One Piece: Amaxing does not own disclaimer. Wait, scratch that, reverse…
Amaxing: Skyler, we've used that one before…
Skyler: Really? Then what about…
Disclaimer:
ONE TWO THREE FOUR
FANFICTION'S AWESOME!
FANFICTION'S WEIRD!!!
FANFICTION'S AWESOME AND FANFICTION'S WEIRD!!!
AND I DON'T OWN ANYTHING IN THIS STORY…..GRRRRRRRRL!!!!
Skyler: huh?
Amaxing: Used it…
Skyler: grr…..
KAWIETA SEKIBI GA…. AND I DO…NOT OOOOWN ONE PIEEEEEEEEEEECE!
Amaxing: You've lost it, Sky.
Skyler: But… if I can't come up with good disclaimers, I'll never be a main character!
Amaxing: Them's the breaks kid. Them's the breaks.
Lotipac Hill Courthouse, Defendant's lobby. 8/2. 10:45 am.
"ARE YOU SURE WE CAN'T SPEAK WITH THE WITNESS??" screamed
Nami.
"It's the prosecution's job to prepare the witness, bub," Spade said, sullenly. "You'll have to wait until court reconvenes… if it reconvenes…"
"What do you think that man saw?" asked Nathan, hopefully.
Probably nothing, I'll bet he just wanted to scream 'injection' before the trial was over… "I don't know, but I'll bet there'll be something in there that will turn this whole case around!" Zoro lied through his teeth.
"You really think so?" asked Amarillo, his face lighting up with hope.
"Would I say something I didn't mean?" laughed Zoro, shaking his head.
"Last week, you claimed you weren't in love with Robin…" mused Nami.
"WHAT? HEY! THAT'S…."
"Recess is over, time to come back inside!" yelled the bailiff, sounding more like a schoolteacher than a court official.
Here goes everything…Lotipac Hill Courthouse. 8/2. 11:00 am.
What the..?
William laws sat hunched over the bench, his
eyes wide, his lips quivering.
The judge cleared his throat. "I have decided that, in the interest of justice, we shall hear this new witness speak!"
Oh… that's why he looks like that, it's his semi-defeated position. Ok, yeah, that's just not normal.
"You have prepared the witness, correct?" the judge continued.
"Y…y…yes… yes your honor." Laws forced out, straightening up. "He will testify now."
Luffy stood at the witness stand, bouncing up and down, clearly elated.
"Witness… state your name."
"MONKEY…"
Zoro slid his finger across his throat, partly to tell Luffy to stop talking, and partly to tell him 'I will kill you if you blow our cover'. Nice guy.
"Um… Chip… Pansy! Chip Pansy!" Luffy nodded. "But everyone calls me Monkey, cause my name sounds like 'chimpanzee'. He poked a finger in his ears and tilted his head. "Right Zoro?"
Zoro sweat dropped. "It's 'Mr. Zolo' if you don't mind, witness."
"I thought that was only in America…"
"Here too."
"Oh, ok then!" He smiled his Monkey D. Luffy Smile™.
Laws scratched his head. "Erm… right. Witness, you claim to have been near Cervantes Manor around the time of the murder?"
"That's that thing… where the one guy killed the other guy, right?"
"Yes"
"YEAH! I was there!" Luffy beamed.
Sight…fading…feeling faint…"Please tell us about what you saw" the judge demanded.
"ALRIGHT!!!! YOSH!!!"
-
"I woke up at 11:25 for my midnight snack!"
"The butcher was all the way across town… so I decided to run over and wake him up!"
"I passed Cervantes Manor about five or ten minutes after I left the ship!"
"I was gonna go right by it, but then I heard a big THUMP!"
"I thought maybe a giant would come out of the building, so I stood there for like twenty minutes."
"I didn't see anything… so… I went to the butcher's. That's all.
-
Laws shook his head. "Your honor, this witness has the mental capacity of a child!" He said quickly. "I motion that his testimony be struck from the court record, his sentiments are preposterous!"
"Yes, I agree… giants and midnight snacks at 11:25… you're absolutely right Mr. Laws…"
OBJECTION!
"Your honor!" yelled Zoro. "THERE IS NO REASON TO DOUBT THIS WITNESS' TESTIMONY!"
OBJECTION!
"There are so many reason to doubt it, I don't know where to start!" yelled Laws.
"Try me then" challenged Zoro. "Try to poke a hole in this testimony."
"FINE! The witness stated that he went from the docks to Cervantes Manor in five or ten minutes!" Laws slammed the bench. "That's a distance of a minimum of three miles! THAT IS PREPOSTEROUS!"
OBJECTION!
"The defense can provide at least eight witnesses who can confirm that Mr. Pansy can run that far in so little time."
"Well… then, the witness claimed to be waiting for giants! Preposterous!"
OBJECTION!
"Whatever the witnessed was waiting for does not change what he saw!"
"AHA! But he claimed to see no one! If he was really there and of sound mind…"
"HE WOULD HAVE SEEN MR. DANTE EXIT THE BUILDING!"
OBJECTION!
"Not so, Mr. Laws." He held up the affidavit. "I have here an affidavit from that lovely witness yesterday, Ms. Lily Flowers." He read it out loud.
'I swear upon, like, my sacred honor that I was, like, in my garden from before 11:20 'till sometimes near 11:45, y'know? I didn't see anyone come out of that big ol' mansion in that time, kay? Oh, and… stupidbigfatmarimoattorneysayswhat.
Zoro looked at the last word. "What?"
Laws chuckled. "Indeed."
"Erm.. well, ANYWAY! This confirms the fact that no one came out of the house during that time period!" All of a sudden, something in Zoro's mind triggered a flashback.
Flashback
"Mr. Dante was out at a party that night" Belabor stated "he had left around 11:20, and did not return."
End of Flashback.
Zoro smacked himself in the head. "ACK! I'M AN IDIOT!"
Laws laughed. "You finally realized, didn't you?" He shook his head. "Verdant lawyers like yourself have no chance going up against me!"
"Verd…"
"I'll tell you what it means later, don't embarrass yourself" whispered Nami.
"ANYWAY!" Zoro yelled. "This witness' statement and this affidavit just reminded me of something… I request that Mr. Belabor be brought back in to testify again!"
OBJECTION!
"There's no point to that, your honor!" Laws interrupted quickly.
"Mr. Zolo seems sure of himself, for once." The judge noted. "Objection overruled."
The old butler took the stand again.
"Mr. Belabor" began Zoro "can you testify for us again about Mr. Dante's whereabouts?"
"Why are you going to make me repeat myself, boy? You hard of hearing? Why, when I was your age I could heard a pin drop from FIFTEEN miles away, and then track my way to the point where it was dropped based only on the sound! Those were the good old days when men were actually masculine and women weren't masculine at all and water was actually wet and the sky was actually blue, not like that gray-blue it is nowadays, and…"
"Mr. Belabor" Zoro repeated, surprisingly calm. Your testimony."
"Alright, alright" the old man pouted.
-
"Mr. Dante was out at a party that night" Belabor stated "he had left around 11:20, and did not return."
OBJECTION!
"You see where I'm going now, right your honor?" asked Zoro confidently.
"Erm… yes... but, I'm afraid that you should explain it for the court anyway, to make sure we're all on the same page" his honor stuttered.
Zoro sighed. "The witness has just claimed that Mr. Dante left at 11:20! However…
"BOTH MR. PANSY'S TESTIMONY AND MS. FLOWER'S AFFIDAVIT SAY OTHERWISE!"
The court was unsettled for the first time in this chapter.
BANG, BANG, BANG! "ORDER! ORDER! Mr. Belabor! How do you explain this?"
"Um... well…" the butler sweated "I… hm! That is interesting!"… "AH!" he reeled back "I REMEMBER!"
"Then revise your testimony" Laws said.
"Very well then, Billy Boy, very well."
"Erm… it's William."
-
"Well… to tell the truth, I never saw Mr. Dante leave the building."
"However! He told us all very explicitly that he and Mr. Benvolio were leaving at 10:20!"
"Besides, think about it, how could Mr. Dante me the killer?"
"The murder weapon was the knife! And I can assure you that was in Mr. Amarillo's pockets when he went back to the house!"
-
Laws was shaken, but not stirred. "Well… you see your honor? The murder weapon was in the hands of the accused during the time of the killing! I see no room for doubt!"
OBJECTION!
I've… I've got it… I've got it!
"Your honor" began Zoro "this entire trial has based on a single premise. The premise being that the murder weapon was Mr. Amarillo's knife! However, the defense has reason to believe…"
"THAT SOMETHING ELSE WAS USED AS THE MURDER WEAPON!!"
Hustle bustle, mussel, rustle, Russell, fuss-le.
OBJECTION!
"PREPOSTEROUS!" yelled Laws "THE BLADE MARKINGS ARE NEAR IDENTICAL! NOTHING ELSE COULD HAVE BEEN THE MURDER WEAPON!"
OBJECTION!
"Remember what Mr. Pansy just testified too!"
Flashback
"I passed Cervantes Manor about five or ten minutes after I left the ship!"
"I was gonna go right by it, but then I heard a big THUMP!"
End Flashback.
"He heard a THUMP your honor! A THUMP! And it must have been a loud one, it caused him to stop his pursuit of meat!"
"AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING!" supported Luffy.
OBJECTION!
"WHAT'S YOUR POINT?!?!?" demanded Laws.
"MY POINT IS SIMPLE!" yelled Zoro. "For a thump to be heard from outside the mansion, it must have been inordinately loud! Also, in order to impale the victim, whatever fell must have been shard as well!"
OBJECTION!
"No… you're not saying…"
"BUT I AM LAWS!"
"THE ACTUAL WEAPON THAT KILLED MR. MERCUTIO… WAS THE CHANDELIER!!!!!"
OBJECTION!
"But Mr. ZOLO! You're forgetting one thing!" He held up the wound analyses. "The wound and the knife blade are almost perfectly identical!"
"HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN SOMETHING LIKE THAT AWAY??"
Zoro put his hands on his hips and smiled. "Yesterday, Mr. Belabor told me something very interesting."
Flashback.
Mr. Amarillo loved the three of them, why Mr. Dante even made him that knife that he's always carrying around!
-
Oh, that Mr. Dante is a genius really! He handcrafted that chandelier for Mr. Benvolio, you know!
End Flashback.
"Mr. Dante Cervantes made both the chandelier and the knife!"
"IT IS VERY PLAUSIBLE THAT THEIR BLADES ARE ONE AND THE SAME!!!"
OBJECTION!
"EVEN IF THAT'S THE CASE, IT PROVES NOTHING!!!" protested Laws. "IT STILL DOES NOT PROVE THAT THE KNIFE WAS NOT USE TO KILL MR. MERCUTIO!"
OBJECTION!
"You're right" conceded Zoro.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAT???" yelled Nami.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAT???" yelled the judge.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??" yelled Laws.
"The fact that the chandelier has the same blade as the knife doesn't prove a thing" Zoro continued. "BUT THIS DOES!!!!" He held up part two of the autopsy report. "This is a page from the autopsy report that Mr. Laws forgot to submit to court yesterday. It says very clearly that the wounds were a foot deep!"
"Um… and?" asked the judge.
"THE KNIFE IS ONLY TEN INCHES LONG, YOUR HONOR!"
OBJECTION!
"ARE YOU SAYING THAT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO MAKE A TWELVE INCH CUT WITH A TEN INCH KNIFE? THAT'S JUST STUPID!"
OBJECTION!
"I'm not saying that at all William" Zoro retorted "but, if, as you say, the knife made the cut…"
"THERE WOULD BE BLOOD ALL OVER IT, AND NOT JUST ON THE TOP OF THE BLADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Courtroom crowd go crazy!!!!
BANG, BANG, BANG! "ORDER! ORDER! ORDER!" yelled the judge.
Ten Minutes Later.
"Ahem." The judge cleared his throat. "It appears that the prosecutions attempt to solve the mysteries from yesterday… have been unsuccessful. The chandelier must be tested before the knife can be confirmed as the murder weapon, and Mr. Dante Cervantes must be found and brought before this court to testify on his whereabouts!" He banged his gavel. "This court will reconvene tomorrow at 10:00 am!"
Lotipac Hill Courthouse, Defendant's Lobby. 8/2. 12:12 pm.
"MR. ZOLO!" cried Amarillo. "Please say it isn't true! PLEASE!"
"I'm sorry Nathan… but… it's the only way," said Zoro.
"There's only one thing though," mused Nami.
"Yes, Ms. Tangy?" Nathan asked, hopeful.
"Laws didn't have a chance to bring this up but… that knife was definitely the weapon that killed Mr. Benvolio, so… when did you lose it?"
"Oh…" Nathan looked down. "Um… well…"
"You're protecting him, aren't you?" Zoro accused.
"Well…"
"NATHAN!" yelled Nami. "THE MAN IS A MURDERER! YOU CAN'T LET HIM GET AWAY!"
"I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS HIM, OK?" snapped Nathan. "I just know that… when I entered the house that day… someone knocked me out."
"THAT'S SOMETHING YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME RIGHT OFF THE BAT!!!" yelled Zoro.
"I'm sorry…"
"UGH! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!" yelled Zoro; as he stormed off, head down.
"GORGON! WATCH OUT FOR THAT…!
BANG!
"Ooh… door."
Gor, Gor, Gor, Gorgon Zolo, WATCH OUT FOR THAT DOOR!
-
So I put in a George of the Jungle reference. Shoot me.
