So I'm happy, like ridiculously so. I got into the 6th form I wanted to -plus this story now has over 30 reviews (30! Three-Zero! Wow!) - and that means I've been smiling practically nonstop since then. I'm not exaggerating - my face really hurts now! Still, as I'm so happy I decided to do what every 'sane' happy person would do, write a sad chapter... I mean, it's ultra logical and sense-ical, right?

So anyway, thanks for the reviews, faves and follows, they are gratefully accepted and treasured :D

This chapter has ended up being double the normal length (2527 words including all of this), so please do review, fave and follow if you like this chapter. Oh! And again, feel free to PM me either with suggestions/advice for this (or other) stories, or just for a chat :)

DISCLAIMER: Sure I own the Fosters, I also own a rainbow coloured gorilla and the moon (which IS made out of cheese - I checked when I went in my TARDIS.). What do you mean you don't believe me?! Oh fine! I own nothing. *goes to sulk in the corner*

CHAPTER SEVEN

She slowly sat down, facing the grave, making her eyes level with her mother's name;

Colleen Ann Jacobs

Loving mother, wife and daughter.

The plot was clean, tidy. There were no weeds lying about, no graffiti, no cracks in the stone, nothing to reveal just how few visitors or visits Colleen got. Though, she considered, now that Donald was a free man, he probably visited too. Despite everything, she knew that her parents, that Colleen and Donald, had loved each other. She also knew that they hadn't been bad parents - even with Donald's past drinking and random absences, or with Colleen lying about Robert and where her gene pool actually came from. And yet, she wasn't sure if she did know that. After all, wasn't she replacing the two of them - Colleen with Stef and Lena and Donald with Robert? Did she even care about them anymore? Did they even care about her?

Donald had given up his rights to her so easily, first legally when he'd signed her and Jude's abandonment papers and then biologically when he'd admitted to not actually being related to her.

And Colleen... for a long time after the accident, Callie had believed that her mother had been watching over her, looking out and protecting her. But she'd slowly came to realise that that couldn't possibly be.

After all, what kind of mother would just watch as her child got abused by family after family? No, it was easier for Callie to believe that she wasn't out there than to hate her for not doing anything when she'd needed the help or comfort of her mother the most. It meant that Callie could still think the best of her. But, at the same time, she'd found the Fosters. Out of all the families, all the crappy homes that she could have ended up in, she'd found the Fosters. And, whether she liked to admit it or not, that gave her hope that maybe, just maybe, Colleen was watching over her, maybe she did still care about her.

Yeah, right. Like anyone could care about you. If she is still watching, then she gave up on you years before - when it became clear just how pathetic you truly are. She's probably so ashamed of you that she couldn't give two shits about what happens to you. You don't deserve anything. Unlike Jude, he deserves the Fosters and a chance to be happy, not you. If she had anything to do with you landing a place with them, then it's because of Jude - he's the one she cares about, not you. After all, it's not like you were part of her family - not her proper one, not really. She knew that you weren't Donald's, she knew that you, unlike Jude, weren't the child of the man she loved - truly loved - so why should she have cared about you at all? She shouldn't have. She shouldn't still. You're nothing important. You're nothing at all.

She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts, but with nobody around and no distractions, it wasn't long before she fell back into them.

Pathetic. You know that it's true, that that's what you are, and there's no point in denying it. Not that you would, you're too pathetic to even stand up to your own thoughts, let alone other people. Look at you, a pathetic snivelling waste of space, there's nothing good about you, nothing worthwhile. You're meaningless, your whole existence is really. But you already knew that, didn't you? You already know just how fucking worthless you are. You're a worthless, pathetic piece of shit, and nothing more. If your mom was still alive and saw what you've became and what you've always been, then she's wish that it was you who died in the accident, not her. She would hate you.

"No." She whispered, shaking her head, "No, no, no! Mommy, I'm sorry." At the back of her mind, she was dimly aware of the tears that spilled from her eyes and ran down her cheeks, but she ignored them, instead curling up into a tight ball beside the grave. She stayed like that, shaking slightly from the sobs that escaped her body, as she physically and mentally leant on the stone stab that represented her mother and memories.

Pushing her thoughts to the side, she concentrated on those memories instead, eagerly snatching hold of the first one that came to mind, for once welcoming them.

...

She was five. Her mom, rather pregnant, was standing in the corner of the room, talking in hushed tones on the phone as she tightly gripped its white, cracked plastic casing, and, every now and then, she glanced over at her, checking that her daughter was still okay.

She sat on the floor just in front of the sofa, playing with her dolls and teddies, but also watching her mom. She was just getting Ariel, her mermaid doll, to ride on the back of Isaac the doggie in order to reach the mysterious land of Under the Sofa, when her mom hung up and walked over to her. Crouching down, she smiled at Callie, who beamed in response.

"What's the mission today, CallaBalla?" She asked, using her favourite affectionate nickname for the girl.

"Ariel and Isaac are going to be fighting Aslan and Buzzy-Bee." The girl responded, her tone serious, the belief so clear in her eyes that Colleen couldn't help but laugh at her innocence.

"Oh Cals, I wished you'd never change!"

The girl grinned at that excitedly. "Does that mean I can wear my pyjamas to school?!" She asked hopefully.

"No!" Colleen laughed again. "Oh, baby, I love you so much!" She leant forward and tucked a stray strand of hair behind Callie's ear, before wrapping her arms around the girl, who giggled in response.

"Silly mommy," She said, "I'm not a baby! The baby's inside of you - that's why you're soooo fat!"

Colleen snorted at that and gently swatted the girl's bottom. "Cheeky!"

The little girl shrugged. "It's true though." She informed her mother in a solum tone, her big brown eyes serious. Colleen's laughter grew, causing Callie to join in too, and soon the two of them were lying on the floor, teddies scattered carelessly around their heads, consumed by a fit of giggles. But then Colleen wasn't laughing anymore. Instead, huge, fat tears rolled down her face as sobs shook her body.

"Mommy?" The girl frowned, concern on her face as she sat up and put a hand on her mother's arm. "Mommy, what's wrong?"

Colleen shook her head and slowly stood up, making her way to the sofa, were she sat down. Curling her legs so that she was half-sitting on them, she patted the empty space next to her, indicating that Callie should join her. The girl did just that, clambering up and resting her head on her mother's stomach.

"Nothing's wrong," She told her daughter, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I just love my little CallaBalla so much that sometimes it hurts."

"Oh," Callie looked up apologetically, "I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you, honestly. I love you too, mommy."

Colleen shook her head, "No," she told her daughter, "Don't be sorry. I just want to make sure that you know just how much I love you and how it'll never ever change - not when the baby's born, or when you get older, or even when I'm gone."

"Gone?" Callie frowned, confused, "Do you mean like when I go to school, o when Daddy goes to work?"

Colleen shook her head again. "No, my little CallaBalla, not like that. I mean when I leave."

"Leave?!" There was a note of panic in the girl's voice now. "You're leaving?! Please don't go - I promise that I'll tidy up my room and eat all my peas, I promise!"

Colleen laughed, but it was a sad laugh, a complete contrast from their happy giggling only moments before.

"No, not like that either. When I leave you, I won't have a choice. If I did, then I wouldn't leave you, not for anything, not ever. But we all end up leaving in the end, we live and then we die. And when we die we leave everyone behind, but we get to watch over them and see them live."

Callie shook her head. "But if you stayed then you wouldn't have to just watch them."

Colleen sighed, and gathered her young daughter into her arms, hugging her tightly. "But if we didn't die then what would be the point in living?" She asked gently.

Callie's bottom lip stuck out as she thought about it. She shook her head again. "I still don't want you to leave me."

Colleen let out a small, humourless laugh. "And I won't - not really and not completely. You'll always have your memories of me, CallaBalla, I promise you that."

Callie looked at her mom, studying her face. Deciding that she was telling the truth, she nodded. "Okay," She said, "Well then I promise you that I'll never ever ever forget you!"

Snuggling into her mother's side, she ended the conversation there, putting her thumb in her mouth and wrapping her pointer finger around the bridge of her nose. Mother and daughter lay there in silence, taking comfort in one another's company.

Two days later, Callie found out what her mom's phone call had been about; her Grandpa had died in his sleep. Her mom was now an orphan and no longer had any other living relatives.

...

Callie sighed. Sitting up, she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I'm sorry, mommy." She whispered. "I know that I don't talk about you and I'm not sure how much Jude even remembers about you, but I haven't forgotten you. I promised that I wouldn't and I haven't. But I want to be happy with Stef and Lena, and I want Robert to be part of my life - even if you ween't ver going to tell me about him. I know that he probably hates me right now, and you probably do too because I haven't visited in a long time. And the thought of the two of you hating me, it... it scares me. What chance do I have with the Fosters, the most wonderful, kind and caring family I've ever met, if my own parents hate me? None at all, and I'd be stupid to even think otherwise. And yet here I am, at your gravestone, begging for you to forgive me. I'm sorry I haven't visited, I'm sorry I never speak about you and I'm sorry I never kissed you goodbye, like I should have. I'm so sorry mommy, please forgive me! I don't mean to be stupid and pathetic, I don't mean to make you ashamed. I'm so so sorry. If you forgive me, I promise to talk about you - to Jude and to other people. I love you mommy, and I'm never ever going to forget you. Please forgive me so that I can have a chance with the Fosters - I know it's selfish of me, but... please."

She sighed and sat, one arm hugging her knees, whilst with the other she rubbed the bridge of her nose, self-soothing as tear after tear fell noisily to the ground.

Apart from her sobs, it was silent, nobody around to see her shell cracking, to see her becoming this pitiful vulnerable creature in front of her mother's grave. She was alone, until -

"Callie?"

She jumped at the familiar voice. Frowning, she turned to look at its owner and the two other people standing either side of him. One look at the sympathetic expressions on both of Stef and Lena's faces and she knew. They'd heard her. They knew, and she couldn't do anything to stop it from being so. She didn't know it was possible, but she began sobbing more at that, the tears rapidly falling.

Wordlessly, Stef walked over to her and wrapped her into a loving hug. When she didn't protest, Lena moved to join in, and she rested her head on the woman's shoulder as she rubbed her back, her hand moving in a circular movement as she soothed the crying teen. Jude, slightly hesitant as first due to not seeing his sister like this in a long time, was the last to join in the hug.

After a while, the hugging stopped as Jude and Lena excused themselves, heading over to the car in order to give Stef and Callie a moment. The two of them slowly made their way to the vehicle, Stef slinging her arm around the girl's shoulders, causing the girl to rest her head on it as they walked.

"Oh, Love," Stef whispered in her ear, "Let me tell you a little secret - no parent can ever not forgive their child and you haven't done anything that needs forgiving. Your mom loves you and so do we. And nothing can change that, never ever ever. No matter what happens in life, you'll always be forgiven and you'll always be loved. And you're extra lucky - you have, what, five parents? And they all love you, each and every one of them, okay?"

Callie nodded.

Maybe she wasn't as worthless as she thought.