The Perfect Bucket List
Chapter Seven: Dreams
Susan was a little jealous of Tobias; she said that I spent more time with him than her. I always denied it, but everybody knew it was true.
I loved Susan, she was my best friend since childhood and it would always be that way, she helped me in everything and was a great friend, but in the list she didn't, in fact she had already forgotten. But Tobias was just perfect. He supported me although I had met him only a few weeks before. There wasn't a single second that I didn't smile when I was with him. Only when he scolded me or when he complained that I had given up all my dreams. Of course, it was easy to say it. He didn't know what I was going through, didn't know the pain I went through every time I remembered I would die and anybody could do anything about it.
I was in my room with Susan: Speaking of anything and laughing as usual.
"C'mon, accept that you like him" We were lying in my bed, I had my head resting on her legs and she was leaning against the headboard.
"I don't like him" I complained. "He is gorgeous and all, but you know I don't want to like anyone"
"You can't help liking him" I opened red enamel and started painting the nails of her left hand "the guy is perfect"
"He is" I sighed "but I can't like him, and anyways, he told me he likes someone else… a girl from London"
"Really?! Did he tell you what she's like?" She wondered amazed. I finished the hand and started with the right one.
"Blond hair, green, cute and sweet eyes… a complete lady" I said through clenched teeth. Everything I'm not. It was obvious that he would like a girl like that.
"Ugh, that's so common" She rolled her eyes "I thought he had a better taste"
"I'm sure the girl is beautiful" I muttered more to myself than to her. My teeth were clenched; I just didn't like the subject. My phone vibrated in the bed, I closed the enamel and grabbed it. It was Tobias.
"Hello" I answered with a smile and sat next to Susan.
"Hey, how is this lady today?" He asked and I laughed softly.
"I am fine sir, what is the motive of your call?" I tried to mock his accent. I guess I couldn't because he started laughing.
"I'm really bored" He complained. I imagined he was pouting. "My aunt went out with Ashley and left me alone, sad and abandoned"
"Oh poor" Susan never took her eyes off me. A look that screamed you like him and I know it "I'm with Susan in my room doing nothing. You want to come?"
"Oh well, if you insist, I'm coming"
"I'll wait for you here" I hung up with a smile and Susan laughed.
"You blush when you talk to him, and don't stop smiling, I've known you for 11 years and you can't lie to me, you love Tobias" she accused. No, no, no and no. I couldn't like him, or anyone. But more him, because I knew I could fall in love and it would be worse because I would die. It's not that I didn't like him; I just didn't want to like him.
"Yeah" I shrugged my shoulders "but he will never like me and we won't get together so you better leave it"
"Honey, of course you can get together" She put her hand on my arm "Don't close yourself from the world, don't refrain from being happy" The door to my room suddenly opened and Caleb entered as Jack to his house.
"Didn't anyone teach you how to knock?" I asked sarcastically. Caleb stuck out his tongue, threw himself on the bed and got on top of Susan. They started kissing and I felt very uncomfortable "Caleb, control your hormones, man, you're in my room and that's my poor bed"
"You can leave" Susan laughed and they started kissing again. The doorbell rang.
"I'll leave" I got out of bed and watched them for a minute before running away trying to clear my mind. I didn't want to think about my brother and my best friend doing something on my bed. I opened the door and Tobias smiled.
"Hi" I kissed his cheek "What about going out for a walk or something?
"Did you fight with your brother?" He looked worried. He was so cute when he cared about me that I could hardly help smiling.
"No, it's just that he and Susan are busy…. if you know what I mean" I shook my eyebrows. He laughed.
"Let's leave them to have fun then" He said. I slung my backpack and closed the door "Let's go for my car"
"No, walk, do not be lazy Tobias" I hit his arm. He put an arm around my shoulders and leaned into me.
"Carry me" He asked. I nearly fell, he was heavy.
"Okay, get on my back" I said. He walked away and looked at me with narrowed eyes "Really, I can do it"
"Ok" He walked behind me and put his arms around my neck. For a moment I thought he would do it. But then he put his head on my shoulder and kissed my cheek "It would be better if I carry you" He whispered in my ear. My knees were almost trembling.
"That's better" He let go and stood in front of me "You're very tall Tobias"
"If I were short you would also complain. You are very demanding, woman!" I laughed and passed my arms around his shoulders. I jumped and wrapped my legs around his narrow waist. He put his hands on my legs to hold me and we walked for a while. Laughing and joking. It felt so good to be with him, breathing his perfume.
We arrived to a park that was two blocks from my house and way more beautiful than the other one and sat on the floor under a tree to give us shade. The children ran from side to side, playing without worry or sadness. There were couples sitting on benches, holding hands, enjoying love. And there I was. With a perfect guy next to me. But he wasn't mine and never would be.
"What are you thinking about?" He suddenly asked. He leaned on the stem of the tree and stared at me "You're very quiet, something strange in you"
"Anything, just…" I sighed "I'm distracted. Tomorrow I will go to another hospital, they will blood drawn me once again with no use. I will be dry one of these days!"
"It's foolish of Caleb, foolish and inconsiderate"
"What thing?"
"Having you living this way" He said with the same annoying tone he used every time the subject was brought up. "Lately I've been tempted to go tell a few things your brother, I mean, it's okay that he doesn't want to lose you but what he does is too much"
"I know but, put yourself in his shoes" I sighed "He lost my parents and now he's about to lose me too, he's doing the impossible for me to not die"
"That's true" He sighed and stared at me. We were silent for a while.
"And I also decided that I will get a tattoo with your cousin" I said. He stared at me.
"Are you sure?"
"Not so much" I admitted "But I wish I could get one"
"Hey! Stop saying I wish and start saying I will" He took my hand and pressed it hard "Promise me you will do all the things in your list"
"I don't know Tobias" I hesitated a little "I don't know"
"You'll never know if you never try. You know I'll support you in everything" I smiled and hugged him.
"Let's try the tattoo. Where is your cousin?"
"Really?" He asked excitedly. He stood up and helped me "let me get my car" He took my hand and led me to his house running, he was really fast and his cheeks turned red and looked more beautiful than ever. But I never ran and got tired very easily. When we reached his Audi I couldn't keep up, I felt my chest close. He opened the door for me and I got in. I searched in my backpack for my inhaler. Not that I was already having an asthma attack but it helped me get better. I used to be inhaling that thing all the time. It felt good, it was like if it opened my lungs or something.
"Are you asthmatic?" He asked with a shocked expression. I saved the inhaler in my backpack and smiled.
"No, well yes, but it's okay, nothing happens"
"Yes it does, something happens. Sorry, I should t have made you run" He slapped his forehead "sorry"
"Stop worrying so much, I'm fine"
"No, It's just that I am an idiot" He was taking this too seriously, nothing happened.
"I noticed" I laughed; he relaxed his expression and laughed with me. I went all the way wiping sweat from my hands in my black pants. I was nervous. Would it hurt a lot? Tobias had said it didn't and had two tattoos so it couldn't be that painful.
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