AN/So, I still don't like the fact that I don't own Criminal Minds--but we all have to deal :)


Chapter 6 (Dr. Riley)

As Doctor Whitney Riley sat down for her first appointment of the day, she saw that she had a new patient. Having been the therapist for police officers in the surrounding counties for nearly four years, she was surprised to see her new patient was a FBI agent. She didn't often treat those.

As the nurse let the woman into her office, Whitney couldn't help but notice how the woman held her arms around herself, putting a barrier up between her and the outside world. With grim understanding, Whitney stood to greet the woman, hoping that she could do her job well enough to help this poor woman through whatever she may be going through. "Hi there, I'm Doctor Whitney Riley, but all my patients call me Whitney. Doctor Riley is just too formal to use when talking to someone about life's trials." She laughed at her own little joke. She always had a habit for speaking the awkward truths, while effective in therapy, it made introductions uncomfortable.

JJ took the hand awkwardly. "Jennifer Jareau, but I go by JJ if you'd like."

"Why don't you take a seat?" Whitney said, trying to push through the initial uneasiness. Whenever she had a new patient she had to try to get past the trust issues before anything could happen. She couldn't blame her patients for not trusting her instantly, it was human nature. It was hard to tell a perfect stranger the intimate details that you withheld from your closet friends. And therapy was scary to begin with; you never knew what the therapist would say. There were some psychologists that still held firm to the psychosexual stages, and the last thing people wanted to hear was that they were fixated on their mother or father. A person could never know how validated the information they received was. Whitney understood all of this, which was what made her good at her job. Now, she just had to put all those worries to rest so that she could do her job.

Whitney surprised a laugh when she saw JJ grimace at the couch. People also tended to be weary of the couch cliché, but they got over it eventually. She laughed at how comfortable people got with the practices of psychology--by the end of her therapy sessions, she could get patients to take Ink-Blot test without question.

"JJ, why are you here?" Whitney asked, beginning the round of questions that were a formality for her. Usually, people didn't really know why they were there, that was why they were seeing her. But she was a true believer that once someone admitted to what their problem was, that they could overcome it easily.

"Will." JJ replied, not offering any explanation.

"Who's Will?" Whitney was glad that JJ was at least not one of those patients who started crying and sharing their life stories within the first question. Those patients, while always rewarding once a breakthrough was made, tended to need a lot of attention and left Dr. Riley with little or no social life. She already had several; she was in no need of another person to talk off the ledge. She often felt callous when she thought of patients this way, but she couldn't help it. She'd been a therapist for too long.

"Just someone I used to know." JJ said sadly. Whitney watched as the patient retreated into her own thoughts, she wasn't alarmed, people did this often.

"And how did he help you make this decision to come talk to me?" Whitney asked kindly. She wanted JJ to feel like she was in control, that by coming to therapy, she was being proactive. By making it JJ's choice, it would help progress occur.

"He made me promise." JJ responded shortly, not choosing to elaborate.

"And why would he do that?" She knew that soon she'd reach the hard part, the part where JJ couldn't respond in one word vague answers. When that point was reached, that was where the truth was. She could tell from JJ's demeanor that it could be any amount of time before JJ actually told her the truth, while she knew it would come, she knew better than to expect it right away.

"He saw me as weak." JJ whispered, clutching her hands around her. Whitney saw the projection from a mile away. People were fairly universal in their defense mechanisms. She instantly knew JJ's biggest fear... Vulnerability. Those who thrived on courage only feared being weak.

"Why do you say that?" She prodded. "You're a FBI agent; you seem to have everything going for you. It appears that you're anything but weak."

"Appearances can be deceiving." JJ mumbled, low enough that while Whitney could hear her, she was sure that she wasn't supposed to. "What on earth has this girl gone through?" Whitney asked herself silently. As JJ gulped for air, Whitney heard the answer that broke her heart. Again spoken so softly that she barely heard it, she heard a small whisper. "Because I am."

Whitney allowed her patient to wallow in her obvious discomfort for a moment before asking, "Why would you think you're weak?"

Whitney watched as the woman across from her opened her mouth though no sound came out.

"It's alright; you don't have to say more than you can." Whitney comforted after a moment. Trust took time; she didn't expect them to make leaps and bounds in their first session. "You're in control here."

"Am I?" JJ laughed wearily. "I'm sitting in some therapist's office because someone made me and I can't get a word out. I got reprimanded at work for punching a reporter. I don't feel in control."

Whitney nodded understandingly, "JJ, whatever happened, no matter how bad it was. You're still here. No matter how you feel, you made it through. You're still here."

"Maybe I don't want to be." JJ whispered.

"You might feel that way now, but I believe the best way out of a situation is always through it." Whitney smiled. "When was the last time you felt in control?"

"Not since the party." JJ answered truthfully. Whitney could see that every response was calculated, JJ was sharing as much as she could without leaving herself vulnerable. It would come in time, trust took a long time to develop, and she suspected that with Agent Jennifer Jareau, trust would take far longer.

"You like being in control." Whitney deduced.

"Doesn't everybody?" JJ laughed nervously.

"Most people, some don't trust themselves enough to ever think of taking control over themselves, let alone others." Whitney mused. "But no, most people want nothing more than control."

"So then why are you acting like I'm so different?" JJ asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because you've had something happen to you that has put your loci of control outside of yourself, and now your goal is to take it back." Whitney said, giving JJ a knowing look. She could see the heart sink of the blonde patient in front of her.

"You know." It wasn't a question, it was a fact. The moment JJ walked into the facility Dr. Riley had understood.

"JJ, you were raped. That doesn't make you weak, or helpless, or..."

" I was attacked." JJ corrected her softly but firmly.

"Is that what happened, or do you just feel more comfortable with that word?" Whitney asked, knowing the answer.

"It was--I guess--both. "

"So, you were--" Whitney left it hanging, knowing that the first step in recovery was admitting what happened.

"He was giving me a ride home. Then I couldn't move, I could feel his breath on my skin and I could move. I couldn't move! I could feel him as he-as he-- he attacked me."

"You mean he-"

"He raped me." JJ whispered.

Whitney smiled encouragingly. "JJ, you said it. Now that the word is out there, it can't fester in the darkest parts of your mind. It can't hurt you. Not anymore. If you aren't afraid of it, then it doesn't have any power over you."

"Admitting it doesn't make it go away." JJ said indifferently. And it was true; admitting that something did happen couldn't change the past.

"By admitting the past, it can't blot out your future." Whitney offered, hoping that the woman could understand the progress she was making. It took recognition before a person could overcome. "Running from problems only makes them chase you."

"Then I'll run faster." JJ chuckled. Whitney already knew where this was coming from. It was easy to use humor and sarcasm as a protective shield when things got too personal. It was hard coming to terms with the fact that you had become a victim, it was probably worse when you made a living helping them. Whitney understood it, which was why she let JJ have her moment of self protection.

"As your therapist, I'm required by law to report it." Whitney informed JJ.

"It already has been, and he isn't ever going to get convicted." JJ said bitterly. "I used to believe in the justice system, but how can I when it's failing me? I have gotten convictions for people who killed their children's molesters, but my attacker is going to roam free. The innocent and justified suffer while the vile are never caught."

"JJ..." Whitney trailed off, JJ took it as a sign to continue.

"Want to know the sickest part of it? I'm waiting for him to hurt someone else so that he can get caught. I literally am waiting for some other woman to get raped so that justice might have a fighting chance at working. How horrible is that? He's turned me into a monster, just like him. All because they 'lost' my kit." JJ's eyes began to swell with tears, but Whitney saw her fight wildly to contain them.

"You aren't a monster." Dr. Riley shook her head.

"I want him to slip up. I want him to get caught and the only way for that to happen is for him to attack someone else. I disgust myself."

"You want him to get caught. It isn't wrong to want justice for yourself. You went to the hospital. Do you know how many women never report what happened? I get women coming in everyday who refuse to talk about this, even though it's killing them from the inside. You told the police, and through someone else's incompetence, it won't help. That isn't your fault. Everything you've done thus far has been to help keep other women from your same fate. Don't let a moment of desperation cloud your true intentions."

"I punched a reporter." JJ smiled wryly. "He said that the women deserved it and I lost all control over myself. Before I knew it, I felt my fist meet his mouth. It was a good hit, I could tell from the sound it made. Is it bad to say that I felt even better when he began to bleed?"

"If you hadn't hit him, someone else would have eventually. That doesn't make you awful, it makes you human." Whitney laughed. Allowing her patient to change the subject. She knew that not everything could be resolved in one session-if it could, she'd be out of a job-but she would give JJ space. For now.

"What if I don't want to be human?" JJ whispered, Whitney wasn't sure whether it was directed to her or not. But she chose to answer anyway.

"Tough luck." Whitney laughed as JJ smirked in agreement. Dr. Riley knew that JJ would soon become one of her favorite patients--she tended to like the ones who seemed to want to get better.

"I guess it is a little too late for that one." JJ reflected.

"Yeah, but being human isn't such a bad thing." Whitney pointed out smiling. "You should try it."


AN2--Okay, so I've never been to therapy, so I apologize now for any inaccuracies. My knowledge of psychology is all from Wikipedia and my Psych 1010 class--so, let me know what you think!