Chapter 7
Georg was kneeling at the side of Maria's bed. He reached tentatively to touch her face and gently ran the back of his hand over her cheekbone. She looked very pail and though she was thin to begin with she looked even frailer now. Her lips had taken on a bluish tint and her soft skin was clammy and hot to the touch. She barely resembled the vivacious, fun loving governess he and his children knew and loved. He sat there staring at her, concern, worry, and sadness etched into the features of his face.
He reached up and gently pushed a stray strand of hair from her forehead. Maria stirred and began to shake her head back and forth as if she was having an unpleasant dream. "Oh my love," he whispered, "Maria it's all right, please settle back down. It's me, Georg, I'm here now." Her body seemed to respond to his words and his voice had a calming affect on her. "Why is this happening to you? You don't deserve to suffer like this."
"Captain Von Trapp, I have some matters to attend to. Perhaps you could stay with Maria for awhile?" He had forgotten that the Reverend Mother was still in the room.
"Yes Reverend Mother, I won't leave her...I can't leave her." He was afraid to move from her side, afraid that if he did he would lose her forever.
"Very well then I'll let the two of you be for now. You may stay as long as like you Captain. Would you like me to inform your family?"
"That would be very thoughtful of you. Thank you, but please tell Frau Schmidt to not tell the children about Maria."
She nodded at him, "As you wish Captain." Giving him a sympathetic look, she then turned and left him alone with Maria.
He found a chair against the wall and moved to bring it beside Maria's bed. He knew that it was going to be a long day and night of waiting and he wasn't going to go anywhere. He couldn't bring himself to leave her side. He searched for her hand under the blanket and covered it with his, noting how small and delicate it seemed, and then watched her as she slept.
He had been in this position before and the memory of love found and lost began to haunt him. The feelings he was experiencing were all too familiar to him and he was reminded of the painful side of loving again. He thought back to the night that he had lost Agathe and all the pain that had been associated with that loss. He felt as if his heart had been ripped from him and he could remember how numb and hollow he had felt, locking himself away in his study for days after her passing. This could not happen to him again, surely God would not allow his heart to suffer for a second time and he wondered how much of this one man could take.
He watched the shallow rise and fall of her chest as she struggled with each breath, the bed lightly rattling as she inhaled. It brought tears to his eyes to see her in such a condition and he shuddered at the thought that she could possibly die from this. He wouldn't allow himself to think that way though. Maria was one of the strongest women he knew and if anyone could pull through the dangers of pneumonia, it was Maria.
He thought back to the moments when he had first met her. She had set something on fire from deep within him and at the time he had been completely agitated with her. Her lack of proper decorum and her defiance of his authority had irritated him to his inner core. She had not at all been what he had expected a future nun to look like and part of him had been completely taken by surprise with how he challenged her, but he later came to realize that all of that was exactly what he had needed.
He wasn't sure he could pinpoint the exact moment he knew he loved her, but all those qualities she had exhibited that first day would prove to be some of the things he loved the most about her, her stubbornness, her uninhibited energy, and the way she challenged him to be a better man and father.
The first time he started to have thoughts of a different nature about her was probably the night of the puppet show. He marveled at the sound of her singing voice and how beautiful it sounded as it rang out above the children's voices. She was an anomaly at best and his thoughts of her drifted even further south when she and his children had implored him to sing.
He remembered everything about her that night, her sparkling blue eyes that danced when she pleaded with him, how beautiful she looked in the flowing summery blue dress that matched her eyes and complimented her creamy white skin, and how she looked at him for the first time with something that went beyond an employer and employee relationship. He had been barely able to keep his eyes off of her and for the first time had completely ignored all the warning bells going off in his head. From that point on his thoughts of her increased to the point where he couldn't hardly keep his mind from straying and eventually he stopped trying to warn himself, preferring instead to let himself indulge a little.
The night of the party for Elsa was when he realized that he was in trouble where Fraulein Maria was concerned. He had adventured into a new territory with her that night when he touched her for the first time. Upon taking her hand and leading her in the Laendler he had felt that unmistakable sensation of jittery excitement pulsating in his stomach and it sent an electric pulse radiating throughout his body. When he looked at her as they danced that night he was completely enamored with her and she had stolen his breath away causing him to be intoxicatingly mesmerized by her.
That had been two weeks ago now. She had left that night and if it was as he suspected, her departure had been caused because of the feelings that had been stirring between the two of them. He had been upset by her leaving and in so being had made a rash decision the next day to marry Elsa. It had just been yesterday that he came to the realization that he and Elsa were not going to workout. They were too different from one another and as hard as he tried he just couldn't forget about Maria. He loved her and could not fairly marry Elsa. Maria was who he wanted.
As the day wore on there had not been much change in Maria's condition. She was still sleeping and apparently in pain as she tried to breathe in. He could occasionally see her face wince as she tried to inhale and it made his heart ache in despair.
He was jolted from his thoughts as he heard a soft tap at the door and watched as it opened. Sister Margaretta was standing in the doorway with a tray in her hands. "Good evening Captain, we thought you might like a bite to eat."
"Thank you Sister, but I'm afraid I'm not very hungry. I just don't feel like eating right now."
She slightly smiled at him and said, "Captain Von Trapp, you must eat something. You will not do Maria any good if you don't keep up your strength and we can't have you falling ill as well. Can we?"
He thought about it for a minute and realized that she was probably right. "All right, I'll eat. Thank you and I don't mean just for the meal, but for taking care of Maria as well."
"Maria might be a little unconventional, but she is very special to all of us Captain. Her love for life is quite contagious."
"Yes," he smiled wearily, "She seems to have that affect wherever she goes."
"If I may Captain, Maria has a very strong, fighting spirit about her. Don't give up hope on her yet. It may seem dismal at the moment, but she is a strong fighter and God can perform miracles."
"I'm afraid I gave up on miracles when my first wife died. I haven't had much luck with them until Maria entered my life. She was the miracle that my family needed and now I feel like I'm fighting with God to keep her."
"Don't fight with him Captain, plead with him, ask of him, and most importantly trust him. That's all he really wants. He knows what's best for Maria and your family and he knows what your heart is feeling right now. Ask and ye shall receive." She put the tray on the table by Maria's bed and then crossing the room she added, "Goodnight Captain," and closed the door behind her.
He stared at the plate of food and sighing he began to pick at it, thinking about what Sister Margaretta had just told him. He had been angry with God for so long that he wasn't even sure how to pray to him. He wasn't even really sure that God would listen to him.
He saw Maria begin to stir again. He put his plate down and leaned forward in his chair hovering over the edge of her bed. He gently brushed the side of her face with the back of his fingers and began softly singing Edelweiss to her. Her body fell back into a relaxed sleep.
He stopped singing and he found that he couldn't keep his eyes from her. She was beautiful inside and out and the thought of losing her made his throat constrict and he was finding it difficult to breathe. He grabbed her hand in both of his and began to pray like he had never prayed before.
"Dear God, I know I haven't been the most faithful man to you over the years and I blamed you for my wife's death. In so doing I lost more than just her that day. I lost my children and lost who I really was inside. I was angry at you for taking her from me, but for some reason you needed her more than we did. I don't know why you took her, but I know that I selfishly wanted her all to myself and didn't care that she was suffering as long as she stayed with us. Perhaps you knew what was best that night for her even through my bitter heart. You've given me a second chance with my children and you sent this woman lying before me to straighten me out. Please Lord, don't take her from us too. I need her more than I've needed anything and I don't believe that you would send her to us and then snatch her back from us. I love her, but you know that already. I promise that if you let me have her I will work hard to meet her every need, she will never want for anything and I will always be faithful to her. I ask of you and plead with you to not let her die. My children need her...I need her...please Lord, don't take her from me."
His head fell onto the side of her bed and the heavy weight on his heart became too much for him to bare. It became harder for him to breathe and the lump in his throat caused his heart to cry out in anguish and the tears that had been threatening earlier could not be held back any longer. Feelings that had long been buried suddenly came to the surface and he sobbed into the sheets for the love he had lost with Agathe, for the past few years spent shunning his children away and the time lost with them that he could never gain back and then he cried for Maria. He cried because he didn't want to lose her before he had the chance to profess his feelings for her, he didn't want to know what life would be like without her. He cried because he needed her and because he loved her with everything he had. He cried for so long that it physically hurt him and drained him, his stomach churning in knots and his heart squeezing the breath out of his lungs.
He cried until there were no more tears left to shed and the harsh sobs subsided into an even rhythm of breathing as his body succumbed to its fatigue. He had fallen asleep unsure of what the morning would bring him.
Next chapter hopefully coming soon.
As always reviews are welcomed.
