Change of Heart
Chapter 7
It had been two weeks since Hermione last saw Severus Snape and despite what she had told him that night, she couldn't stop thinking about him and how he was doing. She wasn't sure why that was happening but it did and it was making her life harder. On the other hand, Ron was doing exactly what he had promised. He included her in his plans, he spent more time with her and small things like that which would have excited her before. He even wanted to discuss the subject of their wedding. Even though most girls would have been thrilled to have this talk with him, Hermione smiled awkwardly and her stomach clenched. Suddenly, the idea of marriage wasn't welcome. Not because of Ron. Maybe she simply wasn't ready yet, maybe she needed a little more time...
"Don't you think it's time we set a date?"Ron asked over dinner, picking at a piece of meat. "We've been engaged long enough, right?"
"There's no rush, Ron. Besides, I don't even have a job yet..."Hermione contradicted.
"Don't you have an interview at the Ministry next week?"he said.
"Yes, I do. But since I was never good at Divination, I don't know how that will go. And to be completely honest, I'm not sure I want that job. I think I'd be much more happy and comfortable in a teaching position."she told him.
"Teaching, huh? Yeah, that seems more fitting, what with your love of books and all... But I don't think Hogwarts is in need of teachers at the moment."Ron rubbed his chin absentmindedly.
"It wouldn't hurt to ask though. I was thinking of owling Headmistress McGonagall, just to ask, you know? Maybe she could keep me in mind when something came up."
"You should do that. You're right, it wouldn't hurt. But I still don't know how that would work out later. I mean, what will happen when we decide to start a family? You wouldn't be able to live at the castle. But with a job at the Ministry, it would be easier for you."
"Whereas you would be free to travel around the world for your job?"Hermione snapped at him.
"I don't control where the games take place, it's not my fault!"he defended himself.
"That's not what I'm saying! But are you seriously asking me to sacrifice my dreams and do something I don't particularly like just in case we have children in the future? That's not fair, Ronald!"she cried.
"Just in case? I thought that was the point of getting married! To have a family! Families include children, Hermione! They kind of come with the package, you know? And I only have your best interest in mind!"Ron yelled back. "It would be exhausting to work as a teacher at Hogwarts!"
"Of course it would be! The things that matter most always are! You have to work hard and get tired and strive!"she said.
"Well, excuse me but I happen to believe that when something is right, it's simple and easy and it comes naturally! If you have to strive for it, then it's not right for you!"
"Is it possible that we really have nothing in common?"Hermione said, giving up.
"I'm not hungry anymore."Ron said, putting down his fork and left the kitchen.
Hermione heard him go upstairs and slam the bedroom door. Going after him and trying to talk calmly would certainly be the right thing to do but she didn't feel like it. Instead, she decided to compose that letter to McGonagall. When it was finished, she sent Rufus to deliver it -time was of the essence- and sighed as he flew out the window, knowing that she had no more excuses to keep her away from Ron who was probably still steaming. She climbed the stairs hesitantly at first but realising no sound was coming from their room, she ran the last few steps and her body collided with the door which almost became unhinged.
"Ron?"she shouted in the darkness.
"What? What happened?"a sleepy Ron answered, jolting and almost falling off the bed. "Is everything alright?"he said and grabbed his wand.
Hermione exhaled deeply. For a moment, she'd thought that he had left again. Relieved, she slipped out of her clothes and crawled into bed beside him. "Everything's fine."she told him. "Go back to sleep." In the dark, she felt his arm slither around her waist and heard him mumble something incomprehensible.
"Ron?"Hermione whispered.
"Mmmm..."he responded.
"I love you..."she said. "I really do. Sometimes though, I think we are completely wrong for each other. We've been happy in the past but lately... Aren't we just miserable? I don't want to be miserable, Ron. I don't want you to be either!"she went on, still whispering. "And I don't want to lose you. The mere thought causes me pain. But I feel like we're already lost... What do you think?"
Ron responded with a snore.
"Of course you're asleep... The one time I find the courage to be honest, you're asleep."she said, looking at the ceiling. "Well then, while we're at it, I slept with Snape. And it was amazing." She didn't mind the snore that came after her confession.
In the morning, she thanked every divine being that Ron hadn't heard. Even if she decided to break off their engagement, telling him about her little affair wouldn't be the right thing to do. A strange feeling of peace suddenly engulfed her when Ron kissed the top of her head before going to practice. His smile couldn't hide the sadness in his eyes which matched hers and Hermione wondered whether he had reached the same conclusion. One word rang in her head: incompatible. It echoed violently, even after he'd left and it made her ears buzz. And it could be ignored no longer.
Why couldn't Ron understand her? Why couldn't he accept her the way she was? Sure, having a big family would be nice, she'd really like that. But she didn't want to be stuck inside the house, cooking and cleaning as if she was... Then it dawned on her. Molly Weasley... An excellent woman and wonderful mother, no doubt about it! But not who Hermione wanted to be like. Was that who Ron wanted her to be like? It made sense and yet, Hermione chose not to believe it. Thusly her thoughts took a completely different course. Severus Snape. Surely, she hadn't handled the situation the way she should have but she couldn't deny it; the timing couldn't have been more perfect. Just when she was about to give up on her dreams, Severus had extended a friendly hand and pulled her up, in a way. By offering her a shoulder to cry on, he had made it easy for Hermione to view him as something more than an old acquaintance.
She already admired him, of course, if not for his help in Voldemort's defeat, then for his intellect, whose equal she hadn't come across yet. And it was a trait she valued greatly. He was definitely not the most handsome man she had ever layed eyes on and the age difference was a factor to be considered but in the end, did any of that matter? Could she turn a blind eye to the fact that Snape had brought a smile on her face after what seemed like years? Could she ignore his image which popped up in her head every other minute, as though he refused to be forgotten and stored away like a distant memory?
"Good grief!"she whispered. "I've fallen in love with Severus Snape!" With that, she decided she'd had enough epiphanies for one day.
A/N: Well, what do you think? Teeeeell meeeee! :)
