A/N: That was some amazing response I've got to the last chapter. Due to the fact that I am a high school senior student preparing to apply for college this winter, I am really, really busy, and I was going to put this story on a hiatus till December. But I thought leaving this story on a cliffhanger was an irresponsible behavior on my part. So, here's Chapter Seven. I am sorry to say that the next chapter will be posted in December. Can't help it... but please, please wait for me. I promise I'll return. :) Anyway, enjoy!
#7
"Rose?" the Doctor whispered in a hoarse voice. Then he shouted out, his eyes ever so wide. "Rose!"
It had been a long time since the last time his thoughts were this lucid. His head stopped spinning, and the disorienting fluctuation of the universe seemed to still around him. He couldn't breathe as the impossible, pink-and-yellow girl stared back at him in amazement and shock.
Then he saw her lips move. 'Doctor!'- she seemed to shout. He watched as she started running towards him.
This hallucination is incredibly real, he thought, unable to utter a single word. That's a first. Plus, in his dream, Rose Tyler would always glare at him condescendingly; but this Rose was different. She looked at him as if only he, the Doctor, mattered in the entire Universe.
And she was there, hugging him, shouting, crying.
It was a fierce, tight embrace, with warmth and strength like no one else's. A single tear trickled down his cheek as he took in a shaky breath. No, his entire body was quaking. Rassilion, he must be really losing his mind. It felt so real, when he knew it wasn't real. Couldn't be real.
"Doctor, what happened to you? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" she asked breathlessly, cupping his cheek and tilting his head back to gaze into her eyes. Joy and sorrow, hope and fear. So much emotions mingling in her mind. The Doctor strained his eyes, trying to concentrate on her, trying to take in the radiant beauty of her.
So what if she was a dream, a fragment of his imagination? He wanted to compliment his dreamscape for creating something so wonderful. Usually, it would only plague him with nightmares and distorted guilt. This was so much better, and he intended to cling onto it as long as he could.
"No. Yes, well, maybe. But it's not important," he shook his head, smiling sadly. "Tell me. How much time do I have?"
"What?" she asked, looking confused. He let out a deflated chuckle.
"I know this is a dream, Rose. You can't possibly be here. But I don't care- it's not the first time I've hallucinated about you. And this one is the most realistic and the best one I've ever had in a few centuries. And, considering my current midlife crisis- ooh, that's a good one- a dream with you in it, Rose Tyler, is worth more than a thousand realities. So, how long do I have till I wake up? You are my dream interface; you tell me."
He hummed, looking amused. He looked up at Rose, his worn-out eyes twinkling. "Oh, look, my gob is back. At least in a dream. That's new."
Rose's heart sank. When she jumped universes, she had been expecting the Doctor to doubt her identity, flashing his sonic screwdriver at him... blame himself for god-knows-what... welcome her back with open arms and offer her a hand to hold... be flustered and start babbling about 'impossible things' and 'metacrisis' and 'Rose, you shouldn't have done that, it's too dangerous'... really, anything.
She was prepared for everything. Except for this. Rose could literally feel the feeling of something gone terribly wrong crawling up her skin. The wind that ran past her hair felt unnaturally chilly to her. She gulped.
What happened to you, Doctor?
"But I'm real. I'm really here for you, Doctor," she said, choking on her words. No, she wasn't going to cry. She was going to be strong. She quickly brushed away the remaining tears from her eyes.
"So they all say..." he shrugged nonchalantly. He smiled at her as he held her hand. He bent forward to kiss her on the back of her hand. "But it's just as well. Dame Rose of Powell Estate... I remember. You are beautiful. And so warm. I missed you," he murmured. And smiled. "It was worth the wait."
Okay, now she was going to cry. "Doctor..."
"They locked me up," he said in a distant voice, as if in a daze. Rose froze, absolutely still. He continued, whispering against her hand and letting his gentle breath brush against her delicate skin. "Pandorica, a perfect prison for a dangerous Time Lord. Couldn't be opened from the inside."
"What?" Rose asked, alarmed, all of her previous thoughts forgotten in a wisp. A prison? Was that why he didn't really look sane? "You aren't dangerous, Doctor."
"Yes, I am," came the heavy reply. Rose shook her head fiercely, kneeling down to make the eye contact easier for the Doctor, gripping his hand with both of her hands.
"No, Doctor. You are the most wonderful Time Lord I have ever seen," she said earnestly. "That prison... how long were you in there?"
"I am the only Time Lord you have ever seen," the Doctor laughed softly. "But anyway. was locked up in there for one thousand, nine hundred and eight years- that makes me 2,815 years old. It was so cold, so dark... so lonely in there. I was awake all the time... thinking... the terrible sins I have commited, the mistakes I've made, the people I miss, the choices I regret."
He paused, trying to gather the scattered pieces of his mind that kept slipping through his fingers. He almost said that during that time, his thoughts kept running back to her- Rose Tyler. But he knew that the real Rose was somewhere out there in the Pete's world, in another universe, living out a fantastic life with his alternate self. This girl was a gift from his imagination. She existed only inside his head. So instead of saying anything more- What was the point?- he grinned.
"Really, you should know- after all, you are a part of my mind, 'Rose'."
"But I'm not!" Rose shouted. Horror gnawed at her heart. Oh, Doctor. He was still thinking that she was his hallucination. And it was no wonder that he was so broken. Nearly two thousand years, confined in the darkness, alone. Endless replaying of painful memories. And she thought she was the one with a broken heart.
He'd been in hell. And she wasn't there for him.
"Why do you think I am not real? Give me a good, solid reason, Doctor. You can feel me. You can see and smell and hear me. Maybe I jumped universes back to you. Maybe I'm really here," Rose said softly, straightening her back and making him lean onto her. Her voice broke just a little. "Why won't you believe?"
"Because," the Doctor said. He took in a shuddering breath and his gaze dropped. And in a quiet voice, he gave a firm, simple answer.
"Nothing good ever happens to me."
"Well," came Rose's reply. She sounded immensely sad, but determined and gentle at the same time. Her thumb, carrying the warmth of the sunlight, brushed across his cheek. "I guess I'll have to change that, now that I'm here."
And with that she leaned into a kiss.
The world slowed around them once more as her lips captured his, her movements gentle, carressing and so incredibly soft. It was an act of comfort, of promise. The Doctor's eyes widened in realization. She tasted a bit salty, the tears still lingering on the edge of her lips, and wonderful, sending warmth sweeping through him like the heart of a burning sun. She also tasted of Void and a different Universe- but still, it didn't matter.
This kiss wasn't a piece of his imagination. It couldn't be. This felt all too real. She was real. Rose was real. His hearts nearly stuttered to a stop in shock as he finally realized that she was really, really... here!
No, that can't be true, he thought faintly, panic suddenly flaring up in his hearts. How? Why?! I left her with the metacrisis. She's supposed to be happy there, She can't be here!
A splitting pain, the terrible headache that would take away all his coherency and drag him away from reality into nightmares, shot through his entire body like a bullet. He reeled from shock, almost letting his consciousness get dragged off into the world of nightmares, losing himself yet again- but then, amidst the dazzling warmth of the kiss, he heard it.
Her heartbeat. The singular beat, the rythm of her incredible human heart. That heart, with so much love in it... he clung onto it, scrunching his eyes shut, finding the long-lost will to fight on coming back to life, if only a little.
She did that. She always made him better. He didn't deserve her. But he desperately wanted her to stay with him. He needed her to hold his hand.
If she did, then, maybe, just maybe, he could allow himself to feel hope again.
He gasped, dazed and disoriented and unable to comprehend what had just happened, as Rose broke the kiss and tenderly gazed into his brown eyes. There was a tinge of sweet sorrow coloring her thoughts, and he could feel that at the edge of his mind. Another evidence that this wasn't just a dream.
Good. Because if that kiss had been another hopeless dream of his, he would rather die.
"...You are here," was all he managed to say, his eyes glazed with awe. A melancholy smile slipped onto her lips as Rose nodded. She opened her mouth to say something- and was abruptly cut off as he breathlessly sprang up from his wheelchair and roughly tugged her face to his. His eyes were despairing and hopeful; stormy brown colliding with the blown black pupils.
"I need to make sure," he growled out, using every ounce of control to battle off the doubts and the darkness trying to pour through his mind. "Just once," he whispered, leaning forward.
He cupped her cheek and dived right in.
It was Rose's turn to be shocked as he crashed on her lips in a desperate, raw kiss. If her kiss was friendly and was driven by a need to capture his attention and give him reassurance that she's really here, this one was driven purely by need. And as much as it made her head spin in wonder, it also scared her, because it showed how much he was actually broken, how far over the edge he was.
The Doctor she knew would never admit his feelings, keeping up the barrier between his companion and himself. He was the very image of self-control; he'd rarely admit that he needed her. She'd often wish that he would let his barrier down just a little. And now...
Rose stifled a sob as she kissed him back. This universe was so cruel and twisted, wasn't it? Why did it have to go like this?
"Oh, Doctor," she murmured against his lips, and he broke the kiss. He was crying. He stared at her with red, swollen eyes for a moment, tears threatening to spill over the edge, before smiling a little. He leaned into her and buried his face into her shoulder. He hugged her tightly and rocked back and forth, and a tiny sob of relief escaped his mouth. His shoulders were trembling.
"Hello, Rose Tyler," he choked. Rose felt her throat tighten and wrapped her arms around his waist.
"Hello," she echoed. They stood like that for some time, lost in each other's presence, unable to think of what to say. The Doctor tried to gather his thoughts- Rose, why are you here, where is the metacrisis, what happened, how did you come here, how, oh, oh GOD- but failed miserably.
After the Pandorica, he couldn't get himself to think properly; it was like his brain had broken down somewhere. Humans would call it an attention disorder, he thought. He couldn't coin together his memories, his thoughts, his vast quantity knowledge- the mere act of looking back on what had happened to him was excruciatingly painful.
No, the only way he could keep himself from going completely insane in the Pandorica was to keep his mind jumbled, to keep his thoughts blank and unconcentrated. And after two thousand years of doing that, he could never be the same again. He couldn't even concentrate a little when he was talking to his friends. He could only state one or two sentences at a time before his thoughts got entangled and slipped away, causing him to shift to an entirely different topic. The flashbacks, nightmares and hallucinations that he kept having didn't help, either.
But he could concentrate on her. It was worth fighting for, even though the pain in his head was worse than ever before. Because she was Rose Tyler. If he were to lose her again... he was sure he'd completely lose himself, once and for all.
Finally, it was Rose who broke the unending silence.
"Doctor."
"Hmm?"
"I was hoping you would be okay."
You should have forgotten me. "Rose..."
"But you weren't...?"
"No, not really." His grip on her arm tightened for a moment before loosening again. He sighed. "I... can't hold a single thought even for a few seconds. It's a miracle that I can talk to you like this- like the old times... I don't know how long this will last..."
He cast her a pleading glance. Then he shook his head.
"If you don't want to, you can just, you know, move on. Let go of me. I'll be too much of a burden for you. I... I'm not the man whom I used to be. He's gone. I can't... I can't," he took in a shuddering breath, rubbing his own face, tired. His knees were threatening to give way already. "I can't even run. I won't be good enough for you. I mean, really. You can leave me."
"Like I ever will! Remember? I've promised my forever to you, Doctor. Don't you think you'll be able to get rid of me."
"Rose..." He said in a faint voice, and stared blankly at her. She immediately noticed that he was on the brink of zoning out. She gazed intensely into his eyes, giving his hand a quick, reassuring squeeze.
"Doctor?"
"Oh..." he blinked slowly before looking at her. His face was contorted, fear written plainly in his eyes. "That was close. Nearly lost it. Ha!"
He barked out a short, self-mocking laughter before burying his own face and murmuring in a muffled voice. He sounded ashamed- even scared. "See? I'm scared. I can't concentrate, not anymore. I don't deserve you. I'm not the Doctor anymore."
"Don't," Rose said in a soft voice. He was shivering, but the madness pooling in his eyes died away just a little as she lifted her hand and cupped his cheek. "Tell you what. I'll stay, but on one condition. Tell me what you want to say, not what you think you should say. Just once. Without all that 'you will be better off without me' nonsense, 'cause we both know that it's not true. Once. Please."
He blinked. She whispered, brushing a single tear off the corner of his left eye.
"What do you really want?"
"I..." He faltered for a moment before shaking his head, feeling desperate and scared. "No, Rose, I can't, I really can't."
"Tell me," she insisted in a firm, but soft, voice. He took in a deep breath. He felt so scared. So incredibly scared. He had never said this before, even when he was sane. He struggled with himself desperately. He really couldn't...
"Rose Tyler, I want you to stay," he said at last, his voice quiet and low. "I... I need help. And you are the only one who can."
"Then I'll stay," was the simple answer. The Doctor stared at her. How could a human being be so beautiful? He didn't deserve her; he still felt like he had just made a terrible choice. But nontheless, he choked out-
"Thank you."
Then with a sigh of relief, his body sagged. Having used up all his energy, he had promptly lost consciousness on the spot. Rose managed to catch him and carefully lowered his body onto the wheelchair. His head lolled and drooped to a side. He was breathing evenly, lost in a peaceful sleep. Rose stared down at the Doctor. It hurt to see him like this, but at least she could make him better. Things could have been worse, she thought...
Then she heard a familiar voice gasp in shock from behind.
"Rose Tyler?"
She spun around to come in face-to-face with Captain Jack Harkness, holding a bag of chips in his hand and staring at her in disbelief and shock.
"How can you be here?!"
A/N: And things are already getting things better, although the kiss was more angsty than fluffy. But things won't be so easy for you ;)
1. The Doctor is wearing a perception filter. Jack put it on him when he went to buy chips for him, just in case, to keep him safe from other people's unnecessary attention. That's why people in the park hardly noticed them when they were hugging-kissing-crying-having an angsty talk, etc.
2. The Doctor wears a hospital gown almost all the time nowadays. At first Martha thought making him wear the tight suit he used to be so fond of would be good for him; but seeing him panic whenever he feels uncomfortable or restrained forced them to abandon that choice.
He took a liking to a hospital gown he found in the hub, which was loose on him, and, even better, TARDIS blue. He insisted (wordlessly) that he was going to wear it. They gave in, eventually.
"I don't like it," Mickey sighed. "It's so not him!"
All right, Mickey. Let's see what Rose can do about that.
3. At first this chapter had Jack getting shocked by Rose's sudden appearance, suspecting her to be an imposter, and pointing a gun at her. The Doctor panicks and leaps from his chair to throw himself in front of her in a protective gesture. He yells at Jack how he didn't care whether Rose was real or not, because she's the 'best thing that could happen to him in a thousand years'. Jack realizes that Rose is really Rose- because, according to him, Rose is the only person who could bring 'the fight' spark back to life in the Doctor's eyes.
That storyline was abandoned and the angsty-and-not-really-romantic kiss option was chosen, because my writing skills suck.
Bye! Review :)
