise." Naruto gaped.

"Cool…" his wandering mind caught on an idea, and he lit up like a firecracker. "Sensei! Sensei!! If you can levitate a leaf like this, then… if you had enough chakra to do it… could you levitate… a person?" Kakashi's eyes widened.

"Naruto…!" he then shook his head. "No, that's impossible. That would take chakra reserves beyond that of any human being, maybe even multiple Kage-level ninja. Though that's an impressive idea you came up with from a simple chakra exercise. I never would have thought of that." Kakashi ruffled his hair. "You could make a good Jutsu-crafter, one day."

"Jutsu-crafter?"

"An almost forgotten trade. Jutsu-crafters are the ones who came up with all of our techniques. While most famous ninja have created at least one original Jutsu from themselves, Jutsu-crafters created hundreds upon hundreds of unique Jutsu. I've heard that the Sandaime is trying to revive the idea, but most think it's a pipe dream." The man turned and walked away. "Well, get to work! Come back to the house when you can do it." Naruto grumbled.

"Same as ero-sennin… show me something, and then dump me for their smut. When I become Hokage, I'm banning that crap forever." He stared at the leaf in his palm, face contorted in concentration. "Focus… focus…" chakra swirled about him… and the leaf shot fifty feet in the air.

"WHAT!?!? Whoa, whoa, whoa! Get back here!!" Naruto yelled, canceling his output. The leaf floated down gently a good ten feet away as Naruto scrambled to catch up with it. "Hey! Get back here!!" he started the flow again, and the leaf shot away. "Dammit, why is this so difficult!? GET DOWN HERE!!" as the leaf floated down, he growled and started up his chakra again as it passed his head. "STOP!!"

The leaf shot forward… along with a dark purple streak of chakra. The two punched straight through a nearby tree, incinerating the leaf. Naruto jerked back. "Wait, what the hell just happened!?"

'Fleshbag!! Why did you just call on my chakra!! We aren't fighting!'Kyuubi growled. Naruto scowled.

"Screw you, you mangy fleabag! I didn't call on any of your chakra!"

'Yes you did!! For a split second, you used my chakra!'

"Did not!"

'Did so!! And I will come out there and tear you to pieces if you don't admit it!!'Naruto fell silent.

"I… did I really call on your chakra? I didn't even mean to…"

'Regardless of whether you intended to or not, I don't like a hairless monkey like you prancing around, blasting random holes in trees with my chakra!!'Naruto walked over to said tree.

"Damn… I did that?" Naruto muttered as he wiped a finger along the inside of the tree. "There isn't a stray splinter or sap anywhere. It's like the tree got cauterized or something…"

'Probably the effect of my chakra. I doubt your pathetic human chakra can blast holes in anything. We demons are superior like that.'Kyuubi bragged. 'Then again, your human variation is much easier to control. I suppose that's fair, since we don't need Jutsu to kill thousands of you ants.'

Yeah, but I doubt I have purple chakra, and that was the color of this… beam, thingy."

'Purple? You lie!'

"Say that to my face!"

'You… are… a liar.'Naruto was pissed.

"HOW!?"

'That would say that our chakras mixed, and that's like saying cat-demons and dog-demons don't fight to the death daily. IT DOESN'T HAPPEN!'

"Why?"

'Because we're frickin' demons! Our chakra DESTROYS stuff, it doesn't MIX!! If our chakras mixed, you'd blow up from the inside-out. Why do you think the rat in the hat made the seal to purify my chakra and convert it to human chakra? Because without it my chakra would melt you to a crisp!! And I know the seal works that way, I've got the scars from trying to overload your system to prove it!!' The demon fox growled in exasperation. 'By hells, you piss me off, fleshbag.'Naruto ignored him and mused on the development.

"So, if I mixed your chakra with mine, that would kill me? Then explain the purple chakra!"

'I CAN'T!!! That's what's pissing me off!!!'Kyuubi screamed. 'Talk to me again, and I rip out your heart!! I'm gonna go… kill, something!'and the fox was gone.

"Hey fuzz-butt, our chakras MIXED." Naruto grinned, doing air quotes with his fingers.

'fleshbag, I have never hated anyone or anything more than YOU right now, and that's REALLY saying something!!!' Naruto sighed as he plucked another leaf off the tree.

"Thin-skinned fox… HEY!!! GET BACK HERE, YOU DAMN LEAF!!!"


"You'll catch a cold if you sleep out here like that." Naruto groaned and swatted at the offending hand.

"Mmmph… five more minutes, Kakashi-sensei… me sleepy…" Haku giggled.

"I think you've got me confused with someone else." Naruto groggily cracked an eye open and stared at the person.

"Ha- how did you get here?" Naruto said, catching his slip. The self-proclaimed tool smiled.

"I'm picking herbs to help someone in need." Naruto nodded.

"Can I help? I'm good with plants."

"You're certainly up early. This one is the one you want, right?" Naruto held up a budding flower. Haku nodded.

"Yes. Pick the leaves from the plant. And I could say the same for you. What are you doing out here this time of day?" Naruto thumped his chest.

"Training!" Haku blinked (Naruto had to admit, the boy was a good actor) and stared at his headband.

"That forehead protector… don't tell me you're a ninja?" Naruto grinned.

"Yep! Naruto Uzumaki, best damn Genin Konoha ever had!"

"Wow. You're incredible." Haku giggled quite girlishly, in Naruto's opinion. He still didn't understand how he was somehow girlier than Sakura. "Why are you training?" Haku asked as he placed another plant into his basket.

"To be strong!" Naruto shouted.

"Why? You look plenty strong already." Haku commented. Naruto looked away, a sad look on his face.

"That's what I thought, too. Until…" he trailed off. 'Until I died.' He finished in his head. Haku said nothing and continued picking. "I'm not strong enough. I'm not strong enough to even protect myself, let alone the people that I care about… people are after me… some of the most powerful ninja the world has ever created. One that was kicked out from them… he alone could bring Konoha to its knees." 'And already has…' Naruto felt a tear roll down his face. "They could take away everybody that I care about, everybody that I swore to protect, without batting an eyelash. And… I'm just not powerful enough to protect everything, everybody that I love from them." Naruto looked at the ninja. "That's why I grow stronger. I will get stronger, and I will defeat the people who harm me. Nobody will ever take away what I care about… not even you, Haku." The boy gasped and leaped up, senbon in hand.

"How do you know-"

"How do I know that your name? That you were the hunter-nin that rescued Zabuza? How do I know that you would give your life to protect him?" Naruto slowly stood. "The same way that I know that I am not strong enough to defeat the men after me with my life intact." Haku crouched down, ready to strike. "I don't want to fight you, Haku."

"I don't believe you." Said Haku. Naruto spread his arms wide.

"Fine, then. Tear into me. Stick me full of needles. I won't lift a finger to defend. That's how far I'm willing to prove I don't want pointless bloodshed." Haku stared at him for the longest time, before finally lowering his needles.

"…I believe you." Naruto lowered his arms. "You fight… to protect your precious people. I can understand that." Naruto nodded.

"Thank you, Haku." Haku picked up his basket of herbs.

"But I fight to protect my precious people, too. The next time that we meet… it shall be as enemies." Naruto nodded as Haku turned away.

"I know." Haku continued walking, before stopping.

"You know, I find it odd."

"What?"

"That you did not once hit on me. I'm told I'm quite attractive, so I'm perplexed a boy such as yourself did nothing." Naruto snorted.

"No, thank you. I'm not into guys." Haku turned around.

"Who says I am one?" he removed the choker around his neck, revealing a very distinctive lack of an Adam's apple. Naruto blinked once.

Twice.

Three times.

"HUUUUH!?!?" he screamed. "Hu-bu-wh-you-jiggabu-th-" Haku giggled at the display.

"You thought I was a boy? How odd."

"HUH?!?! I CALL BULLSHIT!!" Naruto screamed. "Before, you said you were a guy, but now, you're a girl!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?!?" Haku cocked his (her, Naruto supposed) head to the side.

"'Before'?"

'KYUUBI!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?!?'

'Don't ask me. I don't remember your first life. Though she definitely is a girl. I can smell distinctly female hormones.' The fox replied. Naruto backed away slowly, pointing an accusing finger at Haku.

"What the hell are you!? Why are you a girl now!? The first time, you were a guy!! What the hell is going-" Naruto never finished his sentence as his foot slipped on the edge of the river, flipping over dramatically. "AAACK!!!" he screamed as his head smashed into the riverbed. He blacked out.


In a flash, Naruto was surrounded by blackness. Game Over! You Lose! "What…?! I died? HOW!?"

Score:

Age: fourteen; 140 points

Mastered:

Henge: 10 points (bonus 10 points for improved variation)

Kawarimi: 10 points

Tree-walking: 10 points

Water-walking: 10 points

Kage Bunshin: 50 points

Earned precious person: Sasuke; 100 points

Earned precious person: Metsuki; 100 points

Zabuza achievement: Conscious Kakashi; 75 points

Subtotal: 515 points

Needlessly antagonized Konoha citizens (225): -225 points

Died by accident: drowning; -300 points

Died a virgin: -1000 points

Subtotal: -1525 points

Total: -1010 points

Rating: Go Back To The Tutorial!

Karma rating: innocent

Naruto blinked. "Huh. Well, whaddaya know. I drowned. Guess dying by accident is worse than dying in battle." He squinted. "I think I've already had some of these scores. But oh well." He then noticed a very conspicuous lack of a score. "Hey, ignore Hinata is gone! But I didn't do anything for her!" he tapped his chin. "unless, of course, it just means I get docked for being a dumb ass and not even noticing she likes me, which I probably should, given she's liked me for at least... eight? Nine, lives? I can't remember. What I do about it is my choice, I guess. Maybe. I'm just guessing, here." He cracked his neck. "So… Haku is really a girl. But he… she said she was a boy before! What's up with that?" he went through the door to the avatars, before back pedaling rapidly. "WHOA, wait a minute! I've got a save! I don't HAVE to be a baby anymore! He tapped out his slot and grinned. "TAKE THAT, stinky diapers! I have foiled you once again!!"


"So, pretty lady! What's your name?" Naruto schmoozed as Haku came into view over him. "And as much as I love the view, can I ask why you're standing over me?" Haku smiled.

"You'll catch a cold like that." And so it went. Naruto was on autopilot as he picked the flowers, going through what he thought was something similar to his first life, plus copious amounts of libidinous flirting. Haku didn't even seem fazed. As Naruto handed him the last plant, Haku stood.

"You will become strong. I know it." He turned away. "Oh… and I'm not gay. I'm not into other men." Naruto cocked his head to the side.

"Other men? What are you talking about? You're a girl, aren't you?"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Kyuubi burst out laughing. "OH MY GOD!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!" Naruto cast a figuratively heavy gaze on Kyuubi.

'What's so funny?'

"Oh, oh, ohHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, god, I'm going to remember this FOREVER!!!" Kyuubi cackled. "I smelled that fleshbag again, and guess what?"

"No, shinobi-san. I am not a girl." Haku undid the choker and showed off a distinctive bob on his throat.

"IT'S A GUY NOW!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh my god!!! You're hitting on a trany!!!" Kyuubi cackled. Naruto's face went pale as a sheet.

"Hu-wh-th-you-jiggabu-bu-" Naruto fell silent. He reached a hand into his pocket, drew a kunai out, and stabbed himself in the brain. He was dead in seconds.

Naruto spent the entire time he was in the main menu huddled in a corner of the hall of the avatars, curled into the fetal position and muttering insane mutterings to himself as Kyuubi laughed harder than he had in fourteen years.

"Haku's a trany… Haku's a trany… Haku's a trany… Haku's a trany…"


"You know, I'm rather surprised." Haku said. Naruto worked very hard not to meet (his? Her? He didn't even know anymore.) Gaze.

"Why's that?"

"I've been told that I'm rather attractive, so I'm surpr-"

"You're a girl." Naruto said in a deadpan tone. Haku nodded. The blonde snapped. "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, HAKU!!! MAKE UP YOUR GOD DAMN MIND ALREADY AND STOP DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! JUST PICK YOUR DAMN PLUMBING ALREADY!!!!!" Haku cocked her head to the side.

"Make… up… my…?" she trailed off, a strange light in her eye. Naruto stopped his rant to stare at the ninja.

"Uh… Haku?"

"We're sorry, the system does not understand. Please try again." Haku intoned in a voice completely different from what Naruto knew.

"Uhh… eh? What?"

"We're sorry, the system does not understand. Please try again." The ninja replied again.

"Haku? You okay?"

"We're sorry, the system does not understand. Please try again." Haku said again, starting to advance forward. A senbon appeared instantly in her hand. Naruto started backing up rapidly.

"Whoa, whoa! I'm sorry, Haku! I didn't mean it that way! I respect you, even if you haven't got a gender! You're cool!"

"We're sorry, the system does not understand. Please try again." Haku replied in the same creepy tone. Suddenly, the… person blurred, and two Hakus were there.

"Wha!?!?" Naruto yelled.

"We're sorry, the system does not understand. Please try again." Four Hakus. "We're sorry, the system does not understand. Please try again." Eight Hakus. "We're sorry, the system does not understand. Please try again." Sixteen Hakus. Naruto broke.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!" he screamed and ran from the rapidly multiplying ninja. "WHAT THE SHIT IS GOING OOOOOOOON!!!!!" the ground underneath his feet turned a horrendous hodgepodge of color, spreading with each terrified step he took. The color spread through the ground, creeping up the trees, the rivers, even the sky.

"We're sorry, the system does not understand. Please try again."the horde of Hakus chanted, still in the same shambling gait. "We're sorry, the system does not understand. Please try again."

"AAAAAAAAAH!!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!" Naruto screeched. Kakashi leaped out of the trees. "Kakashi!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!!"

"We're sorry, the system does not understand. Please try again." Said Kakashi. Naruto stared, horrified.

"Oh, no."

"We're sorry, the system does not understand. Please try again." The man pulled down his mask, and out crawled a never-ending horde of bugs. Cockroaches, millipedes, spiders, every insect there was came out of the seemingly endless black hole.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!" Naruto screamed girlishly as he tore through the LSD-like nightmare. "HELP ME!!!!"

"FREEDOOOOOOOOM!!!!" a voice roared as a massive fox loomed from the sky, roaring it's defiance to the world. Naruto came screeching to a halt.

"What in the hell… Kyuubi…"

"What in the hellfire…" Kyuubi echoed, staring at its mirror-image.

"I AM FREE!!!! I TERRORIZE THE WORLD ONCE MORE!!!!!" the pseudo-demon fox roared as it smashed through the trees. "BUT FIRST!!! TO DESTROY MY CONTAINER!!!!!" Naruto could only watch helplessly as a tail descended on him.

"We're sorry, the system does not understand. Please try again."

Suddenly, there was silence. Naruto stood still for what felt like an eternity before cracking an eye open. There, looking as if in the distant landscape, was a small speck of bright white. Everything had stopped to stare at the light. The Haku-horde, the bug-Kakashi, the fake-Kyuubi. Everything held its breath as the light shone.

And then suddenly, the light moved.

It was as if it was a vacuum cleaner, Naruto decided. The light started seemingly sucking everything towards it. The bugs, the Haku-horde, even the fake-fox was drawn to it.

"NOOOOOOO!!!! I WILL NOT DIE AGAIN!!!!!" the fox roared as it plunged into the light, never to be seen again. The light did not stop once they were in its clutches. It turned on the landscape. As if nothing more than a sheet of colored tarp, the land around Naruto fluttered in an invisible breeze, before DISAPPEARING into the light. Even the ground underneath Naruto was gone. As soon as nothing but black was left…

The light vanished.

Naruto stared, dumb struck.

"What… was that…?"

Silence. Nothing happened.

"Fuzz-butt…? fleabag…?... Kyuubi…?......... Kyuubi-sama…?" Naruto asked the air, scared.

Nothing.

"Where are you? Where are the stats? Where's the main menu…?" he waved his hand before him, feeling nothing. He waved a hand behind him. Nothing. Above him. Nothing. Below him… nothing. Naruto nearly screamed. He tried attempting something akin to a doggy paddle. Nothing. No movement from him at all.

This time, Naruto did scream. Loudly.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" he held it for as long as his lungs could, before dropping it. He panted, fear setting in.

"Am I… am I dead… for real…?"


Chapter End Cliffhanger

And now, a word from the beta-reader/co-writer, The Animaniac Dude:

Ooh, goody! Something resembling a plot! More video game-related stuff, as well as ONE MAJOR VIDEO GAME THING, (smirk), some Naruto-grown creativity in both fighting AND training, and some explanation! Majin hates the wave arc, so I'm doing him a favor as a beta-reader and doing this for him. Therefore, I decide I'd discuss a few things.

On the long wait: one, we had screwy schedules. Two, MHX and I had… a disagreement over creative ideas. We're all good now, so there SHOULDN'T be anything like this again. Ain't that right, MHX? We got it all figured out?

Yeah lets just say read a message before you send and don't be an apathetic bastard to some who you have respect for. Note a portion of my video section is down due to Youtube killing off some very talented videographers. including Luffy Vs Arlong and everything for the thriller bark and Shabondy archipelago arcs

On stats: 'smirk' take that, all you nay-sayers! We had a reason for including 'ignored Hinata'! It WASN'T pure plot-breaking romance stuff! It was punishment for him being a dumb ass! More on this 'ignored' stuff in later chapters.

On the ending: MUAHAHAHAHA!!! We like it! A trippy scene, horror-movie-esque ideas, and a panicky Naruto! What more do you need for a cliffhanger!?

On Haku: we did it for the laughs. Nothing more. Though if we wanted to, we could take that idea somewhere… we're still deciding on that front.

On 'achievements': pretty much the same thing as trophies on the 360 and the PS3. You get goodies if you do certain requirements.

On Naruto's fights: first one was won because of advanced training with Gai (what, you thought we threw that in there for fun?) and the second was him just plain cheating. It worked in the end, though, so it's all good. Naruto did not get uber-powered all of a sudden. He can, and WILL, get his ass handed to him many, MANY more times.

And, I think that's it! There are a few Easter eggs in here, for those of you versed in internet pop culture. Take it away, MHX!

Okay now people things will be picking up soon and Naruto will change avatars relatively soon if we keep up this length of chapters. Alright things will become more of a game but all the more real tidbits of a secret plot will come to you but when I not telling some will be obvious others well they require a good bit of thought to put together.

Well that's it for chapter seven chapter eight is in the works and hopefully won't take as long to write and if it does it will be better for the extra effort put into it.

This is Majin Hentai X. Good night and thank you for not supporting Yaoi.